Part 3 – Hard Times Come Easy


Giles awoke with a start, not quite sure where he was. It was a sensation that had become increasingly familiar. He stared up at the ceiling, taking a moment to let his brain adjust to reality.

[Buffy was dead.]

Since his brain wasn’t quite ready for that fact, he started with something simpler. 

[They’d saved the world again.] Ok, he could handle that.

[He was in England.] So far, so good. 

[Buffy was dead.] His brain rebelled, but recognized the statement as fact.

Giles sat up and ran his hands over his face. He’d always known that the Slayer’s life was a short, brutal one. But Buffy had been so different. She’d survived where other Slayers had failed, lived when others had died.

Even in death, she’d defeated a god. A freakin’ god!!

Giles had done more than watch his Slayer. He’d supported her, trained her and loved her.

He’d resigned himself to the fact that the memory of carrying Buffy’s broken, battered body from the base of Glory’s tower would never fade. He continued to dream of it every night.

Yet, Giles knew she was happy now. Her soul dwelled in one of the heavenly dimensions. It was this knowledge that kept him going. That his Slayer had been duly rewarded for her hard work and sacrifice. 

Giles had walked a fine line to gain this peace of mind. The thought of Buffy trapped in Hell had tortured him day and night after her death. Calling on the knowledge of his youth, Giles had performed a very dangerous ceremony that enabled him to project his spirit to Buffy’s current plane of existence. It was an iffy undertaking even for someone as practiced in magic as he was. The chance of “getting lost” and never finding his way back was great. But he had risked the danger.

He’d found her. Happy. Laughing. Beautiful.

Buffy had been so sad when she’d first seen him, thinking he’d died as well. She’d cried when he’d told her what he’d done, why he was there, and that he’d fallen in love with her. 

Giles could still feel the joy he’d felt when she’d assured him that she was all right and that she’d loved him too.

Giles shook his head. He thought of that spell entirely too much, the way she'd looked up at him, her eyes filled with love.

It was because of the dreams.

Buffy was alive in his dreams. She was full of life and laughter, the cares of being a Slayer far away. In these dreams, they lived the life they’d never had together.

Giles had fought the dreams at first. But the bleak reality that Buffy was out of his reach, that he would never be able to hold her in his arms the way he wanted to, had weakened him and finally he had welcomed the dreams.

These dreams made the morning ritual of telling himself that she was dead necessary. They were so real, that for a few hours at night, he was happy, away from the reality of his life.

A life that was barren and empty.

In his dreams, he lived an entirely different life. Buffy was in love with him, they made love and lived in a world without vampires. Every morning, before he woke, she’d kiss him good-bye tenderly, promising to see him soon.

Strangely, the dreams always started where they’d left off the night before. They never repeated. Sometimes they were unbelievably erotic, other times, they’d just hold each other as he told her about his day. She never talked about her life, deflecting his questions. Awake, he realized this, but asleep, he was powerless to press her for answers.

But for the last few nights, she hadn’t come. He’d spent his nights searching for her, but she wasn’t there, no matter how hard he looked. He woke each morning, bereft, the reality of her death even harder to face. 

“Congratulations, old boy,” Giles muttered to himself, “you’ve finally gone ‘round the bend.”

Giles pushed himself off the bed, going through the motions of making his morning tea. He didn’t really want it, but the ritual soothed him. He was standing at the counter, swirling a spoon in the cup absently when the shrilling of the phone startled him. He still hadn’t quite adjusted to the difference of the ring. He snatched up the receiver.

“Hello?” 

“Giles? It’s Willow? Did I wake you?” The closeness of Willow’s voice belied the distance between them. Giles picked up his glasses, as if seeing better would help him hear better.

“No, I was awake.” he assured her. He lifted the tea, but Willow’s next words froze it halfway to his mouth. “She’s alive, Giles! Buffy’s alive.” Giles set down the tea with a thump, sloshing the liquid over the sides. 

“What? When? How?” Giles asked in astonishment. He took off his glasses, polishing them furiously as he listened to Willow’s explanation of events.

At first, his heart leapt with joy with her words. But as he listened, it sank. He realized Buffy had not returned willingly, but had been ripped out of heaven by her friends. 

“I’ll be there as soon as I can get a flight.” 

[Buffy was alive.]

Giles’ brain managed to get itself around that fact quite nicely. In fact, it was doing back flips and leaps of joy around it.

Giles threw himself into action, calling for the first available flight to California.





Inside the Magic Box, Buffy was pummeling the punching bag. She imagined that it had the face of the loan officer who’d turned down her application for a loan. She tried to recapture the fleeting feeling of anger she’d felt, to no avail. Willow was trying to help, making up stories about Riley and Angel. 

Buffy shook her head. It wasn’t working. And even worse, Buffy couldn’t seem to care that it wasn’t working. It was like she was a zombie. Her body, even her mind was here, but that was it. What made her Buffy was missing. Sighing, she’d called it quits.

“Let’s go see if the gang found anything about my demon.” she suggested. Willow nodded silently, disturbed by the fact that Buffy was still so remote and nothing she did seemed to help.

Dawn looked up at the girls as they walked into the shop.

“This your guy?” she asked holding up the book. Buffy raised her eyebrows.

“You do research now? Want a cappuccino and pack of cigarettes to go with it?” Buffy asked sarcastically. The gang glanced at each other with small smiles at the exchange between siblings. This was their Buffy. Dawn sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Would you just look at the picture?” she demanded.

“Doesn’t exactly fit the profile for your typical bank robber.” Xander pointed out. Buffy shrugged.

“Maybe they turned down his loan application.” she said, giving Willow a small smile. Looking at the picture, Buffy nodded. “That’s him. Big bad. This thing was strong, guys.” she told the group. “No weapons I could see, but…” Buffy trailed off, staring across the room. “still… real… dangerous.”

Buffy stared at the figure in the doorway. Inside of her, every emotion she’d been so desperately been trying to feel moments before sprang to life. Hope and happiness warred with hurt and anger. For a moment, Buffy stood motionless, letting them all swirl through her. 

