Title: Perchance To Dream
Author: Gileswench
Contact: gileswench@yahoo.com
Date: 11/28/01
Spoilers: Through Wrecked
Summary: Buffy reaches out for help when a dream confuses her
Rating: R for nudity, Frida Kahlo-esque symbolism
Pairing: Buffy/Giles
Category: Angst
Distribution: If you've had my permission in the past, you have it now. All others, ask and ye shall receive.
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. Praise abjectly sought.
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc., etc., etc. I just let them have all the fun Joss won't. I own nothing except my twisted mind which you really don't want. Please don't sue. Oh, I don't own Billy Joel or the song Always A Woman either. They belong to Columbia Records.

Dedication: To Elle, who dared me to write about Giles playing kitten poker. To Sandra who requested Giles swinging naked from a chandelier. And to Paula who needed some fic to take her mind off her upcoming hospital stay. Enjoy, girls!

* * * * * * * * * *

At the phone's insistent ring, Giles switched off the teakettle and hurried to answer. He wondered who would be calling him. It wasn't as though he'd made many friends since his return to Bath.

"Hello?"

"Giles?"

"Buffy? Are you alright?"

"I'm happy to hear your voice, too"

"Sorry. It's just you sounded a bit...well, and the time there is.." he gave a sigh. "Of course I'm happy to hear your voice. How are you?"

"Which is the much more PC way of asking what's wrong enough that I called, isn't it?"

"If you like. Are you ready to tell me?"

"How do you know I'm not just calling to say hi?"

"Because it's nine in the morning here, which means it's about one in the morning where you are"

A sigh emanated from across the Atlantic Ocean.

"Busted," she grumbled.

"Would you please tell me what happened, Buffy? Is it a demon?"

There was a long pause.

"Giles?" she finally said in a tentative voice. "What would you say if I told you I had a dream and it wigged me?"

Immediately every nerve in Giles' body was taut with concern.

"Prophecy?"

"No," Buffy admitted, "just weird"

"Not that I'm not glad you called, but wouldn't this fall more into the line of Willow or Tara's area of expertise?"

"Well...um...Tara moved out. She and Will broke up"

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Are they alright?"

"Yeah. Fine. We're all okay, here" Buffy's voice was brittle with unsaid things, but Giles decided not to push her. "I just...I don't want to bug Will right now. Besides, it was sort of about you"

"About...? You're dreaming about me?"

He could practically hear her eyes rolling.

"And could you maybe sound a little more cat-that-ate-the-canary about it? Wait until you hear what you were doing in it before you get so preeney"

"What was I doing? Something disreputable by the sound of it"

"Again with the misplaced pride and joy. What's up with sounding happy every time I say you might do something unGilesey?"

"Depends on what you think 'unGilesey' consists of"

"Playing kitten poker"

"I - I beg your pardon?"

"You heard me"

"Kitten poker? Do you mean playing poker with kittens instead of cards?"

"No, I mean playing poker with kittens instead of chips. Playing poker for kittens"

"Why on earth would I do that?"

"Um...'cause I asked you to. In the dream. See, Spike and the demons were playing kitten poker and they were going to eat the kittens, so I wanted to save them, 'cause they were cute and fluffy and not deserving of painful, bitey death, but I don't know how to play poker, so I asked you"

"And I agreed?"

"Of course. I asked you"

"Yes, well, that would be incentive"

"Hey, I only asked because I really couldn't do it on my own. I even tried, but when they dealt me the cards, they were all Jokers and rules for solitaire. I knew you'd get real cards"

"I see. Well that would make a difference"

"Anyway, you were beating them all. You won every hand and saved all the kittens. That's when the badness started"

"Badness? What sort of badness?"

"Well Spike said you must have cheated. He was really mad at you. And I got between the two of you so you wouldn't fight, but both of you tried to pull me to yourselves. I felt like I was being ripped in half. And then.."

"And then?"

"You let go"

Giles wished he could be with Buffy in that moment. He felt a physical need to touch her, to reassure her that he was still there for her. It was harder to do with words and from such a distance.

"Buffy, you know why I had to leave. It was quite possibly the most painful thing I have ever done in my life. You must understand that"

"Yeah. Got it. It was for my own good. Just like Angel"

"Buffy, please.."

