Just Plain Crazy

They piled into Dumbledore’s office. It was cramped, but they all somehow managed to fit.

"So…" Buffy started. "Let me get this straight… Draco’s been nabbed… Ron and Hermione have been nabbed… and Harry, Evelyn and Torianna have been nabbed."

Dumbledore sighed. "It would appear so."

"Well, this is just a barrel full of fun," Buffy muttered.

Lorne turned to Angel and shook his head. "I don’t want to say I told you so-"

"Then don’t," Angel cut him off.

"First thing is to stay calm," Wesley said.

"Calm? Calm?!" Buffy cried. "Those kids were our responsibility! We were so wrapped up in the fact that nothing screwed up the actual ball that we didn’t think about afterwards!"

Professor Trelawny put a hand to her head. "I see death," she said hauntingly.

The entire inhabitants of the room turned to stare at her in silence.

"Can I drop-kick her, already?" Faith asked, turning to Dumbledore.

Snape snorted. "Potter, Lupin and Black should not have been out after hours. This is their own fault."

Sirius gave the potions professor a harsh glare. "Sod off, Severus."

Sarah rolled her eyes. "No use crying over a broken rule. What’s done is done. Now where the hell are they?"

"Riddle House. Where else?"

Sirius turned his glare on Narcissa. "You did this, didn’t you?"

The blond woman rolled her eyes. "Oh, for Merlin’s sake, Black."

"She’s one of us, Sirius," Dumbledore said loudly. "She always has been."

"So why marry Lucius?" Sarah asked suspiciously. "Why beat your children?"

Narcissa glared harshly at the other blond woman. "There are more pressing matters."

"So… if we assume that Harry, Evelyn and Torianna were taken by Death Eaters," Wesley reasoned. "What about the others?"

"Who has it in for Draco?" Willow asked.

"Harry," Willow said. "But… that’s out."

"And Lucius has basically disowned Draco," Narcissa added. "He wouldn’t bother with him. And Voldemort doesn’t want anything to do with him. So who would?"

Realization dawned on Giles first. "Bloody hell, the watchers."

"You really think so?" Angel asked. "You think they’d go that far?"

"Ah. Good. Hello, Mr. Malfoy."

The two well-dressed men had dragged him in handcuffed.

Gray eyes glared harshly at the older man. "Can I help you?"

Quinton Travers smiled. "Yes, actually. You’re very important to us, Draco. We want what’s best for you. We’ve decided to pull you out of Hogwarts, and train and teach you privately… here. How does that sound, my boy?"

Draco blinked, and made a hacking noise. A moment later, he spat up something foul looking onto Travers’ shoe. He then took off and did and backwards flip while the two watchers were still holding onto his arms and pulled his arms in so the two men slammed into each other.

"Most impressive, Mr. Malfoy," Travers nodded.

A man came up behind Draco and shocked him with a Muggle shocker again. He fell to his knees, and glared up at Travers again.

"But I’m afraid you’re out of your element."

Well… it was an office. Presumably in an office building.

She lifted her heavily, to find that Ron was already awake. His eyes were already glowing a bright white.

"Ron?"

He snarled in return. "They took my wand."

She sighed. "Do you know where we are?"

"Not a fucking clue."

"Don’t swear," muttered. "It could be worse. At least we’re not dead."

"Yet."

"Ron, calm down," Hermione said. "We’ll get out of this."

The red-head sighed and got to his feet. He loosened the tie around his neck, and tried the door. Locked. He rammed it with his shoulder.

Hermione sighed. "Ron?"

"What?"

"What are you doing?"

"Trying t’open the bloody door," he replied.

She sighed again. "Stop, Ron."

He did and heaved out a breath.

She shook her hand reached into her dress from the top.

His eyes went wide. What the was she doing?!

She pulled her hand out, now gripping her wand. She looked up to see him staring at her like a deer in the headlights. "What? This dress has no pockets."

He took two steps to stand in front of her and kissed her. "Bloody brilliant."

She smiled and turned to the door. "Alohamorah."

It swung open and the couple hooked arms.

"Shall we?" Ron asked.

She nodded, her smile getting wider as they exited the office. They walked casually down the corridor and Ron poked his head into a good-sized office with the name Gavin Park on the door. A man paced with a phone to his ear, speaking loudly.

Ron smirked and eyed his wand, sitting on the desk.

Hermione handed him her wand, and he held it up.

"Accio wand," he whispered.

The wooden stick flew off the desk and into Ron’s free hand.

"You’ve been practicing!" Hermione commented, sounding surprised.

"Proud?"

"Very." She took his arm again and snatched her wand back. "Come on."

"Once sec," he replied. He pointed his wand at the man on the phone. "Confundus!"

"Ron!" Hermione scolded.