Giles stood in the door of the Magic Box, watching Buffy with the rest of the group. He smiled as she bickered with Dawn over doing research. Inside his chest, his heart swelled with joy at the sight of her. She was the most beautiful thing in the world. Buffy looked up and saw him standing there. Their eyes met. Giles put down his suitcases and moved toward her. Buffy met him halfway across the room.

“Oh God, Buffy.” he said smiling. He took her into his arms, holding her close. Giles drank in the way she felt, the scent of her hair. Buffy closed her eyes as she hugged him back. She felt so safe in his arms, as if clawing her way from her own coffin was just a distant nightmare. “You’re alive.” Giles whispered. Buffy tightened her grip on him “You’re here. And you’re still…” Giles gasped for breath. “remarkably strong.” Buffy looked at him in confusion.

“Huh?” Suddenly she realized how tightly she was holding him. “Oh. Sorry.” she said as she released him. Buffy remained close, unable to bear the thought of being away from him. Later, she’d analyze all the emotions running through her, she promised herself, but right now, she just wanted to be near him.

“Willow told me you were alive.” Giles murmured. “But I didn’t really let myself believe…” Buffy gave him a small smile and shrugged.

“I take a little getting used to.” she told him. “I’m still getting used to me.” Buffy joked, trying to cover how uncomfortable she was in her own skin. Giles searched her face, as if memorizing it for later.

“It’s, uh… you’re…”

“A miracle?” Buffy supplied. Giles put his hand on her cheek, caressing it with his thumb.

“Yes, but then, I always thought so.” he told her. For a moment, they stared at each other like they were alone in the room.

Finally, Willow piped up, breaking into the silence.

“I’m sure you guys have a lot to catch up on.” 

Giles looked at her distractedly. 

“Um, er, yes.” he stuttered. Leaving his things in the shop, he led Buffy to the workout room. 

Giles watched Buffy wander around the room restlessly. He hit the punching bag lightly.

“So…” he said.

“I can start. How was England?” she asked, sitting on the couch. “How was…” Buffy paused, searching for the right word “life?”

Giles smiled ruefully. 

“I’m not really sure how to answer that. Um, well, I arrived home, I, uh, met with the Council.” he told her, pacing the room.

“Always a good time.” Buffy said wryly, watching him as he moved around the room. 

“Yes.” he agreed with a smile. “Otherwise, there’s, uh, nothing really to report. I, um, keep a flat in Bath. I, uh, met with a few old friends. Almost made a new one, which I think is statistically impossible for a man my age.” Giles tossed his jacket onto the couch.

“And now you’re back.” Buffy summarized.

“Yes.” Giles said softly. Buffy’s heart ached at his lack of enthusiasm.

“Wow, Giles, are you miserable about it or just really British?” she asked sarcastically. Giles smiled. Taking off his glasses, he sat next to her on the couch.

“I can’t lie to you, Buffy. Leaving Sunnydale was… difficult.” Giles fought the urge to jump up and pace again. “And coming back was…”

“I’m guessing the word is ‘inconvenient’?” Buffy said wryly. Giles shook his head.

“No,” he said softly, looking Buffy in the eye. “Bewildering.” Buffy dropped her gaze to her lap. Giles put his hand on her shoulder, caressing it gently.

“And how are you?” he asked. “Really.” he added. “You look tired.” Buffy shook her head, waving away his concern. 

“Me? Nah. Fine.” Giles just continued to look at her. A look that said he wasn’t buying it and that she might as well just fess up.

“I mean, yeah, you know sleeping’s hard, but… just because of the whole waking up in a box thing.” Buffy said carelessly. “So maybe waking up’s the problem. You know… but just for a second.” she assured him. “I sleep ok. Great even. Except, you know, for the dreams.” Buffy trailed off and looked away.

“You seem to be doing remarkably well under extreme circumstances. I’m proud of you.” Giles said softly. Buffy shrugged.

“Actually, it wasn’t me. Willow brought me back. I just lay there.” she joked. Giles looked at her seriously and took her hand in his. Buffy allowed herself the luxury of lacing her fingers through his.

“Buffy,” he said softly. “Do you think that I’ve forgotten?” he asked. Buffy looked puzzled.

“Forgotten?” she asked. Giles reached up and brushed back a loose tendril of her hair. 

“When Billy was in the coma and nightmares came true. One of your nightmares was being buried alive.” 

“Oh.” Tears filled Buffy’s eyes, and she pulled away from Giles’ reassuring touch. “Oh.” she said again, words failing her. She should have realized that he would remember. Giles never forgot anything. “Oh.”

“It must have been terrifying to wake up, not knowing who or where you were, trapped in a box.” he said gently. Buffy’s lip trembled, and she brought her hand to her mouth. Giles stroked her hair as tears tumbled from her eyelashes. With a huge wracking sob, Buffy threw herself into Giles’ arms, allowing him to hold her as she wept. 

Slowly, but surely, between sobs, Buffy told him about awaking in her coffin and having to dig herself out. She told him about the confusion of walking around Sunnydale while the demons were ransacking it. About climbing Glory’s tower and Dawn finding her and talking her down. About asking Dawn if this was hell. 

“It’s so hard here, Giles.” Buffy whispered against his shirt. Giles rested his chin on the top of her head. 

“I know, Buffy.” he assured her. “I know. But you’re strong, and you’ll get through this. You have people who love you and want to help you.” Buffy nodded against his chest. 

“I know they do, but they keep waiting for the ‘old Buffy’ to appear. And I don’t know where she is right now.” Buffy told him. 

“You’ll find her.” Giles promised. “You’ll find her.” Giles held her close until her sobs finally subsided to faint hiccups.

Buffy sniffled against Giles’ chest, mesmerized by the calming circles he was making as he rubbed her back. She suddenly was overwhelmed by a sense of déjà vu. She had a picture perfect image in her mind of her and Giles snuggled together, talking and smooching. It was disturbingly similar to her memories of heaven. Stiffening, Buffy pulled away from Giles safe embrace.

“Well, I, uh, better start prepping. The slayage.” she explained. The excuse sounded lame even to her. Giles nodded and stood.

“Yes, there’s always that, isn’t there?” he asked calmly. No one would have ever guessed that his heart was racing, and that it had taken every thing in him to let her go. For a moment, it had been like he was living the dreams he’d had while Buffy had been dead. 

