"Move it! Move, move, move…" Xander weaved in and out of the crowd in front of the school, deftly dodging his fellow students on his skateboard. "Coming through! ‘Scuse me…Coming through!"

It was the first day, and he, Alexander Harris, was officially a high school sophomore, and there was no stopping him. Nothing short of an apocalypse could ruin this day…for once in his 15 years of life on this planet everything would be perfect for one day, he would be perfect…

And then he saw her…

"OMPH!!!" Xander landed hard on his back after his body disentangled itself from the railing he had, oh so gracefully, rammed into. He groaned and shut his eyes, his head resting back against the pavement listening to everybody around him laugh.

Laughing at him again. Just like always.

"Harsh landing there Xan," he suddenly heard her bright voice coming from somewhere above him as he remained on the ground, hoping to be swallowed whole by the pavement.

He smiled wanly and opened his eyes, squinting against the bright California morning sun. "What are you? Kidding?" he chuckled a little and looked up at her, seeing her holding his escaped board in her hand, "I totally meant to do that. That was a patented Tony Hawk move…"

"Which part? When you flew through the air, or when your toy, here, beamed Luke in the head?"

Xander watched her brush several strands of long blonde hair out of her face as she continued to smile at him, and for some reason his heart wouldn’t slow down. That seemed to happen a lot to him recently when he got around her…especially since he went to the beach with her and her family last May for her birthday.

"Your words wound me Buff," he grinned up at her and she extended a hand to him, which he took, and she helped pull him to his feet. "I go through all that trouble learning how to skateboard just to impress you…and what do you do?"

"You learned how to skateboard because you said that rollerblading was a extreme chick sport, and did little to exacerbate your manliness…but I don’t even think you can spell exacerbate, so I don’t know where you got that…"

He looked sideways at his best friend as they climbed the stairs together…she was, well, as far as best friends go…hot. Xander had realized a few months ago that Buffy Summers was in fact a girl, and now that fact seemed all she could focus on. Buffy was a hot girl…she even had a hot name. Her hair was so…

"Hey, buddy. You in there?" Buffy looked at the young man confused and she waved a hand in front of his blank face.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, uh, yeah…What were you saying?" he struggled to call up some form of conversational memory, but came up empty.

"Nothing," Buffy stated, stopping in front of a bench in the quad and taking a seat, "you were just starring at me."

Xander tried to laugh and rubbed his hands down his shirt nervously before taking a seat next to her, "Sorry…I just…"

"You’ve just been starring a lot." Buffy cut him off. "I thought once they put a book in your hand that you brain would overload and you’d stop, but apparently I was wrong." She was trying to keep things light, just as she had been for the whole summer. Sometimes, it would be just like it was when they were kids, but recently one fact was getting harder and harder to ignore.

The fact that they weren’t kids anymore.

Sometimes when they were together, she could see him…see him as a ‘him’. Her best friend, that she’d had since before she could even say her own name correctly was a boy, and becoming more so by the day, and there was no getting past that. She wasn’t even completely sure she would want to if she were to try, which is why it was so much easier to ignore…or at least pretend to ignore.

Buffy shook her head…this was Xander Harris she was thinking about. He of the infamous orange and purple print shirt, the ever cheesy come-on, and dorky obsession with Stat Wars or Trek…she could never tell the difference. He knew everything about her…every deep dark secret, like the time in the seventh grade when she thought she had herpes, but it was really just poison oak…and she knew all about him too. She knew about the time he had called her mom’s office and sang "I Touch Myself" on her answering machine and her mom had thought it was a stalker. They had taken baths together…not recently, but as children their parents just thought they were so cute together. They were…are. They still had sleepovers…but that’s not the point. It was definitely part of it, but there was more.

The point was…the beach. They had gone down to Laguna Beach about four months ago for her 15^th birthday. Just Buffy’s mom, dad, sister, and Xander for 4 whole days. That was when it started.

One night they had been watching TV in her room and had fallen asleep. Perfectly innocent. But, much to Buffy’s begrudging longing; they had woken up a lot closer and decidedly more holdy than they had fallen asleep. And it was different from the other times they had had sleepovers, or even slept in the same bed. There was this…feeling.

And now things were awkward. Almost all the time, and there was really nothing she could do about it.

"Now you’re starring." Xander’s laugh broke through her thoughts and Buffy grinned.

"Guess we’ve both got some manners to work on." Xander nodded at her comment.

They continued to look at each other in silence, both wearing a gentle smile in the bright sun. Then Xander was thinking, and talking at the same time…something he hated when he did, "You’re so beautiful," he said quietly and then averted his eyes, suddenly stammering with his words while Buffy just looked at him. "Oh God," he breathed facing straight ahead, "I didn’t mean that…" he cast a brief glance at her out put look, "I didn’t mean…I mean, you are…I just shouldn’t’ve…"

"Thank you," Buffy said almost reverently, interrupting him, her eyes focused on the bench.

Uncomfortable silence reigned for a few moments, both teens focused on their own thoughts before Buffy spoke again, "Listen, Xan…I…we…should…we need to…"

"X-Man, B-Rock!" A new voice interrupted their conversation and both eyes snapped up to look at the new comer. "Calm down compadres, I didn’t mean to disturb your deep conversation." He said holding up his hands in defense.

"Uh…hey, Jess." Xander greeted half-heartedly. He wondered if he wanted to know what Buffy had to say, if he should thank Jesse for interrupting when he did, or strangle him for possible ruining what could have been the greatest moment of his life. "What’s up?" he heard Buffy ask in the voice she used when she was trying very hard to sound interested.

"Glad you asked," Jesse started excitedly, rubbing his hands together. "Great big news, and you’re hearing it here first," he raised one foot onto the bench were his friends were sitting, "There’s a new girl."

Buffy looked at him for a moment when he didn’t continue, "And?" she asked pointedly.

"And there’s a new girl. That’s all." Jesse visible deflated.

"Well, thank you for being the first to crack that case wide open Stone Phillips." Buffy rolled her eyes sarcastically and then punched Jesse in the shin when he imitated her. "You haven’t even seen her." She shook her head as he friend moved to Xander’s side of the bench.

"What do you think Xander?" he asked his silent friend, snapping him back into reality.

