Part 2

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

After a while, Buffy found herself unable to keep up the pretense of sleep anymore. She mentally cursed her bladder and stirred.

"Did you have a nice nap?"

Buffy found herself resenting Giles' quiet tone. Maybe he'd figured her out and just wanted to trap her into giving herself away. Well, she wasn't going to fall for it.

"Sure," she yawned ostentatiously. "All rested now. When do we land?"

"Any time now, I should imagine"

"Well, I gotta make a pit stop first. Don't let them turn on the seatbelt sign without me"

She headed for the tiny restroom at the back of the cabin and Giles returned to his reading. He shook his head sadly. Did she really think she could fool him like this after all the years they'd spent together? She might have slept, but it certainly hadn't rested her. The circles under her eyes were heavy and dark. And nobody yawned like that. He began to suspect that she'd been awake the entire time. Well, fine. She'd shut him out for years, what difference did it make if she did it one more time?

He couldn't lie to himself. It mattered because he knew she wasn't being honest with anyone anymore. Buffy had always lied. Alright, give her her due, she more often avoided subjects or rattled away so she couldn't possibly hear any objections so she could say later with a clear conscience that nobody had told her no. Actual, specific lies had been much rarer with Buffy. And, while he was on the subject, Giles had to admit he'd been less than honest with Buffy on far too many occasions himself.

A tiny voice in his head reminded him he'd never told her about Ben.

He turned the page and searched for something new to think about.

A minute or two later, Buffy emerged from the bathroom. She returned to her seat without a word and stared out the window. Giles decided he'd had enough. He closed his book with a thump and turned to her.

"Are you going to speak to me at all on this trip?"

She shrugged her shoulders glumly.

"I already talked to you"

"I suppose so, if one takes the phrase quite literally," he allowed as he tugged his glasses off, "but if we're going to work together we have to do better than this. I know you're still angry with me, but we have to find a way to communicate"

Buffy finally looked him in the eye. Hers were carefully blank, her voice neutral.

"Or?"

"Or what? I don't understand?"

"Or...anything. What happens if we don't talk much?"

Giles replaced his glasses with a sigh.

"Of course, I forgot that you don't think I have anything important to say. But Buffy, there are times when talking over the facts and the theories in a situation helps us find the answer"

Buffy shrugged.

"You're answer guy. You'll get the job done, except for the killing part. That's my gig. Point me at what needs killing and I'll do it. Easy"

"You know perfectly well it's never worked like that with us"

"Well maybe I finally see what the Council wanted and I've decided to do it"

"That's not like you, Buffy"

She rolled her eyes.

"Great. So I'm not me. When do we get where we're going, already?"

Giles sighed in defeat and returned to his seat.

A few minutes later, Buffy looked up.

"Hey, Giles? When do we get there anyway?"

Giles looked at his watch, then out the window. He saw nothing but ocean.

"We should have been there by now, and I don't think Miami is quite that...aquatic. There's something seriously wrong, Buffy"

"I knew you were gonna say that. Does the pilot guy know he's gone out of bounds?"

Giles shot her an acerbic look.

"Just a moment while I read his mind long distance"

"We can't just let him fly us to - to Europe or something. I don't have a passport. And I can't take that kind of time off work. Lorraine will decide I just disappeared and she'll take me off the clock"

"In a plane this size, we won't have enough fuel to make it to Europe. We'll end up in the Atlantic ocean. Where the hell does he think he's taking us?"

"Stop him, Giles!"

"I thought I found the answers and you provided the brute force"

"But I can't fly a plane!"

"And what the bloody hell makes you think I can?"

"Hello! Fighter pilot? Childhood ambition? Come on, Giles, work with me here"

"I never became a fighter pilot, Buffy. I was too busy becoming a Watcher"

"So this is all my fault?"

"Wha - Buffy, what are you driveling about?"

"You had to become a Watcher so you could watch me and that's why you never learned to fly a plane and that's why we're gonna crash in the middle of the ocean and die, is that it?"

Giles took a moment to stare, dumbfounded, at Buffy.

"I was ten sodding years old when I wanted to fly planes. There are a million reasons why I might never have done it anyway and not one of them has anything to do with you"

"So now I'm nothing to you at all?"

"That's not what I said!"

"Well it's sure what it sounded like!"

Giles shook his head to clear it from the mind boggling exercise of arguing with Buffy. He'd forgotten how confusing and tiring it could be.

"We don't have time for this nonsense, Buffy. Every second we stand here yelling at one another takes us further from where we want to be. We have to think, to - to - to figure some way to get this plane landed safely somewhere in the general vicinity of where we wanted to go"

"I never wanted to go to Miami"

"Nor did I, but that's beside the point. Look, I'm going up to the cockpit and see if I can have a word with the pilot"

Buffy blinked at him.

"You couldn't have thought of that before you gave birth to all those cows?"

Giles looked a bit sheepish.

"I...panicked. It's been a while since my life was in danger every waking moment. Not used to the adrenaline rush anymore, I suppose"

At Buffy's glare, Giles rolled his eyes and made his way up the aisle to the cockpit door. Once there, he knocked tentatively.

"I say, excuse me?"

He waited.

No answer.

He knocked again, harder.

"Is everything all right in there?"

He waited again.

"Did you know the plane is quite a way off course? Hello? Anybody in there?"

"Giles," came a voice at his shoulder, "I think you'd better open the door"

"A conclusion I certainly would never have reached by myself," he said in reply to Buffy's helpful suggestion.

He tried the handle. No luck. He stood back and gestured to the door. Buffy took a deep breath and kicked the door in.

The pair peeked in. Their eyes widened. They looked at each other.

"Okay," Buffy said. "We can now officially panic"

They looked at the empty cockpit again.

"So what do we do now?" Buffy asked.

Giles ran his hand back through his hair.

"I don't know. I swear there was a pilot when we left Sunnydale"

"Could he be in the bathroom?" One glare from Giles answered Buffy's question. "Okay, so no pilot. What do they do in the movies? Y'know, the ones where the pilot eats the chicken dinner with botulism or has a sudden attack of cholera or something?"

"Our pilot hasn't had a sudden attack of cholera; he's disappeared"

"I know, but it's like the same thing. No pilot either way. I know! There's a radio and you call the airport or something and some guy talks you down. Right?"

"Do you know how to work the radio?"

"No. You?"

"I suppose one of us has to learn"

"Not the time to be taking crash courses in this stuff"

Giles glared again.

"Buffy, would you please refrain from using the term 'crash' until we're safely on the ground again?"

"Sorry"

They entered the cockpit and looked at the controls of the plane. They tried to identify the radio. They looked about wildly for some indication of how to either handle the plane themselves or contact the outside world for help.

"Is there an off switch, at least?" Buffy asked.

"Wonderful idea," Giles grumbled, "we'll just switch the plane off while we're twenty thousand feet above the ocean. That should do the trick"

"At least I'm trying to find a way to get out of this"

Giles rubbed the back of his neck in frustration.

"I can't even identify anything up here"

"What about this?"

Buffy held up the book she'd found in the pilot's seat. Giles took it and skimmed through several pages.

"Magic. I should have known"

"Known what? Giles, share!"

Giles closed the book with a thump and tugged his glasses off.

"It's a spellbook I recognize from...well.."

"Your Ripper period, I'm guessing?"

"Yes"

"Ethan?"

"Most likely"

"So he's the one who's got his mojo working in Miami?"

"I shouldn't be the least surprised. He'd have known that once he got to a certain level the Council would involve you and that would mean they would involve me"

"So this is some sort of payback for shipping him off to the army? He's going to kill us?"

"No, I don't think that's his intent, but he'd like us to be as stranded as he was"

"So I'm guessing the plane won't actually crash into the ocean"

"I very much doubt it"

"So where's it headed?"

"I wish I knew"

The pair slumped against the walls of the cockpit and looked forlornly at one another. At last Buffy spoke.

"Giles? If someone was to accidentally turn Ethan into...oh, say, a hamster...would it really be murder if I let Miss Kitty eat him?"

*****

Part 3

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

Buffy and Giles eventually returned to their seats to wait out the ride. Since neither had any ingredients for a counterspell there really wasn't much else they could do.

Now that the immediate panic was over, both relapsed into their earlier brooding.

At last the plane began to descend. Buffy and Giles looked out their respective windows, curious to see what their destination might be. Giles spotted the isle first. When he pointed it out to Buffy, she looked distinctly nervous.

"That's it? It looks kinda...tiny. Is there room for a whole plane on there?"

"You haven't flown much, have you?" Giles asked.

"Only a couple times"

"I can assure you that when we get a bit closer, it will be clear that the plane will fit. It may be a small island, but it's a relatively small plane as well"

"Do you think anyone will find us there?"

"I think we'd best work on the assumption that they won't find us for some time, at any rate"

"Great. That's just what I needed to hear"

The pair lapsed into silence as the plane made its final descent and landed with a heavy bump on the shore of the tiny isle.

"Trust Ethan to make sure I bruise my tailbone into the bargain," Giles muttered as he unbuckled his seatbelt. He looked up to see Buffy rubbing her elbow. "Are you alright, Buffy?"

"Yeah. Just...I should have known Ethan would make this hurt more than it has to"

Giles bit back a small smile at the coincidence and headed to the door of the plane. No stairs. No ladder. No way down there. He headed for the emergency exit and followed the instructions for opening it. Nothing happened. Damn Ethan. No doubt the sorcerer had sabotaged that as well. He returned to the door and looked out in frustration. He felt rather than heard Buffy's approach.

"So how do we got off of this ride?" Buffy asked.

"I suppose we could jump. You might even make it without injury, but I would most likely break my neck"

Buffy peered out the door to calculate her chances.

"I've jumped that far before. Heck, I've jumped further"

Giles flinched. When he saw her prepare to leap, he grabbed her arm.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he demanded.

"Getting off this damn plane, already"

She wrested her arm free. Giles stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked sullenly at the floor. Buffy folded her arms across her chest and glared at him.

"What now?" she demanded. "What did I do wrong this time?"

"Nothing"

"So nothing is why you grabbed me?"

"I'm sorry, Buffy," he told her evenly, "but we need to find a safer way to get down"

"I'd be plenty safe, Giles. Heck, you could throw the luggage down after me and I could make a sort of soft place for you to land so you don't kill...oh"

She looked down, unable to even look at him. They studied the floor for some time. At last, Buffy spoke again.

"I promise this isn't about getting dead again. Twice is plenty for pretty much anybody, if you ask me. I'll be okay if I do this, and we have to get off the plane somehow. I just...I didn't think. I didn't know you saw...so would I have gotten a gold medal for that swan dive?"

"What you got was a wooden box. I really don't care to see the instant replay"

"Jumping was your idea this time, remember?"

"Well I've changed my mind"

Buffy snorted in frustration.

"So we're just going to sit here until we're rescued or we turn into mummies? Is that it? Great. I can't tell you how excited I'm not about this plan"

"There has to be another way"

"Well I don't see one"

"Of course not. You never see any way except your own, do you?"

"My way *was* the other way. Your way was to kill my sister"

"I didn't want Dawn to die any more than you did"

Buffy shook her head.

"That's not true. You were willing to sacrifice her. I wasn't"

"I hoped we wouldn't have to sacrifice anyone"

"Well, it's over now. And Dawn and I are both alive. Let's forget it and get off this damn plane"

With that, Buffy knelt in the doorway with her hands holding the edge and her feet facing out. She let herself drop over the side with her fingers still holding the doorway. She took a deep breath and let go. The drop was still several feet, but not dangerous anymore. She stood back and looked up at Giles.

"See? I'm still here. Get our bags and toss 'em down"

It took him several trips to the luggage area to comply with Buffy's orders, but at last he threw down the final bag and jumped the same way Buffy had. Not having Slayer abilities, he hit the ground at a bad angle and fell over. When he opened his eyes, Buffy stood over him.

"You okay?"

"I think my pride has taken a potentially fatal blow, but I'm otherwise unscathed"

Giles sat up and dusted himself off. Buffy extended a hand and helped him to his feet. As soon as he was standing, she let go and started picking up bags.

"Where do you think we're going, Buffy?"

She shrugged.

"Elsewhere, I guess. We can't just stay here"

"It might be a good idea to stay near the plane"

"Why?"

"Because," Giles patiently explained, "if we're to be rescued, it will probably be because somebody spots the plane from either a ship or another plane"

"How are they gonna spot it?"

"It's large, shiny, and not something that ought to be here...wherever here might be"

"Giles, look around you. Beach, white sand, silver plane, face it: we could be here a while. Now if there was some smoking wreckage, somebody might see that"

"Sorry I couldn't provide some for you. Next time I'll tell Ethan to have us crash land"

"Fine. Stay with the plane. I'm gonna look for someplace that seems a bit more homey"

Giles looked about himself. He had to admit there wasn't much to recommend the beach as a place to set up camp. There was no fresh water, no food supply unless there were crabs under all that sand, and no shelter other than the plane itself. He picked up some of his bags.

"Alright. Let's find someplace homey"

*****

Less than an hour later, they found the perfect place. It was a clearing among the palm trees and various bushes. There was a stream with a small waterfall nearby which would provide fresh water, and some of the bushes and vines appeared to have fruit on them. If they weren't stranded, Giles mused, the spot would be fairly romantic. The only thing lacking was actual shelter.

Buffy dropped her bags and looked around herself.

"I guess this is it until we get found. Home, sweet home"

"Yes, I rather think this will do," Giles agreed. "All we need now is some sort of place we can sleep and such. It's a pity the Council got us hotel rooms or I might have brought a tent with me"

"Hotel rooms? The tweed brigade was actually gonna pay for something on this trip?"

"Shocking, I know, but true"

"So if you're not all set to Robinson Crusoe, what did you bring?"

"What I expected I would need. Clothes, a few books, the usual"

"I don't think you took this much with you to that retreat in Breakers' Woods. Y'know, you still pack like me"

Giles scanned the area of their campsite with appraising eyes.

"Perhaps we can create some sort of shelter from palm fronds," he suggested.

"Smooth segue, Giles," Buffy grumbled. "Or we could just sleep under the stars. That might be okay"

"What if it rains?"

"Giles, check out this sky! Do you see a single cloud? I don't. It's not gonna rain"

"You seem awfully determined in this"

"It's getting late. And it's been a long day. I just want to get some rest"

"Well I don't know about you, but I like a roof of some sort over my head. I'd also like something to eat. As you said, it's been a long day"

"Sadly, though, there is a distinct lack of restaurants in the area"

Giles smiled wryly.

"Ah, but the Cafe Rupert is always open"

He opened a bag and rummaged around. When his hand returned to view, he held a bag of potato chips and some beef jerky.

"It's a bit dodgy nutritionally, but it'll keep us going until we can find something better among the local flora"

He opened the chips and offered the bag to Buffy. She shook her head.

"I'm not hungry"

"Are you sure? You haven't eaten in quite a while"

Buffy shrugged and sat down among the luggage.

"Still not hungry"

Giles looked her over with a critical eye.

"Well you still need to eat something. You've lost too much weight. You're beginning to look like the girl in that dreadful show about the lawyers. Ally McBall or something, is it?"