Buffy had her back to him, wrapping her hands in protective bandages, preparing to spar with the heavy bag.

“Seems that way.” Buffy muttered as he left the room. 


Giles stood motionless for a moment outside the training room. Removing his glasses, he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

Buffy wasn’t ready to talk about her time in heaven. Giles could accept that. He hadn’t expected to walk in the door to find her chattering away about it. But the almost complete withdraw surprised him. Sighing, Giles ran his fingers through his hair. Dear Lord, he was tired. He needed some time to think, to work out a course of action.



Buffy smiled ruefully as she shook the pillow into the pillowcase.

“I know they’re… so cute you could die.” she told Giles, holding the pillow out to him. “But they’re all I got.” she said as Giles took the pillow from her, laughing.

“Think nothing of it.” he assured her softly. “It’s, um, whimsical.” Giles tossed the pillow on the couch as Buffy shook out a matching sheet. 

“They were mine when I was little. Couldn’t find the guest sheets.” Buffy grew still and looked at Giles sadly. “Mom always did this stuff.” Kneeling on the couch, Buffy attempted to fit the sheet onto the cushions. “They don’t actually fit.” 

Smiling softly at her, Giles leaned over and began to help her with the sheet. Buffy stared at him for a moment, wondering if he had any idea how much better his mere presence made her life. Resisting the urge to throw herself into his arms, Buffy straightened up from the couch.

“I blame the sofa.” she joked, trying to shake her mood. “We need one of those pull out kinds. The ones with no payments until 2000 and infinity.” 

“What?” Giles asked, his brow furrowed in confusion and concern. Buffy dropped onto the coffee table.

“It’s just money stuff.” she told him, trying to sound unconcerned. “It turns out that Mom left me some, but it got squandered on luxuries, like food and clothes.” Giles slowly sank onto the couch across from her.

“How bad is it?” Giles asked, reaching out and covering both her hands with his. Buffy stared down at them for a moment, as a memory of a similar situation flashed through her head. The lighting was all soft and glowy, like it had been in heaven. [How could that be?] she wondered. [Giles wasn’t in heaven with me.]

“Anya says pretty bad. I’m kinda taking her word for it.” Buffy looked up and quirked a smile at him. “Actually, I’m kinda trying to not think about it.” she told him. Giles grinned at her, causing her heart to give an inexplicable pitter pat.

“Sound policy.” he said. “At least for tonight.” Buffy gave a nod.

“Figured I’d put it out of my mind. You know, take a break. Get some perspective…” Buffy trailed off, pulling her hands free from Giles’. “and then wake up at 4 am, terrified.” Sighing, Buffy gave into her need to be close to Giles and flopped onto the couch next to him. She clutched a sheet to her chest and sighed. Giles leaned towards her, his shoulder against the back of the couch. 

“Buffy, perhaps you’re putting too much pressure on yourself.” he suggested softly. “I mean, to return from where you were… it’s only natural that coming back… will be a process.” Giles was very careful not to mention Heaven in any way. His hope was that she’d bring it up on her own. Buffy dropped her chin to her chest.

“In the meantime, I’m scaring people.” she huffed. Giles smiled.

“Well, that can take time too.” he offered. Buffy stared despondently into the distance. Concerned, Giles continued. “If it’s any consolation, life can be… pretty overwhelming, even for people who haven’t been where you have.” he assured her.

“I guess.” Buffy said softly. Her mind was racing. [How can I tell him about where I’ve been?] she wondered, wracking her brain. Buffy briefly contemplated just blurting the truth out, but decided not to. She knew the longer she held off telling him, the harder it would be. 

“Look, tomorrow morning, you and I will sit down together and we’ll go through everything. Every bill, one by one. We’ll work it out together.” Giles promised. Buffy turned her head to look at him. He was so concerned about her, Buffy could tell. But unlike the others, he was willing to let her move at her own pace. It was one of the reasons Buffy loved him so much.

Giles wondered what was going on in Buffy’s mind. Several times over the course of the evening, she’d seemed to be on the verge of telling him something, but had held back. 

“I’m glad you’re back.” Buffy told him softly, causing his heart to leap wildly.

“Well, I’m glad you are too.” he replied softly, reaching out to touch her shoulder. Buffy panicked and stood before he could make contact. She knew the minute he did, she’d be overwhelmed with more memories that she simply didn’t understand.

Giles sighed as he watched her walk away. He dropped his head on the back of the couch and stared at the ceiling. He was pushing Buffy too hard, he decided. Giles lurched up from the couch. Grabbing a towel from the pile Buffy had left him, he went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. [I have to be careful.] he thought, staring at his face in the mirror. [One wrong step, and I’ll lose her forever.]

Giles dried his face, tossing the towel over his shoulder as he wandered into the dark kitchen.

“Hey Giles!” Willow said brightly, as Giles pushed open the door. Giles gave her a steely glare, but said nothing. Too pleased with herself to notice, Willow continued. “You have a good talk with Buffy?” she asked, taking a box of cookies down from a cupboard. Giles closed the kitchen door quietly and deliberately behind him.

“Yes,” he said softly. “now that she’s back.” Willow beamed at him as she hopped on a stool, munching on the cookies.

“Isn’t it awesome?” she asked, her enthusiasm bubbling over. She was completely oblivious to the deliberate way Giles walked across the room, to the sink. Bracing his hands on the counter, he stared at the metal basin for a moment, trying to reign in his temper.

“Tell me about the spell you performed.” he demanded, his voice tight with emotion. He removed his glasses as he spoke. Willow began to bounce with excitement.

“Oh, ok, first, of all, it was so scary.” Willow covered her eyes. “The Blair Witch would’ve had to watch like this.” she laughed, peeking through her fingers. Giles seethed silently as she spoke. Willow didn’t seem to notice as she waved her hands wildly. “And, and, and… this giant snake came out of my mouth and there was all this energy crackling, and this pack of demons interrupted, but I totally kept it together.” she told him proudly. “And the next thing you know… Buffy.” Willow smiled triumphantly, biting into a cookie, pleased with herself.