"Huh?" he shook his head, and Buffy became transfixed with the way his hair moved in the wind. She noticed that his dark brown locks seemed to have grown a couple of inches, and she wondered when the last time he had a hair cut was. He should let her cut it for him…

"You haven’t even seen her." She heard Xander state, "Until we get a visual I’m remaining in unenthused mode."

"Fine," Jesse complained, more than a little peeved at his friends attitudes, "If you don’t want to help he find a potentially new hot girl, who probably needs some handsome gentlemen to escort her around campus and town then just sit here."

"Alright," Buffy agreed with him, "We will." Xander nodded at her and settled back onto the bench.

"Alright Harris," Jesse smirked ignoring Buffy, "but if she’s hot, I got dibs."

"You’re such a pig." Buffy scoffed at him.

"You’re such a pig." Jesse fired back at her.

"Do you guys want me to leave you alone?" Xander smirked at the two of them. Ever since they all started hanging out in the fifth grade it was a known fact that Buffy and Jesse could go at it like rabid dogs for hours if left untended.

"If you do, you might never see him again." Buffy shot Jesse a glare and he grabbed his chest as if she had shot daggers at him. They were friends, but just a different kind. They were the type that loved to hate each other, and both didn’t know what there life would be like if they didn’t have each other as an outlet.

"You don’t have to do whatever Gidget here says, Xan. Grow a pair, please." Jesse pretended to beg. "Come with me yonder to scopeth out possible hot girls."

<I’m sitting next to a known hot girl> Xander thought to himself casting Buffy a glance. "Whatdaya say Buff? Lets find the new girl…we could save her from Cordelia." Xander’s voice was hopeful at the end of his sentence.

Jesse watched Buffy break and knew that she was game. He wonder what it was that Xander did that always got his female friend to do whatever he wanted…which left him wondering if she had, in fact, done whatever he wanted…He’d ask later. He had started wondering just exactly what type of friends Buffy and Xander were to each other of late.

"Then it’s settled," he beamed, "Let’s go…" he trailed off as he spotted a redhead enter the quad from under the stairs. She was about 5’4 and had long, almost mousy auburn hair, and was clutching several books to her chest, blocking a picture of some kind of animal on the front of her brown dress. She looked so…shy…out of place…

"I’m glad we didn’t have to get up for that." Buffy commented, apparently seeing the same person Jesse had and Xander elbowed her in the side. "What?" she asked, looking at him with wide eyes, "I’m just saying…"

Xander seemed to notice the new girl, but saw Cordelia and her group doing the same. "Looks like somebody’s locked and loaded," he commented to Jesse as they all watched the tall brunette cheerleader start over to the new girl with a confident stride. "We should help." He said standing up on his skateboard and starting across the open space, more than a little upset about Buffy’s comment. She rarely had a serious put down for anyone and the fact that she had moated the new girl right off the bat had hurt him.

"Right behind ya, man." Jesse called out and started after Xander with Buffy beside him.

"What was with that look?" Buffy wondered out loud, starring at Xander’s back through the crowd, referring to him before he started across the quad.

"What look?" Jesse asked confused, "I didn’t see a look."

"He looked at me and then went to pull a Superman." Buffy shook her head.

"Maybe it was because you went SuperBitch…" Jesse said in mock contemplation, earning a glare from his companion. "What do you care anyway? It’s Xander." He stated, as if that were the answer to all of life’s questions. "The guy goes through moods like a chick on the rag."

"You’re sick," Buffy’s face turned up in disgust, "You literally make my physically ill…"

"What?" Jesse whined as Buffy walked ahead of him.

Buffy stalked up to where Xander had skated, just past where the redhead and the cheerleader were standing. They listened for a few moments as Cordelia laughed at the new girl’s clothes before Xander spoke, "We need a plan."

"How ‘bout, we go up to her and say ‘Hey Skank, leave her alone’?" Buffy suggested hopefully.

"And draw Cordy’s wraith," Jesse said, coming up next t them, "If that’s what you want, I vote that you do it."

"I vote that you go hit on her again and she knees you in the nads…again." Buffy smirked back at him.

Jesse sneered at her and was about to respond, but was instead pushed backwards and sent stumbling to the ground, surprised, by one Xander Harris. He made a quick move to push himself up, ready to confront his friend when he saw the prodding look on Xander’s face. Jesse looked to the right of where he now stood, next to an outright laughing Cordelia and a frightened redhead.

"Smooth, McCormick." The cheerleader smiled at him, "You’ve been in school for three minutes and you’ve already made an ass of yourself." She looked at him for a moment, and the added, "A bigger ass of yourself."

"Funny," Buffy interjected, coming up behind them to her friend’s defense, "That’s what Victoria’s Secret said yesterday about you. I mean, they almost ran out of lace…"

Cordelia shot Buffy a look that, if it could kill, just put her great great great grand kids six feet under. "Alright Freak. We’ll see whose laughing at the end of tryouts," she smiled evilly and turned back to her shocked group of friends.

"Your words cut like a sword!" Buffy called out after her in mock pain and horror before looking at Jesse and the new girl.

"That was genius!" Xander was smiling as he came up to his friends, throwing his arm around Buffy’s shoulders and pulling her into his chest in a sideways hug. Buffy let herself be pulled into him and she could swear that she felt his lips press ever so slightly into her hair, but she was released before she could react properly, if at all.

Xander tried to keep his smile in place despite his nervousness <I just kissed her head!!!!! I just kissed her head!!!!> "You didn’t have to push me down," Jesse complained rubbing his back, unaware of his friends’ internal conflict.

"It was a spur of the moment thing," Xander defended thankful for the distraction, "I just knew that we had to get in there…"

"Thank you guys," the new girl spoke, drawing the three friends’ attention, "I’m a little new here…"

"And what a welcome to the hallowed halls of Sunnydale High," Buffy joked sarcastically earning a laugh from the girl. "I’m Buffy Summers" she offered her introduction, "And these doofus’," she gestured to her sides where Xander and Jesse stood, "are my faithful lackeys, Xander Harris and Jesse McCormick."

"I’m not a doofus," Xander defended good-naturedly, "Dumb-ass yes, doofus, no."

