Title: Flowing
Author: TrinityLast
Email: trinitylast@wambtac.com
Rating: G
Pairing: Buffy POV
Improv: superstition, belief, fantasy, suspicion
Disclaimer: I don’t own them. If you sue me, you get a cat. He bites. You don’t want him.
Author’s Notes: Right after "Grave". That morning.

* * * * * * * * * *

So, here I am.

Happy to be alive.

I’m not sure I’m ready for this.

I mean, I’ve just spent a year hating this world, and everything in it. I’ve been fighting on auto-pilot. Spewing happy, live words like "Good Morning" and "Have a Nice Day"...and I haven’t meant a thing.

I’m not sure I remember how to talk when I mean it.

I mean, what do I say? Do I just go around and tell everyone? I feel like I have this new religion, this new belief that life is great.

As opposed to my *old* religion. Which, let’s be honest, mostly fantasy. Nowhere in the bible does it say "And she shall fight against the forces of evil, die twice, and yet still be forced to live on this wretched earth"

Wow. I sound bitter. Sorry. Guess old habits die hard. I *am* happy to be here now.

I am.

Really.

Ok, well, I’m working on it. It takes a while, you know? I mean, I was in *Heaven*. Who wants to be pulled out of Heaven?

Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.

I really miss those days. You know the ones. The days when vampires were just a superstition. When I came home, did my homework and went to bed, and didn’t have to worry about getting blood out of my favorite jacket.

Ok, so I was a little self absorbed. But even I know that this last year, I haven’t been big with the giving.

But you know what? I gave my life! Twice! I really think that’s enough with the giving. Let’s let someone else give for a while, shall we?

Yeah. Right.

It’s just a suspicion. I can’t confirm it. But I think the Watchers Council knew exactly what they were getting when they Called me. OK, it’s not like they knew I’d be this big rule breaker, or that they thought I’d be really annoying and throw a sword at one of them or something. But I think they knew I’d be the Slayer that wouldn’t stay dead. I mean, why else would they send a Watcher to me who’d let a vampire kill him to save my life?

Only if they wanted me to live that badly. And they don’t do that, right? "The Slayer is a weapon" One dies, the next is called. It makes no sense.

So, they knew.

They knew what would happen to me. There was probably a whole prophecy. Not in the Codex, but in one of those scrolls they have in England.

Do I sound paranoid?

Well, that’s too bad. I was yanked from Heaven. If I wanna be paranoid, I’m gonna be paranoid. You can just go get stuffed.

Wow.

"Get stuffed"??

I’m spending *way* too much time with Spike.

Maybe I need a hobby.

OH! Or a dog!

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