His back still to her, Giles’ hands, still resting next to the sink, clenched into fists.

“You are a very stupid girl.” Giles said over his shoulder, his voice filled with disgust. Stunned, Willow dropped her cookie and frowned at Giles’ back.

“What?” she stammered in disbelief. “Giles…?” Giles spun around to face her.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” he demanded fiercely. “The forces you’ve harnessed? The lines you’ve crossed?”

“I thought you’d be… impressed or something.” Willow said, hurt. Giles shook his head in disgust.

“Oh, don’t worry, you’ve made quite the impression.” he said. Giles leaned against the counter. “Of everyone here, you were the one I trusted the most to respect the forces of nature.”

“Are you saying that you don’t trust me?” Willow pouted. 

“Think what you’ve done to Buffy.” Giles demanded intensely. 

“I brought her back from Hell.” Willow said, defensively. Giles snorted with derisive laughter.

“How do you know?” he hissed at her. Willow looked taken aback at this question. Her brow furrowed in confusion. 

“What do you mean?” she asked. Giles leaned forward.

“How do you know she was in Hell?” he demanded angrily. 

“She told me.” Willow declared. 

“Before or after your little parlor trick?” Giles inquired sarcastically. Willow jumped to her feet angrily.

“I did what I had to do. I did what nobody else could do.” she told him, self-righteously. Giles shook his head. 

“No,” he said quietly, his voice hard and cold. “You did what you wanted to do. You decided that Buffy was in Hell and you brought her back without even checking.” 

“How would you know? You weren’t even here!” Willow accused. Giles stepped close to Willow.

“If I had been, I’d have bloody well stopped you.” Giles swore. “The magicks you channeled are more ferocious and primal than anything you can hope to understand.” Giles’ anger grew with every word he spoke. “You rank, arrogant amateur.” he spat. No longer able to tolerate being in the same room with the person who caused Buffy so much pain, Giles turned on his heel and stalked towards the door.

“You’re right.” Willow’s quiet voice stopped him in his tracks. Pausing by the door, Giles turned to look at her. “The magicks I used are very powerful. I’m very powerful.” she boasted. “Maybe it’s not such a good idea for you to piss me off.” Giles seethed at her words.

“Try me,” he whispered threateningly. “and we’ll see who shouldn’t piss off whom.” Taken aback, Willow immediately changed her tone.

“C’mon Giles, I don’t want to fight. I’ll think about what you said, and you… try to be happy Buffy’s back.” she cajoled. Giles shut his eyes and shook his head. 

“I’ll be happy when she is.”


Outside on the steps, Buffy cringed as Giles and Willow argued angrily. [Over me.] she thought in dismay. Sighing, Buffy dropped her head to her knees. This wasn’t what she wanted, none of this was. Giles and Willow grew louder. Buffy rested her cheek against her knee as she listened.

“How do you know she was in Hell?” she heard Giles demand. Buffy’s head shot up, her eyes wide with surprise. Such was her shock, she missed the next couple of sentences, but snapped out of her stupor when she heard Giles accuse “You decided that Buffy was in Hell and brought her back without even checking.”

[Oh my God!] she thought. [He knows. Giles knows that I was in Heaven.] Buffy desperately tried to figure out how he could’ve known. How would Giles know that she was in Heaven? 

Buffy jumped at the sound of a door slamming behind her. Whirling around, she found Giles standing in the doorway, waves of anger rolling from him. He was taking deep breaths to calm himself.

“Giles?” she said softly, causing him to jump. Giles looked around wildly for a moment before focusing on her. Buffy patted the step next to her. “Sit.” she requested. Looking slightly abashed, Giles sat on the wooden plank next to her.

“Did you hear…?” he asked softly, gesturing toward the house. Buffy nodded. “I’m sorry.” he said. “I never meant for you to hear…”

“You know, don’t you?” Buffy asked suddenly, interrupting him. Shocked, Giles’ gaze flew to her face. Buffy didn’t need to explain what she was talking about. Giles knew.

“Yes.” he said softly. Cautiously, he took one of her hands in his. “I know.” Buffy moved closer to him, her grip on his hand almost painful.

“How? How could you know?” she demanded. Giles moistened his suddenly dry lips. He glanced at the yard, the steps, the house. Anywhere but at Buffy. “Giles?” Buffy cried softly, a note of desperation in her voice.

“Because I was there.” he admitted finally. “I couldn’t bear the thought of you trapped in some hellish dimension, so I went looking for you.” Giles confessed. Buffy dropped his hand, and moved away from him. The moment he’d spoken, memories came rushing back, dropping all the puzzle pieces into place.

“Oh my God.” she whispered, her eyes wide. “It was all real. That’s how I can have memories of you in Heaven. You were there.” The words came out as an accusation. Giles shook his head.

“Just once.” he swore. “I just needed to know you were ok.” Desperation filled his voice, begging Buffy to understand.

“No.” Buffy said, shaking her head. “No, it was more than that. We… we were lovers.” she whispered. Speechless, Giles stared at her.

“The dreams.” he said, suddenly understanding. “They were real. You crossed the barrier between dimensions while I dreamt.” 

Buffy and Giles sat in silence, staring at each other, each trying to digest this new information. Buffy mind whirled with the implications of this revelation. Giles stared at her, unable to believe that his dreams had been real.

A scream from inside the house snapped them back to reality.

“Dawn.” Buffy said to Giles, scrambling to her feet. Inside they could hear crashing, followed by a roar. Jumping to his feet, Giles rushed inside. Dawn was on the floor, screaming as the M'Fashnik demon towered over her. Giles leapt for the demon, only to have it backhand him into the stairs. He smashed into the banister and slid to the floor, unconscious.

The demon turned back toward Dawn, but found himself in the grip of one very pissed off Slayer. 

“You’re paying for that door.” Buffy informed the demon angrily, flinging him into the living room. The demon landed on the coffee table, smashing it. Growing increasingly angry, Buffy punched and kicked the demon until finally managing to toss it down the basement stairs. It landed with a splash in the still flooded basement.

Roaring with anger, the M'Fashnik demon reached up and yanked a piece of pipe from above his head.