"Ally McBeal," she corrected. "I guess I should be impressed. That was an actual American pop culture reference"

"This isn't a joke, Buffy. You're too thin by half. I'm concerned for your health"

"So you're going to feed me potato chips?"

"I might have an apple left if you prefer that"

"What is it with you and the nibbling, anyway?" Buffy asked. "Ever since I met you, you're always munching on something, but you never seem to get fat. Why is that?"

"The munching or my svelte figure?" he grinned. When she merely glared in his direction, he sobered and answered. "I never knew when I might have the opportunity to eat back then. Or sleep. I took quite a few catnaps in my office after a night of research. And I missed so many meals that snacking was the only way to keep myself fed. I simply got in the habit of having a piece or two of fruit or a bag of crisps on hand. It was that or starvation sometimes"

"I even caught you with lollipops once in a while"

"Generally courtesy of Willow, as I recall. She'd a tendency to drop them out of her backpack, so I would commandeer them. It was a convenient way to solve the problem of occasional low blood sugar"

"She usually brought them for Xander"

"I suspected as much. She was rather taken with him then, as I recall"

"Yeah, pretty much the only person who didn't know was Xander. That's gotta suck. Being in love with someone who won't notice you're there"

Giles rooted around in his bag until he found the last apple he'd spoken of. He handed it to Buffy.

"Here. Eat. No arguments"

Buffy rolled her eyes, but one look at the expression on Giles' face told her not to protest. She took a half hearted bite. She was surprised when the fruit actually tasted good to her. By the time she'd swallowed a couple bites, her stomach began to feel oddly hollow and she realized how long it had been since she'd eaten a quick bowl of cereal for breakfast. She began to wolf down the apple until a gentle hand stayed her.

"Slowly, Buffy. You'll make yourself sick"

She swallowed and looked at him curiously.

"How did you know?"

"That you've been on a near starvation diet? The fact that you look half starved was something of a clue"

"Kinda hard to work up much enthusiasm for another Doublemeat Medley after a while"

"Doublemeat...? What are you doing eating in a greasy fast food place so often you're sick of it?"

"Working. Being independent like you told me"

Giles was shocked at the sullen resentment in her tone.

"Well, it's a start, I suppose, until you can find something better"

"Actually, it's a career. They don't want short timers. If no vamps kill me for a while, I might get my five year badge. Maybe even my ten year"

"They must be paying you well"

Buffy shrugged.

"Minimum wage. If I'm really good and don't make any more scenes, I might get a nickel raise in six months. That is, if I get back to civilization in time to keep my job"

"Scenes? What sort of mischief have you been up to?" he cajoled her. At least throwing a scene sounded like the Buffy he knew.

"I went a little nuts when I thought the secret ingredient was people. It wasn't. People, I mean. Turns out the secret ingredient in Doublemeat burgers is beef fat to flavor the veggie burgers. Oh, and you didn't hear that from me, by the way"

"So you know their dark secret and you're working for them for minimum wage?"

"Well, it pays some of the bills, anyway"

"I can't imagine it pays them all"

"There's still a little bit left from that check you gave me. That goes to pay the mortgage next month. And Dad sent a little money at Christmas. That paid off one of the credit cards. Until I had to use it again. We're making it"

"Not very well, by the sound of it"

Buffy stood and tossed the apple core into the foliage.

"I'm doing the best I can"

"I didn't mean it like that"

"Well, you said it like that. Look, I don't want to argue. I just want to get some sleep"

Giles wiped the potato chip crumbs from his hands and stood. He moved to Buffy's side, looking straight ahead, hands in his pockets in a typical Giles stance.

"I'm sorry, Buffy. I really didn't mean to belittle your efforts. What I was trying to say is that the Buffy I know is capable of so much more"

"Maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do"

"I can't believe that. You've faced so much adversity in your life, Buffy, and you've always come back fighting. What changed?"

Buffy pulled off her jacket and wadded it into a makeshift pillow. She lay down and closed her eyes before she answered.

"Look, I'm tired. Good night, Giles"

Giles sighed and rubbed his neck in frustration. Unfortunately, when Buffy closed a conversation that firmly, he knew from experience there was nothing to be done. He rummaged through another bag, found a jacket, and draped it over Buffy so she would have some covering from the elements. Then he lay down beside her and tried to sleep.

*****

Part 4

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

As was so often the case since he met Buffy, tried turned out to be the operative word. Giles had barely dozed off when he was startled awake by Buffy rolling over and burrowing into his chest. She seemed to be trying to crawl inside him.

"Buffy," he whispered, "are you awake?"

The girl made a sleepy, slightly irritated noise and wrapped an unconscious arm around his waist to pull him closer. Giles decided it was wisest not to struggle. He did his best to find a comfortable position that Buffy would accept and tried to doze off again.

Unfortunately, the close proximity of a warm, attractive female body was having its standard effect on his warm, male body. Giles wondered how he could possibly have enough blood in his cheeks to make them so warm when the rest of his body's supply had drained elsewhere at a quite astonishing rate.

Still, there was nothing for it. If he tried to move away, Buffy might accidentally crush his ribs. Besides, despite his embarrassment at the situation, it was a comfort to know that in sleep, at any rate, Buffy might still want him around. He set his mind to the most boring Latin verb conjugations he could recall and did his best to will his now rampant erection away.

Giles was not a religious man in the strictest sense, but he soon found himself praying that Buffy would roll away again in her sleep.

And yet, another, traitorous part of his brain protested the thought adamantly.

At last he gave in to the situation and wrapped an arm around Buffy, hoping she would feel safe with him. She made a contented little grunt in her sleep and wriggled yet closer. Giles smiled as he drifted off into his first nightmare free sleep since Buffy's death.

*****

Giles woke first the next morning only to find that he and Buffy were lying spooned together with his legs tucked up behind hers and his arms snuggled around her waist. He allowed himself a moment to enjoy holding Buffy. Then he began to look for a way to extricate himself without waking her. He knew she would be upset if she felt him pressed against her backside.

With some amusement, Giles wondered if he'd softened at all in his sleep. At least Buffy hadn't noticed. He wondered whether he felt more relieved or disappointed in that knowledge. He didn't want to upset her further or make her think she couldn't trust him to be a gentleman, but he also felt a perverse desire to prove to her that he was a man; that he was more than an extension of her.

He decided it might be a good idea to take a quick dip in the stream before Buffy woke up. It would cool him off in more than one sense.

*****

When Buffy woke, she found herself alone. She sat up and rubbed her face with her hands. Sleeping on the ground was certainly not the recommended way to wake up fresh as a daisy. She almost smiled when she saw Giles' jacket carefully spread on top of her. That was the Giles she remembered; the one who took care of her no matter what.

Now if she could just figure out where he was.

Just then, a sound came floating by. A happy sound. Someone singing. Someone with a good voice, it sounded like. But the only person there other than herself was...

Buffy got to her feet, dusted herself off, and marched off in the direction of the singer.

When she got to the stream, she saw Giles immediately, but this was a Giles she didn't think she'd ever really seen before. He was splashing happily in the water and singing.

And naked.

Not that she could see that much, actually. He had his back turned to her and the water came up a little past his waist.

Still, that was a lot more Giles than Buffy had seen aside from the brief, awkward moment when she'd seen Giles turn back from a fyarl demon to himself. She'd turned away too quickly to really see anything that time.

Didn't want to embarrass him, she'd told herself.

Now she couldn't help staring at his back and shoulders. They looked broader and stronger than she'd expected.

Expected when, she wondered.

And the song he sang...maybe he chose it just because it was something from his youth and he liked it. Somehow, though, Buffy couldn't shake the feeling that it meant something - or someone - specific.

You - got me running

And - there's no fun in it

Why should it be so much to ask of you

What you're doing to me

I been waiting here for you

Wondring what you're gonna do

And should you need a love that's true

It's -

"Dear lord!" Giles exclaimed as he turned and saw Buffy. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Not long," Buffy said dropping here eyes. "I just woke up and followed the sound of music. I didn't know you could sing"

"Well now you know. Are your ears scarred for life?"

She wasn't entirely sure whether his words were meant as a joke or not. She decided to assume they were.

"I think I'll live. Good thing you didn't walk in on me singing. There isn't an ER around here"

"Stop that," Giles said mildly.

"Stop what?"

"Putting yourself down like that"

Buffy shrugged.

"Just accepting my limitations"

"I've heard you sing, remember? You've quite a pretty voice, actually. And you've heard me sing before, in case you've forgotten"

"Not really something I wanted to remember"

Giles looked sullenly down at the water for a moment. He began to walk toward land.

"Giles! What are you doing?"

Giles stopped in his tracks and glared at the girl.

"Getting out of this water before I freeze to death"

"But you're...you're...not wearing anything, are you?"

"And I suppose you bathe fully dressed on a regular basis?"

"But you've never...in front of me.."

"Nor do I particularly wish to reveal all to you now, but it's that or hypothermia at this point. Unless, of course, you leave me alone for a few minutes while I get dressed. Then I shall retire and allow you some privacy if you want to wash up"

"Oh," Buffy mouthed. "Um...okay. I'll just...I'll be back...with the stuff"

She turned and fled back to their campsite. Giles shook his head. What had gotten into him this morning? What on earth was he thinking, threatening to expose himself to Buffy? He knew he had to stop giving in to his frustration with her.

Frustration.

He couldn't lie to himself anymore. That was why he'd left Sunnydale in the first place. Frustration with Buffy, frustration with himself, frustration with Willow and Xander and Anya and all of them.

But mainly with Buffy.

He'd found himself getting angrier and angrier with Buffy during his stay in Sunnydale. The first moment she'd seen him, she'd clutched at him as if he was her one lifeline. She'd seemed so desperate to have him there.

And then he'd disappeared into the background of her life.

Again.

She threw her problems into his lap to deal with. Deal with Dawn. Deal with the bills. Deal with everything but Buffy. Look but don't touch.

But please cure the hangover she got hanging out with Spike.

The frustration had grown and grown until the day he found himself daydreaming about throttling her.

He knew then it was time to be on his way, before he grew to hate the girl he loved.

He sighed deeply and left the water. Now he was well and truly stuck. No matter how much he wanted to, there was nowhere left to run.

He prayed he could find a way to get through to the real Buffy - if she was still anywhere in that shell of resentment and despair.

*****

Part 5

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

Buffy's head swam. She sat down on one of her suitcases with a thump. Who was this stranger in Giles' body? And speaking of bodies...when had his gotten to be so nice?

She'd always known he was solid. They hadn't hugged many times, but when they had, she'd always enjoyed the feeling. He felt so safe. Warm. Dependable.

All that had certainly changed.

When he'd come back, she felt sure this was the thing that would make everything right; the way it had been before. Maybe not quite exactly, since she knew she couldn't get her mother back or return to the simplicity of the library, but nearly that.

But the Giles who came back refused to play by the old rules.

He scared her. He wanted too much from her. Kept reaching for her in ways that no longer felt safe.

This new, disturbing Giles wasn't the one she wanted.

She didn't.

Though she found herself idly wondering how it would feel to run her fingers through the hair on his chest.

Just curiosity. She'd never been with a man with hair on his chest.

Buffy firmly removed the thought from her mind. Sex had never done anything but make her life miserable. This thing with Spike was certainly proof of that.

She pondered for a moment on the question Tara had asked. Did she love Spike? How can you love someone you despise? But how can you be so compelled to have sex with someone you don't love?

But if she loved him, why did she feel so dirty every time it happened?

And if it was so horrible, why did she keep going back?

Was feeling dirty and degraded really better than feeling nothing?

She wanted things to go back to the way they were before, when she knew she would win. When she knew that Giles would be there for her when she needed him. When the things she didn't want to deal with were dealt with by someone else.

"Great, Buffy," she grumbled at herself, "mature much?"

Her brooding was interrupted by soft footsteps approaching. She turned to see Giles, still damp from his swim. He was being the unpredictable, dangerous Giles she didn't want to see. He wore a casual button-down shirt over his jeans now, but he'd left the front open and his feet were bare. When he got closer, she could see he hadn't shaved yet. He was, however, wearing an earring.

This was not the Giles Buffy wanted at all.

"I thought we'd take a walk to the plane after breakfast," he announced as he dug through his bag for more snack foods.

"What for?" Buffy asked sullenly. "It's still just sitting there with no way for us to get it going"

"I thought we could look for some clue as to how and why Ethan stranded us here. That and peanuts"

"Peanuts?"

Giles tossed Buffy a stick of jerky and a banana.

"I don't have much in here that will supply enough protein for us to get by on for long. We need all the food we can get in case we aren't rescued for a while"

Buffy peeled the banana to keep Giles from scolding her more than because she wanted to eat. She took a bite and was surprised at how good it tasted. Maybe she had been hungry more often than she realized of late. Still, the need to protest was strong within her.

"I don't eat much these days"

"So I noticed," Giles replied, "but that's going to change. If we're to be alone out here for any length of time, you need to keep your strength up. I can't manage for both of us if you start passing out from malnutrition"

"I don't pass out"

"Perhaps not yet, but even Slayers need to eat"

Buffy took another angry bite of banana.

"I'm eating, I'm eating"

"Well eat all of it, and the jerky"

"I don't like jerky"

"Sorry. I didn't choose the menu with you in mind. I wasn't planning to be stranded in the middle of nowhere with you"

"Not loving the customer service at the Cafe Rupert"

Still, Buffy ate both the banana and the jerky.

*****

After breakfast and a hike across the island, they reached the plane again. Buffy stopped yet again to pour sand out of her shoes.

"I don't like this place," she grumbled.

"I don't know," Giles returned. "Sun, sand, palm trees. Isn't this what you Americans consider paradise?"

"Sure. And it's what you Brits consider ripe for the colonizing, but I don't see you planting a Union Jack around here"

"I don't have a Union Jack with me. Perhaps I could tie a handkerchief to a quarterstaff and claim this island in the name of Empress Buffy the Perpetually Grumpy"

"Do you think someone would see it and rescue us?"

"I rather doubt it"

"Great. I'm gonna spend the rest of my life on this crappy little island with you making fun of me all day"

"Not necessarily. A few more days of this ceaseless grumbling and I may well slit my throat whilst shaving"

Buffy stared at Giles. Her face had gone white.

"Don't even joke about that"

"Then quit complaining for five minutes," Giles snapped.

He regretted his tone when he saw her chin begin to wobble. He moved to her side and offered her his handkerchief.

"I'm sorry, Buffy," he said, "but I don't know what to do anymore. You won't even try"

Buffy just shook her head. She was crying too hard to answer the question. Giles felt his heart crumble. He wrapped a comradely arm around her shoulders.

"Please don't cry," he said, "I never know what to do when a woman cries"

"Well...," Buffy hiccoughed between sobs, "you could offer me some ice cream if there was any in this place"

Giles looked down as Buffy looked up. Her eyes still brimmed over with tears, but Giles could see the effort she was making to calm herself. He surrendered and pulled her into his arms.

"Oh, Buffy, I would if I had any" He gently stroked her hair. "Go on and cry if you need to. Lord knows you've earned that much. Just do me one favor, will you?"

"W - what's that?" she choked out.

