An hour of walking with Cordelia did not improve Giles' mood in the least. She was wearing impractical shoes for a such long trek and had never been one to suffer in silence.

That was one thing he really hadn't missed about her.

Giles watched the ground since he seemed to have virtually no control over his feet. On reflection, he decided that was the story of his entire, miserable existence. No choice. No control. Drifting on the whim of others, never getting to do as he pleased, and never a word of thanks to show for it.

He was roused from his reverie by an exclamation from Cordelia.

"Huh! I should have guessed"

"Guessed what?" Giles asked morosely, staring at his boots.

"Take a look at the street sign. We're on Revello Drive, home of Buffy. Wonder if she had Willow mumbo jumbo us here"

Giles rolled his eyes.

"Wonderful. Just bloody wonderful"

"What were you doing elsewhere, anyway, Giles?"

"Something quite futile, obviously. Come on, then. Let's go and get this over with"

Giles trudged forward, hands in his pockets, head down, his mouth pulled into a grim line. Cordelia limped after him.

"Wait up!" she called. "I can't walk that fast"

"Perhaps you could if you wore something practical on your feet for once," Giles snapped.

"No need to ask which one of the seven dwarves you are," Cordelia mumbled back.

Giles opened his mouth to answer, but just then, they reached Buffy's door. Dawn stood on the porch as if waiting for them. She turned and headed inside, leaving the door open behind her. As she flounced inside, she could be hear yelling: "Buffy! Giles and the bitchmonster are here!"

Giles and Cordelia took this as their cue to enter the house.

Inside, Buffy, Willow, Tara, and Anya sat at various points around the living room. Dawn stood hunched in a corner, arms crossed over her chest, glaring at the new arrivals. Miss Kitty Fantastico perched nervously in Tara's lap.

Giles noted that Willow and Tara sat on opposite ends of the room. Tara looked slightly uncomfortable while Willow stared at her with an odd combination of longing and resentment. Anya frankly gawked at the newcomers, but Buffy refused to meet her Watcher's eyes.

Again, Giles felt himself bubbling inside with resentment. No matter where he turned, there sat or stood a woman who had made his life miserable at some point in the past five years. He'd been ignored, mocked, belittled, or actually, physically hurt by everyone in the room.

Even Miss Kitty had a tendency to run when he tried to pet her. For some reason, he felt an urge to yell at the cat about that habit.

"Well?" he began. "What are you all doing here? Haven't any of you got places to be?"

"President's Day," Dawn explained. "National holiday. No school"

"That goes for us, too," Tara said quietly. "No classes today"

Willow nodded in agreement.

"And as for me, workers in the fast food industry don't get holidays, but I worked double shifts all weekend. My reward is that I get today off," Buffy said in a subdued tone Giles had never heard from her before. "Miss Kitty doesn't work or go to school, so...y'know.."

Giles looked at Cordelia. She put her hands up and snorted.

"Hey, I already told you. Weird compulsion thingie. Not my idea in any way, shape or form"

"Of course not," Giles snapped before he could stop himself. "It never is your fault, is it? It's never your responsibility, it's never anything to do with you, is it? Except for the endless fact that the world revolves entirely around you and what you want. Well, I'm sorry, Cordelia, but you're simply not that bloody important"

The women all sat stunned by Giles' outburst.

"Giles...?" Willow began. She was silenced when he turned next on her.

"Don't you dare say a word, Willow. Everybody thinks you're so selfless, don't they? Isn't Willow so sensitive and giving? Well, I've seen your true colors time and again. If you don't like what fate hands you, you do a spell to change it. You don't want to go through the heartache of losing your first lover? Well, a spell will fix that, won't it? You didn't want your friend to be dead? Presto! She's alive again and you step right up to accept your due applause"

"G-Giles," Tara began, "I don't...I think.."

"Don't you try to defend her, Tara," Giles said in a dangerously low tone. "You know what she did to you. Twice she erased your memory purely for her own convenience. The second time, she put us all in danger by doing so. Perhaps if you had been less overawed by Willow' powers, you might have helped her learn to be responsible with them instead of allowing her to lead you by the nose. You helped with the resurrection spell. You knew Willow was meddling with dangerous dark majicks, and yet you helped her!"

"I - I didn't know everything. If I had.."

"That is no excuse," Giles retorted. "You're meant to be a responsible person. You've always been the more level-headed one when it came to majicks, and yet you went ahead with a spell without knowing the full details? A resurrection spell, no less! You know how dangerous they are. What's more, you deliberately hid it from Dawn and from me. Did you think we had no rights in the matter? Did you think we had no feelings?"

Giles tried desperately to stop yelling. He didn't want to hurt any of these girls, but by this time, Cordelia's eyes flashed fire, Willow had set her mouth in a stubborn, resentful line, Tara was in tears and Buffy stared at him in helpless shock. Still, he couldn't stop himself from turning on Anya.

"As for you," he growled, "what in blazes did you think you were playing at? You're eleven hundred sodding years old! You've seen the consequences of these spells before. And if the danger wasn't enough to stop you, did you never think of me, your business partner? No, of course not. You couldn't wait to be rid of me so you could have the whole bloody shop to yourself and close it down every time Xander got a coffee break and a stiffy. You rubbed your sex life in my face constantly, knowing both how it embarrassed me and that I wasn't getting any. In eleven hundred years, did you never learn one ounce of sensitivity?!"

Anya didn't reply, but made a helpless gurgling sound as her eyes went wide and her lip trembled. Giles hated himself for causing it, but still he couldn't stop. He turned his wrath on Dawn next.

"Speaking of my business," he intoned dangerously, "is this how you pay me back for all I've done for you? For all everyone in this room has done for you?" He fished the letter of apology Buffy had made Dawn write when she discovered Dawn's cache of stolen treasures. "Anya informs me that the value of the things you stole from us comes to over two hundred dollars. And that's wholesale. You say you did it because you were angry that nobody seemed to love you. Do you have any idea what we all went through to save your nonexistant skin last year? I can show you the scar I got when I was lanced trying to save you from both Glory and the Knights of Byzantium. I nearly died. Your sister was prepared to let the world go quite literally to Hell for your sake, and you say you aren't loved? Tara lost her mind - for you. We all made sacrifices for you"

"Except me," Cordelia volunteered. "I didn't know about all this stuff until Buffy died"

"And so we come to Buffy. Always Buffy" Giles made one more valiant effort to curb his tongue, but he found himself compelled to pour out every bit of resentment he'd ever felt at her behavior. "I gave up everything for you. I gave up my hopes, my dreams, my freedom, my homeland, my career, two lovers and every shred of my masculine pride all for you. There was a time when I even gave it all gladly. A time when you and I were partners in the truest sense. Was that really just one year ago? I even began to hope - but it was no use. For years, you've lied to me, used me, belittled me, and, worst of all, ignored me. You've treated my sacrifices and pain as insignificant all the while bewailing that no man will stand at your side and refuse to desert you. Well, you finally managed it, didn't you? You finally made me leave like all the others. And do you want to know why I left? Do you? It was when Xander called that bloody musical comedy demon. I found myself singing my guts out to you while you ignored me. That was bad enough, but I was used to it. What I couldn't bear was that as I threw those knives, I truly wanted one to hit you. I wanted you to feel something, even if it was pain. Even if I inflicted it. If I had stayed, I would have hurt you. I might even have killed you. You would have gone back to your precious Heaven, while I would have sacrificed all hope of redemption; of eternal rest and peace. I would have exchanged that for eternal damnation and torment. For you, Buffy. All for you"

When he finished his tirade, the room was silent except for a few sniffles from the women. Buffy faced him, face white with rage, body in battle stance.

"So you were willing to do anything for me, Giles? Anything and everything? But you couldn't just tell me what the hell was going on in your head?"

"You never fucking listened!" Giles shouted back.

"Well, maybe you never made yourself clear!" she yelled back angrily. "I'm not a mind reader! And even when I could read minds, I couldn't hear you most of the time"

"Yes, well, that's rather the story of our lives, isn't it?" Giles snapped back.