"Look. Let's not go there right now, okay? I haven't finished telling you the dream"

Giles sighed. Pushing Buffy never worked. He decided to let her say what she needed to in her own way.

"What happened then?"

"Spike...he...he told me he was all I had left. Then he...he hit me. And it didn't hurt. Him. No chippy migraine. He just reached into me and pulled out my heart - and can I just say how yuck that was to dream? - and showed me it wasn't even beating. He said I was broken somehow. That the only thing left for me was to just give up and be with him because no one else wanted me at all. So, I let him"

"Let him what?"

He listened to her shaky breaths across the phone line.

"Buffy? Are you crying?"

"No," she sniffled unconvincingly.

"What did you let Spike do? In the dream?"

"I let him...hurt me. I let him hit me and kick me and toss me into walls and I didn't even feel it, Giles. I hit him back, but I didn't stake him or anything and then...I just...gave up"

"Gave up how?"

"Totally. Like I decided there was no good left in me, so why bother"

"Then what happened?"

"I offered him my neck," she whispered. "I wanted him to end it for me"

"Did he?"

"He was going to. He got all bumpy and started to bite me, but then he fell over"

"Fell over? Why was that?"

"You"

"I?"

"You knocked him down"

"How did I do that?"

"Well...you were swinging from a chandelier which I'm pretty sure wasn't there when we were playing poker. And that's not all. When you were doing your George of the Jungle bit, you were sort of...well...um.."

"What was I, Buffy? Was I a vampire?"

"No"

"A demon?"

"No"

"What was I?"

"You were...well...naked"

"N - naked?"

"As in nude, unclothed, bereft of clothy coverings, naked"

"Really?"

"As a jaybird"

"An interesting choice of attire for battle"

"You're telling me! So anyway, you knocked Spike over and he ran away"

"Just ran away?"

"Well, he did say something to you when he was leaving"

"What was that?"

"He said: she'll promise you more than the garden of Eden, then she'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding, but she'll bring out the best and the worst you can be"

"And then?"

"You told him: and the most she will do is throw shadows at you, but she's always a woman to me"

"Interesting"

"Two Brits quoting Billy Joel at each other is not of the expected, let me tell you"

"Was that the end of the dream?"

"Um...no. There was a little more"

"And that would be?"

"You...um...you kissed me"

He smiled when he felt he could hear her blushing.

"Was it as bad as all that?"

"See, that's the really freaksome part...it was...sorta nice"

"You offered Spike the chance to kill you and yet kissing me is the 'freaksome part'? I begin to despair of you," he laughed.

"Yeah, well, there was more to it than that. When you, y'know, kissed me, I felt different"

"Different how?"

"My heart. It started beating again. I felt warm for the first time. Oh, and since my heart was still sitting on the table, I picked it up. But I didn't put it back in me"

"What did you do with it?"

"I put it in you. Then you reached into yourself and pulled out your heart and put it in me. Like I said, freaksome"

"It is a bit, at that"

"It was really scary. I was more scared than I was when I offered my neck to Spike, but I just went with it, anyway"

"Was that the end?"

"Not quite. You hugged me"

"Was I still...less than fully clothed?"

"Still doing the jaybird thing. The funny thing was that I was, too, all of a sudden. Very Adam and Eve"

"Garden of Eden?"

"Or possibly a Billy Joel reference. I had no idea I'd listened so hard when Mom played that album. It's funny. I know you haven't given me any words of wisdom or helped me figure out what this all means or anything, but I feel better. Just telling you about it helps. Now I sorta feel like I can cope until I work it out myself"

"I'm glad, Buffy. And you know you can call me anytime at all, if you need to talk"

"Getting that, now. Thanks, Giles"

"It was my pleasure"

"Are you going to come back anytime soon? For a visit or something? Maybe Christmas?"

"I can't just yet, Buffy. You need a bit more time to find your own way without me. But, if you'd like, I'll see if I can get away and visit for your birthday. Would you like that?"

"Well, considering what my birthdays are usually like, I think I should ask you if you need your head examined. But I'd like that. I miss you, Giles"

"I miss you, too"

Buffy hung up and sighed in relief. If she could just hold out until her birthday, Giles would be home. She gripped the cross in her hands tighter. She could do this.

:: Back to Gileswench's page ::
:: Back to Author's Page ::
:: Slightly Over The Edge ::