"Don't tell Xander about this. He'd never let me live it down"

Buffy gave a soggy chuckle and pulled back to wipe her eyes.

"No way I'm telling him. I'd lose all my superhero cool in his eyes"

They shared a wry smile.

"Feeling better?"

"A little. And a little not. Sorta embarrassed. I don't usually lose it like that"

"I know," Giles told her as he gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. "But there's nobody here to see it, and I promise not to tell"

Buffy shrugged.

"Who would you tell, anyway? Even if we get off this island, you'll just go back to England where nobody would know who you're talking about anyway"

"Buffy, you know why I had to leave," he said. "Perhaps I can come back sometime, for a visit"

"Perhaps? Sometime? Don't I even rate a definitely or a soon?"

"Of course I'd like it to be soon, but I need to make sure you're standing on your own; taking responsibility. If I came back now, even for a time, I fear I'll seriously jeopardize your progress"

"Don't give me that crap, Giles," Buffy said, her eyes blazing. "You're my Watcher. You belong with me"

"But I don't belong *to* you"

Giles turned on his heel and stalked off toward the plane as Buffy stared after him. After a moment of stunned inactivity, she followed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she demanded.

"I don't want to talk about it"

Buffy grabbed his arm.

"Oh no you don't, Giles. You can't just throw something like that in my face and walk away. Tell me what you mean"

"Buffy, please," Giles gritted out, "don't do this"

"Do what? Giles, you're mad at me and I don't even know why. And it's not like I can go ask Willow or Xander what I've done wrong now 'cause it's just you and me here. If I've screwed up, you have to tell me what I've done wrong"

"That's just it. I shouldn't have to tell you"

"Then how am I supposed to make it right?"

Giles stuffed his hands in his pockets and glared stubbornly at his toes. Buffy sighed in defeat and sat in the sand, looking out to sea.

"I can't do this by myself, y'know"

She looked small and vulnerable. Both stayed silent for a moment. At last Giles sat next to Buffy. He ran his hand through his hair, then spoke, his eyes also focused on the ocean.

"You'd be amazed at what you can do alone if you try, Buffy"

"I'm already alone. I'm just tired of being lonely. Can't you just come home?"

"Sunnydale isn't my home. It never was"

"Couldn't you pretend?"

Giles was silent for a long time. When he spoke, Buffy was astonished at the raw emotion she heard. Her Giles never talked this way.

"Twenty six years is a long time to pretend something. I've been pretending ever since I went crawling back to the Council with my tail between my legs that I'm something I'm not. Ethan was right. I'm not who you think I am"

"Yes you are. You're Giles"

"What? The stuttering librarian who gets knocked on the head every Tuesday night? The old codger who's so far past it you and your friends seem quite convinced he isn't really a man anymore? Your substitute mother?"

"I really wasn't completely myself when I said that. Anyway, you're too hairy to wear a halter top"

"Wardrobe aside, you seemed determined to cast me in the role whether I would or no"

"I knew you'd take care of stuff. And I thought you'd never let me down"

"Ah yes, I was to take care of everything you didn't feel like doing and then conveniently melt into the background when you didn't want to be bothered with me"

"That's not fair"

"Isn't it? I came back from England because you were back and what did you do as soon as I bloody got in the door? Ran off to see Angel, dumping the unpaid bills in my lap. You go drinking with Spike, of all people, and then expect me to hold your hand when you get sick"

"And you did. And I really, really appreciated it"

"No you didn't. You used my willingness to help you as an excuse. You stopped trying to do anything for yourself or Dawn"

"I was trying to deal with being alive again and keeping Will from finding out where she'd 'saved' me from and doing my daily Slaying. I couldn't do any more. I didn't have it in me"

"I flew halfway around the world to see you again, Buffy. I thought...maybe I had another chance"

He shook his head and pulled his lips into a tight, narrow line. Buffy looked at him, her eyes filled with confusion.

"I don't get it. Another chance at what?"

Giles stared stubbornly at the shore.

"I was wrong"

"Don't go cryptic on me, Giles. Share"

He got to his feet suddenly.

"We really ought to see what we can salvage from the plane soon. I'd like to at least try to create some shelter for tonight"

Buffy stood and kicked a plume of sand into the air in frustration. Still, it was clear that Giles had nothing more to say for the moment. Buffy briefly considered heading back to camp to sulk, but she knew that would only make Giles angrier than he already was. Besides, there was no way he was getting on that plane by himself. The question of how he would manage to do it aside, that plane had been sabotaged by Ethan Rayne and there was no telling what other surprises the sorcerer had waiting for them. There really was no choice.

Buffy followed her Watcher to the plane.

*****

Part 6

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

"Oof!" Buffy grunted as she hauled herself from Giles' shoulders into the plane. She stood, dusted herself off and turned back to the door. "What am I looking for again?"

"Anything of use. Tools, blankets, food and drink. If it looks like we might be able to use it, toss it down. Carefully. Oh, and see if you can find any clues about why Ethan did this or where he might be"

"Y'know, when all this is over, I am so going to pay Ethan a visit. He needs to be introduced to the concept of pain in a big way"

"Trust me, Buffy, he's already well acquainted with pain. One might say they're old friends"

"Friends? As in he likes...how do you know that?"

"Buffy, please. Just find anything useful and bring it down. I'm not in the mood to discuss Ethan's proclivities just now"

"Pro-who-de-whats?"

"Intimate preferences"

"Oh. Right. So...stuff. Getting it. I'm on that because it's job number one...and completely other than knowing anything about Ethan and pain-liking"

Buffy shuddered slightly as she turned to explore the plane. She began a thorough search of every space that might be big enough to store so much as a soda can. Unfortunately, looking in and under things to see if there were other things there didn't take too much brain power. Her mind took the opportunity to call her a hypocrite for being disgusted at the thought of Ethan wanting to be hurt in bed when she'd allowed Spike to do such degrading things to her.

She deliberately pushed that thought from her mind. She couldn't help it if that was what Spike wanted. It was like the maid's uniform Riley had requested that one time. She'd felt really strange doing it, but if that was what it took to please him, that was what she had to do.

At least that was just dumb and hokey.

Buffy resolutely turned her attention back to the task at hand. She opened a cupboard and peered inside.

*****

For the rest of the day, Buffy and Giles both did their best to stay off potentially difficult subjects. The plane had turned out to hold several useful items, including some rope and blankets Giles thought he might be able to jury rig into a tent, some mixed nuts and cans of stew, and one sleeping bag. One large sleeping bag with a note pinned to it which read:

'Sweet dreams, Ripper. I know mine would be.'

It was simply signed 'E'.

"I was wondering when we would get to the gloatage," Buffy observed wryly when Giles handed it to her to read. "I think Ethan's getting smarter, though. He's gloating long distance where we can't sock him in the jaw"

Giles shook his head.

"This is a very strange prank he's pulled this time. He's gone to a fair amount of trouble to make certain we aren't actually harmed. He's even left us with food, shelter, and sleeping facilities, however crude and uncomfortable. The water is perfectly safe to drink. The climate here is mild. It doesn't make sense"

"Look," Buffy said as she hauled out another find, "he even left you some tea and a pot to make it in"

"Curious," Giles said.

"Of course, if he really cared, he'd have left a Mr. Coffee, too"

"You'll have to make do with tea or do without caffeine, I suppose"

"Trust me, you'll be happier if you just share the tea. I'm not pretty in caffeine withdrawal"

"Nor am I, so we'd best ration ourselves. We have no idea how long it's going to have to last"

Buffy stood abruptly.

"I think I'll go take a dip in the stream. I've got sand all over me"

Without waiting for a reply, she strode off. Giles watched her go with a sigh.

"Blast you, Ethan," he breathed. "What the hell are you up to?"

He returned to his efforts to set up camp properly. His hands stilled when he thought of the sleeping bag.

"Buffy can have it," he muttered. "I can sleep on the ground"

One look reminded him it was more than big enough for two. And it had felt so good, so right somehow, to hold her the night before. They had spent the day arguing, but in the night it seemed they couldn't help pulling together as they always had in the past.

What had happened to them to bring them to this place? How much good had he done by leaving after all?

How could they possibly fix this mess and get back some small part of what they had once had?

Too many questions swam through Giles' brain. He sighed and lit the fire with his cigarette lighter.

A spot of tea would be soothing about now.

*****

Buffy sighed contentedly as the cool water lapped around her body. It had been a very long time since anything had felt so good. This felt...clean. She ducked her head under the surface. When she popped back up, she shook her head vigorously and hummed happily. The day had been hot and it felt good to cool off.

Plus there was the fact that she knew Spike wasn't there, and her job was hundreds of miles away. No pressure. Just sun, sand, and Giles.

Not that things were going well with him. Buffy frowned at that thought. He was so angry and resentful.

Not that he didn't have at least some reason, Buffy admitted to herself.

After all, why would he want to be with her? Hadn't he flown halfway across the globe to escape her? Yup, the men were moving farther and farther away. If Spike gave up on her, he'd probably have to go to Mars to outdo the others.

Of course, all the others she'd slept with first.

All except Giles.

Not that she wanted to do it with him. Even if he did look awfully good with his clothes off. Just as well since he couldn't stand to be around her anymore. And who could blame him? Most days she didn't want to be around herself.

No. She resigned herself. When she got back to civilization she would do better. She would treat Spike well and not hit him anymore. She would work hard to get her five year badge and be a good Doublemeat employee.

Maybe then Giles would see how hard she was trying and come back.

Maybe then he'd like her again.

She ducked her head under the water again. This time, when she surfaced, she felt dirtier than she had when she got in the water.

*****

By the time Buffy got back to camp, Giles was sipping his tea. He looked peaceful. Before she'd reached his side, Giles had poured her a cup.

"Here, drink this before you catch your death"

"Thanks, Giles"

Giles cocked his head to one side and studied Buffy for a moment.

"Are you alright, Buffy? Did something happen while you were at the stream?"

"Just thinking"

"What about?"

"Stuff. Lots of stuff," Buffy said. She stared into her cup for some time. "I know I've messed up a lot lately, Giles. I've been awful to everyone and that's why they all left me. But I want to do better. I just don't know how"

"Left...who's left you, Buffy?"

"Everybody. Except Spike. And I really don't know why he puts up with me, either"

"Because he needs you"

"What? I don't get that"

"He needs you, Buffy. He can't feed, he's constantly getting in trouble with one demon or another. He's an outcast in the underworld. If it wasn't for you, somebody would have staked him ages ago"

"He loves me," she protested.

"He uses you when it suits his purpose. I'll admit he's been helpful several times, but the fact remains he's not some fluffy pet. He's a vampire; a soulless demon animating a long dead corpse. He's not your friend and you should be on your guard against him"

Buffy looked at the sand. She couldn't meet Giles' eyes.

"So I guess now wouldn't be a good time to mention I've been...y'know...with him"

She held her breath, waiting for the angry words to start so she could protest them. The silence stretched on endlessly.

"Will you please say something; anything?"

"What is there to say?" he asked. "You know this is wrong"

"I know it is, but I'm going to make it better"

"So you plan to end it? Good"

"No! I - I can't do that. I have to make it better. If I don't, I'll be alone"

"Who told you that?"

"Spike. And he's right. I don't belong with the others anymore. I don't deserve them after everything I've done"

"What have you done that makes you unfit for human society?" Giles asked quietly. Despite his mild tone, his jaw was clenched and his fingers gripped his cup of tea until the knuckles turned white.

"I hit him. He can hit me back, but he hardly ever does anymore. And then he does stuff to me...the sort of stuff you said Ethan likes. I can't stop him. I owe him"

Giles hurled his cup away and stood. He stalked a few feet away and rubbed his hand over his face. Buffy flinched and pulled her arms tight around herself.

"Please don't be mad at me, Giles"

He took a few deep breaths to calm himself before he returned to Buffy's side. He sat carefully beside her, almost touching her, but not quite. Buffy could feel the warmth of his body and part of her wanted to lean into it, but she held as still as she could. She felt herself tense for a blow. Her stomach knotted. Just when she thought she couldn't bear the silence anymore, Giles spoke.

"I am mad at you, Buffy," he said, "but not nearly as mad as I am at Spike"

Buffy looked up at him, her eyes brimming with tears. Giles cupped her cheek in his hand as he spoke to her.

"Spike doesn't love you. He's using you. And you're letting him do it. You're letting him put the blame for the whole sorry mess on you. And you're letting him make you weak"

"You've got it wrong, Giles. I'm using him. I did this"

"But look at how you talk about this: you'll be alone if you end it, he does stuff to you, you owe him, Spike says, you're to blame. Every excuse you make for him strengthens him and weakens you. What became of the woman who had the courage to fight back when Spike chained her up and tried to force her to love him last year? Just one year ago, Buffy. Where is the woman who made the Council shut up and take her orders? I know she's still in there. It's time for her to stand up and make some better choices"

"I don't have a lot of choices"

"No, you don't," he agreed. "But you have better ones available to you than this. You could get a better job. You can leave Spike. You can even stake him. It is, after all, your sacred duty to kill vampires. Fraternizing with the enemy never ends well"

"Is that something out of the handbook you never showed me?"

"You might say it's the voice of experience"

Buffy's jaw dropped.

"You had sex with a vampire?"

Giles smiled at her shock.

"No, I didn't. Live women have cold enough feet. I prefer someone who can keep me warm at night" He sobered quickly. "No, I was talking about quite a different unsuitable partner"

"Oh," Buffy said in confusion. Then the penny dropped. "Oh! You mean...you and Ethan...wow. Didn't see that one coming. So that's how you knew that Ethan likes being hurt in bed"

"No, that's how I know Ethan likes to hurt his lovers"

"And again, all I can think of to say is oh"

"When I met up with Ethan and the others, I was a very angry young man. I wanted to get as far from my old life as I could. Well, I did it. There was nothing in that life my parents would have recognized. Half the time we didn't have a roof over our heads and when we did it wasn't much of one. We drank heavily and experimented with all manner of drugs. And then there was the magic. One night, after a particularly debauched party, I ended up in Ethan's bed - we actually had beds that night - and one thing led to another...we went from having a fistfight to...well...I suppose you know what it led to. We even broke the bloody bed"

"That's nothing. Spike and I took down a whole building. It was already in pretty bad shape, but no need for a wrecking ball now"

"When I woke up the next morning, I felt utterly degraded. Ethan played me perfectly. He knew exactly how guilty I would feel and he used my conscience against me at every turn. He would goad me into hitting him and then tell me he loved me. And then there was the sex. It was unlike anything I'd ever done before, and I'd been fairly enthusiastic about it up to that point. There had been several girls, but I'd never tried anything...out of the ordinary before. Then Ethan wanted to play what he called 'trust games'"

"Did you? Trust him?"

Giles shook his head.

"Not for an instant. But I let him tie me up anyway. I still have a scar from that night"

"So what happened?"

"Eyghon. It was about a week later that Randall died and I came to my senses. I went home, sobered up, fast talked my way back into the Council, and they fast talked me back into Oxford. I never told a soul about what Ethan and I were to one another. Too ashamed, I suppose. So now you know"

"And you and Tara are the only ones who know about Spike. And she doesn't know the half of it. So, is there anything I've ever done that you can't top?"