"Oh, like an autobiography?" Anya offered brightly. "Like The Secret Diaries of Adrian Mole, Aged Thirteen and Three Quarters?"

She was met by twin withering glares by both combatants. She shrank back into a corner with Tara. When they looked at one another again, Buffy was on the attack.

"And what about all the stuff people in this room have done for you over your practically dead body, Giles? Okay, maybe I'm crap, but that doesn't give you the right to say all that stuff about Willow and Tara and Anya and Dawn"

"And me," Cordelia added. "Don't forget about me"

"As if anyone could," Buffy said. "Plus Cordy's right. She's done stuff for you, too. Maybe we've all screwed up like you said, maybe we took you for granted and forgot to ever say thanks for all you did for us. But every one of them has done some pretty incredibly great stuff for you, too. How many times did Will's spells save all our butts? And her hacking skills solved lots of puzzles before the body count got too high. Tara has a way of seeing stuff the rest of us don't catch. If it wasn't for her, I might still be in Faith's body. Most of us get a little blind about the people we love. I guess if none of the rest of us figured out Will was developing a problem, she's not the only one to blame it got so out of hand. Anya may not be Miss Sensitivity 2002, but do you remember the wreck you were the first day the Magic Box was open? She pulled your bacon out of the fire that day in a big way. She came up with some really good ideas to help save Dawn and fight Glory. I guess we can cut her a little slack for not being so smooth with the humanity thing yet. Cordy isn't even the same person she used to be. Okay, so, still pretty Anya-like with the tact thing, once in a while, but she fights the good fight. Angel has nothing but good stuff to say about her when we talk. I think that counts for something. As for Dawn...well...if I was any good at being a mom, she wouldn't have done what she did. She's fifteen, Giles. And she lost her mother, and she lost her sister, and her sister came back all screwed up. She's only human. Now. At least she isn't sleeping with vampires or eating the school mascot or dating a destructo demon over the internet. So yell at me if you're so mad. I probably deserve it. Everyone else...just put a sock on it, will you? 'Cause they're all doing the best they know how. You haven't been Mr. Perfecto, either, y'know. But I don't think anyone in this room stopped loving you because of that. I know I didn't. That's why it hurt so much when you left. I don't know what I did to make you stop caring about me, but it must have been pretty terrible, 'cause nothing I did ever made you hate me before. Not Angel or Maggie Walsh or my aerobics music or anything. Could you please tell me what I did? I didn't mean to hurt you, Giles, I really didn't"

Buffy broke down in tears. In an instant, Dawn rushed to her side and took her sister in her arms. She glared at Giles. He stood awkwardly, all his anger dissipated almost as soon as he was finished with his tirade.

"Don't cry, Buffy, please," Dawn begged as she rocked her sister. "He didn't mean it. Tell her you didn't mean it, Giles"

Giles stared numbly at the scene before him. How could he have done this to the people who loved him? He did the one thing he could: he fled out the back door and sat on the back steps, his heart pounding with adrenaline and overwhelmed with guilt.

*****

Part 3

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

When Giles left the room, the women clustered around Buffy to soothe her.

"He didn't mean any of it, Buffy," Dawn told her. "He couldn't"

"I think he did," Anya piped up helpfully, "but you know he'll apologize and say he didn't. Everything will be fine again. Like it was before he scorned you"

Buffy's sobs grew more intense.

"Way to go, Tact Girl," Cordelia admonished Anya. "look, Buffy, it'll be okay. Nobody can be wound up as tight as Giles without exploding at some point, but he'll calm down and he'll say he's sorry, and it'll all be okay"

"I think that's pretty much what Anya said," Willow whispered to Cordelia.

"Well, yeah, but I said it the nice way"

Tara put an arm around Buffy's shoulders.

"Come upstairs, sweetie," she said, "and lie down. I'll make you some tea. You'll feel better"

She herded the miserable Slayer up the stairs. Willow, Cordelia, Anya and Dawn watched them go, then sat down to hold a meeting.

"Okay, we all know that wasn't really Giles just now," Cordelia started.

"Sure looked like him," Willow grumbled.

"It's Giles, yeah," Dawn agreed, "but he wouldn't talk like that to us. There's something wrong with him. He'd never say that stuff to Buffy if he was normal"

"So what do we do to figure it out?" Willow asked. "It's not like I can cast a spell to see if there's been a spell cast on him. Not now I've given it up. And he could have asked before he yelled at me for doing spells when I'm not doing them anymore"

Tara halted on her way down the stairs.

"It's not like anyone told him how much things have changed since he left, is it?" she asked. "I mean, I know I haven't called him, and Buffy hasn't. Have any of you talked to him?"

She finished her descent and joined the others.

"Only to tell him how the business is doing," Anya admitted. "He scorned us. He doesn't deserve to know how we're doing"

"Y - you mean...nobody has talked to him at all?" Willow squeaked. "I didn't think he'd want to talk to me after...y'know...everything, but I was pretty sure somebody.."

"Hey, I was in LA," Cordelia defended herself. "I wasn't talking to him long before you guys weren't talking to him"

"So what do we do?" Dawn asked. "We have to fix this. I don't want Giles to yell at us anymore. I get scared when Giles yells. And all those mean things he said to Buffy...Tara, are you sure it's okay to leave her alone?"

"I'll go sit with her," Anya volunteered. Bfore anyone could make another suggestion, she was off up the stairs.

"I don't think Giles should be alone right now, either," Cordelia said. "If I know anything about him, he's taking a guilt trip around the world that would make Angel look like a total amateur"

*****

Giles groaned and dropped his head into his hands. If he wasn't sitting on the back steps too worn and depressed after his behavior to stand up and do it, he'd be kicking his own sorry bum about now.

He felt an odd bumping at his side and barely mustered the interest to see what it was.

"Oh, so you like me now, do you?" he asked Miss Kitty with a grim smile. Miss Kitty purred loudly and offered her chin to be scratched. "I shall never understand cats"

"You're not doing so hot with women right now, either," Cordelia observed.

"I suppose all my bridges to Sunnydale are well and truly burnt?"

"You really don't get cats or women, do you, Giles?" She came and sat next to him on the step. "See, the thing cats and women have in common is that you have to find a way to get our attention or we just sorta see you as...part of the furniture. Believe me, you now have our attention"

"Miss Kitty has certainly changed her opinion of me, but I thought you all liked me before this...outburst"

"Oh we liked you," Cordelia assured him, "the way we like an old song we've heard a million times. You've always been predictable; in the comfort zone. We don't really need to look anymore because we know 'Giles' equals tweed, tea, dusty old books and authority"

"And yet you'll note that I'm not wearing a scrap of tweed"

"No, you're really not," Cordelia agreed. "But we still see it. It's like...Wesley hardly ever wears a suit anymore. He's even stopped using that stinky stuff to make his hair all flat and slicked back, but he came into the office a couple weeks ago and all I could think was 'wow, who's the hottie' and then I remembered that it was Wes and, well...it was sorta strange"

"So I should just resign myself to being - what was it Buffy used to call me? - Tweedman?"

"See, you're really not getting it, Giles. It's not that you stop changing; it's that you make sure we see it"

"If it involves being hateful to the people I care about, I rather think I'd prefer to be ignored," he said sadly.

"I knew the Giles we knew was still in there," Cordelia teased. "Look, burying all the bad stuff until you turn Buffy's living room into Pompeii is a really crap idea, too. You change, I change, we change. Buffy sure as hell changed. I couldn't believe how long it took her to yell back at you. One thing hasn't changed, though. You're mad at all of us and you resent everything we've ever said or done bad to you, but she's the one you'll really miss if you don't fix things. Am I right, or am I right?"

"I would miss you, Cordelia"

"I know. About the way you miss some of the stuff you had to get rid of when you left England. You might think about it once in a while and wonder what became of it after you left and you might even want to see it again someday, but just to know if it's still in one piece. Willow might be like one of the books you couldn't save when the library blew up. You'd actually miss her and how useful she was, and you'd think of her more often. But books can be replaced. Even a lot of the books you read. Leaving Buffy...that'd be like chopping off your left hand, and you're the biggest southpaw I ever met. I don't know what happened, but I know if you don't fix it soon there's a good chance you won't be able to. Do yourself a favor: fix it. I may look hot in black, but I don't want to come to another Buffy funeral"

"Y - you think...?"