"And I’m not a lackey." Jesse took the girls hand in his own and brought it to his lips, kissing it gallantly, "I run this outfit."

Willow looked at him confused as he released her hand, "I’m Willow. Rosenberg." She shook her head, "Willow Rosenberg." She completed finally, her eyes settled on Xander with a shy smile in place; a fact that did not go unnoticed by Buffy.

"Well, Willow Rosenberg. Welcome." Buffy added, taking Willow’s arm and walking away from the two boys. She didn’t want to admit that the move effectively took one dark haired you man out of the girls’ line of vision. "We’ll make sure you have an easy time here in Sunnydale and you know all the fun stuff there is to do, and…"

"C’mon now Buff," Xander said coming up beside her and jamming his hands into his pockets. "Let’s not get the girls hopes up. You and I both know that there is no fun stuff here in the Sunny-D."

Jesse was now walking beside Willow, "Well, we’ve got a Starbucks now," he said thoughtfully.

Xander shook his head in disagreement as they made their way through the halls, "That’s a cheap knock-off Starbucks. It’s called the Espresso Pump, if you ever want to look it up," he added for Willow’s benefit.

"Well, we do have the Bronze." Buffy settled, leading the group into homeroom. Willow took a seat next to her and Xander and Jesse sat behind them.

"What’s that?" Willow asked, glancing between the three friends. Maybe, she thought for the first time since her father had took her that they where moving, this town wouldn’t be so bad. She had three potential friends here. And that Xander kid…

"It’s only the club, here." Buffy spoke and Willow drew her eyes away from the boy sitting behind her who was watching the blonde speak intently.

"Yeah," Jesse agreed, "It may reek of dive, but anybody who’s anybody in this town frequents the Bronze."

"So we’ll have to make an appendence," Buffy interject, looking excitedly amongst her friends.

"Tonight?" Xander asked, seemingly perking up to the conversation for the first time.

"Yeah," Buffy fixed him with a look, "You’re not busy are you?" she asked sarcastically.

"No." Xander shot at her, "It’s just a Wednesday. I thought tonight was movie night."

Xander had grown to love summer movie nights with Buffy. When he was lucky, Jesse was busy, usually babysitting for his little brother, which left just him and Buffy alone. Alone, and since May, alone included more holding than it had in the past… he wasn’t ready to give that up yet, even if he had not idea what exactly that was.

"C’mon Xan," Buffy said, her mind flashing back briefly to the image of her head resting on Xander’s shoulder as they lay side by side watching some B-rated flick or another. "Willow’s new. We need to show her around."

"Yeah, Xander." Willow smiled at him, "Pretty please lets go to the Bronze."

Xander looked at her and then to Buffy, who had fixed him with her patented pout, "Fine," he sighed, "We’ll Bronze it tonight, but tomorrow…"

"Movie Night!!!!" Jesse sang with his impression of Pavarotti.

<Great.> Xander shut his eyes. Now Jesse and probably Willow would be at Buffy’s house tomorrow and he’d have to stay as far away from her as conditions would allow. Today officially sucked, and through no fault of his own. Nope. It was all Jesse and the new girls fault…all the school boards fault. <Who starts a school yeah in the middle of the week? If I would have had one more day of summer, I could’ve…could’ve done…something…anything…>

He was vaguely aware of Mr. Davis’ voice introducing them to the New Year when he saw Buffy reach behind her and scratch her back, sweeping her hair away from her neck in a way that totally fascinated him. One more day. One more day and he could have been the one to do that, but no. Now they were going to be forever stuck in the loop of the friend…

A small scrap of paper dropped onto his desk from Buffy’s hand and, although surprised, he picked it up as discretely as possible. Xander slid down in his seat and unfolded the note, reading the simple words drawn inside… ‘Talk outside after 2^nd.’

Xander shifted in his chair and took a deep breath. Apparently…hopefully, Buffy was going through some of the same things he was. Either that or she wanted to tell him that they couldn’t be friends because she knew he was in love with her and since she could never feel the same there relationship would be eternally screwed. Oh man, he wished it was the first one.

He didn’t know how he was going to get through two whole periods with this on his mind, he stood as the bell rang and heard Willow asking Buffy what she had first period, while Jesse had entered into a conversation with Paige Durmot and walked out of the room with her.

"Calculus." He heard Willow say and watched Buffy look at her in disbelief before telling her which room to go to.

"See ya," he called out after the redhead as she headed to class waving, leaving he and Buffy alone in the hall, neither saying anything as the walked towards theirs English class.

"She’s nice," Buffy commented after a moment, and Xander sighed and nodded. "She’s from LA." She continued not sure of what else to say. "Can you imagine moving form LA to here? It’s like moving from New York to Green Acres."

Xander nodded again, looking straight ahead and keeping his hands in his pockets. "I can’t wait for second period." He commented out of the blue as they reached the class room.

"And that’s the root of the weirdness between us." Buffy sighed, almost angrily, "That’s all I want to clear up between us."

"Well," Xander resigned, walking behind her hurried stride to a desk, "the weirdness goes two ways."

"I know that. That’s the problem." She watched him sit down right next to her and lean in to continue the conversation.

"Is it a problem?" he asked seriously.

"I think it is." Buffy was unable to meet his gaze, but she could feel him still watching her. "We can’t be friends…"

Xander’s heart clenched, "I think we should go to the bathroom." He interrupted her, "Now."

Buffy simply nodded and walked quietly out of the room. She walked down the hall and turned the corner, leaning against the wall and waiting for Xander. This was exactly why she wanted to wait to have this conversation with him. She knew it wouldn’t be an easy one, and truth be told, she just wanted to wait to see that maybe the problem would dissipate between forty minute intervals.

But they couldn’t be friends. Not when she could hardly concentrate around him. Not when all she wanted him to do sometimes was to…

"Come on," Xander’s voice was a harsh whisper as he came around the corner and took hold of her hand, gently pulling her after him. He kept walking at a brisk pace and tried not to concentrate on the feel of Buffy’s small warm hand held firmly in his. They had held hands before, sure. In reality it was nothing. But now, it seemed to Xander, each touch they shared was something he coveted.