"Not a great deal, though, as I said, vampires are your fetish, not mine"

Buffy finally leaned against Giles and breathed a sigh of relief. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and leaned his head against hers as they gazed into the flickering firelight. After a time, Buffy spoke again.

"Giles?"

"Yes, Buffy?"

"If I break up with Spike and try to get a better job, is there any chance you might come back? Everything's wrong since you left"

He squeezed her arm a bit tighter.

"We'll see, Buffy. We'll see"

*****

Part 7

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

A short time later, the pair decided it was time for bed. Giles told Buffy she could have the lone sleeping bag to herself, but she wouldn't hear of it.

"It's a lot colder tonight than it was last night and there's plenty of room. Besides," she smiled wickedly, "you can keep my feet warm"

"How do you know my feet aren't cold?"

"I don't, but I guess I'll find out tonight"

Giles sighed.

"You really are determined in this, aren't you?"

"I'm not gonna let you freeze just because I'm a girl and you're...not. That would be dumb"

"You can say it, you know. I'm a man"

"I know that"

"Yes, but you never acknowledge it"

"Okay. You're a man. I said it"

"And perhaps one day you'll say it as if you understand what that means"

"I think somebody spent way too much time with Anya back in Sunnydale. Look, I know you're a guy. It's just not big a deal with us"

"I just don't want you to be upset if...well, if I react like a man when we share sleeping facilities"

"Do you plan to try anything if that happens?"

"No"

"Then I won't break your arm"

"Thank you so much"

Buffy sighed at his huffy tone.

"Look, Giles, what I'm trying to say here is that I trust you. And I don't want us to keep on being a million miles apart when we're right next to each other. I need a friend tonight and if you go all hyper-repressive on me, I really don't have a lot of other choices here. Could we please take down some of the barriers?"

Giles nodded and went to his luggage.

"Then let's get changed and get some sleep"

He pulled out some sleepwear and retired behind some bushes to change and allow Buffy some privacy to do the same.

A few minutes later, he emerged when Buffy called to say she was changed. He found her already in the makeshift tent and ensconced in the sleeping bag. Her eyes went wide when she saw him.

"Giles?" she choked out. "Is that all you're wearing?"

She couldn't seem to look away from his bare chest with the light covering of tawny curls. He looked down at his striped cotton pajama pants.

"What's wrong with this? It's perfectly decent"

"You're...you're topless!"

"Yes. Some men prefer to sleep that way, especially in a warm climate"

"But...I mean...will you put a shirt on, already?"

"You said you trusted me, Buffy. You said you wanted the barriers down"

"But some barriers are good. Clothes barriers"

"It's not as if you didn't see me this morning at the stream"

"That was an accident. This is on purpose"

"Consider it payback for all those times in the beginning when you decided to patrol wearing heart attack-inducing mini skirts and skimpy singlets. This is how I dress to sleep. Now, do you still want me to come in or shall I make other arrangements?"

"Payback, huh? If I'd known it was going to be this expensive, maybe I would have worn jeans back then" She opened the sleeping bag. "Okay, get in. I'll deal"

"How very brave of you," Giles observed as he slid in next to Buffy.

*****

At first the two lay apart with as much room between them as Buffy could manufacture. As she relaxed into sleep, however, she moved closer to him. Moments after her even breaths told Giles she was asleep, Buffy was again burrowed against his chest with an arm wrapped around his middle. This time he didn't fight it. He pulled her snugly into his arms and held her as close as he dared. She made a contented sound and rubbed her cheek against his chest. His body's reaction was swift and emphatic. He groaned ruefully and tried to pull away. The result was just as fruitless as the night before.

"I'm going to bloody kill you, Ethan Rayne," he muttered under his breath.

*****

Buffy woke first the next morning. At first, she was confused by the feel of crisp hairs tickling her cheek. Then came the momentary panic at the realization that she was pinned by a pair of strong arms. A rush of adrenaline coursed through her veins. She willed herself to stay still and properly assess the situation before reacting. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes.

Giles. She was still with Giles. Alone with Giles. Alone with a half naked Giles. A half naked sleeping Giles who she now realized was every bit as male as he claimed to be.

Buffy knew she ought to find a way to pull quietly out of his arms and sneak away so he could have his dignity when he woke. But he felt so good. Her fingers developed minds of their own and explored the honey colored curls on his chest. Giles made a happy murmuring sound in his sleep and pulled her hips closer to his. Buffy's eyes widened, then closed as the familiar ache began to spread through her belly.

"No wonder Mom couldn't stop thinking about that band candy thing," she muttered nervously.

As clearly as Buffy knew she needed to find a way to escape before Giles woke and caught her, she couldn't seem to stop herself. One hand softly moved its way down Giles' chest, across his belly where the hair narrowed to a fine line, then veered away from its destination at the last moment to explore the hollow of his hip.

Her hand stilled.

She couldn't do this.

Buffy wriggled gently out of Giles' arms and slipped out of the tent. She headed for the stream. She needed a cold shower - and fast.

When she got to the banks of the stream, Buffy pulled her clothes off as quickly as she could. Before she got into the cool water, she inspected as much of her body as she could see without a mirror. She hadn't thought much about her appearance lately. Or rather, she had, but not in terms of making the most of herself.

And Giles was right. She was too skinny. Her complexion had taken on a sallow tint that had never been there before. And what had she been thinking when she cut her hair?

She'd been thinking of Spike.

She'd done all of this deliberately so Spike wouldn't want her and she wouldn't have to deal with him anymore. It hadn't worked. All it had done was make her mousy so nobody else looked at her in the street.

It made her disappear.

It was the closest thing she could have to being dead.

"So I pull a disappearing act and spend all my time screwing a corpse. Morbid much?"

She waded out into the water and thought about what it had been like to wake up next to Spike. His body was cold, his skin slightly slick. He'd bullied her and belittled her. Plus there was the whole ashtray breath issue.

She compared that to waking up next to Giles. Okay, so he hadn't been awake, but his body was warm from it's own circulatory system, and he felt comfortable. She knew that if he had woken before she slipped away he would have been a perfect gentleman. He would have wished her a good morning, and maybe asked how she'd slept as he distanced himself so she wouldn't have to feel his...

Buffy groaned. She couldn't possibly want that.

But she couldn't deny the tension she felt. Maybe it was just a reaction to feeling Giles' standard morning hard on. Didn't most guys get that whether there was somebody there or not? Just because he wanted sex didn't mean he wanted it with her, anyway.

Still, the thought of it made warmth spread through her body until she needed to touch herself.

After all, she hadn't had sex in a few days. Waking up in any man's arms was enough to remind her body of how much it wanted to be touched. The fact that the man she'd woken up to was alive and warm only intensified the feeling.

Her fingers began to stroke gently at her sides as she remembered how good warm, strong hands felt traveling over her skin. Her nipples tightened into hard knots as her hands moved to cup her breasts. She imagined large, male fingers rolling her nipples, pinching them softly until they became unbearably erect.

The man in her fantasy remained hazy, but his hands were large and warm and strong. He was tall - she liked tall men who made her feel petite and feminine - and he would be passionate yet he would treat her like something precious. He would know exactly where to touch her and when she was ready for it.

And speaking of ready...

She continued to caress and fondle her nipples with one hand as the other traveled down the soft skin of her belly. Her sex ached for a loving touch. She ran her fingers through the downy curls, smiling at the warm, stickiness that met them. She gently parted the lips and stroked the rigid bump of her clitoris. A tiny gasp of pleasure escaped her lips as she rubbed herself in a soft, circular motion.

Buffy felt her hips begin to sway involuntarily in rhythm with her finger. Her mind filled with images of her fantasy lover touching her, whispering in his cultured tones how much he loved to make her feel this way, laying her down and pressing himself to her. Her moans became louder as her finger moved faster, more insistently, against her clitoris. Her breath came in tiny pants. She could feel every muscle in her belly and thighs tense. She bucked frantically against her own hand. So close, so very close.

When she found her release, Buffy gave a full-throated yell. Nothing since her return from the grave had felt so good, so right. She continued to touch herself as waves of pleasure washed over her from head to toe.

When the final pulse ended, she rubbed herself softly once more. Then she pulled her hand from between her thighs and stroked her belly and up to her breasts. She smiled as the warmth suffused her body. She could still feel the care and gentle passion of her imaginary lover. Turning her face to the morning sun, Buffy let it wash over her entire being.

At last, it was good to be alive.

She laughed out loud and submerged herself in the clear, azure water.

"Buffy! Buffy! Are you all right?"

Buffy stood and turned toward the voice. Giles stood on the bank, still in his pajama pants, and frankly stared. He suddenly dropped his gaze.

"I'm okay," she laughed.

"What the hell were you yelling for, then?"

"Because I'm okay, Giles. Sorry I wigged you. And what are you staring at the ground for?"

Giles pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You do realize that you're exposing yourself to me, don't you?"

Buffy looked down at herself. Her breasts were, indeed, above the water line. She bent her knees and brought up her arms to cover herself.

"Oops. Sorry, Giles," she giggled. "Just consider it tit for tat. I mean you already showed me yours, double standard guy"

Giles put his hands on his hips and glared.

"Don't think you're too old for me to put you over my knee, young lady"

"I'm twenty one, Giles. I'm too old to be put over anyone's knee if I don't want to be. Stuffy"

For one awful moment, Buffy thought she might have gone too far. Giles went pale for a second. Then he recovered himself and began to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Buffy demanded.

"You. This is the Buffy I remember. It's just...I've missed you so much"

"I missed you, too, Giles. I even missed me when I remembered to. And it's okay if you still miss her too"

"I do, sometimes"

"Me too. I miss them all; all the ones I couldn't save. Or didn't"

"You can't save everyone, Buffy. It isn't possible"

"Maybe not. But maybe I can try" She readjusted her arms to cover herself more fully. "And maybe you could leave a girl in peace to finish her swim. This conversation's too heavy to have with me naked"

Giles stood frozen for an endless second. His brain prodded him to go away, but he couldn't move. At last he shook himself and addressed Buffy.

"Of course. I'll see you back at camp when you've finished. I imagine it will be at least a few minutes, yes?"

"A few"

Giles turned to leave. He'd only gotten a couple steps when he turned back.

"Oh, and Buffy? If you give me another turn like that one, I will turn you over my knee"

"Yeah, yeah. Promises, promises," Buffy teased. "Go away. I'll see you in a few"

As he left, Giles heard Buffy laughing again. He decided it was the sweetest music he'd heard in ages.

*****

Part 8

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

By the time Giles got back to the campsite, his mind was a whirl. He couldn't help thinking of the sight he'd seen.

Buffy's breasts.

She might be too thin just now, but she was still lovely. Her smile still lit a wide radius and warmed his heart.

And her breasts were full, with nipples that just begged for attention.

Giles berated himself for even thinking of Buffy that way. She was so young and so vulnerable.

And had spent the past two nights holding him all through the night as if her life depended on it.

Giles knew he had loved Buffy for a very long time, and he knew she was a very attractive girl. No, not a girl anymore, he reminded himself. A woman. All he could imagine for a moment was taking her in his arms and making love with her.

He snorted in frustration at himself. Even if Buffy did end this mess with Spike, he had no reason to hope she would turn to him. And even if she did, he wondered if he really ought to accept an offer from her now.

And then there was the small question of whether they would ever see civilization again. If she did turn to him when there was no other person to choose, what would she do when they got back home? Besides, his home was Bath and hers was Sunnydale. How could they possibly have a relationship?

"Steady on, old man," he reminded himself. "She hasn't said she wants one. I'm not sure I want one"

Her current good mood aside, Giles knew it would be a long time before Buffy was truly herself again. Did he really want to open himself up to the sort of pain she could inflict unintentionally if they did make love and she regretted it?

No. Best be on his guard, he decided.

A moment later he was laughing at himself.

As if he'd ever been able to guard himself where Buffy was concerned. She'd wrapped him firmly around her little finger the first day they met. She'd held him in thrall for so long he hadn't known what to do with himself when she was gone. He'd barely begun to live his own life when he was called back to take care of hers again. He wanted to live his own way, if only he could figure out what that was.

Giles shook his head and went to put on some clothes.

*****

The next two days passed without major incident. Tempers flared occasionally and words of comfort were exchanged in both directions. Buffy became more comfortable with Giles going shirtless, and began to wear slightly less herself. She ate more when Giles coaxed her to. At night she crawled into his arms as soon as she was unconscious, and he held her close. Each began to wonder in a tiny part of their brains if it would really be so bad if they never left the island.

*****

When Willow came home from class, she found Dawn in the kitchen, staring at the phone.

"What's up, Dawnie? It's not gonna ring all on it's own, y'know"

"Tell me about it"

Willow nodded sagely.

"Kevin didn't ask you to the big dance, did he?"

"No. I mean, he didn't, but that's not it"

"Then what is? 'Cause that looks like a pretty big it you're thinking about there"

"Buffy. She's been gone for like four days and she hasn't called once. How long do you think she's gonna be gone?"

"Really? Not even once? I know I hadn't talked to her, but I sorta assumed...have you asked Xander if he's talked to her?"

Dawn nodded sadly.

"I even asked Anya. Nobody's heard from her. Willow, what if something's happened to her?"

"I'm sure she's okay, Dawn. Maybe there's just a lot of demons to take care of. She said she was gonna be gone a week or ten days"

"She said she was gonna call every night, too. She said she meant it. I think something's wrong"

"Well, y'know, she's been sorta distracted lately. Maybe she's still not exactly here in the now Buffy. I think she'll call when she gets a chance"

"She promised. I'm gonna call her"

"Did she leave a number?"

Dawn pulled a slip of paper out of her pocket.

"She told me to call if I needed her"

Dawn dialed the number as Willow began to prepare dinner. Involved as she was in finding and chopping vegetables for a salad, Willow didn't pay attention to the conversation. She did, however, notice when Dawn started dialing again as soon as she'd hung up.

"Who are you calling?"

"Xander. We need to have a meeting. Buffy never showed up in Miami"

*****

Buffy sat on the beach watching the sun set. It was nice to see it without immediately worrying about whether she had a stake or even a cross. She smiled as the sky blazed in shades of pink and red and yellow.

She didn't even look up when Giles joined her.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," he returned. "Pretty, isn't it?"

"Yeah. I've decided something; I like it here"

Giles smiled slightly.

"Paradise?"

"Not quite. Too solid. But not a bad second place. Almost as peaceful"

"I like the solidity of it. But the peace is more than welcome for now"

"But not for always?"

"As nice as it is to be alone with you and no vampires, I want my life back"

"Funny, I've been saying that since I was fifteen"

"Then I have five years on you"

Buffy laughed as she looked at Giles.

"More than that, Giles. It's not like you're twenty one anymore"

"Alright, in that case I suppose I have some thirty two years on you asking whose life is it, anyway"

"Got an answer on that yet?"

"Oh, it's mine, I suppose. My choices were limited by circumstance, but I still had a few"

"How're those choices going for you?"

"Some well, some spectacularly badly. You?"

"About the same, I guess. It's just nice to watch a sunset for once without my gut clenching while I wait for a vamp to come looking for a snack. Part of me doesn't want this to end"

"And the rest of you?"