"You're not the only one who changed. See, you're still thinking Buffy is that disgustingly plucky sixteen year old with the big crush on the broody vamp. That Buffy was really into beating the odds. I don't think this one is"

"I'm aware of that. Why do you think I left?"

"Because you were being selfish," Cordelia told him bluntly. "She was messed up and miserable and she looks like she's eaten like a breath mint in the last two years. You don't just abandon someone who doesn't want to live anymore. You dangle a carrot in front of her nose. Or in Buffy's case, it might be a good idea to make it a hot fudge sundae. How do you think I get Mr. Mountains O' Guilt going on the days when he's all thinking of taking a walk in the sun because he's hurt - okay, killed - so many people? I'll give you a clue; it doesn't involve throwing knives at them"

"I've tried so much already. I've tried giving her time, helping her with money and advice, telling her to take responsibility, trying to coax her back into a regular training schedule...I don't know what else to do. And this today certainly didn't help"

He looked toward the house helplessly.

"She's okay. She's being looked after. Anyway, I think they all know you couldn't help yourself. You'd never talk that way to any of us if you didn't have a weird compulsion thingie going on, like mine. I didn't even want to be here"

"I did and I didn't," Giles said in that slightly abstracted manner he took on when he was onto an idea he hadn't fully worked out yet. "I remember sitting in the pub talking to some chap about women and the next thing I knew, I was landing at Sunnydale Airport"

"What were you saying? To the guy at the bar?"

"He kept on and on about how frustrating women were and how there were several he'd been treated pretty shabbily by. Then I said I knew how it felt...blast!"

Giles stood suddenly. Miss Kitty scampered away nervously.

"What?"

"Idiot!" Giles cursed through clenched teeth. "Idiot!" he repeated for good measure.

"Hello, Giles," Cordelia said. "Maybe time to let someone else know what you just figured out"

"I don't think he was a man at all"

"What are you saying?"

"I think I made a wish to a vengeance demon"

*****

Part 4

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

Buffy didn't hear the tap on her door. She was too busy sobbing into her pillow. Anya knocked again. Still no answer. At last, Anya sighed and just opened the door.

"Buffy? Can you stop crying? I can't talk to you when you cry"

Despite the harshness of her words, Anya's concern for her friend was obvious in her tone of voice. Buffy did her best to calm herself, but continued to gulp oddly and sniffle.

"I'll try," she managed at last. "It's just...it hurts...so much"

"It does. And what right does Giles have to say those things? He's the one who ran away"

Buffy shook her head.

"It's not like that, Anya. He was trying to do his best for me"

"Please! He was doing his best for him. He just didn't want to watch you be unhappy anymore. Not that I blame him, because it isn't fun to watch, but that's his job. He's not supposed to go away"

"It's not like he's the first one to leave"

"You get scorned a lot, don't you?"

"Anya!"

"Well, you do. Angel dumped you right before the Prom, Riley flew off in his helicopter while your mother was still in the hospital, and then Giles leaves almost as soon as he found out you'd been in Heaven all that time. They all leave you, and they all do it just when it'll hurt the most. And then they all make it your fault"

"It's not that simple," Buffy argued weakly as she hugged a pillow to her chest.

"No? Why not?"

"Because...because they had other reasons. Good reasons. Angel couldn't stay with me"

"Did he have to scorn you right before the big dance? And after you bought your dress. If he was staying that long, he should have waited, or at least given you some warning"

"And Riley...he had a lot of issues that I never saw because I was so blind"

"Right. Because you were suppose to know by some magical something or other that he was seeing vampire whores behind your back while you were trying to deal with your mother being sick and your sister not being your sister and keeping up with college and being the Slayer. Of course you were" Anya was silent for a beat. "Oh, I was being sarcastic in case you couldn't tell. I learned about sarcasm from Giles"

"I could have let Riley in more. I could have told him about Dawn"

"Because that would have worked so well. Buffy, if you had told Riley first, he would have wanted to do something macho and silly, like, I don't know...blow up a building or something. He wasn't stable. I don't think he was ever as stable as you thought he was. Stable people don't go to suck houses. Anyway, he had to know"

"Know what?"

"That you didn't love him"

Buffy gaped at her friend's calm assessment.

"How can you even say that?" she asked. She rose from the bed and began pacing the room. "I gave him everything I had, everything I was"

"No you didn't. I've been around over eleven hundred years. I know love when I see it. I didn't see it. Not in either of you. Both of you were trying to make the other something they couldn't be. Riley wanted you to be a weak girly girl who needed him to solve her problems. You wanted Riley to be solid and normal and ordinary. He needed to be needed and you wanted him to be there when you wanted sex and somebody cute to dance with while you took care of the big things yourself because that's how you have to do things when you're the Slayer. That's why Giles is the only one you told about Dawn in the first place. You knew he wouldn't try to solve it"

"So I go to Giles because I don't need answers? Is that what you're saying?"

"Almost. You go to Giles because he gives you what you need and offers what he can, but he doesn't take it over. He lets you be the Slayer. Only now he's scorned you, too. He wanted the old Buffy back, but you were a new Buffy who was no fun to be around and who didn't want to deal with anything"

Buffy sat with a thump and buried her face in her pillows.

"Great," came her muffled voice, "so now I'm the sissy girl who needs it all, Riley's married and Giles can't cope. How pathetic am I?"

Anya shrugged.

"Less pathetic than you were a couple months ago. More ready to stand alone, like Slayers always do. More ready to exact punishment for what's been done to you"

Buffy lifted her face slightly from the pillows.

"Punishment?"

*****

"So you have to talk to her, right? Tell her it was this demon guy who made you say all that stuff?"

Giles shook his head.

"I never would have said all that if it wasn't for that blasted wish, but it's not as if I can simply take it all back. I have to admit...there's a fair part of me that does feel that way"

"Well, duh!"

Giles looked startled at his companion. Cordelia rolled her eyes and continued.

"You couldn't have said that stuff if you didn't mean it at least a little. Hey, I'm crazy about Angel, but that doesn't mean some things about him don't get to me. He broods and he gets all goofy out of nowhere, and don't even get me started on his singing voice! Just remember, if he ever offers a concert, say thanks but no thanks. Even my roommate, Dennis, has been known to drive me up the wall more than once"

"And the point to this confession would be...?"

"Y'know, for such a smart person, you really are dumb sometimes" She stood and offered Giles a hand up. "The point is, you feel lots of other stuff, too. If you want to get this straightened out with Buffy, you have to go tell her that. If she'll listen. That might take some work"

"I doubt she'll want to listen"

"Want to listen? If this was the old Buffy, you'd be lucky she didn't throw heavy, pointy things at you. This one will probably stop short of actual violence, I think"

Cordelia started to move away, but found she couldn't because Giles still had hold of her hand.

"Cordelia, what I said to you earlier.."

"I know. I always got on your nerves, didn't I?"

Giles blushed and ducked his head in embarrassment. When he looked up, he smiled at her.

"Yes, you did, as a matter of fact. I thought you were a vain, selfish, self-centered, rather stupid girl"

"And I thought you were stuffy and grumpy and probably not even from this planet. And can we forget the tweed?"

"You've changed, too, Cordelia"

"I have? So I'm not selfish and vain anymore?"

"You are. But a bit less so than when we first knew one another. And I will never again mistake you for stupid or shallow"

"And you may still be stuffy and repressed, but you're definitely human. Plus, loving the new wardrobe. You look about ten thousand years younger like this"

Giles gave a lightning quick grin, and raised Cordelia's hand for a small kiss.

"Thank you," he said, "for giving me a piece of your mind"

Cordelia sighed.

"That was...wow...European or something. Y'know, if it wasn't for Buffy, I might make a play for you myself"

"Y - you would...?"