He led them quietly through the halls, thankful that the Principal was nowhere to be seen. The only thing he needed to make his suckfest day complete would be detention on the first day of school. "Here." He said finally reaching for the doorknob of a broom closet and opening the door.

Buffy looked around quickly before letting go of his hand and walking through the open door, pulling the lamp string hanging from the ceiling as Xander shut the door behind them. "When you say we can’t be friends anymore, we need to talk about it right away." Xander was talking immediately.

All Buffy could do was nod in response, unable to meet his hurt eyes. "That came out wrong." She said quietly, "We’ll always be friends…it’s just…" she looked up to see Xander watching her expectantly, "It’s been…"

"Weird." Xander filled in. "We’ve established that."

"Yeah, but it’s been like that all summer." Buffy shook her head. "We’re not the same…"

"Good." Xander said confidently, "That means that we’re growing up. It was bound to happen some day Buffy."

"So it’s good that we’re not friends anymore," Buffy’s voice cracked, but she ignored it. She didn’t know why she felt like crying right then.

"We’re best friends…I think we are. Why don’t you?" he tried, hoping to fish something out of her before he admitted to any of his own feelings.

"Because…" she stated and then stopped talking.

"Because what?"

"Because you…" Buffy started again, pissed that he was pushing her to explain why he was spending all his time starring at her, "You held me that night." She said quietly.

"I loved waking up with you." He admitted in hopes of comforting her after her confession. "I’d been thinking about it before that night…I don’t really know why…"

"And you’re a guy…" Buffy kept talking.

"Thanks for noticing…" Xander smirked at her statement.

"And I’ve noticed," Buffy shook her head, "Oh, God, I’ve noticed…"

"If it makes this any less embarrassing, I’ve notice you’re a girl too." He tossed her a labored grin.

Buffy silently wondered if all coed best friends went through this. If they all got to a point where this person…your best friend was all of the sudden a member of the opposite sex, and was therefore, not only very available, but also increasingly appealing. The availability just made the situation more dangerous…because you trust each other. Trust each other with all that you are and all the sudden you’re not just best friends, you’re a guy and a girl. You’re a teenaged guy and girl and you’re so close and you both want the same thing…and there’s the love and the trust and… "When?" Buffy mumbled, now standing in front of him.

Xander laughed at himself, "The first day at Laguna." He remembered vividly, "That’s when I saw you as a girl…you walked out of the sliding glass door of the kitchen out by the pool…"

"The bikini?" Buffy smirked at him and Xander shrugged his shoulders.

"You have boobies. I don’t know when that happened." Xander laughed and Buffy swatted his arm.

"So all this is about puberty?" she asked, shaking her head.

"Of course," Xander agreed, but then added, "But I think for me it’s also because it’s you, Buffy. It’s just not possible more me to not be…" he shook his head, the close proximity of there bodies suddenly registering with him and his throat dried out.

Buffy sensed his change in demeanor and shifted from foot to foot, "For you to what?" She wanted him to be able to say…whatever it was he was just going to say. There was a fluttery feeling that started in her stomach and tickled up her throat when Xander’s eyes opened and looked directly down into hers. They were so close now all one of them would have to do was lean…she could easily lean up just to test…just to see if what she had, begrudgingly, been obsessing over for months was worth all the thought…

"We need to get back to class," Xander rasped out, taking a sudden step back, trying not to concentrate on how Buffy’s stature visibly deflated in front of him, "We’ve been gone too long already."

"Yeah," Buffy agreed, "I’ll, um…I’ll go first."

Xander nodded to her and watched as she turned towards the door as he cursed his own stupidity and took a deep breath. Buffy must have heard his early exhalation loud and clear because she suddenly turned to face him, the broken look in her eyes now slightly tinged with the fierce determination that was always just below the surface.

"We still need to talk," she stated, leaving no room for questioning, "We just need to find the words first."

Xander swallowed again <If there are words> his mind laughed bitterly, but his mouth just answered with "Sure, we’ll have to definitely talk later."

Buffy saw something else in his eyes and wondered if the same was true for her with him. She needed to think that it had to be…that this boy knew her better than she knew herself…but at the same time she wondered if he was the same boy she thought she had grown up with. He didn’t feel the same to her anymore…didn’t act the same…didn’t look the same to her any more. The boy she knew wouldn’t have thought something about her that he didn’t say…and she wouldn’t be…wouldn’t have to try to figure him out.

She opened the closet door and cautiously stepped out into the hallway, quickly making her way back to class without looking back to see where Xander was.

*~*~*

Buffy slammed her locker door shut and reached into her purse for her schedule. Things after first period had decidedly gone downhill, and Xander had successfully ignored her for about three hours now.

Two hours and twelve minutes to be exact.

She was contemplating faking cramps and calling her Dad to come get her and take her home. She hated when she and Xander fought, and because it happened so infrequently she had no real game plan on how to cope with it…she didn’t even know if there were fighting…

"Whoa," Jesse’s voice drew her attention from behind her, "Hell must be frozen over because both you and Xander are in the Land of Quiet Reflection. When both of you aren’t talking, something is definitely wigged. What’s up?"

Buffy took in her friends obviously curious, but more concerned expression as he fell into stride beside her, "Nothing," she said, fully aware that her tone implied that she was lying.

"C’mon Buff," Jesse stopped her and leaned her against a row of lockers so he see her eyes, "Despite what you may think I know you better than that." He gave her a sly grin, "What happened? Did you catch Harris trying to watch you change again?"

Buffy rolled her eyes at him, in spite of the fact that she was more that a little intrigued at the idea of Xander trying to see her naked, "No."

"But it is about him, right?" Jesse pressed, "I mean, it always is with you…"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Buffy stood up straight and forced his hands from her shoulders.

Jesse just looked at her, "You know exactly what it means… Jesus, Buffy…Why do you think you’re not dating Scott anymore? Huh? Why do you think you and Xander have the same class schedule? I’m his best friend, too, but I take breaks…"

"Scott broke up with me FOR THE SUMMER." She defended, "We decided that was for the best…and it’s none of your business anyway. And Xander and I…we’re in the same class level…both idiots, ya know…" Buffy defended weakly.