"Just covering our tracks," he defended. "And… it’s funny!"

"Ron you’re going to get us in trouble! Again!"

He smiled and took her hand in his. "Mione, Luv, we’re always in trouble. Now come on."

"So… that leaves Ron and Hermione," Wesley said. "Who, besides Voldemort would want them?"

Angel glanced at Wesley. "Let’s think in broader terms, Wes. Hermione’s your family… who wants to hurt you?"

It didn’t take him long to catch on. He shook his head. "She wouldn’t."

"She’s evil, Wesley," Angel replied. "Granted not Voldemort evil, but still evil. I wouldn’t be surprised if she did this. Especially after you left her high and dry."

Buffy blinked from one man to the other. "Explanation. Any time. Really."

Wesley sighed. "Where would she take them?"

"LA," Angel replied. "If they got loose they’d stick out like sore thumbs."

"So we think Lilah has Ron and Hermione?" Fred asked.

Buffy blinked. "Lilah? As in the bitchy lawyer?"

"Yeah," Cordelia replied. "Wes slept with her."

Wesley turned an annoyed glance on his friend.

"Hello! Howdy! You did!"

"Let’s just work on getting them back," Angel said.

"What about Harry, Evelyn and Torianna?" Remus asked.

"What about us?"

The group of adults turned to see Harry and the girls, still in their formal attire.

Sarah jumped to her feet and pulled all three teens into a tight hug.

"Mom…" Torianna choked. "Mom, air!"

"We thought they had you guys for sure!" Willow cried. "What happened?"

"Harry kicked some Lucius Malfoy patoot," Evelyn replied, sitting next to her father. "It was awesome. It needed popcorn, but it was awesome."

Narcissa blinked at the boy who lived. "You…"

"In Ron’s words," Harry replied. "I beat his poncy arse. And he deserved it. No wonder I don’t like Draco."

"Draco isn’t half the bastard his father is," Narcissa replied.

Harry blinked. "You’re…"

"Narcissa Malfoy."

"Oh, shit."

"Hey!" Faith snapped. "No injury, no potty-mouthing!"

Harry blinked up at Faith. "…Shoot?"

"Where is Lucius now?" Dumbledore asked.

"Passed out in a full-body binding on the front lawn," Torianna replied. "Our Harry may be shrimpy, but he can kick some ass."

Harry blinked and thought for a moment. "…Why is everyone in here? Has something happened?"

The adults gave each other wary looks.

When Lilah walked into Gavin Park’s open office door, she didn’t expect to see him wandering around his office as if he had no idea where he was.

Lilah took out her cell phone, and pressed two buttons. "It’s Lilah. They’re loose. Find them."

Draco woke up behind bars. Three goony-looking men were standing guard outside his cell, playing cards. He sighed and sat up, realizing they hadn’t noticed him yet. He smirked.

"OI! ROOM SERVICE! WHAT’S A MAN GOT T’ DO T’ GET A DECENT PILLOW IN HERE?!"

The three men screamed and jumped. Cards went flying everywhere, and their make-shift table was knocked over.

Draco laugh heavily.

"What the hell is the matter with you?!" One of them asked.

"You," he snapped. "You’re what’s wrong with me! You’ve got me locked in a bloody cage! You took my wand, and my stake, and you’re ugly! All three of you, absolutely hideous, and I have to look at you! Do you see my dilemma?! Do you understand why I‘m upset?! Who the hell are you people, anyways?!"

"Collins."

"Smith."

"Weatherby."

Draco blinked. "I’m renaming you. Ugly One, Ugly Two, and Ugly Three. Now go get me a sandwich or something!"

The three men stood staring at him in confusion.

Draco turned his piercing glare on them again. "What the hell are you waiting for?! GET ME A BLOODY SANDWICH!"

The three men jumped from nervousness and ran off.

Draco snorted, and then let out a full-blown laugh.

"Harry, we don’t even know where they are."

He wasn’t listening to Torianna’s pleas for reason. He was too busy sharpening the large axe he’d pulled out of the weapons closet in the training dungeon.

"Harry, listen to-"

"I’m going to stop at the Watcher’s Council and get Draco first," Harry cut Evelyn off.

She thought for a moment. "Okay. I’m in."

"Evelyn!" Torianna cried. "This is crazy! You expect to just barge in and play the hero?!"

Harry thought for a moment, and nodded. "Yeah, that sounds about right."

"Harry!"

"Listen!" he snapped. "Whoever these lawyers are, they have Ron and Hermione! Ron and Hermione are the closest friends I’ve ever had! I am NOT losing them! Ever!"

The two girls stared at him.

He sighed. "Come on, don’t be like this. I love you both, you know that, but Ron and Hermione are important to me, too." His expression fell. "If something’s happened to them…"

Torianna sighed and lifted a dagger from the weapons closet. "Fine. Fine. First stop: Draco."