"Oh, I'm not going to," she hastened to assure him. "I've changed in some ways, but I still never settle for second place"

She pulled her hand back gently and smiled at him again.

"Go on, Giles. You won't be happy until you do, and neither will she"

He nodded and headed back into the house.

******

Part 5

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

"Anya, I don't want to punish Giles. Much"

"But you do a little, right? Because he scorned you"

Buffy sat up. She drew her brows together in contemplation. Anya watched her work it through. At last Buffy shook her head.

"I couldn't"

"Why not? He left, Buffy. He went away and left you alone when he was supposed to stay with you"

"I don't want him to stay because he's supposed to. I don't want anyone to be stuck with me. If he was as miserable as he said, then maybe it's better he goes and has a chance to be happy"

"Why should he be happy?" Anya scoffed. "He deserted you"

"Maybe there's just something wrong with me that nobody will ever stay. Maybe the First Slayer was right. Maybe I'm supposed to be alone"

"Well, that's just silly," Anya told her as she sat next to Buffy. "Slayers who are alone die much faster and much more permanently than you did. It's Giles' job to stay with you and keep you alive. He's not doing his job. What would happen if you told Doublemeat Palace you didn't want to do your job because you don't like it?"

"They'd fire me"

"Yes. You'd be punished. They wouldn't give you money and you wouldn't be able to pay your bills"

"I can't pay them now," Buffy shrugged. "I cannot believe how useless I am"

"No, no, no!" Anya insisted. "Stop it! You're supposed to be getting mad at Giles for deserting you, not becoming all depressed and suicidal about how ineffectual you are!"

"See?" Buffy moaned as she flopped onto her back. "I can't do anything right!"

"Sure you can," Anya urged her.

"What? I can't even die right"

Anya sighed and tried a new tactic.

"When you were a child, did you ever wish on a star?"

"A couple times"

"Did it ever come true?"

"Once. I wished I would have a little sister. It only took fifteen years, but it came true. How's that for pathetic?"

"You're right. That is pathetic. So, nothing will happen if you wish, right?"

"I guess not. It never did before"

"So...if you could have anything you want happen to Giles right now, what would you wish?"

Buffy stood and crossed to her desk. She traced the forms of her friends in a photograph.

"It's silly to wish for stuff that'll never happen," she said at last.

"If it won't happen, why not wish it?"

"Because it doesn't make any difference. There's no point in doing it"

Anya blew out a frustrated breath and moved to Buffy's side.

"There's always a point in wishing," she urged.

"Come on," Buffy snorted, "it's not like there's some good fairy here to make it come true"

"Don't you just wish he'd...go bald or...or only be able to speak in rhymes or something?"

"Who?"

"Giles"

Buffy stared at her companion.

"Are you okay, Anya? Of course I don't wish anything like that"

"Something bigger? Do you wish he'd have a terrible wasting disease? No, wait, don't wish that. That wouldn't be nice. But you could wish he would fall in love with a penguin at the zoo. That would be a good wish"

"Eeeiww. A penguin? That would be really...okay, funny, but not a good idea even if it could happen which it won't. Besides, I don't want to wish something like that on Giles, even if there's no way it would happen. Look, I don't want to talk about this, Anya. I want to make things better with Giles"

"You've been sitting here saying you can't make it better"

"Well, I don't know if I can, but at least I don't think I can make it worse"

At that moment, there came a quiet knock on the door.

"Buffy?" Giles' soft voice came. "May I come in?"

"Umm...just a minute!" Buffy called back. She turned back to her mirror, swiping tears away. "Oh no, my makeup's a mess. And what did I do to my hair?"

"You buried your head in pillows," Anya told her. "That always messes up your hair"

"Great. No time to get pretty" She quickly ran a comb through her hair anyway. "Anya, could you leave us alone?"

"What? So he can scorn you again in private?"

"So we can talk without worrying about other people hearing"

Anya shrugged.

"Suit yourself," she said. "But after what he said in public, I wouldn't let him talk to me in private"

Anya turned to the door and opened it. She glared briefly at Giles.

"Don't be mean to her again," she warned.

"I don't plan to be. And for what it's worth, I apologize for what I said to you downstairs. I was completely out of line"

"Yes, you were," Anya agreed. Her eyes narrowed. "Don't say any more mean things to Buffy. You already made her cry"

With a final glare in Giles' direction, Anya swept down the stairs. Giles continued to stand nervously in the doorway with his hands in his pockets, a sheepish expression gracing his face. The silence stretched uncomfortably. At last Buffy looked down at the floor and made a gesture Giles interpreted as meaning he was welcome to enter the room.

"Buffy," he began, "about what I said.."

The girl stopped him with another gesture.

"No, I really don't need to hear it again, Giles. I know I screwed up your life. God, you must really hate me after everything I've done!"

"No, Buffy. Never"

She looked at him, startled.

"But...all that stuff you said...I thought you meant it"

Giles hesitated for a moment before he spoke again.

"I did, actually"

Buffy sat on the edge of her bed with a thump.

"Oh," she said in a tiny voice.

Giles moved gingerly to sit beside her.

"Please, let me explain. I did mean it. Every word has been sitting somewhere inside me waiting like a...a time bomb. And thanks to my own stupidity, it went off today. I could try to deny that I feel the things I said to you all, but that would be rather pointless and pretty cowardly of me"

"I'm sorry," Buffy said quietly. "I didn't mean to ruin your whole life"

"You didn't," he returned just as quietly, but with great intensity.

"But...you said...what about all the stuff you gave up and the people you lost and everything?"

"One must make sacrifices in life. Every decision comes with consequences, every choice made removes another possible one from us. Buffy, I made choices that led to becoming your Watcher. Being your Watcher made other choices inevitable. I don't regret being your Watcher or the time I spent with you"

"How can you say that when I've treated you so horribly?" Buffy sniffled.

Giles reached into his pocket and pulled out his handkerchief. He handed it to Buffy who made a soggy sound of thanks. He passed an arm around her shoulder to comfort her.

"You haven't treated me so horribly. And I have absolutely no doubt you could come up with a list every bit as damning of my shortcomings. I also know you...well...you like me, at any rate, no matter how little I've done to deserve it"

"No, Giles, you've done so much for me"

"And yet, there have been times when you've wanted - indeed threatened - to do violence on me. You've scolded me, upbraided me for my blindness to all things American and teenage, twitted my taste in clothing, music, food, and goodness alone knows what else, and let me know in no uncertain terms that you find my idea of a pleasant evening boring in the extreme"

"Okay, okay, I get it. I know I treated you bad," Buffy sniffed. "You don't have to rub it in"

"If that's what you think I'm saying, you really don't get it at all" Giles took another deep breath and rubbed the back of his neck. "I wish I was better at this sort of thing. I'm afraid Watchers are trained to - to mistrust and ignore emotion as much as possible. It makes me awkward where feelings are involved. And emotion is terribly...messy. One bleeds into another as it were. They get muddled. do you understand what I'm trying to say now?"

Buffy shook her head. Giles sighed and stood. He began to pace the room.

"I meant what I said downstairs, Buffy, but that isn't everything I feel about you, or any of the others. It's perhaps twenty-five percent of what I feel. You've all done and said things that have frustrated and angered me over time. But, as you pointed out, you've all done wonderful things as well. Kind things, brave things, surprisingly sensitive things...and that makes up the other seventy-five percent of what I feel when I think of each of you" He moved to Buffy's side again and sat. "Consider the intensity of the twenty-five percent directed at you, and just imagine what the other seventy-five percent is like"

*****

Part 6

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

Anya joined the others in the living room.

"He's talking to her now. I think we'd better buy out Ben and Jerry's for when he gets done scorning her"

"Actually, I don't think we'll need to do that," Cordelia said. "I think we're looking at a kiss and make up situation"

"But without the kissing, right?" Willow asked. "'Cause it's Giles and he's not really the kissy type"

"Why did he say all those mean things, anyway?" Dawn sniffled from the comforting circle of Tara's arms. "I said in the letter I was sorry and I knew I'd screwed up big time. And I'm working it off, too"

"I don't think he could help it," Tara said. "Like a postal worker"

"At least he didn't have a gun," Anya added. The others stared at her. "Um...joke...?"

