As she sat in her room, she gazed into the mirror, not looking at her reflection as she brushed her hair. She was looking at reflections in her mind. Reflections of a time past when she felt happy, felt loved, and felt safe.

She remembered the first time she laid her eyes on him. It had taken her breath away. As she had looked at him under her foot, she felt something click inside her and she knew life would never be the same.

She never imagined he would leave her though. Be bothered by her aged appearance, regret that they had never had children, maybe; but never leave.

After the soulless months he spent, things were never the same. She had forgiven him as soon as his soul returned. He had not forgiven himself however. Despite every reason he had given her for leaving, she knew that was truly the cause. He would never be able to forgive himself for the tortures his demon had put her through.

A pair of arms slipped around her waist. A cold face nuzzled her neck. She knew it wasn’t him, but she slipped into the game of denial she had started long ago.

"Lo, pet," he whispered into her ear as he began to gently nibble and suck on the lobe. "Penny for your thoughts."

She wished he would be quieter around her. The lack of warmth in his body, his years of experience with women, even the way he touched her, reminded her of him. When he spoke however, the illusion was shattered.

"Shhh…" she whispered her fantasy unable to incorporate Spike’s voice into the imaginary scene playing in her head.

Spike knew what she was doing. He had known for some time that she would never truly love him. He knew he was a replacement, and hated that fact; but it kept him in her life, and in her bed. Allowing him to imagine his own scenes. Ones where she said she loved him, where his name was the one she screamed in the throes of her passion, ones where the name Angel didn’t cause a look of longing to cross her face.

Both knowing the other’s intentions, they slipped into silence as he slid the strap of her top down her shoulder, trailing kisses behind it. His hands wrapped around her waist again as he pulled her tight against him. His hands began a slow journey under her shirt, as she turned to face him, her eyes squeezed shut.

As their lips met, and their tongues dueled, she let herself drift further into her fantasy. By the time Spike’s hands began to caress the gentle underslope of her breast, she could practically smell the sandalwood scent that always seemed to surround Angel. She deepened the kiss, hoping the scent of cigarettes emanating from Spike would disappear soon.

Spike slid his hand further until he could feel the rough, pebbly surface of her nipple. He began to roughly pinch and pull on it, as Buffy arched into his touch. He withdrew his hand from under her shirt, eliciting a whimper of protest from Buffy and clasped her hand in his pulling her up from her chair.

As he led her to the bed, her eyes never opened. They never did, but it didn’t bother him anymore.

He knew she was imagining Angel’s touch as he gently pulled her shirt over her head. Her beautiful breasts now fully revealed to him, he began to place little kisses all around them, carefully avoiding the one part she wanted him to touch so much.

She began to whine in protest as he kissed and caressed her breasts, avoiding the most sensitive part. The Angel in her mind chuckled at her protests, grinning at the look of exquisite torture on her face. "Please," she whimpered aloud, begging him to stop the torture.

Spike quickly complied, sucking her nipple firmly into his mouth and being rewarded with Buffy’s moan of pleasure. He began to worship her breasts, lavishing kisses and caresses on them. His hands slid down her stomach and beneath the waistband of her pajamas.

Buffy moaned as she started to feel the hand slide down into her pants. Her breathing quickened at the remembrance of things to come. Angel always loved to take her to the edge of insanity before he took her. She felt a finger slide into her already soaking folds and play with the outer edges of her entrance. She thrust her hips towards his finger, silently begging for more. She needed to feel him inside her.

As he slid his finger into her dripping wetness, her fantasy world slipped a little; the roughness of his hands hard to incorporate into her dream world. Angel’s hands had been so soft and gentle as they touched her. Falling back into fantasy, she remembered his feather-like touches. The way he was always gentle with her, as if it was always about love and longing, and never lust and sex. Even after they had made love that once, in the few times they had let things slip to the brink of losing control; he was always gentle with her.

"Please…" the whimpered words rang in Spike’s ears. Words meant for another, but the command issued to him. He gently removed his fingers from her core and slid her pants off, drawing an unneeded breath at the sight of her glorious nakedness. He only wished this gift was being given to him, instead of the reflections in her past.

She heard his zipper lowering, and a faint rustle as he slid his pants off. The bed sank as he climbed back between her parted thighs. As the cool temperature of his thigh brushed against hers, she was transported back in time to the moment everything had changed. They had only made love that once, however it played through her mind so often, it seemed they had made love forever.

He hesitated as the tip of his cock met her entrance. He knew he had to be gentle. If he was too rough or forceful, it would shake her out of her fantasy, and he had learned in the past that meant a quick exit for him. But not just that, he wanted to make love to her. Every fiber of his existence was for her, even if she never noticed. He wanted to prove his love for her, even if she only responded to him in his head.

She moaned aloud as he slowly slid into her, filling her body, as her dreams filled her mind. She was lost in the feelings Angel was creating in her body as he gently thrust into her body. This was so unlike their first time. No hesitant explorations, just love shining between them. As the friction brought her close to the edge, she bared her throat to him. "Angel," she breathed, wanting him to enter her veins as he had entered her mind and body.

Spike knew her throat was not bared for him, long before he heard her breathe his name. He fought for control of his demon, knowing he would never be invited back into her life if he slipped and suckled from the powerful vein throbbing before him. He knew he needed to end this round of denial before choices were made they couldn’t take back. He deepened his thrusts driving them both to the edge.

Buffy felt him increase his thrusts, as Angel lowered his face to her neck. Quickly, and with the most erotic sensation of her life, he slipped his fangs into her neck.

She screamed as her body started to tremble, instantly cumming from the intensity of his bite. She absently noticed the feeling of his cold release filling her channel, cooling the scalding heat contained there.

Spike quickly withdrew from her, standing to pull on his pants. He knew what would happen, but silently wished, for once, the outcome would be different.

She felt him withdraw and slowly opened her eyes, needing to gaze into those deep brown eyes that always reflected her love in the most brilliant way. The eyes she gazed into were a sparkling blue, showing nothing but the pain of unrequited love.

Her fantasy crashed around her, as the reality of the situation came to life. She had slept with Spike. Again. Her hand flew to her throat, wondering if the bite had only been in her fantasy.

"I didn’t bite you," he whispered, pain filling his voice as he answered the question her hand had asked.

"Get out," she spat at him, angrier with herself than she could ever be at him, for allowing this charade to continue.

Spike quickly headed for the door, knowing no argument could win. His mind heard words of love and endearments, even as his ears heard her sobs as she realized yet again that Angel wasn’t here.

She was alone again. Someday, she thought mourning anew for the loss of her love.

END