"You guys spent your WHOLE summer together, does Scott, ‘who broke up with you for the summer’ know that?" Jesse kept arguing, "If it were legal you and Xan would be common law married…" he looked at her for a moment, and added , "But I get the feeling that that wouldn’t necessarily bother you."

Buffy just looked at him, fighting to keep her expression neutral, "I know you too Jess." She commented sardonically, "Stop fishing."

Jesse shook his head and they headed across the quad, "So where are you going now, the café’s that way." He pointed back where they had just come from. "And Xander’s sitting out front on the grass."

"So?" Buffy shrugged and tried not to look worried, "I promised Willow that we’d meet her by the library before lunch. She had to pick up some books."

Jesse watched her facial expression and how she refused to even give him a sideways glance, "All I know is that whatever it is that crawled up BOTH you asses, it’s big…Xander is never late to lunch so forget him skipping it…"

"And that is all you know." Buffy commented snidely, "He’s probably fine… JUST like me." She insisted with a large smile in place to back up her avowal.

"Sure," Jesse said, making sure that his tone expressed his total disbelief. "We’re all together foe like three minutes and you two manage to crap on the whole group dynamic. Jeez, I can’t leave you guys alone for a minute." He mumbled.

"Speaking of group dynamic," Buffy said, trying to change the subject before they reached the library and Willow, "What do we do about the new girl? Am I to assume that she’s part of the gang?"

Jesse looked at her mock-conspirsiously, "Well, we gotta have the secret meeting tonight in Horman’s Woods at 3 AM to run it but Cult Master Xander," Buffy sneered at him as he continued, "But I’d say Willow is as good as friend."

"And Paige," Buffy sing-songed and Jesse turned beet red.

"At least I’m not crushing on my best friend," he fired with out thought and watched Buffy’s face fall. He stammered over his words, "Because…if I…if I were, I’ve been holding out a lot of secrets from you guys…and more importantly, from myself."

"I’ll tell you who is crushing on my best friend," Buffy said back, in loo of a laugh at his joke, "Willow."

"What?" Jesse commented disbelievingly, "Get out!"

"I’m in and staying there." Buffy smirked, "She wants on him."

"How do you know that?" Jesse asked with wide eyes <Especially since you don’t see that you want the same thing?>

"Girls know these things," Buffy said confidently, unaware of Jesse’s eye roll.

"Well how does that make you feel?" he asked in a pretend serious tone.

Buffy seriously regarded his question as he pushed open the swinging door to the library and answered in kind, "I honestly don’t know."

Jesse watched her as she gave her answer, but kept moving so as he could not respond as he followed her into the room.

"Wow," she was talking again before he could bring up what she had vaguely alluded to about her feelings for Xander, "I haven’t been in here forever." She looked around the empty dimly lit room for signs of life.

"And I can see why," Jesse shivered as he stood beside her, "This place gives me the creeps."

"Must be all this knowledge flying around," Buffy laughed, poking him in the ribs and Jesse narrowed his eyes at her. "HELLO!!" she called out, suddenly turning away from him, "WILLOW?!"

"No," an older sounding English accent entered the room from behind the reference desk and the two teens jumped as they turned to face it, "Giles." The voice said, "Mr. Giles. And I’ll thank you to remember that this is a library."

Buffy laughed nervously, "Sorry…I was looking for…"

"I know what you’re looking for…" Giles cut her off excitedly after a moment of studying her intently, "But I must admit, I didn’t expect you to bring friends," he glanced toward Jesse.

"Listen Mr. Rodgers," the boy spoke up, stepping slightly in front of Buffy as the older man continued to stare at her, "We were just looking for our friend. Redhead, about ye tall," he gestured with his hand, "She said she had to pick up some books."

"She came by, yes…Willow?"

Buffy nodded from behind Jesse, "I guess she went to the café already," she said to him, "Let’s go after her…fast." She added gripping the young mans arm and heading for the exit. Jesse continued to glare at the older man as he was pulled towards the door when the Englishman spoke again.

"Ms. Summers?" he called out, and Buffy stopped suddenly.

"How’d you now that?" she turned to face him, confusion written clearly on her features.

"C’mon Buff," Jesse said in her ear, "Let’s go meet Willow. This guy is wigging me out…majorly…"

Buffy shook off his voice and focused on Giles as she spoke, "I’ll catch up to you," she told him. "I’ll be fine," she assured him when she felt him about to respond.

Jesse huffed out a breath and shrugged his shoulders, "Fine." He shook his head, "But when the SDPD are searching for your body, I’m gonna say I had nothing to do with it."

"As you should," Buffy agreed, only half paying attention to him and she was vaguely aware of the swooshing of the door as it shut behind him. "How’d you know my name?" she asked the librarian again, when they were alone.

Giles regarded her for a moment as she continued to keep her distance and suddenly gave her a bright smile and headed back around the desk. "Well," he said, reaching for something under the counter, "not to…wig…you" he chose the word carefully in hopes of getting the girl to relax, "but I’ve been sent here…for you." He hefted a large book onto the counter and Buffy just watched as the dust cloud rose. "Buffy Summers." He continued, "Age 15. Height 5’3. Weight…"

"Hold on there Dragnet," Buffy cut him off, disbelieving smirk in place as she stepped cautiously towards him, "There’s not need to read off a stat sheet."

Giles gave her a half smile and adjusted his glasses, "Quiet…But," his enthusiasm renewed, "I do have what you’re looking for…"

"Which is…?" Buffy raised an eyebrow at him, "Cuz right now, I’m kinda in search of a sandwich." She smiled at the labored grin she received in response.

"This," Giles said swiping his hand over the tomb on the desk so she could see the title… VAMPYR.

All the color drained from Buffy’s face and she took a step away from him, "I’m not looking for that." She stated, her voice shaking, "I don’t know what that is…"

Giles watched her and came slowly around the counter as she backed away, "I know," he said quietly, "but you will…"

"Yeah well, I don’t want to." Buffy turned to leave.

"You have been called," Giles stated.

"Well I’m hanging up."

"You know what goes on in the night, don’t you Buffy?" Giles asked, pushing her. "You can already feel it, can’t you?"

Buffy stopped momentarily, "I don’t…" she shook her head, "I don’t know what you’re talking about." She walked away faster, "I have to go."