"You might want to work on that humor thing," Willow told her gently. "But if Giles wanted to yell at all of us that badly, he could have saved a lot of money by just phoning or sending a letter or something"

Cordelia decided it was time to let the others in on what she knew.

"Guys, it's really simple. He was completely toasted in a bar and this guy sat down next to him and got him complaining about his life. He makes a wish, and bingo! He's on a plane to Sunnyhell and I'm stealing Angel's keys to come here and be insulted, like I couldn't get that at home"

"Of course!" Anya exclaimed. "Phaffnar! I should have recognized his work. I've had to clean up after him so many times it's not funny"

"Phaffnar?" Willow asked.

"Oh, he deals in men who've had their masculinity scorned by women. Or so he says. I think he just likes to make women suffer. He did a lot of work with Henry VIII, and we all know how that turned out"

"Good thing Giles didn't wish we'd all be beheaded," Dawn shuddered.

"Hardly anyone wishes stuff like that anymore," Anya assured her. "Too messy for modern life"

"So what do we do?" Willow asked. "To fix things?"

"We don't," Cordelia said. "It's not really so bad, anyway. I mean it's just words. Giles will tell us all he's sorry and we'll all forgive him. It's the Scooby way, after all. We screw up, we get over it, we never, ever mention it again. He already said he was sorry to me, so that's taken care of. He'll get around to the rest of you, and it'll be fine. He's making it better with Buffy right now"

"Um...Buffy and forgiveness?" Dawn puzzled. "Not really the most mixy of things"

"I wouldn't worry, Dawnie," Willow assured her. "It's Giles. She always forgives him, no matter what"

"But will Giles forgive Giles?" Tara asked.

*****

"I - I'm not sure I get that," Buffy said timidly. "You're only a quarter that mad at me?"

"If that," Giles told her. "As for the rest...I think it's been far too long since I told you what an extraordinary young woman you are"

"I am?" she asked. "If I'm so great, why did you go? Couldn't you see how much I needed you?"

"That's just it, Buffy," he said. "You needed something from me I couldn't give. You wanted me to...to be your parent. I'm not. I've never been a parent, and quite frankly, I'm not at all sure I ever want to be one. I certainly don't want to be your mother while you regress into a small child"

"You were the only one I could trust, Giles. Couldn't you have played mommy to me for just a little while?"

Giles took her face in his hands. He smiled sadly at her.

"It wouldn't have been a little while and you know it. As much as I wanted to help you, I knew that wasn't the way to do it, and I never could resist you when you put your mind to something. It would have destroyed us both. I love you far too much to allow that to happen"

Buffy raised wide, tear-bright eyes to him. Giles caressed her cheeks softly with his thumbs, then pulled her into his embrace. After a moment, Buffy's arms wrapped themselves around his waist and she began to cry again. Giles held her, stroking her hair and murmuring comforting words until she calmed herself.

At last, Buffy disentagled herself from her Watcher and made use of his handkerchief again.

"Sorry," she muttered. "I haven't cried like this in...forever, it feels like"

"Then it's probably high time you did," Giles said. "Despite my example, burying emotion until it overwhelms one is not the healthiest possible approach to life"

"It was the only way I could deal for a long time. If I just didn't feel stuff, I could get through the day. Sort of"

"But that's changing, yes?"

"Slowly. But, yeah, I guess so. I still wish Mom was here"

Giles pulled her close again. Buffy didn't resist.

"I know, my dear," he whispered to her temple. "I'm afraid that aspect never quite entirely goes away. At least, it hasn't in twenty three years, so I assume I'll still feel that way when I've been trundled off to a nursing home"

"Great," Buffy grumbled half-heartedly. "Couldn't you have lied about that?"

Giles chuckled and held her a bit tighter. After a moment, Buffy spoke again.

"So you never felt like my father?"

"No, of course not"

"Oh"

When the silence continued, Giles lifted Buffy's chin to make her look at him. Her expression was puzzled.

"What is it, Buffy?"

"Travers said you did. When he fired you. And you didn't tell him he was wrong"

"No, I didn't. Buffy, Quentin Travers doesn't have a roadmap of my heart. He's a fatuous old paper-pusher with no imagination whatsoever. He saw that I counted your safety more important than a barbaric tradition and labeled it the only way he could with his limited mind. So far as he was concerned, one doesn't love a Slayer in any manner. And if a forty-some year-old Watcher does love his Slayer, clearly it's a paternal feeling, according to him"

"Oh"

"You still sound confused"

"I am"

"Go ahead," he sighed, "ask"

"Were you...I mean...you weren't *in* love with me, were you?"

"I hadn't felt a need to put a label of any sort on my feelings for you"

"But...you weren't...I mean.."

"Not as such, no. I don't think so. As I said, I hadn't really examined my feelings at that point. You were simply...Buffy. I knew you meant a great deal to me, but I couldn't have defined what I felt for you any more than I could fly. And it didn't matter, really. All that mattered was that you and I were a team; that we were...together in whatever way we could be. A love affair would certainly have been out of the question"

"Why?" Buffy demanded, unsure why she was so upset. "Why couldn't we have...oh. Angel"

"And the law and your mother and a host of other reasons. I think I was a bit afraid to examine my feelings too closely. I don't think I was in love with you, but I knew in some way that I easily could be"

"What about now? I mean, are you now?"

"Does it matter?"

Buffy smiled wryly up at him.

"I'll just take that as a 'yes', then"

Giles blushed and chuckled.

"All right, yes. I'm in love with you. You've made me confess. Are you happy, now?"

She frowned in thought.

"I'm not sure. But I'm not unhappy, so that's a step in the right direction"

"Possibly several" He hesitated a moment before he spoke again. "I won't ask anything of you, Buffy. I never meant to burden you with my feelings. Was I wrong to admit it?"

"No, Giles. I - I don't know what I feel right now, but it's sure nice knowing somebody really loves me, but isn't going to push me. And no matter what, I do love you. I'm not sure how. I never really thought about it before. It's like you said: I've never looked too closely. Maybe I've been scared of what I'd find if I did"

"If you'll take my advice - which you almost never do - you'll wait a while. Don't try to figure it out yet"

"Why not?"

"Because you've been denying your emotions for so long, they're bound to be...well, a bit jumbled. Take some time. Get used to feeling at all again"

"What about you? What will you do in the meantime?"

"I'll go back to England" Before she could protest, he continued. "You need time, and you need to be able to think clearly. But I'll call regularly. We'll set up a time once a week when I call you and we'll talk about anything you like. You can ask for advice, tell me what you've been fighting, keep me up to date on the latest Sunnydale gossip, anything at all. In six months, I'll come back for a visit. We can talk then about whether you still want me to come back permanently, and in what capacity"

"Six months? And you'll come back, guaranteed? And you'll call every week until then?"

"I promise"

"What if...what if something happens and I can't wait for you to call?"

"Then call me and before you can ask, yes, you may reverse the charges. I know you haven't much money just now"

"I couldn't.."

"Nonsense, Buffy. I'm still your Watcher. We can't have the world sucked into Hell because you were too proud to ask me to pay for a phone call"

"You could get email. It's just as fast and no phone bill"

Giles sighed.

"You are bound and determined to drag me into the current century, aren't you?"

"Resistance is futile," Buffy giggled.

Giles rolled his eyes.

"All right, all right, I'll do it. I'll let you know the address when I call you. First call, I promise"

"Omigod! I don't believe it! Will wonders never cease?"

"'There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.'"

"Wait a minute. I know that one. Don't tell me...Shakespeare, right? Hamlet?"

"Got it in one," Giles beamed. "I didn't know you'd read it"

It was Buffy's turn to roll her eyes.

"Yeah, like I'd read Shakespeare. Mel Gibson was seriously hot in the movie, though. Even if he was mean to Ophelia"

"Barbarian"

"Dinosaur"

"Buffy?"

"Yeah, Giles?"