"Really, really wants to get back home to Dawn and Will, and Xander, and my sucky life. It may not be much, but it's mine. I want it back"

"I just wish I knew how to get us home. I've been researching, but I've yet to find anything"

Buffy leaned against Giles and chuckled.

"That's my Watcher. Always with the research. If anybody can find it, you can"

Giles wrapped an arm around her shoulder and squeezed her gently.

"Your confidence in my abilities is probably misplaced, but much appreciated all the same"

"Hey, we've taken on vampires and demons and the Hellmouth and even a God. Together, we can beat pretty much anything" Buffy slid her arms around Giles' waist. "You and me, Giles. We're a pretty amazing team"

"Are we? A team?"

"Even without the handbook I know that's how it's supposed to be. And I know it hasn't been right for a long time, but I want to fix that. I want you back"

Giles hesitated. He pulled out of Buffy's arms and faced her squarely.

"Then we need to be completely honest with one another, Buffy. I need to know what it is you want of me. I won't go back if I'm to be used to simply take care of the pieces of your life you don't want to deal with"

"I know I did that. I really did. And I feel bad about it. But I was a complete mess and nobody was helping with anything. Not even you, really. You all just wanted me to be better with no fuss and no fallout. How was I supposed to do that, Giles? Besides, there are a lot less things I'm avoiding these days, so it's not the burning issue you might think. And you need to share more with the class. I was too screwed up to read the signs until it was too late and you were waving a plane ticket in my face and saying you were on your way. What was I supposed to do then?"

"Perhaps there were some things I could have handled better, myself"

"Understatement much? It's like when Will and I went to college and you sat around your apartment waiting for us to come to you. You never said you were feeling neglected until you got plastered that one night and blew raspberries at me. You could have said"

"You might have noticed," he pointed out mildly.

"I was eighteen. The world ended right about where my nose left off. I couldn't see any further without cue cards. You were the grownup. You didn't act very upgrown"

"What you couldn't see beyond was Riley's penis"

"Giles!" Buffy giggled. "Like you could see beyond Olivia's boobs"

"I was rather forced to when she left"

"Another thing you didn't bother to tell the rest of us. I'd have let you cry on my shoulder if I'd known"

"And nattered on about young Riley and your precious Professor Walsh?"

"And maybe you could have warned me about the Initiative a little better if you were being a part of my life then"

"Which I might have been if you'd had any time or thought for me"

Buffy shook her head and blew out a frustrated breath.

"Okay, so faults on both sides, I guess. I'll cop to mine if you'll cop to yours. Deal?"

"Deal. And Buffy? I'm sorry for my faults, and I forgive you yours"

"Me too. Now was that so hard?"

He tried, but Giles couldn't keep a straight face.

"Yes, it was, but I know it's at least as hard for you, so I'll live"

Buffy joined in the laughter. Every time one tried to catch a breath, the other would go into fresh gales of mirth and send the other over the edge. At last, they both lay in the sand and giggled. Giles felt a small hand reach up to caress his cheek. He leaned over to see Buffy looking at him seriously, but not unhappily.

"Have I ever told you I really like you, Giles?"

"You know, I don't believe you've ever said it. Then again, I don't think I ever said I like you, and I do"

"It just never seemed to need saying. Sorta like telling someone the sky is blue"

"It didn't need saying," he assured her, "but it is rather nice to hear"

"It really is"

Giles looked down at Buffy, her hair framing her face, her eyes aglow with happiness, and he was overwhelmed with an urge to kiss her. He leaned down a bit closer, then hesitated. They searched one another's eyes for a long moment. At last, Buffy's gaze dropped and he pulled back.

"I - I'm sorry," Giles said as he sat back up and faced away from Buffy.

"No, don't be," Buffy told him as she stood and dusted the sand off her shorts. "I just...I don't know. I'm not sure...look, I still haven't told Spike it's over. I can't move on to the next guy yet. Anyway, me and guys? Not the best idea ever. I can't lose you, Giles. I only just got you back. Don't make me lose you again"

She turned and walked in the direction of the camp. Giles watched her go with a sinking heart.

*****

Part 9

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

"Okay so all we know so far is that Buffy never checked into the hotel. Do we have any reason to believe that something happened, or could she just be off somewhere having a better time not in the hotel?"

Dawn looked stricken and the Scoobies looked shocked. Xander took a deep breath and faced his fiancée.

"An, she wouldn't do that"

The former demon crossed her arms over her chest and slumped down in her chair.

"Of course not. Just like she wouldn't ever run away, which you said she did once. And she wouldn't not tell her friends what she's doing, like she's been not doing ever since we brought her back"

"No," Dawn insisted. "She wouldn't. She promised she would call every night. She promised"

"I know, Dawn," Willow soothed. "A - and she's been real good about keeping promises to Dawn lately. Ever since her birthday" She narrowed her eyes at Anya. "Ever since that friend of yours.."

"Hey, Will, Anya didn't do that. Hallie did," Xander reminded her. "And she only did it because Dawn wished it. Not that Dawn knew"

"I hope you've learned your lesson," Anya said to Dawn. "Never make wishes to strangers. And don't take candy from them or get in their cars, either. It's not safe"

"Can we get back to the point, already?" Dawn said as she rolled her eyes. "The point is that Buffy is missing and we need to find out what happened to her"

"Okay, so, what do we know?" Xander asked. "We know Buffy left for Florida because the Watchers sent her to take care of some demonic threat. They sent her in a private plane. She never checked into her hotel. Do we know if she was alone?"

"Well, I heard Mr. Travers say there was gonna be some Watcher going with her," Dawn supplied. "I guess that means she's got the pilot and a Watcher with her"

"And we all know how useful those guys usually are," Xander snorted.

"Xand!" Willow scolded. "That's not very nice"

"Think about it, Will. Look at the Watchers we've known. Wesley, that Gwen Post lady - and I use the term loosely - Travers and his little entourage he brought with him last time he came to town. Face it, there's only about one good Watcher out there and that's Giles. I say Buffy's only chance is if he's the one the Council sent...and I'm willing to bet good money he isn't"

"Okay, you're probably right," Willow allowed, "but Dawn doesn't need to hear that right now"

"Hello, right here, guys," Dawn snapped. "So what do we do?"

The others looked at one another.

"Maybe we should call Giles," Anya suggested. "He might know who was being sent with Buffy. He could tell us what sort of person Buffy's with, if he knows"

"I'll make the call," Dawn said. "Anyway, he should know about this even if he doesn't know who Buffy went with"

*****

All the way back to the campsite, Buffy wondered at her reaction to Giles' attempt to kiss her. She'd said everything but the one she'd thought she would say: she didn't say she didn't want it.

Now she sat poking the fire with a long stick of driftwood and thought. Her thoughts, as usual when left alone for too long, were a jumble of contradictions. Her head hurt and she wanted to stop thinking at all.

Then again, wasn't that how she'd gotten into the wretched mess she was in with Spike? Faced with thoughts that filled her with guilt and shame, she'd turned away from the people she was angry with, the people who loved her, and turned to Spike. Spike who had nothing in his life but her. Spike who was dead. It had seemed so easy at the time. Forget life. Forget friends and enemies. Forget responsibilities and complications. Just forget.

Forgetfulness never lasted.

Escapes tended to take on complications she couldn't foresee and made life harder to deal with.

Every safety net developed holes.

Maybe it was time to just get rid of safety nets.

She considered the men she'd been with in the past few years.

Angel. He was the ultimate romantic fantasy. He was Heathcliff and Hamlet and Romeo rolled into one handsome, brooding package. He was strong and mysterious and well dressed and forbidden. What sixteen year old girl wouldn't want that?

But between his curse and his status as an undead American there really had been no way it could work out.

Riley. He was the fantasy of the clean cut all American boy. He was cute and funny and polite to her mother. He was dependable and devoted and exactly what every girl is supposed to want. He was a slice of normal in her insane existence.

But she didn't really love him, and he couldn't deal once he lost his Initiative orders and enhancements.

Spike. Another fantasy. He was a way to embrace death and punish herself. He was everything she hated about her in one bad boy package. He was evil and ambiguity and manipulation and obsession.

And she hated him every bit as much as he hated her.

"Great. So there've been three big relationships in my life and every one has been a fantasy about getting away from who I am. How sick is that?"

So where did Giles fit into the picture?

Whatever else he might be, Giles had always been real. Solid. A bit unpredictable, a little quirky, but a man who was neither threatened by nor a groupie of her superpowers.

He knew her inside and out. He was well acquainted with both her strengths and her faults, and he still cared about her. He still wanted to kiss her.

Buffy just wondered what exactly she wanted.

*****

"So what did Giles say? Did he know who's with Buffy?" Anya asked eagerly.

Dawn shook her head sadly, but didn't say anything.

"Dawn?" Xander asked, "Are you okay? Giles isn't mad, is he?"

"I don't know. He didn't say"

"Yeah," Willow said, "but he has a way of not saying stuff that lets you know what he's not saying sometimes. Is that what he did?"

"No"

"So what did he say?" Anya asked. "He had to say something"

"He - he wasn't there. Some lady answered and said he was gone and she didn't know where or how long he'd be gone. She hadn't heard from him either"

"A lady? Really? So big G's got himself a girlfriend," Xander said.

"A girlfriend who doesn't know where he is or when he's coming back," Willow reminded him. "So what do we do now?"

"We could call Mr. Travers," Anya suggested. "This is all his fault. He should find Buffy. And whoever he sent with her"

"There's just one problem with that idea," Dawn said. "We don't know where he is or what his phone number is"

*****

Part 10

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

Buffy had already changed and gotten into the sleeping bag when Giles returned to the campsite. He sat beside her.

"Shall I stay or would you rather I slept somewhere else tonight?"

Buffy propped herself up on one elbow and looked at him for a long minute. At last, without a word, she pulled back one corner of the bag. He sighed in relief.

"I'll just go change, then," he said.

He stood and picked up his bedclothes.

"You don't have to, Giles. Go away, I mean. I won't look"

"And waste all my exhibitionism?" he joked.

"Gotta preserve my maiden modesty a little bit here," Buffy returned. "And yours"

"I haven't been a maiden for a very long time, Buffy. Neither have you"

"Thanks for reminding me of that"

Giles sat next to the sleeping bag and looked intently at Buffy.

"Before I embarrass myself irreparably, may I know what you want to happen tonight?"

"I'll let you know as soon as I do"

"Buffy," Giles sighed, "What am I to do? What do you want?"

"I just...I don't know yet. Look, the thing is...I keep doing what a guy wants me to do. I never listen to me. If I'm ever gonna be happy with a guy, that has to change. And if we...Giles, I want to do this right; not rush into something. If it's right, it'll still be here in the morning"

"Or even next week, if you need that long," Giles smiled. "And if you decide not to try, I won't stop caring about you. I won't leave"

"Like you really could. This is a pretty dinky island"

"We'll get off it. I promise you that"

"And then what? Once I get back to Sunnydale, I don't see a whole lot of travel in my future. If you want to be with me you have to give up England. Sunnydale will have to be home. And it's not just me in the package. You want me, you're pretty much stuck with Dawn"

"I lived in Sunnydale before. And I'm quite fond of Dawn, you know"

"Yeah. I know. But you skipped on her while I was dead. How do I know that won't happen again?"

"Do we really need to talk about all this tonight?"

"Hey, I have adult responsibilities now, in case you've forgotten. I'm even trying my best to deal with them. Pretty wacky, huh? Who'd have ever thought I'd be trying to make you deal with being responsible? Our whole relationship has been the other way around until now"

"Fine. We'll talk now. Where do you want to start?"

"Dawn. Can she count on you?"

"Yes, she can"

Buffy's eyes seemed to bore through him.

"How do I know you mean it this time? You were willing to let her die if it would stop Glory. You left when I was dead. Mom is dead, Dad's a total no show in our lives, and Slayers die young. I've screwed up a lot with her. I'm trying harder, but there's a lot to make up for. I'm not going to add to the mess by bringing home a guy who'll take off as soon as I'm gone"

"It was hardly as soon as you were gone. I'd barely left when Willow raised you"

"You were still gone. And then you left again when you knew I was too messed up to take care of me, let alone her"

Giles looked at the ground. He was silent for some time. Just as Buffy began to wonder if he was going to answer at all, he spoke softly, but intensely.

"I can do it this time because she won't be the reason"

"Reason for what?"

He met her eyes.

"Your death"

"So you blamed her? I did what I had to do. That portal had to be closed"

"So you threw away your life? You'd been looking for a way to give up for months, Buffy. And your behavior since you got back has been about giving up, too. I couldn't bear to watch it anymore"

"It's your job to watch me"

"It's my job to train you, to keep you alive. How was I to do that when you wanted so desperately to die?"

Buffy blew out a frustrated breath and flopped on her back.

"What did I have to live for? My life sucks, in case you haven't noticed"

"Well so does mine. We both got a raw deal from fate, Buffy. That doesn't give us the right to give up"

"Nobody told you to kill your little sister"

"Nobody had to tell me what I had to do that night. I did it, and I have to live with it every day"

"What are you talking about? All you had to do was help fight Glory. I beat her. She lost. She's not coming back"

"No, she's not"

Something in his tone made Buffy uneasy. Even as her stomach sank, she fought off the little voice that told her she didn't want to know what he meant.

"What did you do, Giles? Tell me"

"Are you sure you want to know this?"

Buffy shuddered.

"God, you really did it, didn't you? Ben was alive when I walked away. Are you telling me you murdered him?"

"It was war, Buffy. I did what I had to do"

"You took a human life!"

"And the insane hellgod that shared that body. If I hadn't, we would all be dead, key or no key. You died to save the world. I killed for the same reason"

"Why are you telling me this?"

"You're the one who wanted to face all the difficult issues before deciding whether or not to be with me. You need to understand who I am, Buffy"

"So I need to know that you're a murderer?"

"No. No, Buffy, I'm not"

"So you're, what? Some sort of hero? Well excuse me if I don't stand up and cheer"

"I'm no hero, either. That's your job. And sometimes there are things which need to be done that would be wrong for a hero to do. I do those things. If Glory was to be defeated once and for all, Ben had to die. There was no choice"

"Just like there was no choice but for Dawn to die?"

"I seriously doubt that my suicide would have done much to prevent Glory's return. There was only one thing that would solve the problem and nobody to do it but me"

"Ben was a human being"

"When he was Ben. From what Dawn said afterwards, it seems that he was Ben less and less of the time. He'd already lost the battle. Glory would always be stronger. In a matter of months, possibly weeks, he would have been effectively dead anyway"

"So that makes it okay to kill him?"

"It was a choice between allowing Glory to live and kill us all or making sure she never came back again. Ben was already lost, either way. I - I did my best to see to it that he didn't suffer more than was necessary"

"Like putting a dog to sleep, huh?"

"A crude but not entirely inaccurate analogy. I didn't want Ben to die any more than I wanted Dawn dead. I'm glad Dawn is alive. I love her. But if it had come down to that choice, I would have done what needed to be done. I would have chosen your life over hers"

"I would have killed you, you know"

"I know. But you would have lived"

"And that doesn't bother you?"