"Buffy!" Giles called out after her, "It is my job to prepare you…"

"Prepare me for what?!" She stopped suddenly and whirled to face him, the action coming so fast that Giles took a step back. "Prepare me for the time when I was walking home and got attacked by this mutated freak…and I had to figure out how to kill it myself? Is that what your job it? Well it’s too late…"

"You have killed one before?" he asked in disbelief.

"I’ve killed several before. And I’ve quit. I’m not going to do it anymore, so whatever your point is, it’s completely moot."

"You’re the Slayer Buffy. You’re the Vampire Slayer, and I am your Watcher." He seemed to have her attention so he spoke quickly, "In every generation a Slayer is called… One girl in all the world born with the strength and skill to fight and win against the vampire, demons, and forces of darkness. You are that girl Buffy."

"No, I’m not." Buffy disagreed, "I’m just not."

Giles shook his head and reached into his pocket, glancing at her with a bowed head. He prayed that she wouldn’t over react to what he was about to do. Without warning he whipped out a short hunting knife and threw it hard at the girl’s head, as she stood in front of him.

Buffy hardly had time to react as her right hand rose and quickly snatched the knife out of the air, mere millimeters away from her face. Her whole body shaking as she looked at the weapon in her hand. The knife this librarian had thrown at her. "YOU TIRED TO KILL ME!!!!!" she screamed, her eyes wide.

"You…you…" Giles rushed to calm her down, "you ARE the one. You caught it…"

"Because you threw a knife at my face!!!"

"You caught it because you are the Slayer…."

"YOU THREW A KINFE AT MY FACE!!!" she annunciated each word.

"I’m here to train you…"

Buffy threw the knife at the floor and turned around, "I’m leaving," she all but ran to the door, "When my Dad hears that the teachers are trying to gut the students you’re gonna be outta here so fast you’ll be back in England in time for tea with the Queen."

"You mustn’t mention this to anyone. It is to be a secret…" Giles didn’t have time to get his sentence out as Buffy stormed out of the room. He stooped to grab the knife off of the floor and tucked it back into his pocket, "Well, Rupes. That went smashingly. Bloody good show." He muttered, "Bloody good show."

*~*~*

Buffy ran out of the library, not at all paying attention to where she was going in her hurry to get as far away from that man as fast as humanly possible, so she didn’t see him right before she ran into him, sending them both to the ground.

"Whoa there Buff," Xander breathed, pushing himself to his feet and then extending his hand to her. "What’s the matter?" he asked looking briefly over her shoulder in the direction she had run from after he pulled her to her feet.

Buffy tried to collect herself as she readjusted her bag and wiped absently at the dust on her skirt, "Nothing." She stopped for a moment and then asked, "What are you doing here? Jesse said you were quietly contemplating on the front lawn."

Xander looked down at her and unconsciously moved his hand up to brush some hair out of her face, offering her a tender smile, "I was," Xander agreed as he withdrew his hand, "but then I was told we had a Chester the Molester situation in the House of Books involving one Buffy Summers and one skivey old man, so I came rushing to your rescue."

Buffy loved the smile he war as he recounted his tale, "If that were the case, you were a little too late."

<She’s doing that thing with her mouth…NO!!! That was a wrong thought…Buffy doesn’t do anything with her mouth…besides eat…and talk…but that’s all…> Xander panicked, unable to tear his eyes away from the half smile his friend wore…the unbelievably cute, temptingly irresistible… "Well, I stopped for a Hershey Bar from the vending machine on the way…" he tried to cover. He started walking in order to give himself an excuse to not look directly at her.

"What can I expect? You were missing lunch moping over me." She was slightly disappointed as they started walking together towards the cafeteria.

"I was not moping over you."

Buffy sent him a look of disbelief, "Oh, you weren’t?"

Xander shook his head.

"So, you’re saying you weren’t hungry, then?" Buffy laughed out loud, "You, Alexander Harris, and telling me, Buffy Summers: The Encyclopedia of all things Xander, that you weren’t hungry at 12:45 and you would rather’ve spent the whole period sitting alone in the dirt?"

He knew when she had beaten him, she had done it so much over the course of their friendship, "I had a bench."

"Ok, I’ll give you a bench…but what you wanted was a sandwich."

Xander turned to find Buffy grinning in his face, knowing that she was more than happy to hear him admit that he was moping over her, "I just needed to think for a second." He said finally, "All these classes were clouding my concentration."

Buffy shook her head at him as they entered the cafeteria, each briefly waving to Jesse and Willow who were already seated as they got in line. "Well, thank you." She said, not looking him in the eyes.

"For what?" he asked gathering a plate for the lunch lady.

"For rushing to my rescue and what not. Thank you." Buffy clarified, her face scrunching in disgust at the brown heap of meat on her plate. "Too bad you can’t save me from cafeteria food." She added while she picked up two bowls of Jell-O.

Xander smiled, but she wasn’t facing him to see it, "I don’t know about that…" he said rummaging through the salad bar and procuring the last peanut butter and jelly sandwich. "For the lady," he said gallantly settling the sandwich on Buffy’s tray and taking the plate of meat from her.

All she could do was look at him and the completely innocent, adorable look on his face, "Whatever will I do to thank you, Good Sir?" she asked in a southern drawl as they both made their way to the table that their friends were sitting at.

"Let me accompany you to the festival of gyrating teens tonight…otherwise known as the Bronze," Xander suggested as they took their seats.

"And they say you can’t get something for nothing these days," Buffy commented, smiling to Willow and Jesse, "Alright, shall we say eightish?"

"We can say that," Xander agreed, "I’ll be at your house around seven to watch you shower and such."

Buffy rolled her eyes at him and kicked him in the shin under the table, earning a painful yelp from her friend and a suppressed laugh from Willow.

"What?" Jesse asked, feigning interest, "Are you going to shower at six, cuz I can stop by for that."

Buffy kicked him too, and just a little bit harder, causing him to choke on the sip of juice he had just taken. "You guys aren’t invited to go with us anymore." Buffy pouted, "It’s just going to be me and Willow at the Bronze. Around 8:45?" she finished asking her.

"Yeah," Willow agreed excitedly, "8:45 sounds great."