"I'm sorry. Sorry I left, sorry I said all those hurtful things, sorry I couldn't be what you needed when you needed it. I'm sorry I hurt you so"

"Me too. I'm sorry I hurt you. I never meant to"

"I know. And I know you're going to be all right"

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart" Buffy shuddered slightly. Giles pulled her closer. "Just cross my heart," he added. "Nothing more"

*****

Part 7

Notes and Disclaimer with Part 1

Willow's eyes drifted to the staircase.

"I wonder how much longer he's gonna be up there," she mused.

"It's hard to tell," Tara answered. "There's a lot of trust to rebuild"

Willow had the good grace to blush at that. Tara moved closer to her estranged lover.

"I didn't mean to make you feel bad," she said quietly. "Look, maybe we could go somewhere later. Get some coffee or something and talk"

"I'd like that," Willow said. "I'd like that a lot"

"Hey, is anybody else hungry?" Dawn asked suddenly.

"Famished," Cordelia said. "Not to mention broke since I didn't bring my wallet"

"Me and Tara could make something," Dawn offered.

"Tara and I," a familiar voice corrected her from the stairs.

Every head swivelled to see Giles. Buffy followed a couple steps behind, still wiping her eyes. Anya glowered.

"I told you not to be mean to her again," she growled.

"He wasn't," Buffy hastened to tell her. "In fact, he was pretty incredible"

"And I'd like to apologize to each of you," he added. "I really can't believe I was so...bloody stupid. Truly, you are all exceptional young women"

"Hey! I thought I was extraordinary," Buffy teased.

Giles smiled warmly at her. Cordelia shook her head.

"Still Watchers' pet, huh, Buffy?"

"So you guys are okay?" Dawn asked warily.

Buffy and Giles looked briefly at one another.

"We're fine," Buffy answered for both. "And we're getting better"

"So...we could make dinner now?"

"Yeah, Dawnie, we can have dinner. In fact, I cannot believe how starved I am"

The crew moved to the kitchen and worked together to produce a hearty meal. As they ate, Giles let the rest of the group in on his plan to contact Buffy every week, though he left out the part about any possibility of romance. When he said he was going to get an email account, Willow's eyes nearly bugged out of her head.

"That's such a great idea! Why didn't we think of it before?" she asked.

"Because welcome to the land of the walking wounded," Buffy replied. "None of us was thinking straight. Anyway, this was sort of my idea. So I could contact him if I needed to between phone calls" She looked at the bemused, knowing looks around the table. "What?"

"You," Cordelia answered. "He dated a computer teacher who could never convince him to even try booting up a PC in over a year, and all you have to do is make a suggestion and he's gonna be all over the internet. Some things never change"

The rest of the evening passed in pleasant conversation, though Anya left rather suddenly in the middle of the festivities. Giles was brought up to date on what had been going on in Sunnydale. At one point, he shook his head in disgust and looked at all the women in turn.

"I turn my back for a few months and look at what a mess you lot have made of things," he grumbled.

"So don't leave us alone for another six months," Willow piped up. "There's no telling what we'll manage to screw up if we're left alone that long"

"Yeah," Dawn added. "Come back now, Giles. We miss you"

Giles raised an eyebrow at Buffy. He could see the longing on her face, but she still shook her head slightly. He nodded just as slightly.

"I really must go," he said. "It's important. You need to understand that you can do it yourselves. I won't utterly abandon you, this time, though. That *should* make the transition easier"

"And we know when he's coming back," Buffy added. "We'll be okay"

*****

The next few months were anything but easy, but Buffy found herself taking a new interest in life. If nothing else, she wanted to find things to talk about each week when Giles called. She wanted to keep him on the line as long as possible, just so she could drink in the sound of his voice.

At first, they spoke mainly of the latest crises and threats in Buffy's life and she would occasionally ask for some advice on dealing with Dawn's needs. As the weeks expanded into months, however, they found themselves discussing all sorts of things they never had before. They talked not only about the best way to kill a Hocknar demon and where to find the necessary information for Dawn's latest History report, but also about movies and politics and what spices to use in a peach pie.

As things in Buffy's life began to fall into place again, she became more confidant in dealing with her remaining problems. Dawn saw Buffy was trying and began to meet her halfway. Buffy confessed to her friends about her affair with Spike and got their help in making it absolutely clear to him that it was over. She and Willow began to go to one another with their problems as they had in the past, which seemed to act as a stabilizing force for both girls. Tara and Willow slowly started to date again and seemed headed in the right direction.

With Willow more focused on things of a non-magical nature, she soon noticed a series of cameras set up in and around the places Buffy and her friends frequented. Buffy shared a flurry of emails with Giles while Willow attempted to locate the source and Tara cast a spell to keep whoever was on the other end of the cameras from realizing they'd been detected.

Thus it was that they discovered where the Legion of Dim had been hiding. Buffy managed to waylay Jonathan one night and 'convince' him that the smart thing to do would be to turn himself in to the police and tell them it was Warren who had killed Katrina. Once Jonathan started talking, Andrew joined the stool pigeon chorus. None of the three would see the light of day for years to come.

Anya finally admitted to the others that she had become a vengeance demon again. While the others were disappointed, they understood why she'd done it. Buffy asked her to come over for Giles' next call so she could talk to him about it. Anya wasn't sure whether she wanted to be a demon again, but she didn't know what else to do without Xander. Giles called Xander and told him off for leaving Anya the way he had, then told him he'd better apologize to her. He did. Nobody was sure if the damage to their relationship could ever be repaired, but at least they were talking...or at least, Xander grovelled every time he saw Anya and she no longer threatened violence on him.

As Summer approached, supernatural activity in Sunnydale slowed to a trickle. Buffy took the extra time as a chance to look for a better job. She soon found one teaching self defense at the local health club. The pay, while hardly princely, was a great deal better than what she'd been making at Doublemeat Palace.

"I almost kept the hat to burn," she told Giles in their weekly conversation. "But I figure I'd probably get busted by the EPA. I'm pretty sure there's something toxic in it"

"Perhaps we could make one of paper or wood and burn it in effigy?" he suggested.

"I like the way you think" Both were quiet for a moment. Buffy changed gears. "So, almost August. Almost time for you to come back to Sunnydale"

"I booked my flight already. Two weeks from now, I'll be with you"

Buffy shivered happily at the sound of that.

"Good. I missed you, Giles"

"And I missed you"

"Not that the phone calls and emails and stuff haven't been good, but...y'know.."

"Yes, I do know. It isn't the same"

"For one thing, you're kinda flirtier on the phone," she laughed.

"I didn't realize I was flirting just now"

"Well, okay, not just then, but you are. Lots of the time. I - I like it"

"I know I love it when you flirt back," he purred.

Giles thought he could almost hear Buffy blush.

"Y'know, I'm all alone tonight," she informed him with studied innocence.

"Really?"

Buffy thought she could hear Giles' eyebrow raise, indicating his interest. She giggled.

"What are you wearing?" he asked with an audible grin.

Another two weeks would be torture, but at least it might be fun torture.

*****

"Buffy, I'm home!" Dawn called as she sailed in the door half an hour later.

"Hey, Munchkin," Buffy said a bit breathlessly, "I'll be right there. Just let me hang up the phone" She rearranged her blouse subtly. Dawn looked at her sister's flushed cheeks and rumpled skirt.

"Tell Giles I said hi," she smirked.

Buffy waited until her sister had gone upstairs to speak again.

"We are so busted," she told Giles.

*****

Part 8

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

This time as the plane began its descent, Giles found himself battling a stomach full of butterflies. For the past two months he and Buffy had been flirting outrageously over the phone. There had even been an exchange or two of fairly suggestive emails. The Instant Messenger conversations had nearly induced heart attack once or twice.

It had all been extrememly encouraging.

Not only was he finally seeing him as a sexual being, she was talking to him as an equal, as she had when she first met him. Her new maturity had encouraged him to open up emotionally to her in a way he never had before. More than once over the past few months, he'd found the tables turned and Buffy advising him on matters he hadn't realized she knew much of anything about. What's more, when he listened, he found she gave good advice much of the time.