"Of course it bothers me, Buffy. So do the memories. Do you know that until I ended up here with you I had nightmares every bloody night since the battle? Every night I kill Ben and watch you jump to your death in my sleep"

Buffy stared at him.

"Nightmares? You too? I keep digging myself out of my own grave. Or I did till I got here. I don't know why I stopped"

"I know why I did. Every night since we got here, I've slept with you in my arms. I think my psyche finally figured out that you're alive"

"And you're still number one with a guilt trip"

"Is it working?"

They both laughed nervously, then fell silent. At last Buffy spoke again.

"Who would have thought this sharing thing would be so fun?"

"It's certainly bracing, at any rate. And fairly fatiguing. I'm not used to this level of honesty"

"Me neither"

"Well, I suppose I'd best find someplace to sleep tonight"

Giles stood and dusted off the seat of his jeans.

"Where do you think you're going?" Buffy demanded.

"Away?"

"We just figured out we keep each other from having nightmares. That means you sorta have to stay. At least tonight. Otherwise we'll wake each other up from opposite ends of this stupid island"

"Are you sure about this? I know you're fairly angry with me just now"

"And you're not mad at me? Giles, you're so mad you're about to turn into one of those quiet guys who keep to themselves who suddenly go postal on a family of five and nobody knows why. Just stay. We can share some more in the morning. Maybe we can even find a way to still like each other"

"Actually, I still like you very much. In fact, tonight you've been the Buffy I like best. When you challenge me, you teach me. In all the time we've known one another you've never let me get away with much of anything. I find that very attractive"

Buffy shook her head.

"You're about the strangest guy I've ever known. Okay, get changed. I'm not looking"

Giles moved to the spot where he'd left his pajama pants and undressed. Unable to help herself, Buffy peeked about the same time he dropped his jeans to reveal nothing but Giles underneath. Her eyes widened, then she blinked. Somehow she managed to turn the tiny whimper that would escape her lips into a cough. Giles quickly grabbed on his bedclothes and returned to her side.

"Are you quite alright, Buffy?"

"Sure, Giles. I'm not contagious"

She held the sleeping bag open for him to slide in beside her. He got in, doing his best to give Buffy as much room as possible. As soon as he was settled, Buffy scooted over and placed her head on Giles' shoulder. His shoulders stiffened. Buffy rolled over and raised her head.

"Chill, Giles. I keep ending up all cuddled up with you anyway. I just thought I'd save us some time and hypocrisy tonight"

"And you call me strange," he teased. "Alright, then, come here"

He wrapped his arms around her gratefully.

"Sleep well, Buffy"

"Sweet dreams, Giles"

*****

Part 11

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

"Anything yet?"

Willow shook her head.

"Not yet, Dawnie. He doesn't seem to be staying in any of the local hotels, at least under his own name"

"Would he even be here anymore?" Anya asked. "Could he have gone back to England?"

"He could have, sure. I don't know why he would have stayed"

"Yeah," Xander agreed, "he's never really been the type to deal with the fallout. He was back in the mother country about two seconds after he fired Giles"

"And his entire army had cleared out by the next morning last time," Willow said. She typed a few more strokes on her laptop. She frowned. "That's funny"

"What's funny?" Dawn asked.

"Probably nothing. Just...I decided to try another name we didn't talk about, and I found him"

"Who, Will?" Xander asked as he moved to hover over her shoulder. He looked at the screen and blanched. "That is so not good"

"What? What is it?"

Dawn pushed Xander aside so she could see.

"I don't get it. What's wrong?"

Xander took Dawn and sat her down.

"It's bad. Ethan Rayne is back"

*****

Buffy listened as Giles' breathing evened out and he dropped off to sleep. She couldn't believe how comfortable she felt in his arms. Less than an hour ago, she'd accused him of being a murderer and he had told her that she'd been trying to commit suicide for nearly a year. Now she lay wrapped in his embrace, content in a way she couldn't remember feeling before.

She frowned as she thought back over the last year - or at least what she'd experienced of it. Having a gap of several months was a bit disconcerting, but she did her best to ignore that in her mind. She took a long, hard look at how she'd behaved and all her decisions.

Giles was right.

She'd given up on life.

Spike had been right when he told her she would develop a death wish. She had, and that was when she let him win.

Less than a year had turned her from a strong woman who could tell Spike no when he chained her up into the lost soul who didn't care if he decided to get his jollies in the middle of The Bronze. One year had been enough to make her lose all hope. She'd dropped out of school, deliberately distanced herself from her friends, taken a miserable, pointless job she would have sneered at once upon a time. She'd wanted out with every fiber of her being.

Perhaps she was brave when she went to her death rather than sacrifice her sister.

Or perhaps it was just that she was tired and thought it would be over if she died.

And what about Ben?

She was appalled to realize that she hadn't given a single thought to whether he'd lived or died until Giles told her what he'd done.

She lay with her head resting on his broad chest, his warm, strong hands holding her as if she was a delicate treasure even as she slept, and tried to imagine those same hands deliberately taking a human life.

Buffy shuddered at the thought. Giles held her just a thought tighter and murmured something indistinct in his sleep.

How could Giles have done that?

And yet he had.

When Faith had killed the deputy mayor, Giles had told her sometimes these things happened in war. Now he told her that killing Ben had been an act of war. He'd done it so Glory couldn't win control of the body she shared with Ben.

When she looked at it that way, she had to admit he had a point.

But how could she live with that? Giles had killed a man. Not by accident, but by design.

How do soldiers' wives accept what their husbands have done in battle?

All Buffy knew was that her head was swimming and her world had been turned upside down, once again, by the man she always thought of as the safest person in her world.

And she still felt safer in his arms than anywhere else on earth.

But was it enough?

Too tired to think anymore, Buffy lay her head on Giles' chest and allowed the steady beat of his heart to lull her to sleep.

*****

"No way, guys. I can't do this," Willow said. "I just can't"

"Will, nobody's asking you to actually do mojo on the guy," Xander explained patiently. "Just...maybe threaten him with some magic. It's not like he's brave or anything"

"He'll probably cave as soon as you say...I don't know...eeenie meenie chili beanie," Anya assured the witch. "You won't have to really turn him into a frog"

"Anya!," Willow exclaimed. "Do I make jokes about rabbits around you? No frogs"

"Maybe we could call Tara," Dawn suggested. "She could really do a spell if he isn't as big a weenie as you guys think he is"

"No," Willow said stubbornly. "Tara...she's...she couldn't...Ethan's a really powerful sorcerer. She's not as strong as him. She could get hurt"

"We'll all be there to back her up," Xander assured his friend. "With big, big weapons that will scare him. Will, this is for Buffy. We have to get her back, and Ethan is the only one who can tell us where she is. We have to do something"

"I wish Giles was here," Anya grumbled. "He'd know what to do"

"We know what to do, An. We do what Buffy and Giles would do. We find Ethan, we threaten him, and then we hit him, really hard, until he undoes whatever he's done. So are you in or out, Will?"

"I'm in, but only for the, y'know, threatening and hitting parts. No magic"

"Then we have to call Tara"

Before anyone could object, Xander went to the phone and dialed.

***

Part 12

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

Giles was awakened by strong fingers clutching him too tightly. Buffy moaned and thrashed her head in her all too restless sleep. Her fingers tightened yet more in his chest hair. He yelped in pain and tried to disengage the slender fingers even as he spoke soothingly.

"Buffy? Buffy, it's alright. It's just a dream. Wake up now. Please wake up"

He hissed in pain again as she clutched wildly at him. He spoke more sharply.

"Buffy! Wake up now. Everything's okay"

Her eyes flew open. She was panting and bathed in sweat.

"Shhh," Giles soothed her. "It's all right, Buffy. It was just a dream"

"Giles...? Oh God, it was awful," she babbled. She looked at her hands where she still held tufts of Giles' chest hair in a death grip. She let go immediately. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I don't want to hurt anyone again, Giles"

"Of course you're not going to hurt anyone, Buffy," Giles assured her as he petted the hair back from her forehead. "Now why don't you try to calm yourself and tell me what you dreamed that was so terrible?"

"That's just it, Giles," she told him miserably. "It wasn't a dream. I mean, it was now, but it really happened. I really did it"

"What are you talking about? What did you do?"

"I tried to kill her. Faith"

"I know, Buffy. But you didn't kill her. She survived"

"I tried. And not even to save the world. Just Angel"

"It was a long time ago, Buffy"

"And that makes it okay?"

"No. It doesn't. But it's something you can't change"

"At least you had an excuse. Ben would have lost. You're right. And Glory would have come after us again. Faith.."

"Would have done the same in a heartbeat and you know it"

"That's a pretty casual attitude about killing people you got there"

Giles shook his head.

"I'm not in the least casual about this. If I was, I wouldn't have the nightmares. No, I'm just...I suppose you could say I'm a realist about it. You and I are warriors, Buffy. In war one must do things that would be unacceptable in normal life"

"But that's not why I went for Faith. I didn't care about right and wrong or war and peace. All I could see was Angel was dying. I didn't care if the world blew up as long as Angel lived. I didn't care if I died as long as he lived. Was that when I gave up? Was that when I started wanting to die?"

"No. That was when you temporarily lost focus. I won't lie; I was glad when Angel left. Your love for him was obsessive. It clouded your judgment. And I don't think either of you was a terribly good influence on the other. But I didn't want him dead - not by that point. And Faith was a danger to us all while Angel was an ally. Not always a comfortable one, but an ally all the same. He was useful in the battle against the Mayor, while Faith might have been one enemy too many. Your motives, and even your choices, may have been questionable, but I don't know that we would have won the day had you acted otherwise"

Buffy smile wryly.

"Nice tapdance there, Giles. Savion Glover should take lessons from you"

"If you liked that, you should see my Swan Lake" Giles pulled Buffy a bit closer into his arms. "I'm not saying what you did was right, merely that it was necessary. That's a rather different thing"

Buffy smoothed the soft hair on his chest thoughtfully.

"I'm sorry I was so harsh earlier," she said. "I guess I just always like to think of you as a better person than me, and for a minute I was scared you weren't. But the status quo is safely restored. I can now return to my regularly scheduled fuck ups already in progress. Speaking of which, sorry I pulled your hair. That had to hurt"

"It was extremely painful," Giles admitted with a silent chuckle, "but I think I'll live"

"Still, I owe you"

"Buffy, you were asleep. You didn't know what you were doing"

"Giles? Shut up. I'm trying to apologize here. That only happens once in a very blue moon, so just be quiet and take it like a man"

With that she leaned down and pressed her lips to his chest. Giles sucked in a surprised breath.

"What are you doing?"

"Kissing it better. How'm I doing?"

She bent and kissed his chest again Giles took hold of Buffy's shoulders.

"A bit too well if you want it to stop at an apology"

"Do you want me to stop?"

"Not particularly, no. But if you do, I suggest you do so now"

"Oh. Sorry" Buffy pulled back a bit, though she left her hands on his chest. "Giles?"

"Yes, Buffy?"

"Could you remind me again why it was I wanted to stop?"

"Because you need to be certain this is what you want. And I do recall something about breaking up with Spike first"

Buffy rolled to her back and groaned as she slapped her forehead with her own hand.

"I still can't believe what an idiot I was. How did I sink that low?"

"People in despair do self destructive things. I understand, Buffy"

"Then could you maybe explain it to me again? I'm not the brain you are"

"You are every bit as much of a brain as I am, Buffy. Yours simply works in different ways. Mysterious ones, I'll grant you.."

He laughed as she gave him a soft slap on the arm.

"Okay, okay. So I'm brain girl. I just haven't been using it lately"

"I haven't been much better. We've both made mistakes. We're neither of us pure or unscarred. In point of fact, we're both terribly human. And because our circumstances are so fantastic, we make much bigger and more disastrous mistakes than most. Let's not talk them to death anymore. Let's move on"

"And this moving on would consist of...what, exactly?"

"Where do you want to get to?"

Buffy looked up at the blanket that formed the ceiling of the tent and frowned in concentration.

"Me. I want to find me again. Does that sound as weird to you as it does to...whoever this is that's been hanging out in my body?"

Giles rolled to his side and spoke gently to Buffy.

"You are you. You've been in your body the whole time. What you've done in the past few months is now a piece of who you are. You can't change that. The important thing is what you choose now. You can allow a few bad decisions to swallow all the good in you, or you can choose to learn from the experience and face your life in a healthier, more balanced way. Either way, you are still you"

"I knew that," Buffy sighed. "I guess I just needed to hear someone else say it. Okay, so I can't blame it all on my evil twin Skippy anymore. You said it, Tara said it, and Spike said it. The big difference is Spike told me I *was* my evil twin Skippy. Now the vote is two to one. And I think I'd rather listen to you and Tara"

"Then do"

"That simple, huh?"

"It's simple, but it isn't easy. The darkness can be quite...seductive"

"So how do you fight it?"

"By keeping in mind how much nicer it is in the sun"

"Okay. Bring on the suntan lotion. I'm heading for the light. Not the light when you, y'know...'cause, been there, done that, not really looking forward to trip number three"

"I understood you," Giles chuckled. "That's my girl"

"Your girl," Buffy mused. "Y'know, I'm starting to like the sound of that" Her eyes became serious as she reached up to stroke his cheek. "When we get back, though, what happens? Will you stay with me, or will we just shake hands and go our separate but equal ways?"

Giles bowed his head. He spoke softly but vehemently.

"I want to be with you. I want to stay by your side. But if I'm to stay, there will have to be some changes made. I have to be a part of your life, Buffy. And in case you're worried, I don't mean that I will only return as your lover. That is up to you, to decide in your own time in your own way. If I come back, I won't pressure you or try to make you love me if you don't. But you must tell me what is happening in your life. You have to tell me when you need help; when things start to overwhelm you. And just because you tell me you have a problem doesn't mean I'll fix it for you. You have to do the work. I'll advise you all you need, but you are in charge of your life"

"And...if I do want you...if we're together?"

"The same rules apply. I'll just be a great deal less sexually frustrated, and therefore usually in a better mood"

Buffy smiled wryly.

"That's almost reason enough to get together, right there"

Giles laughed and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"If it's right, you'll find a better reason. Now let's get some sleep"

The pair curled up together, both relieved that they could do so without the barriers that had always stood between them before. This time, Buffy was aware when Giles wrapped his arms around her, and he smiled when she snuggled closer with a happy sigh.

*****

Part 13

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

In due time Tara arrived along with a bag of magical items she might need if threats weren't enough to make Ethan behave. The little band prepared to pile into Xander's car and head for the hotel their quarry was staying at. At the last moment, Tara turned to Dawn.

"I'm not so sure you should come along, Dawnie. This could get dangerous"

"No way. You can't leave me behind. Buffy's the only family I've got"

"I know, sweetie," Tara soothed her, "but this is a job for grown ups. You know Buffy would say the same thing"

"So you're just going to leave me alone here? What if Ethan knows you're coming and he comes here to get me, too?"

"That sounds like someone who's been watching too many horror films," Tara returned with an indulgent glare at Xander.