“NO!” Buffy yelled, as water began spraying all over. The demon came out her with the pipe, but Buffy deftly snatched it away and began to beat him with the pipe. 

“No. More. Full. Copper. Re-pipe.” she said, hitting him with each word. Chest heaving, Buffy stepped back as she realized the demon was dead, floating in the water.



The next morning, Buffy listened with half an ear as Anya gave a full explanation of her debt.

“This is going to take forever.” Buffy bemoaned as she looked at the extremely large number.

“There’s always the charging option.” Anya reminded her gently. Buffy shook her head. 

“No, I will definitely…” Buffy trailed off, then amended her sentence. “probably not be doing that.” she said. She looked up as Giles entered the room. His forehead was bruised and Buffy desperately wanted to leap from her seat and throw her arms around him, easing both their pain.

“Well, now I know I’m back in America now that I’ve been knocked unconscious.” Giles joked, carefully avoiding eye contact with Buffy.

“Poor lumpy Giles.” Buffy sympathized. Giles looked at Buffy in surprise. After last night’s revelations, he’d feared that Buffy wouldn’t want anything to do with him. “Thank you.” he murmured to Tara as she handed him an ice pack, his eyes never leaving Buffy’s face.

“I wonder what he wanted.” Tara wondered aloud. The lamp in Dawn’s hands crumbled, causing her to jump. “I mean, aside from costing you a bundle.” Buffy shrugged.

“Don’t know. Now he’s way too dead to answer any questions. Wish I knew who hired him.” Willow perked up immediately.

“Oooh, I could do a locator spell…” she said eagerly. She trailed off as Giles looked over and gave her a hard stare. “Or not.” she amended.

“That’s it.” Xander declared. “I’m calling it.” He threw down the coffee table leg he held. 

“Well, let’s take these things to the trash and give ‘em a decent throwin’ out.” Willow suggested.

The gang gathered up various pieces of broken furniture from the floor, and left to throw them out, leaving Giles and Buffy alone in the room. Carefully, Giles sat on the chair next to Buffy.

“Buffy?” he queried softly. Buffy stared at the paper Anya had worked up.

“I can’t do this.” she told him listlessly. “You know why I can’t do this.” Giles shook his head. 

“You can.” he assured her. “And, if you’ll let me, I’ll help you get through this.” Buffy looked at him and smiled, her face more relaxed. Buffy opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the shrill ring of the phone.

“Who’s calling me?” she wondered out loud as she moved to the phone. “Everyone I know lives here.” 

Giles waited for her return, his heart filled with hope. He’d been afraid that Buffy would be angry after the revelations of the night before. Instead, the opposite seemed true.

Buffy strode back into the living room, distracted. Giles jumped to his feet in concern.

“Buffy, what is it?” Buffy whirled to face him.

“Angel. He knows I’m…” she trailed off. “I’m going to go meet him.” she said, moving towards the door.

“Now?” Giles asked. Buffy paused, her hand on the doorknob.

“Yes, now.” she told him. “We’ll finish this conversation when I get back, ok?” Buffy said, and was gone before Giles could reply.



Hard Times Come Easy
It's amazing
We go through changes
When times get crazy
It's up and down, it's hot and cold
These complications
Just keep on coming
There ain't no running
When it comes to life that's how it goes

'Round and round we go
Sometimes it feels like
We're on a roller coaster ride
Baby don't you know
It could eat up
If you try and keep it all inside

CHORUS
Seems like hard times come easy
We do a lot of hangin' on these days
But the heart finds a reason
And love always seems to find a way
Even if it hurts
Even if it hurts us baby

There's gonna be thunder
There's gonna be rain
There's gonna be those times
We both get caught up in the pain
The realization
Keeps sinkin' in
The way you make it
Is learn to take it on the chin

'Round and round we go
It's just another day
With trouble knockin' at your door
Baby don't you know
We can work it out
'Cause we always seem to find a cure

CHORUS

'Round and round we go
Sometimes it feels like
We're on a roller coaster ride
Baby don't you know
We'll keep holdin' on
Through the changes that we feel inside

Seems like hard times come easy
We do a lot of hangin' on these days
But the heart finds a reason
And love always seems to find a way
Hard times come easy babe

Part 4 – All That Really Matters


Buffy sighed as the bus rumbled on the highway, returning her to Sunnydale. She could see her reflection in the dark window as she stared into the dark night sky. The guy sitting next to her had tried to strike up a conversation when she’d first sat down. He’d quickly abandoned that course of action after she’d pinned him with a steely gaze she’d learned from Giles.

[Giles.]

Just the thought of Giles sent Buffy’s brain into overdrive. Every time she thought she’d gotten it all straightened out in her head, something happened to send everything whirling and twirling again.

It’d seemed so simple that morning. Giles knew she’d been in Heaven. He’d been the only one to actually think to check. Buffy smiled softly, tears filling her eyes. How like him, to worry about her, even in death. 

Once he’d told her about the spell, about searching for her, the memories had come rushing back. Memories that Buffy had desperately tried to repress. Not just because they’d reminded her of the peace and happiness of heaven, but because they’d left her confused. Buffy understood now that there was no need to hide in Heaven, not even from yourself. The feelings she’d been so afraid to tell Giles and the others about before her death had been easily revealed in heaven.

Instinctually, she knew that Giles loved her. Closing her eyes, she easily conjured the memory of his visit to her and could still feel his love for her. Opening her eyes, Buffy stared at the window again. It had all been so simple when she’d been dead, the barriers between them gone. But she wasn’t dead, and the barriers were back. Her own jumbled feelings and the lingering trauma of her return certainly weren’t helping matters.

It hadn’t helped that she’d gone running off to see Angel that morning. Buffy shook her head. [The plan had made sense at the time.] she thought ruefully. Buffy wasn’t sure what she’d expected to happen, but she definitely hadn’t been prepared for the reality of their meeting. 

Sighing, Buffy closed her eyes, trying to rehearse what she was going to say to Giles when she got home. 