They turned to leave, but the door was blocked.

"Going somewhere?"

Harry cleared his throat at his potions professor. "We’re going to find Ron, Hermione and Draco."

"I don’t think so, Potter," Snape replied. "You’ve already broken- AH!"

He was all of the sudden shoved to one side by his niece and her friends. Faith smiled broadly at them. "You guys five by five?"

Harry nodded. "Loaded and ready."

She nodded. "Good deal. Just let us get suited up, and we can go."

Snape glared at the brunette. "Faith…"

"Four words, Uncle Severus… Out of Your League."

"They are students at this school, and I have a duty to-"

"Let them do the right thing," Faith finished. "Glad we agree."

She, Buffy, Angel, Wesley, Giles, Gunn and Cordelia finished loading up on weapons, and Cordelia herded the trio out of the dungeon.

Snape growled and followed them through the halls. They passed Sirius, Remus, Sarah, Narcissa and Dumbledore.

"Good luck," Dumbledore said to Angel. "We’ll be waiting to hear from you."

"Wait!"

The group turned to see Charlie, Arthur, and Molly Weasley walking up to them.

"Oh, no," Giles muttered. "Molly…"

"Shut up, Rupert. This is my son that’s been taken. I’m coming with you.."

Dumbledore sighed. "Molly, have you ever fought before?"

She faltered. "Well…"

"I’m gonna find them, Mrs. Weasley," Harry said.

She gave him a shocked look. "You’re going?"

Harry sighed. "Let’s just call it some on-the-job training."

Sirius glanced at the two girls. "I don’t think so."

Evelyn scowled. "Harry’s going!"

"Harry’s got an excuse!" Cordelia cried. "He’s freaky like us!"

Everyone stared at her.

"What?!"

"Sirius is quite right," Sarah spoke. "Neither of you are going. It’s too dangerous."

"But-" Harry started.

"No," Remus voiced.

Torianna squeaked. "But-"

"No," Sarah snapped.

Evelyn growled. "But-"

"Bloody hell!" Sirius cried. "No!"

Snape smirked. "That’s right, you two. Now back to your tower, the both of you."

The two Marauders and the Maraudette glanced oddly at Snape.

Sirius turned back to the girls. "Bloody hell. Go."

Sarah nodded. "Go."

Remus sighed. "You two…"

"Do you want to agree with the greasy git?" Sirius cried.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Merlin forbid either of you should stick with a decision and not spoil your children."

"Oh, but Mione! I wanna use the slug hex!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "You’ve used the slug hex three times, Ron! Use something else!"

When Lilah Morgan had decided to kidnap Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger in the hopes of handing the young witch and half-demon over to Lord Voldemort, she never dreamed they would best her. But lo and behold, she was sitting in her office, in a full-body binding spell, with the two teens arguing over what non-fatal hex to blast her with.

The couple reminded her of a saner, very young, very non-evil version of Spike and Drusilla. Not that’d she’d ever really met Spike, but she’d heard stories.

"She’s under the pertrificus. She could choke on the slugs and die! Why not just put her under a stupefy?" Hermione asked. "Besides, we should leave soon. People are going to worry, and we can’t stay here forever."

Ron huffed. "But I’m not done!"

Hermione smirked, and took his hand in hers. "You can practice your hexes on Malfoy when we get home. I promise."

He smiled. "Oh. That sounds fun."

Lilah smirked as security kicked open the door and rushed in. They came in shooting.

"Ron! Du- AH!"

Ron whirled around to her, and saw that her arm had started to bleed. He couldn’t tell if she’d been shot or grazed, but it didn’t matter. He slowly turned back to the guards, who’d stopped shooting. He growled darkly, and threw himself at the guards, eyes now burning white.

"Ron! Wait!" Hermione cried. She clamped a hand over her bleeding arm. She spotted one of the guards pull out a hefty looking club as Ron slugged one of the other ones.

She lifted her hand, her eyes turning onyx. A harsh wind blew through the office, flipping papers, and messing hair. "BACK!"

The guards flew out the door, and it slammed harshly.

Ron slowly walked up to her, his eyes still white, hers still black. "Mione?"

She nodded. "I’m alright."

"Your eyes… and the magic-"

"I can explain," she cut him off. "I’ve been learning a different type of magic… the kind that Professor Macclay and Willow are accustomed to."

"And it turns your eyes black."

Hermione nodded. "Yes."

"Your arm-"

"Will heal," she finished. "We’ve really got to get out of here."

The couple turned to the door, but were blocked by Lilah, who was now holding up a gun that one of the guards had dropped. "Going out?"

Ron growled again, but Lilah stood her ground.

"One of you makes a wrong move and the other gets shot. Now sit… down."