"Unless, of course, Buffy is busy with the new librarian." Jesse scoffed, "He looked like he had some things he wanted to do with her under the cover of darkness."

Buffy tried to cover her change in expression quickly as she thought back to the events in the library. "You’re sick." She threw at Jesse and took a bite of her sandwich. She saw Xander watching her out of the corner of her eye before he spoke.

"What happened Buff?" he asked his voice in full protective mode as he remembered the hurry Buffy was in when they had run into each other.

"Nothing…"

"Prince Charles, in there, was totally making the eyes at her." Jesse interrupted her quickly, "He was totally trying to make his own Tori Spelling style made for TV flick…no wonder he got a job at a high school…all these young, nubile…"

"Ok," Buffy said loudly, "Stopping you before we have to turn the hose on you. And no." she continued, "That’s not what he wanted…not that he wanted anything…because he didn’t…want anything." She shifted in her seat while her friends watched her, "Eat!" she demanded, and they all hurried to comply.

"I thought he was nice," Willow offered quietly, still not completely comfortable with them yet, but Xander sent her a warm smile after she spoke.

"Well he would be to you," Xander said, "In keeping with the young nobility, and all…"

"So what do we do?" Jesse asked Xander in complete seriousness, "Call the police, or something?"

Buffy sat up suddenly, "Hold on here, fellas." She held up her hands, "No need to jump to conclusions…"

"The guy could be dangerous…and if he’s snooping around you," Xander started, "around a high school…"

Buffy caught his slip, "It was nothing, guys."

"He knew your name before you even told him it." Jesse said as if that would justify taking a course of action.

Buffy stood up suddenly, "Look, it was just about me, alright? Nothing happened, nothing is going to happen, and if it were and did it still wouldn’t concern you. So just drop it." She headed away from the table before she stopped, "I’ll see you guys tonight." And with that she walked out of the cafeteria, leaving Xander, Willow, and Jesse starring after her.

"He brainwashed her," Jesse commented offhandedly as he went back to his lunch. Willow ignored him as she watched Xander focus in the door Buffy had just walked out of sadly for a moment before following Jesse’s lead.

*~*~*

Xander swiped his hand through his hair and then over his face before pulling his goggles into place. He swung his arms back and forth a few times as he stepped up onto the platform and glanced from side to side at his team members.

Usually, he was all for timed laps, he found it was a really good way to clear his mind. And he was good at it…and he knew it. It was one of the reasons that he loved tryouts…not only was he doing something he loved, but it gave him the opportunity to show the whole school that Xander Harris was not a complete and total failure.

He may have never taken an advanced placement class, or won a science fair, or gotten on of those honor roll bumper stickers for his mother’s car, but when he was in the pool…when he dove into the water, he was damn near god-like, in a completely non-sacrilegious way.

But today…he was just there. He was really trying to retain a minimal amount to focus, but it didn’t look like it was going to happen, and his times were proof of that. To some it up in one word…Buffy.

Yep. They were still milling around in the land of confusions and maybes, and it seemed to him that they should invest in some property in the place. At least rent an apartment.

After the first day of school things got decidedly more complicated. He had gone to the Bronze with her, Jesse, and Willow, genuinely expecting to have the time of his life. Both he and Buffy in total denial mode…until…

The coach’s gun sounded and startled Xander into action and he dove into the pool, his thoughts momentarily parting and washing past his body like the water he cut through. The 400 meter butterfly was his favorite stroke, and he knew that nobody in the county could beat him in it. There were 3 trophies in the case in the hall that proved that fact.

He forced his body to move as if there were nothing else in the world…right now, this was all he wanted and needed in the world…there was NOTHING else…NOTHING. He counted in his head and measured out his movements, intending to finish this last practice race for no one but himself, and when he reached the wall for the second time and whipped off his goggles, he saw he had achieved the desired results.

"Finally, the Harris I know!" Coach Ramsey’s voice boomed through the pool area, "Good work!"

"Alright, ladies!" he coach spoke again as Xander and the other boys hoisted themselves out of the pool, "That’s it for today. Tomorrow we’ll start at 3…be on time, remember this is a COMPETITION!"

There were several tired sighs to be heard, but Xander ignored it and walked hurriedly into the locker room. All he wanted to do was shower and go home, but that wasn’t even going to happen. He had to meet Willow for his math tutorial in fifteen minutes.

Yes, it seemed to Xander, that after swim practice his life dove back into sucking horribly.

Just like it had everyday for three weeks…three weeks ago, when he had almost kissed his best friend at the Bronze. Since the beginning of the school year, it had become increasingly clear that Xander was not going to be able to rely on Jesse to offer the much needed Buffy distraction that, he assumed, he had been providing for about two years. He figured Jesse had to be the ONLY reason that he hadn’t noticed Buffy in that way until now…but now…Jesse seemed to have a girlfriend. Paige Durmot had shown up at the Bronze that night and Jesse went MIA for the majority of the night. And Willow had offered little to no help at all. She was still so shy…and seemed to keep looking at him for extended periods of time, which had, in turn, prompted Buffy to ask him to dance upon sensing his uncomfortability.

And that’s when it started.

Stupid fucking band and their stupid fucking breaks. And Stupid fucking him…he should’ve gone back to the table to be starred at some more by Willow, but noooooo…he HAD to wrap his arms around Buffy’s waist…and she had to let him. She had to be wearing that short tight black dress that he loved…and she had to smell sooooo good, all Herbal Essence-y…he loved that smell.

And they, with no hope of interruption just happened to look up at each other and it clicked. It was at that moment that Xander knew that he was right about there not being any words that could be used to fix things between them…only actions that could possibly clarify everything. Buffy had leaned first, up just a fraction of an inch, like she wanted him to kiss her…and oh, how he did. Every fiber of his being wanted that moment…her lips…her body pressed so close to his…

And then somebody bumped into them in a mad dash out of the door. Can we all say ‘So long moment’?

But Xander assumed it was for the best…he felt like shit, but it had to be for the best. He couldn’t go around kissing his best friend…he could think about it until his right hand fell off…he did have a cramp some nights…but that was all he could do.