Giles lay on the sofa, staring up at the ceiling, wondering where Buffy was right now. The room was dark except for the light that streamed in from the street lamps, providing enough light that Giles could easily make out objects in the room. Giles wished Buffy would come home so that he could sleep. Second night back, and it was like he’d never left. He was still waiting up for her to make sure she was safe. Rolling onto his side, Giles punched the pillow to fluff it. He didn’t know why he was bothering. He wouldn’t sleep until she was home, and he had no idea if she’d even be back that night.

After Buffy had left to meet Angel, Giles had had plenty of time to ponder the consequences of their conversation the night before. Certainly, Buffy hadn’t seemed angry this morning. But, Buffy was like the sea, her moods could change from minute to minute.

Was she angry? he wondered. Upset? Did she feel that he used her, overstepped his bounds? Maybe she was happy, glad to have everything out in the open. Giles shook his head to clear his thoughts, and flopped onto his back again in frustration. His thoughts were just going around in circles, and it was driving him quietly mad. 

The scrape of a key in the lock drew his attention to the door. He listened as the locks clicked back and the door swung open then shut. Giles gave a quiet sigh as the locks were sent home again. [She was home.] he thought in relief. He closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep, as her soft footsteps moved toward the living room. 



Buffy moved quietly into the living room, stopping next to the couch. Giles lay with his eyes closed, his breathing deep and steady. 

“I know you’re awake.” she said softly. Immediately, his eyes opened, meeting hers.

“How did you know?” Giles asked, curiously. He could see Buffy smile in the dim light.

“Nobody is that tense while they’re sleeping.” she whispered. Dropping her purse, and shucking off her jacket, Buffy crouched down so that she was at eye level with him. “Can we talk?” she asked softly. Giles pulled himself into a sitting position, moving his feet to the floor. 

“Of course.” he said, reaching for his glasses. Buffy smiled at the familiar response. Settling onto the couch next to him, she sat Indian style so that she could look at him.

For a moment there was silence, and Buffy was reminded of the day before in the Magic Box, when neither had known what to say to each other. She knew that just like then, she would have to make the first move.

“Are you mad?” she asked softly. It hadn’t been what she’d planned on starting with, but Buffy supposed it was as good of a start as anything. In the dim light, she could see the emotions playing over Giles’ face.

“I don’t think ‘mad’ is the proper description.” he said after a moment. A smile played at his lips. “Concerned, worried, apprehensive, yes. Mad? No.” Buffy cocked her head.

“Don’t all those words mean the same thing?” she pointed out. Giles nodded.

“I suppose they do.” Buffy nodded. [Ok, so, not mad at me.] she thought. [But not happy either.]

“I’m sorry about this morning.” she told him. “It just seemed so important at the time.”

“How is Angel?” Giles asked. Buffy recognized this as an acceptance of her apology. 

“He’s good. Looks the same. Still a vampire.” she told Giles. She watched Giles intently as she spoke her next sentence. “He kissed me hello.” [God, how could his face go so blank so fast?] Buffy wondered as the shutters came down on Giles’ face. He stared straight ahead and she saw him swallow several times before he spoke again, his voice carefully neutral.

“I see. Then the two of you…” 

“Will never be locking lips again.” she interrupted. Giles turned to look at her in surprise, his eyes wide.

“Wh… what?” he stammered. [She was almost unbearably close.] Giles thought, looking down on her face. Memories of kisses shared in his dreams filled his head. All he had to do was bend down a few inches, and his mouth would be covering hers.

Buffy’s breath caught as Giles stared at her intently. It was a look familiar to her from her time in Heaven. There had been times when he’d look at her like that just before he… before he kissed her. [He’s thinking about kissing me!] Buffy thought excitedly. She leaned forward, shivering in anticipation. When Angel had seen her, he’d swept her into his arms and kissed her before she could respond. The kiss had had a comforting familiarity to it, but it was cold and without any of the passion she remembered. Because she found herself comparing it to the kisses she remembered Giles giving her. 

Giles saw Buffy shudder and turned away, mistaking it for a sign of disgust. [Now I know.] he thought regretfully. [Now I know how she feels about me.]

[No!] Buffy’s mind screamed. [Kiss me, damn it! I need to know if it was really real or just my imagination.] 

“You’ve had a long day.” Giles said softy, staring at his hands. “You should probably go up to bed.” Hurt, Buffy nodded mutely and pushed herself up from the couch.

“Fine.” she whispered as she walked away. Her back ramrod straight, Buffy strode through the doorway that led to the foyer. She had one foot on the bottom step, when she stopped. [What the hell am I doing?] Buffy took a deep breath and moved back to the living room, pausing in the shadows of the entranceway. 

Giles was sitting, hunched over, elbows resting on his knees with his face buried in his hands. Silently, Buffy slipped back into the room, standing in front of him. Frantically, Buffy searched her mind for the right words. Finding none, she simply reached out and ran her hand over his hair. Surprised, Giles jerked upright, and Buffy pulled her hand back as if it had been burned.

Giles looked up at her, his eyes searching hers. Slowly, he stood, never breaking eye contact. Buffy’s gaze followed his, completely enraptured by the promises she saw there. 

Slowly, giving Buffy time to back away, Giles brought his hand up and cupped her cheek. Transfixed, Buffy waited breathlessly as he slowly leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. Buffy closed her eyes as his lips covered hers. She fisted her hands in the t-shirt Giles had worn to bed, preventing him from moving away.

Giles had no intention of letting Buffy go. The second she responded to his kiss, he’d been lost. His free hand slid around Buffy’s waist, pulling her closer as his mouth ravaged hers, his tongue plunging between her lips.

Buffy opened her mouth wider, allowing Giles better access. Her tongue snaked out and met his, caressing and dueling with it. She groaned even as she gasped for air. Buffy wound one of her arms around Giles’ neck, holding him to her as tightly as possible. 

The intensity of the kiss was almost as overwhelming as the familiarity. Buffy knew, just knew, that if she were to slide her mouth along Giles’ jaw and nip his neck just below his ear, he would…

[Yup.] Buffy thought, pleased with herself as Giles gave a low moan of pleasure. [That’s what he’d do.] Buffy moved her mouth down Giles’ neck, to his collarbone, licking as she went.

“Buffy.” Giles murmured. He caught her chin between his fingers and tipped it up so that she was looking at him. “Buffy, let me make love to you.” 