"What?" he shrugged, "she keeps wanting to rent them every time I take her to Blockbuster. But Tara's right, Dawn. You should stay here. You'll be fine"

"Besides," Anya offered helpfully, "there isn't room for all of us in Xander's car"

"So you're just going to leave me alone?"

"We won't be long," Willow assured her. "Just long enough to do some serious threatening"

"And possibly some pummeling," Xander added.

"Which is another thing you probably shouldn't see," Tara said firmly.

"I never get to see the fun stuff," Dawn muttered as she stomped into the house.

The others got into Xander's car and headed off.

*****

Giles wasn't quite sure what woke him again, but when he opened his eyes Buffy was already awake and looking at him intently.

"Is everything alright," he asked her groggily.

Buffy laughed softly.

"Only you would ask that when we're stranded in the middle of nowhere with no way to get home and we've spent the night playing Top My Pain. But yeah, everything's fine"

"So why are you still awake? What's that mind of yours up to?"

"Thinking. And I know that's a new thing, actually using my brain"

"Buffy," he chided her.

"No, it really is. At least the way I'm using it now"

"And how is that?"

"Finding reasons"

Giles propped himself on one elbow and raised an eyebrow.

"Reasons? For what?"

"Us. Reasons for us. You said if it was right, there would be better reasons than you being in a good mood from all the sex, which was a pretty big check in the plus column for me, anyway. So I've been thinking of reasons that are better"

"Are you trying to talk yourself into this?"

"Nope. In fact, I started out trying to talk myself out of it 'cause it kinda scares me, really. I even came up with a few reasons to just say no"

"Such as?"

Giles watched her with amusement as she checked off the problems on her fingers.

"Such as, you're way, way older than me. And such as you're a sarcastic pain in the butt. And such as you're English and we all know English people eat really weird stuff. And such as I cannot possibly be seen with you in public in those sloppy sweaters of yours"

"Is that a complete list of my failings?"

"Well, since you don't snore and I don't know if you leave the toilet seat up, that's about it for now"

"So what did you come up with on the pro side of the argument?"

"Well, you look good and you're in nice shape for a guy as old as you. And everything seems to work okay, as far as I can tell. So that's to the good. You're smart and you know lots of useful stuff. You're on board with the whole Slaying gig, so I don't have to figure out how to break that to you. You've seen me covered in demon slime, so bedhair and morning breath aren't a big shock. You know how to cook. You know how to fix stuff. That's useful 'cause stuff breaks around me. You already like my friends and they like you. You won't burst into flames if we go to the beach or have a picnic. Oh, and you'd be a good influence on Dawn"

"I had no idea I was such a paragon of manly virtue"

"But that's just the surface stuff," Buffy told him. "There's more. Better reasons"

"Such as?"

She thought quietly for a moment, her brow furrowed in concentration as she tried to find just the right words.

"It's like...I know Angel and Riley loved me. Maybe even Spike does in his own really twisted way. But I don't think any of them really liked me. In the end, they all told me I was no good in some way. They all wanted to fix things about me. Change me. You're not like that. You don't want to make me different; you want to make me be the best person I can be with who I already am. I'm probably making no sense of any kind"

Giles reached out to run his fingers down her cheek. He smiled at her.

"I don't believe I've ever heard you make more sense. I don't know how much of it was them and how much of it was your expectations, but you've always had a disconcerting habit of trying to change to fit what a man wants. You submit yourself, but that can't last because it isn't your nature. And if you attempt to do that with me, I shall be on the next plane out of Sunnydale without so much as a by your leave"

"Have I ever submitted to you?"

"Not once that I can think of. Then again, I was never boyfriend material" He frowned. "Boyfriend. I think I'm too old to be a boyfriend. The term sounds rather ridiculous applied to me"

"Are you kidding? You're one of the youngest boyfriends I've ever had. Anyway, you're more than that. You're like...the rest of me. I mean, we're the opposite, but we're the same, too"

"It's late, Buffy. Do you think you could possibly explain that conundrum to me?"

"You know how when you do a jigsaw puzzle and you get down to the last few pieces, there's always one or two that don't look like they fit anywhere but they really do? Well, that's us. We're the funky pieces in each others' puzzles. We don't look like we belong, but we do. You complete me and I think maybe I complete you. Anyway, it's a theory. And I thought it was a pretty good reason to be together. Things are just all wrong when we're apart"

"I think that's an excellent reason, Buffy. When you're out of my life...frankly, I don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to be without you again"

"Then don't be, Giles. Or do I have to call you Rupert now?"

"Call me what you will, so long as you call me yours"

"Poetic guy," she teased.

"On very rare occasion," he agreed with a chuckle. "I warn you, I'm not terribly given to flowery compliments or flights of verbal fancy"

"Just big, stuffy words that nobody's used since the Fourteenth Century, I know. It's okay. Hey, it's not like I expect you to change a whole lot after all these years. Except those sloppy sweaters. Those are so going to Salvation Army"

"I demand the right to keep one for lazy weekend days when I spend my afternoon watching sports on the telly"

"Fair enough," Buffy nodded. "Everybody deserves one serious slacker outfit. And these sports you watch...would there be ice skating involved? 'Cause I like that"

"I don't much care for hockey," he grinned.

"You are such a pain"

"And you're not?"

"Giles?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up and kiss me"

*****

Part 14

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

The Scoobies crept quietly down the hall to the room Ethan had booked, looks of steely determination on all their faces. Willow consulted the slip of paper with the room number on it one more time. She crossed the hall and gestured to her friends that she'd found the spot. The others followed. Anya raised her baseball bat on high as Xander adjusted the grip on his wrench. Tara dug into her bag and began to mutter an incantation. Willow stood aside from the door with her fists raised, ready to attack as soon as Ethan showed his face. Xander moved forward and took a deep breath. He kicked the door viciously.

He crumpled to the floor wincing in pain.

"Owowowowow! Who knew kicking in a door would hurt?"

The door opened and Quentin Travers peered disdainfully out into the hallway.

"Please come in. I believe the management frowns on uproar in hallway"

Willow glared at the Watcher.

"No way, mister. We know what you're up to. You want us to go in there quietly and then you and Ethan are gonna turn us all into icky things so you don't have to tell us what you did to Buffy. Well, we brought our own witch so watch it, buster, 'cause we could do something right back to you. And...we would, too"

Travers' lips twitched into something resembling a smile.

"I assure you, Miss Rosenberg, that Miss Summers is perfectly safe. In fact, unless she proves to be even more remarkably stubborn than I have heretofore believed her to be, she should be returned to you soon"

"Okay," Xander said, "I think about half of that was actually in English. Wanna translate the rest for us? Or do you want to get to know Mr. Wrenchy?"

"Mr. Wrenchy?" Willow asked, her eyebrow arching impressively.

Xander shrugged.

"What? Only Buffy gets to name her weapons? Don't undermine the threat, Will"

"What did you mean about Buffy being home soon if she isn't too stubborn?" Tara asked. "Where is she and how do you know she's safe?"

Travers gestured into the room.

"I'll be happy to explain, but not in such a public atmosphere"

Anya peered into the room, baseball bat still at the ready.

"Is this Ethan person even with you?"

"Mr. Rayne has been most cooperative, and will continue to be if he doesn't wish to be sent back to prison. Now please, do let's get out of this hallway. It's rather drafty and I don't care to catch cold"

He ushered the bewildered Scoobies into the room.

*****

Her lips were sweet and warm against his. Again and again Giles tasted them, reveling in the softness and passion of Buffy. When her lips parted slightly, he took the implied invitation with a will. There was a hunger in her response that thrilled him to his very soul. Her arms twined around his neck, her fingers threaded through his hair, her tongue slipped and slid against his own as he kissed her more and more deeply.

At last he pulled back, breathlessly.

"What?" Buffy protested. "Why did you stop?"

"I'm not stopping," he told her. "Not unless you want me to. But I do need to check something before we go on"

He gave her a hard kiss, then stood and moved to where he'd left his clothes.

"What are you up to?" Buffy giggled. "I'm over here, y'know"

"Yes, but my wallet is over here"

"If you offer me money you are in a world of trouble, Mister"

"Wha-? Don't be ridiculous, Buffy. Ah, here it is" He pulled his wallet out of his jeans pocket and checked the contents. He fished something out with a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness"

He returned to her side waving the foil packet triumphantly.

"I thought I had one"

Buffy raised one eyebrow.

"I thought you were sexually frustrated guy. Why did you have that in your wallet?"

"A combination of well ingrained caution and natural optimism"

"You can't be very optimistic if you only have one"

"Well, I've been disappointed and I don't like to waste money, either"

"So what do we do when we've used it up?"

"That's when we get creative," he nuzzled in her ear.

Buffy giggled as a shiver went up her spine.

"Creative, huh? Liking the sound of that a whole lot. Just...you're not into the pain thing anymore, are you?"

"That was a one time experiment. You?"

"So over it. Really not interested in trying that again. So, with pain off the menu, what exactly does creative consist of?"

"Virtually anything you like"

"And if I don't know what I like?"

"In that case, we can try pretty much anything you think you'd like to"

"Well, for starters, I think I'd like to try kissing you some more"

"I do believe that could be arranged"

Giles bent to taste Buffy's lips again.

*****

Xander frowned as Travers poured tea. He was tired of waiting.

"Look, can we cut to the chase here? Where is Buffy and what have you done with her?"

"She's someplace you won't find her, and she's perfectly safe"

"You said that before," Tara pointed out. "I think it's time for answers. More specific ones. What's going on?"

"How much do you know about the Watcher Slayer bond?" Travers asked.

"Hey!" Anya protested. "We're asking the questions here"

"Miss...Jenkins, was it?" Travers addressed her. "I think you'll find that this is a necessary diversion if you wish to understand what was done and why. Now, what do you know of the Watcher Slayer bond?"

"Well...we know Buffy and Giles were really close before she died," Willow said. "They sort of had their own little world the rest of us couldn't get into. But when she came back...they couldn't seem to get it back"

"Understatement much?" Xander asked. "Giles tried, but Buffy was being pushing away girl and then he started being frustrated guy...and is Giles with Buffy, wherever she is?"

"Very good," Ethan said. "I felt sure one of you would figure that out eventually. I thought it would be one of the witches, frankly. But perhaps it takes a masculine perspective...in which case I really can't imagine why you would understand"

"Okay," Xander said, "was I just insulted or not?"

"Yes and no," Anya told him. "So where are they, and what are they expected to do? Is it a test?"

"Of a sort," Travers allowed. "When a Slayer loses connection with her Watcher, it can lead to all manner of unpleasant consequences, including a heightened risk of early death. When Rupert suddenly appeared in Bath despite the fact that his Slayer was alive again, we knew something had to be done"

"Not that I don't want Buffy to live," Anya started, "I do, but it's never seemed like you care very much about it. Why the sudden concern?"

"No Slayer," Willow surmised. "I'm guessing the last time Buffy died no new Slayer was called"

"And with Faith in the slammer, there's no way to know how long it will be before another comes along," Xander added.

Travers smiled slightly.

"You are far more perceptive than I'd given you credit for"

"Don't worry about it, Quentin," Ethan smirked. "You underestimate most people"

*****

"Oh God, Giles," Buffy moaned as he suckled hungrily at her breast.

She arched against his mouth and hummed in pleasure. Her hands caressed his shoulders. Giles' fingers teased her other nipple mercilessly. He smiled when she gave a loud groan. He was delighted with her responsiveness, her sensitivity.

She pulled him up for a searing kiss. Her tongue plundered his mouth even as her hands moved to his hips to remove his pants. One of his hands cradled her head, the other helped her divest him of his only covering.

As Giles threw his pajama pants across the tent to get them out of the way, Buffy reached down to encircle his erection.

"About ready for that condom?" she asked.

"That depends. Are you ready for me?"

His hand slipped between her thighs, parting her soft curls. He kissed her warmly and smiled.

"You're so wet. I wonder if it tastes as good as it feels"

"What? Giles, what are you doing?"

He grinned and slid down her body. He dropped a series of tiny, nibbling kisses along her hips and thighs.

"Taking a taste," he informed her.

"But...guys don't like that. Do they?"

"Don't you?"

Her cheeks turned crimson.

"I - I don't know"

Giles looked up at her in disbelief.

"You mean nobody has ever...?"

Buffy shook her head.

"Bloody idiots, the lot of them, then. You needn't if you don't like to, but this is something I enjoy, and I think you will, too. May I?"

She looked nervously into his eyes and read the sincerity there. His desire took her breath away, and his willingness to put her comfort above his own pleasure made her want to please him all the more. She did her best to relax as she lay back.

"Okay"

"You're sure?"

"Yeah. I trust you"

She'd expected Giles to just dive right in, but he surprised her again by taking his time, kissing and touching her all around her most sensitive spot first. Soon she was angling her hips to bring him nearer, urging him to relieve the tension that had grown so achingly sweet. At last, his tongue slid between her nether lips and over the tiny bump of her clitoris. She shuddered at the heady sensation.

"That's amazing," she breathed - as soon as she caught her breath. "Don't stop!"

Giles was more than happy to comply.

*****

Part 15

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

"So what you're saying is we just sit here and wait until they reach some pre-determined level of emotional connection and then 'poof', they're back?" Anya asked.

"The same level as they had before they disconnected, as it were," Ethan agreed.

"Where will they appear?" Tara asked. "Will it be her house or England or this room or what?"

"I've arranged for it to be this very room. Well, I couldn't let old Ripper go without giving him a chance to thank me, now could I?"

Xander fought down the urge to protest. He didn't want Ethan to be right, but he had to agree this was something that might actually deserve thanks. He settled for glaring at Ethan. He was pleased to note that Willow and Tara had decided to take the same out.

"Do you really think he's going to thank you?" Anya asked. "After all, you've stranded him somewhere, possibly in a horrible demon dimension or something, for days now with nothing but what he took with him and a very resentful Buffy. Maybe Giles will be pleased - he's strange sometimes - but he might decide to hit you very hard"

Travers smiled smugly.

"I think he'll be much happier this way. And I can assure you that no demon dimensions are involved. Mr. Rayne went out of his way - with a bit of encouragement from the Council's more observant members - to find a safe, pleasant spot for this experiment. No, I doubt there will be any hitting involved on his and Miss Summer's return"

"I wonder how much longer it'll take"

"Let's see, Buffy and Giles, the two stubbornest people on the entire planet, with a whole big boatload of resentment going on," Xander said. "This could take a long time, Will"

Ethan smiled greasily at them.

"More tea, anyone?"

*****

"More! Oh God, Giles, more!" Buffy cried as she reached her release.

Giles groaned against her sex and redoubled his oral efforts. Mere moments later, he was rewarded with another cry from Buffy as she went over the edge a second time. Giles smiled when her legs went limp on either side of his head. He continued dropping gentle, nuzzling kisses to the entire area for a while before he slid back up to take her in a warm embrace.

"I take it the experiment was a success?" he asked her a bit smugly.

"You take it right," Buffy agreed breathlessly. "I didn't know it could be like that. Sex. It was never like this before"

"And just think; we've barely begun"

He pulled her closer and ravaged her lips. Buffy returned his passion equally. They kissed and petted and explored one another's bodies for long minutes. Moans mingled with laughter and soft words of desire in the makeshift tent. If either noticed the unforgiving nature of the ground as opposed to bedsprings, neither mentioned it.