He slammed his locker door shut and grabbed his book bag of the bench behind him. He knew he was going to be late for his meeting with Willow, but he just got lost in his thoughts in the shower. Xander was sure that she wouldn’t be mad, and even if she were she wouldn’t say anything to him about it. She let him slide on those things…if Buffy found out, on the other hand, he’d need to schedule a surgery to get the new ass hole she would tear him closed up.

Xander said some good-byes to his teammates and headed outside, careful to avoid the gym where Buffy had cheerleading practice. He felt a flash of guilt at avoiding her, but didn’t really feel like being yelled at for his "inconsiderate attitude" concerning the redheaded newcomer. But, Xander reasoned, Buffy didn’t even seem to yell at him so much anymore, it was always more along the lines of a stern look which seemed to always melt into a warm smile and then a disturbed head shake. He had the same reaction to her and his…involuntary…bodily responses.

He knew aversion wasn’t the way to go either, but if he saw her and the girls were done their practice he would, without a doubt, stay and talk with her…and then walk her home…and stay for dinner…

And totally forget about Willow waiting at the Espresso Pump for him.

But he did need to talk to her. Beyond their almost kiss, that was reaping havoc in his world, he knew something else was going on with her. Something they had not discussed, be it because of the lack of an appropriate time, or because they always seemed to get distracted when they were together now…or, and Xander hated this reason, because, one Scott Hope, had sought out Buffy on the second day of school and tried to restart their relationship.

Tried, being the operative word. Buffy had told him that she would like to try out an extended summer plan as far as they were concerned, and because Scott, Xander ruefully admitted, would do anything for her, agreed. Now Xander noticed, Buffy had a full fledged stalker, and their group had an enthusiastic fifth wheel…member.

Xander shuffled his feet down the pavement through town, letting his hair dry in the sun. Not that the fact that Buffy had chosen to remain in the single pool…with him…didn’t make him happy, but he thought she wouldn’t be able to wait to enter the land of the attached again. One thing Xander knew about Buffy was that she loved to, well…to be attached. But when he had asked why she wanted to extend her break with Scott she had just said that she had too much on her plate right then. She said with school starting, cheerleading, new friends, and stuff, Scott just didn’t fit into the equation right now.

It was the "and stuff" that had gotten Xander’s attention, and he had asked "What stuff?", but in her famous defensive maneuver Buffy had deftly avoided the question by showing him the cheerleading uniform catalog…He was only human.

But Xander was still asking himself, "What stuff?"

He knew it was something. Ever since that first day…he didn’t know exactly, but Buffy seemed to have some sort of…second life…she was leading. She was always busy now. Sure, she made time for him and Willow and Jesse, when he was available, but it was different…she was different. She left the Bronze early, now, and almost always, got there late. And when Xander would call her line at night, just to check on her, she wasn’t always there. He had to ask himself, if she wasn’t with him, where was she?

And sometimes, Xander noticed, she had strange bruises, and if he wrestled her to rough in the hallway, she would wince. That, and when she would wrestle back, he would always end up with a steady ache where she had hit him, which usually lasted for days…she was still small, she just seemed to pack more of a punch that she had in the past. And Xander had seen her in the library more than he had ever seen anybody else in the school…which was weird…and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like that she was different, and increasingly defensive because of it.

He had a surmounting number of facts…he just needed to talk to her. He hoped she would want to talk to him…especially since she had shown no interest in it thus far.

"XAN!!" he hears his name called in the now familiar voice and he entered the gated outside seating area of the coffee house where Willow was.

"Hey Wills," he greeted warmly, huge smile in place, "What’s the what?"

"Nothing much," she smiled back at him, and then reminded herself mentally to tone it down a bit. She just always got this fluttery feeling whenever Xander was near her, so forget it when he smiled at her. "How was practice?"

Xander shook his head, purposefully flinging some remaining water on her, to which Willow laughed, but pretended to be upset by. "Same ol’, same ol’," he took a seat across from her and then took a sip of her Frapappuccino, "I hope you realize that you’re sitting with the star of the Razorbacks Swimming team," he joked.

"Oh, I’m well aware," Willow chided, "I’m just surprised that you can swim with huge head of yours."

"Just let me have one thing," Xander pleaded, "I can swim and I can read, that’s all. Please don’t steal my thunder."

Willow shook her head at him, "You’re better than you think you are," she reprimanded, "Just not according to Ms. Kelson," she added, referring to his math teacher in hopes of covering any deeper meaning to her previous comment.

Xander heard her, but chose to ignore the comment, "Well, she’s in the majority." He reached into his bag for his notebook, "Should we start?"

Willow raised an eyebrow at him, "You in a hurry to ditch me?"

Xander looked up shocked, "Ditch you?" he asked in a mock hurt tone, "Of course not. Buffy just said that you guys were going to the mall before dinner, so I figured you’d want to hurry this up. I know I do." He watched her continue to look at him and realized what he had just said, "The math. I want to hurry the math up…not the hanging out with you…"

"Sure," Willow sounded disbelieving despite her smile. She and Buffy were going to the mall later, she remembered. She had actual friends now…she had a group. The pain she had felt when she left her old friends back in LA was slowly melting away the more time she spent with Buffy, Xander and Jesse. They, despite the obvious differences that she could see between them, accepted her. Everything was perfect…except for one thing…one Xander shaped thing that she had no idea what to do with. Willow had never had anybody in her life like Xander…he was so…cute, and funny, and nice, and there…and Buffy’s…only not Buffy’s…and Willow had no idea what to do, because when it came down to it, she was quite sure she couldn’t compete with Buffy for him and win; after all, completely aside from the physical side, where Willow felt increasingly inadequate, he and Buffy had so much more history, and she was so new to it all. She even felt ashamed that she felt the need to compete with her new friend for a guy.

"So what part are you having a problem with?" she asked, shaking her thoughts away, and flipping open the textbook she had borrowed from Buffy to help tutor Xander with.

Xander just looked at her for a moment as if she had just spoken Japanese to him, "The math part." he stated matter-of-factly.

"Alright," Willow sighed, "Let’s start with real numbers then."

Xander quirked one eye brow at her, and Willow mentally accepted that no matter how warm and fuzzy she felt about him, this was going to be a long afternoon.

*~*~*

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