Buffy swallowed nervously. She’d know when she’d walked back into the living room that this was where her decision would lead. Where she had wanted it to go. That didn’t mean that the thought of actually going through with this didn’t scare the hell out of her.

Giles sensed Buffy’s hesitation and loosened his grip on her. Panicked that Giles would change his mind, Buffy tightened hers. 

“No!” she protested. Inhaling deeply, she continued, slightly calmer. “I mean, I want to… want you to…” Buffy cleared her throat nervously. “I’m so in love with you.” she whispered. “But I’m so scared.” 

Never had Giles ever expected to hear those words from Buffy, and they moved him, emotionally. Gently, he placed a kiss on her forehead.

“What ever you want.” he promised, his lips a whisper against her skin. “Just tell me what you want.” Buffy closed her eyes.

“I want…” Much to her disgust, her voice quivered, and she stopped to pull herself together. “I want to make love with you.” Buffy said, her voice stronger. “I want to make the life we had in your dream a reality.” For a moment, Giles was motionless. He’d even stopped breathing, which frightened Buffy a bit. She shook him gently. “Giles?” 

Snapping out of his daze, Giles took a deep breath and pulled Buffy even closer. How could he explain the joy he’d felt at her words.

“Not here.” he said, inclining his head toward the couch. Buffy smiled and loosened her death grip on his shirt. She moved out of his embrace and caught his hand in hers.

“C’mon.” she urged gently, tugging him toward the stair. Giles allowed Buffy to lead him upstairs, to her bedroom. Buffy pulled him inside, shutting the door behind him. She snapped the lock before turning to face him. “I don’t want any interruptions.” Buffy told him, wrapping her arms around him and pulling Giles close. 



Buffy murmured happily in her sleep, snuggling close to Giles. Giles smiled to himself, even as he ran his hand over her hair. It had been quite a change to wake up and realize for the first time that his night with Buffy hadn’t been a dream.

“Mine.” he said quietly. “You’re mine forever.”

“Not if this talking first thing in the morning thing keeps up.” Buffy murmured sleepily. Lifting her head from his chest, she smiled at him. “Morning.” she said, laying her lips on his. Giles kissed her back, rolling her onto her back. 

“Good morning.” he greeted as he leaned over her. Buffy propped her head up on her hand, her elbow on the mattress. “How do you feel?” he asked. Buffy smiled, her first real smile since she’d been resurrected.

“Alive.” she said. “Happy. Glad to be alive. Hungry.” 



Dawn yawned as she cantered down the stairs. [Giles is up.] she thought as she walked passed the living room, noting the empty couch. Padding to the kitchen, she was surprised when she found only Tara and Willow there.

“Where’s Giles?” she asked the girls, sleepily. Willow and Tara exchanged worried looks. 

“We don’t know, sweetie.” Tara said, quietly. “He wasn’t there when we got up.” 

“Maybe…” Willow started. “Maybe he went for a jog or something.” she suggested. Dawn looked a little panicked.

“You don’t think he left, do you?” she asked. Tara shook her head.

“No, no.” she assured. “All of his stuff is still here.” 

“Morning guys!” Buffy said, bouncing into the kitchen. Tara, Willow and Dawn stared at her in amazement as she started rummaging through the refrigerator. 

“That must’ve been some meeting with Angel.” Dawn said, commenting on Buffy’s cheery mood. Buffy frowned.

“Not really.” she said, pouring herself a glass of juice. Meanwhile, Willow was staring at the clothes Buffy was wearing.

“Um, Buffy,” Willow began cautiously. “isn’t that Giles’ shirt?” Tara and Dawn immediately studied the shirt. Buffy nodded as she drank her juice.

“Yup. It’s not like he needs it.” she said cheerfully. A panicked expression crossed Tara’s face.

“You didn’t kill him, did you?” she stuttered. Buffy turned and looked at her as if Tara had gone insane. 

“Good morning everyone.” Giles yawned as he wandered into the kitchen. Willow had to admit that Buffy was right. Giles didn’t need the shirt. His wide shoulders tapered into a lean waist, where his pajama bottoms hung loosely from his hips. Dawn looked at the shirtless Watcher to her sister, the wheels in her brain turning.

“Oh my God!” she shouted. “You and Giles?” Dawn’s voice rose with each word. Willow jumped off her stool. 

“Now, Dawn, I’m sure there’s a perfectly good explanation.” she said, trying to calm the teenager. Willow turned to Buffy. “There’s a perfectly good explanation, right?” Buffy nodded.

“Of course there is. Giles and I had sex last night.” Giles cringed at her sentence as Dawn clapped her hands over her ears.

“What? Are you channeling Anya or something?” Dawn demanded in horror. 

“Buffy,” Giles said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I thought we’d agreed to break it to them gently.” Buffy whirled to face him, a spark of fire in her eyes. Willow gasped. Ever since her resurrection, Buffy’s eyes had been flat and empty. How was it that Giles had been able to restore that fire when Willow hadn’t been able to? Sex? Buffy had sex and was all better? Willow couldn’t believe that to be true. 

“I’m going to be scarred for life.” Dawn mumbled. Giles reached out and rubbed her shoulder comfortingly. 

“Maybe you should go upstairs.” he suggested. Dawn nodded and, still mumbling, left the kitchen. Giles had just turned back to face Buffy when Dawn came back through the swinging door. Plowing into Giles, she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed tightly. 

“Thanks for bringing Buffy back.” she whispered, before dashing off. Stunned into speechlessness, Giles watched her go. As he turned back to Buffy, he took off his glasses. He went to clean them on his shirt before remembering he wasn’t wearing one. He walked to the sink and used the towel.

Buffy smiled as she watched Giles. She could tell he was pleased beyond words by her sister’s actions. Buffy had to admit, she was pretty pleased herself. It meant that despite what she had said, Dawn was ok with her and Giles being together.

“Buffy, what’s going on?” Willow demanded, her voice fraught with uncertainty. “Are you ok?” Buffy grinned.

“Never better.” she said, sassily. It was true. Buffy hadn’t felt this good since she’d been ripped out of Heaven. Finally, she felt complete. Giles had restored a piece of heaven to her. She could never pay him back for that.