One of the ground rules they'd set for their separation, as Buffy insisted on calling it, was that both were free to date anyone they liked in the meantime. In fact, Giles had been quite emphatic when he told Buffy she ought to go out with anyone she found interesting, while Buffy was somewhat grudging in her exhortations to Giles to do the same. Over the six months, Buffy seemed to go out about once a week, usually with someone Willow or Dawn had set her up with. The only things they seemed to have in common were heartbeats and a friendly indifference on Buffy's part. Giles had gone out less frequently, but with equal enthusiasm. He'd only asked one of his dates back to his place for a nightcap, and that's exactly what they'd had. When she left, Giles gave Buffy an off-schedule call and they flirted for an hour across the ocean and a continent away.

He then took a very long, very cold shower.

But phone and email conversations were one thing. Actual physical contact was something quite different.

The plane landed without incident, and Giles patiently waited his turn to disembark. No one to look at him would have guessed his nervousness or his eagerness to get off the plane and see Buffy waiting for him.

When he got through Customs, Giles looked expectantly for a certain blonde head.

He didn't see her.

Giles' shoulders slumped in resignation. The message was clear. A long distance flirtation had been fun, but Buffy was obviously not as entranced with the idea of a real relationship with a man more than twice her age - who looked it - and had decided to simply avoid the question rather than tell him to his face it was off. He'd known this was a serious possibility, but he'd hoped against hope that he was wrong when visions of precisely this scenario had insisted on filling his brain.

At the tap on his shoulder, he spun around to find Cordelia grinning up at him.

"Hey, stranger," she greeted him as she slipped her arm through the crook of his elbow.

"Cordelia? What are you doing here?"

"Picking you up. Buffy had some things to get ready and I seem to be the only other one who drives, so she asked me if I'd mind. And before you can ask.." She pulled her wallet out of her pocket. "we don't need to walk from here. So, are you ready to meet your doom?"

"I'm not sure I would ask that particular question this close to the Hellmouth, but I've got everything, yes. Shall we?"

At least he knew Buffy planned to see him, but he refused to let himself hope for much more than that. He mustered up a smile for his escort as they headed out to the parking lot.

*****

On his arrival at the Summers house, Giles found a small crowd awaiting him. In point of fact, it was the exact same group he'd seen the last time he'd been there. There was little resemblance, however, to the sullen, miserable crew he'd yelled at and then apologized to that day. In their place sat a group of healthy, reasonably happy young women. He was pleased to see that Buffy appeared to have put on a bit of weight.

The girls crowded around him. All except one. Buffy remained in the kitchen doorway, an enigmatic expression on her face. Giles' heart sank still lower. The very sphinx's heart would be easier to read. He was distracted briefly from his concern by enthusiastic hugs from Willow, Tara, Dawn, and Anya. He held the demon girl's hands for another moment.

"How are you, Anya?" he asked. "Have you decided what you want to do?"

"I think so," she told him. "But there's something we have to do first"

"What's that?"

Anya stepped back and the rest of the women joined in a circle around her. Dawn tugged Giles' hand until he stepped back with her. All the women wore smug grins on their faces. Giles began to feel distincly nervous. Anya yelled into the center of the circle.

"Phaffnar, get your demon butt in here!"

With a flash of light, a figure appeared in the middle of the circle. Giles blinked when he recognized the fellow who had been sitting next to him in the pub on that fateful night six months before.

"This had better be important, Anyankha," Phaffnar grumbled. "I was in the middle of a very tricky job. The guy is so henpecked he almost asked her to pick his wish for him"

"Whatever," Anya said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "You remember this guy?" She pointed to Giles. Phaffnar smiled broadly.

"Oh yes. You just wanted to yell at the women in your life. I was hoping for violence from you, but, what's a vengeance demon to do? I'm sure you caused some havoc all the same. I've been waiting to hear of the Slayer's death ever since"

"You've got a long wait ahead of you, buddy," came a voice behind him.

"Slayer?" Phaffnar gulped.

"Well, I usually go by 'Buffy', but I guess I can let you call me that since you're not going to be talking much longer"

The demon made an odd whimpering noise in the back of his throat. Anya rolled her eyes.

"You always were a bully and a coward, Phaffnar. You're a disgrace to the business. We just thought you might like to see the results of one of your wishes up close and personal. Willow, why don't you go first?"

The redhead took the floor.

"All the stuff Giles said to me that day, it hurt more than anything ever has in my life. He told me that I was a rotten friend, that I'd been terrible to him for years and that I was totally irresponsible. He was right. He made me see how I'd been using magic for all the wrong reasons, and how it hurt all the people I loved most. That gave me the strength to leave it behind. It made me look harder for what else I had to offer; what else made people care I was here at all. It's still hard, but it's getting easier. I want to be a good friend and a good person. Because of what Giles said to me, I think I might just have a shot"

Tara went next.

"I know I'm not very sure of myself, and Willow seemed so strong, so in control. I let her lead me in ways I wouldn't have chosen on my own. I didn't see what it was doing to her, to me, or to us until I thought it was too late. Giles was right. I was being weak. I'm not anymore. Whenever I'm tempted to let Willow slide and do something dangerous without telling me all the details, I remember how mad, and how disappointed, Giles was, and I don't let her get away with it. It hurt to be yelled at, but it made me a stronger person; a better one"

"I was scared when Giles yelled at me like that," Dawn said. "It was worse even than when Mom used to get mad. But he was right. I kept looking at what I didn't have and what nobody was doing for me. I didn't see everything I did have. I'm trying to concentrate on the good stuff now. And doing that is making people want to spend more time with me and stuff, so it's great"

Cordelia stepped to the fore.

"Giles' rant at me was about two years out of date, but it's not like he could really know that since I hadn't talked to him in so long. I've decided to keep in more touch with the folks back home now. That way, when they get mad at me, at least it'll be for something I'm doing now. Plus, he looks so hot now he doesn't wear the tweed anymore"

Giles had to blush at her last words. By the time he could look up, Anya was speaking again.

"Giles was right about what he said to me. I could learn a few things after all this time on Earth. I need to stop playing with dark forces and either be one of them or join up with the forces of light full time"

"Which will you do, Anyankha?" Phaffnar growled. "You are one of us. You should be cursing him for scorning you and your women friends. Why is he not a toad, or covered in festering boils, or madly in love with Carrot Top?"

"Because he's the best person any of us have ever known, and we all deserved every word he said"

The others looked to Buffy at her words. She took her place in the circle at last. Her eyes never left Giles' as she spoke.

"I gave up. I was afraid of myself, I didn't trust my friends enough to tell them how I felt or what I was going through. I hurt people. My sister, my friends, Spike. But most of all, I hurt Giles and I hurt me. I wanted to be dead again. Clear of all the responsibility, all the blame, all the pain of life. But I'd forgotten something. Life isn't just pain. Responsibility isn't a bad thing. And just because I'm hurt doesn't mean I get to spread it around like karmic Cheez-Whiz. There's good things in life, too. There's laughter and sunshine and flowers and songbirds and all that Hallmarky stuff. Most of all, there's love. The sort of love that won't let go, like my friends have for me. And the sort that's strong enough to let go when it has to. The sort that makes life worth living"

She moved to Giles and took his hands in hers.

"I'm ready to live now. And I can live alone if I have to. I just don't want to. I want you in my life, Giles. Hell, I just want you" She laughed nervously. "Stay with me? Please?"

Giles almost couldn't speak, but he had to know something before he could answer.

"In what way? How do you want me in your life, Buffy?"

"As my Watcher. As my friend. As the love of my life. Take your pick. I want you as all those things, and I'll take what I can get. I even promise to be happy with it, no matter what it is"

"Then, I suppose I choose...all of the above"

Buffy froze for a moment. She couldn't belive what she was hearing. At last, it sunk in: he wanted her as much as she wanted him. She gave a fierce cry and leapt into his waiting arms. He spun her around, both of them lauging joyfully. Phaffnar stamped his foot in frustration.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this! His wish was supposed to destroy them all!"

