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I knew that whatever Buffy had to tell me, it was big.

But I wasn't prepared for this.

Never, in a billion years, would I have guessed that this was what her big secret, the big grey are in her past, entailed.

A vampire...

A good vampire.

A vampire with a soul.

I didn't even know such a thing was possible...

And no-one ever mentioned it. They'd remained so tight lipped about it that I'd had no idea. After a few random thoughts about the 'good looking guy who done her wrong', I'd forgetten all about her words about a 'doomed' relationship. I hadn't wondered about it in months.

I can't believe it.

A vampire.

I can't get past that simple fact.

And now she's staring at me, waiting for me to say something.

She finished telling the story a few seconds ago, I suppose, but it seems like an eternity.

And, I realize, after 'I dated a good vampire. A vampire with a soul.', I don't remember a word that she has said.

I decided to just come out and tell her that. "Buffy, I was so busy...processing...everything you were saying, that I didn't hear a word of it."

She sighed. "Ok. I was with a vampire named Angel. A hundred years ago, he was cursed with a soul by gypsy elders. One day, in my junior year, the curse was.... " She seemed to falter for a moment before continuing. "Lifted. He became evil again. I couldn't kill him, because I loved him...if I killed Angelus, it meant that any hopes of ever seeing Angel again would vanish." She looked at her hands. "He killed a lot of people before we managed to cure him. Recurse him. We...I...it was too hard for us to go on, so he lives in LA now. Helps people. We've mentioned Xander's ex, Cordelia? She works with him. And the guy who was brought in to replace Giles as my watcher. Wesley, does too, now, apparently." She looked up at me, then. "I haven't seen or spoken to Angel in a long time."

Finally, I let out a breath. "Woah."

"Yeah."

"So... Why didn't you ever tell me?" I asked, though I suppose I already knew the answer.

"I didn't know how you'd take it. And it's not...It was painful. For a long time. Not really my favourite thing to talk about, I just thought....that you should know. Because he was involved in a lot of big events in my life, and it's not fair that the others have to skirt around it."

I fell into silence again. I just...didn't know how to respond to this.

I mean, it's big. It's really, really big.

"I... How did you get into the whole thing? I mean, I don't really see you frequenting those vampire singles bars." I said, trying for lightness, and failing utterly miserably.

"I didn't know what he was when I fell in love with him." Buffy told me, her voice quiet, her eyes far away, as if she digging into the deep recesses of her memory.

As if she'd ferreted all the images away so they wouldn't haunt her through the day and night.

It made me sick. Because I knew that it meant that it still hurt her.

Which meant that, at the least, she still cared about him.

I was about to speak, but she went on. "At first, he'd come to me once or twice a month, warning me about this or that. I called him cryptic guy." She cocked her head to the side, and pushed a hand through her hair. "I could see something in his eyes that I related to. He was the only person that I felt really understood my position."

It was clear that there was more to that, but she obviously was unwilling to pursue it.

I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

So I just listened as she spoke.

"I didn't find out that he was a vampire a few couple of days after he saved me from these big shot vampire assasins. When I did, we parted ways for a while, but..."

"We always crossed paths." Buffy shrugged. "It was his job to give me information, he couldn't just abandon it. So we tried to see each other, and not *see each other* , but it didn't work out like that. Next thing we knew, we were agreeing to have coffee together, and then that turned into kissing, and then he started patrolling with me....He was a part of the gang, as much as everyone hates to admit it. But he turned evil, and things turned...At first, .Giles and Xander could barely say his name without working themselves into a fit of rage. Willow used to have nightmares about him. Cordelia and Oz were the only ones that never had much trouble accepting him back, maybe because they didn't know him that well before...."

"Actually, it was because we were able to separate the demon from the soul." An even male voice said from the doorway. "Considering my monthly mood swings, and Cordelia's - well, Cordelia, we couldn't really hold it against him. And Willow loves Angel, you know that." Oz gave a small wave. "Hi."

"She loves him. But he scared her at first. She was worried about us." Buffy said.

"Willow worries about everything." Oz shrugged. "She's Willow."

"What are you doing here?" Buffy asked before I could pursue the subject of Angel any further.

"I dropped by to give Giles a few things, and he was all aflusterin' because..."

"Because why?"

"It seems Faith's gone after Angel." Oz said. "Again. In the middle of the day, in a crowded restaurant. She shot a crossbow bolt at his back. He caught it before it could do so much as pierce his leather. Good with his hands, our Angel."

I shuddered. That statement made me think of things that I didn't want to think of. That I wouldn't even name, because that would mean thinking about it.

Which I was now doing. Damn.

"When?" Buffy asked, and I tried not to see the anxiety in her expression.

"A couple days ago. Angel was pretty surprised, cos he didn't even know that she was out of sandland yet."

"Giles was supposed to tell him," Buffy whispered. "Why didn't he tell him?"

"Seems in all the excitement over the Great Switcharoo, he forgot."

"I have to go there!" Buffy said, jumping up so quickly that she knocked over the cup that sat beside her.

"Uh, just a question," I said, raising my hand, "Why?"

"Faith is my resposibility." Buffy said.

"Angel isn't." I replied, surprised by how worried by this I was. So she wanted to help out an old friend...

"Riley, when I told you what Faith had done in the past, I left out some major details. Like the fact that she tried to steal Angel's soul. I can't let that happen. "

Oh. Well, that made sense. She didn't want to protect him, she just wanted to protect others.

"She did that?" I asked.

"Among other things." Oz said.

I didn't want to think about what he meant.

"I'm heading through that way, Buffy, if you want a ride." Oz told her.

Buffy looked at me, pleading me to understand.

I stood, looked at her for several minutes, and finally, I nodded. I knew that she would have gone anyway. It was no use making things harder for her than they already were.

She hugged me. Tightly. "Thank you." She whispered into my neck.

"Buffy, I just....I love you." I said.

She nodded. "You too." She said, giving me a quick peck on the cheek.

She's never told me that she loves me, you know. Never said those words. She always agrees with me, but never comes out and says it. I've always wondered why.

And now, I'm afraid that I know.

"Do you love me?" I ask quietly, but she doesn't seem to hear me as she walks away with Oz.

I look at my feet for several long seconds, and when I look up, I'm alone in the demolished high school.

"Do you still love him?"

My only answer is the sound of a rat scurrying along not far away. In a way, I'm glad, because I'm not sure if I'd like the answer.

To either question.