At last the moment arrived and Buffy picked up the precious foil slip from where it lay on the ground. She peered at it curiously in the half light of near dawn.

"It's flavored. Okay, why do you have a flavored condom? Mint, no less"

Giles blushed as he replied.

"I got it from a vending machine in the gent's at a train station. Just be glad I didn't get the curry flavored. Or prawn"

"They don't really make them in those flavors, do they?"

"They do," Giles confirmed. "I'm afraid that's the only one I have, flavored or not"

Buffy shook her head.

"You English people are so weird. Okay, one Mint Milano Giles, coming right up"

"You have no idea how accurate that is," Giles breathed as she rolled the latex over him.

"What? Are you telling me you have no staying power?"

"Staying power? Didn't you know? I'm legendary...among about four women"

"Four? Four women? Is that all you've slept with? I've done it with four guys and I'm way younger than you. I feel like such a skank"

"Buffy," Giles laughed, "I've been with a few more than that. It's just...those were the ones it was good with. And you are not remotely a skank. You're an exceptional woman, and I cannot wait to be inside you"

"Really? Exceptional? And you meant that in a good way, right?"

"The best way. Now come here and let me make love to you, please"

Giles lay on his back and held his arms out to Buffy. She kissed him tenderly and climbed on top of him, guiding his cock into her tight warmth. As he slid home, they both groaned at the delicious sensation.

"You were right," Giles told Buffy. "We fit perfectly"

"And everyone else will be puzzled," she agreed cheerfully.

They both laughed, then moaned as Buffy lifted herself up and sank back down Giles' hard length.

*****

"So...how long do you think this is gonna take?" Xander asked. "And what happens when they show up here?"

"It takes as long as it takes, which might well be until Hell freezes over," Ethan replied cheerfully.

Travers glared at his associate.

"I doubt it will be quite that long," he observed. "When they return, we will take Mr. Giles home for a brief time to put his affairs in order and then we send him back here to train Miss Summers and stand in loco parentis to her sister"

"I thought you didn't want him to be like Buffy's father...if Buffy's father cared," Willow said.

"That's precisely what we don't want," Travers agreed blandly. "But the Slayer must devote herself to her destiny. She must not be distracted by the mundane requirements of working for a living or raising a child"

"Wouldn't it be easier to just pay her?" Tara asked. "Then she wouldn't have to have a job and she could take better care of both the Slaying and Dawn"

"And I suppose you think a housekeeper could train a Slayer? This is why the Slayer has a Watcher to begin with. It is the Watchers' job to keep the cares of the world from a Slayer as well as train her in combat techniques"

"I guess we're some of those cares of the world you're talking about," Willow said. "We've helped keep her alive lots of times"

"She does have you there, Quentin," Ethan smirked. "The reason those two have survived this long is because they don't follow your rules"

*****

Giles smiled up at Buffy as she rode him with abandon. His hands roamed her body, delighting in her soft skin, her strength, and her obvious joy in the coupling.

A part of him still couldn't quite believe this was happening. Then again, if this was another dream, she would still have had her long golden tresses rather than the shorter, mousy cut she now sported.

And the Buffy in his dreams never laughed so happily.

Now she began to moan louder and moved faster atop him. Giles took hold of her hips and ground his pelvis harder against her. Buffy threw her head back and cried out as she gripped his cock internally.

With her orgasm, Giles went wild. He could feel his groin tighten, signaling his own release. He shouted her name as the first wave overtook him. He thrust wildly into her as each succeeding spasm hit.

At last the fury passed, and Buffy collapsed against her lover's chest. Both panted heavily in the aftermath of orgasm.

Giles reached up and petted Buffy's hair back from her face. Buffy dropped a tender kiss on his shoulder.

"You're incredible," she purred. "Why didn't we do this ages ago?"

"Damned if I know," Giles chuckled. "it wasn't my idea to wait this long"

"You could have told me earlier"

"And been 'eeeiwwed' for my trouble? No thank you"

"I'm not eeeiwwing now"

"I'm glad"

He kissed her gently and extricated himself from her arms to dispose of the condom.

"Too bad you didn't have a few more of those," Buffy said. "I could have gone for another round"

Giles returned to the sleeping bag and took Buffy in his arms.

"You are a thing of evil, my love," he told her.

"Your love? Really?"

"I notice your hearing hasn't improved, but yes, really. I do love you"

"Well that's convenient because I love you, too. And I heard you call me evil; I just choose to ignore your insults"

She snuggled closer into his arms as he kissed the end of her nose.

"It's nice to know some things will never change," he said.

"Mmmm, sleepy now"

"I thought I was the one who was supposed to fall asleep right away"

"When have we ever done things the normal way?"

Giles laughed softly and tucked the sleeping bag around her shoulders. They shared a final kiss before they drifted off to sleep.

*****

Ethan was the first to notice the change in the atmosphere.

"I do believe they've worked it out. Pity. I picked three weeks in the pool. Ah well, Ripper owes me five quid. I'd move that coffee table"

Xander took the offending piece of furniture out of the way as the air began to shimmer in the middle of the room. He dropped the table when the sleeping bag materialized where it had been mere seconds before. The others crowded around the sleeping pair, eyes wide with surprise.

"That's...unacceptable!" Travers sputtered.

"I dunno, I think it's sorta cute," Willow smiled.

"I'd say they've bonded just fine," Anya observed. "In fact, I don't think they've ever been this close"

Xander goggled and Tara smiled softly.

"Well done, Ripper!" Ethan smirked. "Ought we to move them to the bedroom, do you think?"

Tara turned and glared at the sorcerer.

"I think we all ought to leave them alone for a while"

"Umm...already did that," Xander said. "Now I think we should make sure they have clothes.

Any plans to quietly leave and procure the sleepers something to wear were ruined when Buffy stirred and blinked. She looked about herself owlishly, taking in the faces of her nearest and dearest...and Travers and Ethan. She frowned.

"Okay," she said at last. "Somebody tell me this is some kooky dream"

"It's a kooky dream, love," Giles murmured sleepily, "go back to sleep"

A moment later the absurdity of that sentence registered in his brain and he made a disgusted noise at himself. He rubbed his jaw, letting his arm land on the floor afterwards. His hand explored the unexpected surroundings.

"Buffy? Why is it that our sandy clearing suddenly has shag carpeting?"

"Maybe for the same reason it suddenly has bad hotel art and Ethan Rayne in it"

"And speaking of shag, Ripper.."

Xander turned on Ethan, Mr. Wrenchy raised on high.

"One more word and I swear you're going down, buster"

"It's all right, Xander," Giles told him mildly. "Besides, if anyone gets to thrash Ethan I believe it should be Buffy. She's quite the strongest person in the room, after all. And then there's all that rage she's built up from the little pranks he's pulled on us over the years"

"Serious, quality rage," Buffy agreed cheerfully. "Could get ugly. I suggest we put down a tarp before I get started, y'know, for all the blood and guts and flying body bits"

"An excellent idea," Giles agreed with a smile.

Ethan swallowed hard.

"Perhaps I'll just be on my way.."

He turned for the door only to find Travers blocking it. A livid, red-faced Travers.

"You!" he spat. "This is all your fault. You said they would return when they reached their previous level of connection. I certainly didn't expect this"

"Ah, well, you see I didn't know they were in love," Ethan said. "Lust, surely, on Ripper's side, but this was a bit unexpected even to me. Then again, that's chaos"

Buffy sat up, holding the sleeping bag to her bosom. She turned to Giles.

"You were in love with me before? How did I not know that?"

"What about you? It would seem that the feeling was mutual and you never gave me a bloody clue"

"Ain't love grand?" Xander observed. "The king of Repressionland and Miss Fugue State 2002 didn't know they were in love. I'm just crazy about these wacky kids"

Two voices spoke simultaneously.

"Oh for God's sake, Xander, do shut up"

"Shut up, Xand!"

Willow and Tara grinned at one another.

"See? How cute is that? They even rag on Xander the same way," Willow said. "I never thought about it before, but this is so right"

"I know," Tara agreed. "Some people just belong together"

The two girls looked at one another. After a moment, Willow held out her hand. There was only a small hesitation before Tara took it and smiled at her.

"I'm bored," Anya announced. "And Buffy and Giles are back. When do we get to leave?"

"I think sooner rather than later," Giles said. "And if someone would be so kind as to provide us with some clothes, Buffy and I would appreciate it more than I can say"

*****

Part 16

Notes and Disclaimers with Part 1

A week later, Buffy came home to find Willow sitting in the living room watching TV.

"Hey, Will," she said a little quietly. "Dawn get to her sleep over okay?"

"Hey, Buff. Yup, she did. Giles got on his plane okay?"

"Yeah. And since he isn't flying Watcher Airlines this time, I think he'll even make it to England just fine. But he's under strict orders to call me the minute he gets to Heathrow and about once an hour after that until he comes home"

Willow giggled.

"And I bet that's one order he's gonna be happy to follow. I've never seen him so happy. He's been all glowy since you guys got back. You, too, until tonight"

"I just don't glow so much without my honey. But this is temporary non-glowiness. At least he'd only been there a little while, so it won't take him that long to clear things up and come back to me"

"Um...Buffy? I don't want to make any trouble, but, I think Giles might have a pretty big loose end to tie up over there"

"What are you talking about? He's just got to deal with bank stuff and lease his flat to someone and arrange a new greencard. With the Council helping out, I don't think that'll take too long. I wish you could have been there when we convinced Travers to let Giles keep on being my Watcher. It was funny. Especially when he agreed to pay me for my Slaying. I'm the first Slayer in history to get a check for killing beasties"

"Hey, that's cool! But, back on the Giles and loose ends subject...I don't want to upset you, especially when you've just said goodbye to him and all, but...Buffy, I think there's something you should know"

"What is it, Will? You have big news face. Big bad news face"

"I - it's just, when you were missing, Dawn tried to call Giles and - don't take this the wrong way, Buffy, but she said a woman answered the phone. I think maybe he had somebody living with him. It might take a while to clear up something like that, 'cause Giles is a really good guy and he'd try to make it easy on her, I think. And just remember, I only said 'cause I think you sorta need to know that. I don't want to hurt you or, y'know, be hurt *by* you for saying"

Buffy stared blankly at her friend for a moment, then burst into gales of laughter.

"Oh my God, Will, you should see your face! I needed a good laugh, too" She sobered as quickly as she could. "No, really, it's okay, Will. That was just Mattie"

"Mattie? What's a Mattie?"

"She's his housekeeper. She's been with the family for ages, he says, housekeeping and nannying and stuff. She's like a million years old. She used to change his diapers, even"

"How come we never heard of her before?"

"Come on, Will. We never knew because we never asked and he's not exactly share guy. That, incidentally, is a character trait we are working to tone down a little bit. Not that I want to turn him all Oprah, but sometimes things need to get said. Both of us are working on that, 'cause we both really suck at it. We would never have gotten so offtrack if we'd ever sat down and hashed out the big stuff before"

"So what happens to Mattie? Does she retire or what?"

Buffy grinned widely.

"Nope. Giles tried, but I guess the women in his life just aren't the order taking type. She's coming here to help with Dawn and make all Giles' favorite yucky English foods. He grumbled about interfering women for a solid hour when she said she was moving to Sunnydale"

"Happy, huh?"

"The happiest. He won't ever say, but he loves her to pieces. And she can give me all the dirt on him from when he was a little boy, so I think I'm gonna love her, too. There's just this one thing...I don't know how to say this, Will"

"She's gonna live here with you and Giles and Dawn, huh?"

"Yeah. She doesn't have anywhere else to go or anything. Is it okay? It's not that I want you gone - really - there just isn't going to be room"

"It's okay. Actually, it makes it easier to say this.."

Buffy's eyes widened and she smiled even more broadly.

"You and Tara?"

"We're gonna give it another try. I don't know how it will work out, but, I love her, Buffy. And she loves me"

Buffy hugged her best friend close.

"That's the most important thing, Will. And I think the time apart has made both of you a lot more ready for this. Just do me one favor, will you?"

"What's that?"

"Stay tonight and let's have ice cream and chick flicks? I feel the need of some serious best friend bonding with my man gone. We could invite Tara"

Willow shook her head.

"This is best friend bonding. No honeys allowed. It's in the rules"

"Piffle on the rules, Will. And Tara's best friend material, too. Call your woman and get her over here. Hell, let's invite Anya, too. We'll have a Scooby grrl pajama party"

"Xander's gonna feel left out"

"Okay, he can come along too, as long as he understands that hair braiding and boytalk is the order of the night"

"If there's enough junk food and Anya, I think he'll be down with that. Or we could invite Spike so there's another guy"

"Or not," Buffy said quickly. "I haven't seen Spike since I told him about me and Giles. I don't think he's coming back. Besides, he was never really Scooby, and tonight is strictly white hats. No grey allowed"

As Buffy headed to the kitchen to organize snacks, she could hear Willow in the dining room calling their friends. She smiled. Life was finally really good again.

She opened a cupboard and pulled down bags of chips and pretzels and microwave popcorn. Her hand found an object she wasn't expecting at the back. She pulled it down to find it was a small box with a note taped to the top.

'Buffy', the note read, 'you weren't meant to find this, but I know you will. You always do the unexpected, after all. In this one case, though, I hope you will do what I want and that you will be wearing this when I come home to you.

All my love,

Rupert

ps: I know this is an unusual choice for the purpose, but I can be unexpected too'

Buffy held her breath as she opened the box. She felt sure she knew what was in it. And it was.

A ring.

The gold band was delicate and decorated with a square of black onyx. She smiled and slipped it on her left ring finger. It was a perfect fit.

Her reverie was interrupted when Willow came into the kitchen.

"Okay, everybody's coming in a little while. I told Tara to pick the movies 'cause I don't trust Xander and Anya to find something we'll all be able to deal with, and is that a ring? Buffy! You didn't tell me Giles had popped the question! And why isn't that a diamond?"

Buffy hugged Willow until the redhead had to gasp for breath. As Buffy laughed, she ticked off the answers to Willow's questions on her fingers.

"Good call, yes, I didn't know he was gonna until I found this at the back of the cupboard, and this is just right. Better than a diamond"

"Better than a diamond? How's that? Y'know, it sorta looks like.."

"His ring. I know. That's what's so perfect. We match inside and now we sorta match outside, too"

"And he left that sitting in the kitchen cupboard while he went off to England? That was just plain weird"

"No, that's just plain Rupert Giles. Quirky guy. I think he was a little chicken to ask me the normal way. Big, dumb jerk," she finished affectionately.

"Lucky big dumb jerk," Willow corrected.

Buffy shook her head.

"I'm the lucky one, Will. So, do you think we should invite Ethan to the wedding and tie him up somewhere until it's over, or do we just send him an announcement? After all, we sort of owe him one for getting us together"

"I don't think Miss Manners has ever been asked that question, Buff"

"Should I write to her? Might make her day more interesting"

Willow shook her head.

"Y'know, you're a sort of a puzzle sometimes"

"Nah," Buffy said rubbing a finger across the smooth black stone of her engagement ring. "Just a part of one"

THE END