"Oh, shut up, Rumplestiltskin!" Dawn taunted him.

"Yeah," Willow agreed, "sometimes it's good when spells go kablooey"

"And if you try anything on any of the men in our lives again," Anya warned him, "I'll have every woman in this room wish something crappy to happen to you. Believe me, in eleven hundred years, I've never known people who had such a talent for hurting others when they set their minds to it. And a lot more often on accident"

"You can't do that, Anyankha!" Phaffnar protested. "It's against union rules, I'm sure of it"

"I already spoke to D'Hoffryn. He's approved it. He doesn't like people who mess with me"

"And I hear some scary tings about life and love with Carrot Top," Buffy added as Giles grinned fondly down at her.

Phaffnar decided to take the better part of valour and disappeared. The rest of the crew laughed as Giles pulled Buffy into a warm embrace. A moment later, he pulled back in confusion at the strange sensation at his ankles only to find Miss Kitty Fantastico rubbing her head enthusiastically on his trouser leg. Buffy frowned at the cat.

"Scram, Miss Kitty. He's mine and you can't have him"

Miss Kitty got the message. She stood and sauntered off, shaking her hind feet as she went. Buffy looked up at Giles.

"I'm gonna find a present in my boots if I don't make with the tuna, aren't I?" she asked.

"You might wish to apologize. But if it doesn't work, we can always get you new boots"

Anya approached Giles. She looked up at him with wide eyes and removed her pendant.

"I want you to do it," she told him.

"Are you certain?" he asked her quietly.

"I choose to be mortal and work for good with you. I want to make the world better"

With a small smile for Buffy, Giiles extricated himself from her arms and took Anya's pendant with great solemnity.

"In that case, I would be honored," he said.

He took the pendant and wrapped it in his handkerchief. The others crowded around to watch. Buffy took Anya's hand and gave her an encouraging smile.

"I'm glad you decided to do this," she said. "It's pretty good having you on my side"

They turned their attention to Giles. He looked at Anya, eyebrow raised. One more chance to change her mind. She hesitated only a second before nodding. Giles placed his handkerchief on the floor and stomped on it, smashing the pendant.

"Mazeltov!" Willow shouted giddily. At the others' looks, she ducked her head sheepishly. "Sorry. Jewish. It seemed right, somehow"

"Seems pretty right to me, too," Buffy said with a broad smile. "Welcome back to the human race, Anya"

*****

Part 9

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

The others had finally gone out to The Bronze, leaving Buffy and Giles alone. They lay on the sofa, comfortably entwined. Giles held Buffy close with one arm while he used his other hand to touch her hair, her face, her arm; anything to make certain this was real and not a dream.

Buffy turned and wrapped her arms around his neck. She smiled up at him.

"Happy?" she asked him.

"Deliriously," he assured her.

"Me too" She pulled him down for a soft kiss. The first one had been a little awkward, but each succeeding one became more comfortable as they grew more used to being together in this new way.

"So, tell me, Giles, will I ever be able to go to The Bronze again?" Buffy asked.

"Of course you can," Giles told her, stifling a small yawn. "Why on Earth would you think you couldn't?"

"I dunno," Buffy shrugged. "Just...you're sort of a fish out of water there and I don't want to go without my honey"

"Buffy, just because we're together doesn't mean we can't go places alone. We're not joined at the hip"

"Not yet. But we will be"

"Devil woman," Giles chuckled. "You're determined to drive me mad, aren't you?"

"How'm I doing?" she grinned.

"I'm in imminent need of a straightjacket," he deadpanned. "I thought you were the one who wanted to wait"

She pulled out of his arms and sat up, her face serious.

"I do," she said. "It's okay, isn't it?"

"Of course it is," he said as he pulled himself up beside her. "I know it's a very new thought for you, the idea of going to bed with me. I'll wait as long as you need to"

"It's not that it's new. Or at least that's not all of it," Buffy said. "See...right now, sex reminds me of Spike, and Spike reminds me of badness. I want to be not thinking about Spike our first time"

"Call me selfish, but I don't want you thinking of anyone but me when we make love" He kissed her gently, but with passion. "That's worth waiting for"

"Keep being so wonderful, and you won't have to wait very long," she said with a smile.

He pulled her close and began to croon softly in her ear.

Give yourself over

To absolute pleasure

Swim in the warm waters of sins of the flesh

Buffy giggled and turned to kiss him again. She climbed into his lap and took in the sight of him. A thrill shot through her when she thought how handsome he was and that he was now hers in every way. Then she had to smile a bit when his eyelids began to droop precariously. Obviously, she wasn't the only one who'd had a long day.

"Okay, I said I'm not ready to have sex yet. I never said I wasn't up for a little pre-coital cuddling," she murmured in his ear. "That is, if you can stay awake a little longer"

Giles growled and began to kiss her with more emphatic passion.

*****

Five young women sat around a table at The Bronze. They laughed and gossiped and shared memories as they sipped their various drinks.

"It's lucky it was Giles who got that wish," Tara said. "Someone else might have wished something that would have hurt us a lot worse. His wish was painful, but it was good for us. Like how you have to drain an infected wound before it heals"

"Thanks so much for that image," Cordelia grumbled as she put down her glass. "I did not need to hear my life compared to an infected wound"

"At least now Phaffnar won't go to any other men we know. Word won't get around about my becoming human again for a while, and Halfrek has offered to help me out if he decides to try anything when he does find out. She's not happy with my choice, but she's still my friend, the way you were when you found out I'd become a demon again" Anya looked around the table. She smiled. "And this time, I'm going to stay mortal. I plan to sign up with the Neptune Society tomorrow. That way, when I die, I'll be all set. They'll cremate my body so if I'm bitten by a vampire, Buffy won't have to stake me. More people should get cremated in this town. It's the sensible thing to do"

"Could we maybe not talk about death and vampires and stuff tonight?" Dawn asked. "Coming so soon after infections, it's making me not want to finish my food" Her words were belied when she picked up another french fry and nibbled at it.

"How about Buffy and Giles?" Willow asked. "How do you feel about that, Dawnie? He'll be sorta like your stepdad - if they get married or he moves in with you guys"

"Stepdad?" Dawn mused. "I dunno, he was almost sort of like that before he went away anyhow, except he never lived with us or anything. Buffy treated him like he was my dad. This way, he'll be around all the time when I need help with school or just want to talk about stuff. He's actually pretty cool. For such an old guy. And he makes Buffy happy. As long as they don't make too much noise when they have sex, I'm okay with it"

"Okay, that's it," Cordelia announced, pushing her appetizer plate away. "We've talked about infections, cremation, vampire bites and Giles having sex. I am never touching food again"

"Well, if everybody's done eating, we could dance," Willow suggested.

"Before we do that, I think we should have a toast," Tara said. She raised her plastic cup. "To Giles"

Willow raised her glass. "To Buffy," she intoned.

"To vengeance demons," Dawn added.

"To humanity," Anya said.

"What the hell?" Cordelia shrugged. "To the Scoobies. Long may we wave"

The girls clinked glasses and drank deeply.

*****

Buffy smiled down at Giles. He looked so cute asleep. Despite his desires, he'd barely been able to keep his eyes open. Fifteen minutes into their cuddles, he'd dropped off and begun to snore slightly. She tugged the alarmingly askew glasses off his face and placed them out of harm's way on an end table.

"Sweet dreams, Giles," she whispered and tried to get up. His arms wrapped more tightly around her even as he slept. Buffy knew she could break his hold at any time, but she didn't. Instead, she pulled the green throw from the back of the sofa down to cover them both and snuggled more deeply into his arms. "Our backs will probably regret this in the morning, but tough"

She pressed one last good night kiss to his lips, snuggled close to his chest, and closed her eyes, too.

When Dawn got home two hours later, she found them asleep, fully dressed and wrapped in one anothers' arms on the couch. Miss Kitty Fantastico was perched on Giles' hip, purring in her obviously contented sleep. Dawn shook her head.

"Life on the Hellmouth is way freaky sometimes," she said decidedly as she headed up the stairs.

THE END