But with the return of her soul, came the return of her temper. Anger over the fact that Willow had taken it upon herself to make a decision that wasn’t hers to make washed through her.

“Buffy.” Giles said, a note of warning in his voice. He replaced his glasses, and stood next to her. “Be nice.” Buffy pouted, sticking out her lower lip.

“Fine.” she whispered. Taking a deep breath, she took his hand in her. “Giles and I are a couple now.” she told Willow and Tara. Tara smiled, her face brightening with joy.

“Buffy, that’s wonderful.” she said. “Isn’t it wonderful, sweetie?” Tara asked turning to Willow. Willow didn’t look like she thought it was wonderful. In fact, Willow was fuming.

“I don’t get it.” Willow spat, her anger surprising Tara. “You’ve moped around here for a month. He’s back for 2 nights and now you’re all chipper. Should we behold the power of the penis?” Willow demanded sarcastically. Buffy’s eyes flashed with fury as she took a step towards Willow, her hands out to her sides.

“You wanna go Glinda?” Buffy challenged. Willow’s eyes snapped with anger as she moved toward Buffy.

“Don’t tempt me.” she growled.

“Enough.” Giles declared, his voice commanding. Nonplussed, Buffy and Willow turned to look at him. “You.” he said, pointing at Willow, “Sit down.” Giles pointed at Buffy. “You. Go over there.” Giles gestured to the opposite side of the room. Her temper simmering, Buffy did as she was instructed, as did Willow. Tara looked back and forth at the two combatants, alarmed by the turn of events. 

“Giles?” she questioned, her voice quivering with concern. Giles smiled comfortingly at her.

“It’s ok, Tara.” he reassured. “Buffy and Willow have some issues to face. You better sit down for this.” Nodding, Tara warily started to sit next to Willow. “Um, you probably don’t want to be near her for this.” Giles suggested. Horrified, Tara stared at him for a moment, before taking a seat across the room. Whatever was about to happen wasn’t going to be good.

Once Tara had settled into a chair a safe distance away, Giles’ gaze swiveled between the two seething women. Buffy stood with her back to the wall, arms crossed over her chest. She glared angrily at Willow. Willow returned the glare, her hands fisted in her lap.

“Willow,” Giles said softly. “I told you that there were consequences for your actions. I’m afraid you’re about to deal with them.” He turned to Buffy. “As appalled as I am by Willow’s actions, she was following her heart. And I can’t help but be grateful because it brought you back to me. Remember that.” he said. Buffy looked up into Giles’ expressive green eyes and felt her heart melt.

“I’ll remember.” she promised. Satisfied, he stepped back. “Tell Willow where you were.” Giles walked away, standing next to Tara. Buffy moved forward, dropping her arms to her sides.

“There was no pain.” Buffy said sadly. “No fear, no doubt.” A look of horror bloomed on Willow’s face as understanding dawned. Buffy looked Willow in the eye. “At least, not until you pulled me out.” Tara gasped, silent tears running down her cheeks. “I was in Heaven.” Buffy said accusingly. “The reward for a job well done, and you cast me out. Dragged me into hell.” Buffy stopped, taking a deep breath as the emotions threatened to overwhelm her.

“How was I supposed to know?” Willow demanded defensively. “How could I have known?”

“The Spell of Isis.” Giles said quietly from across the room. Willow whirled around to face him.

“You knew.” she accused. “You knew Buffy was in a heavenly dimension, and you didn’t tell us.” Giles raised an eyebrow. 

“You never asked me.” he said, matter of factly. “In fact, you were too busy giving orders and playing Jean Grey to bother about anyone else.” Unable to argue, Willow turned back to Buffy.

“I didn’t know.” she said, her words hitching as she started to sob. “I’m so sorry.” Willow buried her face in her hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” she sobbed over and over. 

Buffy felt her anger ebb away at her friend’s obvious dismay. Reaching out, she patted Willow’s shoulder awkwardly. Buffy looked over at Giles, silently pleading for help.

Giles nudged Tara gently. Nodding, she stood and walked to her weeping lover and took Willow into her arms.

“I’m sorry.” she whispered to Buffy as she led Willow from the room. Buffy nodded, the words going a long way to soothe her jagged emotions. Pushing away from the wall, Giles took Buffy into his arms.

“Will Willow be ok?” Buffy asked him softly, staring at the kitchen door. Giles kissed the top of her head.

“We’ll get her some help, but I think she’ll be ok.” he said. Buffy nodded. 

“It’ll hurt them to know the truth.” she whispered, snuggling against Giles’ chest. 

“Yes, but they’ll survive. You did.” Buffy smiled. 

“Yes, I did.” she said proudly. “Thank you.” she said. Giles frowned.

“For what?” he asked. Buffy leaned back so she could see his face. 

“For loving me enough to check on me in heaven. For coming home. Pretty much for everything.”

“You’re very welcome.” Giles said, leaning down and pressing his lips to hers. Behind them, Xander pushed open the kitchen door open.

“Hey, Buff, have you seen…. Ahhh, my eyes, my eyes!” Buffy and Giles broke apart as Xander stumbled from the room. Buffy snickered as Xander howled in the next room. 

“Well, at least we don’t have to break the news to him now.”



All That Really Matters


R.Sambora 

When I look at you 
you're beautiful 
there comes a time in someone's life 
when you find things that matter 
and every time we touch 
the love runs deep 
we realize it's our to keep 
and that's all that really matters. 
You'll always be my sweet addiction 
in this life my saving grace 
you're all that really matters 
you know it's true 
ain't no me without you. 
When you're in the dark 
baby don't despair 
I'm just a spark away 
I will be there 
and that's all that matters. 
You'll always be my sweet addiction 
in this life my saving grace 
you're all that really matters 
you know it's true 
ain't no me without you. 
We'll share our lives together 
yes our flame burns on forever 
and at the final curtain call 
we can say we did it all. 
Solo 
You'll always be my sweet addiction 
in this life my saving grace 
you're all that really matters 
you know it's true 
ain't no me without you. 
And when we turns to dust 
and we fly away 
there'll be a light still burning bright 
and that's all that really matters.

END