Wesley sighed. "Alright. Buffy, Faith, Evelyn, Torianna, Willow, Tara, Xander and Giles, you will all go and get Draco. Angel, Harry, Gunn, Fred, Cordelia, Charlie and I will try and rescue Ron and Hermione."

Molly cleared her throat at the same that Narcissa did.

Giles rolled his eyes and glared at the two women. "Bloody hell. Neither of you are going."

Molly glared. "Watch your tone of voice with me, Rupert Giles. I won’t be spoken to like that. Especially not by you."

Buffy blinked. "You date her, too?"

"Of course not," Giles snapped. "…It was her sister. Molly, this is ridiculous. You don’t know how to fight."

"I know how to fight," Narcissa snapped. "You don’t live in Malfoy Manor and remain defenseless."

"That’s funny," Sarah replied darkly. "Your son did."

"That’s enough!" Dumbledore cried, getting out of his chair. "I am sick and tired of listening to the lot of you bicker while Merlin knows what’s happening to those three children! Wesley has come up with a perfectly sensible plan of action that none of you are taking! Molly, you’ve never, ever gone into a battle situation in your entire life! How do you expect to help?! Narcissa, are you trying to jeopardize your standing in the Death Eater ranks?! If you’re found out, Severus is sure to follow, and that cannot happen! Now, I want everyone who has been given a task to get out! Now!"

The entire group of them stood staring at Hogwarts’ headmaster.

The elder man fumed. "OUT!"

They rushed out of the teachers’ lounge, and split up into their respective groups.

"Damn," Evelyn muttered. "Go, Grandpa."

They were tied together, and even in that position, Ron could tell Hermione wasn’t doing so well.

"You alright?" he asked her.

Her eyes had gone back to their normal brown shade. She felt weary, tired, limp. "I’ll be okay."

"How’s your arm?" Ron asked her. "Stop bleeding."

"Yes. For now."

"You sure you’re alright?"

She sighed. "The magic makes me a bit tired… I’m not that good at it."

"Good enough to save my hide," Ron pointed out. "Thanks, by the way."

"Let’s just call us even for the save in the shrieking shack, shall we?" she suggested.

"Didn’t know we were keeping score," he replied.

"Will you two shut up?" Lilah snapped. "I’m on the phone… No, Goyle, not you, of course. Tell Lucius and Your Master that I have them… alive as instructed."

At the sound of those name, Ron snarled. He felt himself growing warmer with anger.

"She’s gonna hand us over to You-Know-Who," he deducted.

Hermione sighed. "Honestly, Ron. You hadn’t figured that out until now?"

"Some of us aren’t bloody know-it-alls."

"I may be a bloody know-it-all, but at least you like it that way," she snapped quietly.

He felt some of his anger subside at her words. A smirk crept onto his face, and somehow managed to take her hand in his.

"Are you scared?" Hermione asked.

Ron shook his head. "Not in the least. I may be tied to a chair, but you are, too. So I‘m fine."

She gripped his hand tighter.

Buffy kicked down the door to the Watchers’ meeting room, and Quinton Travers looked up, shocked, before being lifted out of his chair and slammed up against the far wall.

"Draco. Now."

Travers swallowed hard, and led the way to the cell.

Draco Malfoy was sitting in a chair on the outside of the cell, munching on a sandwich, playing solitaire.

Inside the cell, Collins, Smith and Weatherby were knocked unconscious.

Tara blinked at Draco. "How-?"

"I wanted a sandwich," He told them, taking a bite.

Evelyn smiled, and dragged him to his feet by his hands, kissing him shortly. "How did you do it?"

Draco rolled his eyes. "I ordered a sandwich, they brought it to me, opened the cell door, and I kicked their sorry arses. And now I’m eating my bloody sandwich… where are Potty, Weasel and Granger?"

Harry kicked open the main entrance to Wolfram and Hart’s LA offices. He had no idea where he was, or where he was going, but Professor O’Brien had suggested that he lead the way in.

And so he walked right up to the information desk in the lobby.

"Hello. I’m Harry Potter. I’m looking for Ms. Lilah Morgan?"

The guard at the desk did not bother to look up from his newspaper. "She’s not available at the moment."

Harry sighed, and pulled an axe from the sheath behind his back. He pointed it at the guard. "Let’s try this again. Hello. I’m Harry Potter. I’m looking for Ms. Lilah Morgan."

Faith sniffed a little. "I’m so proud."

Draco sat nervously in the Headmaster’s office, fidgeting with the stake in his hands. He was still wearing his suit from the Yule ball, but he’d lost his hat. Tara had promised to find him a new one.

Now, he was facing Albus Dumbledore, and his mother was pacing behind him.

He hated her.

He hated her so much for that she’d done to him, and all the things done to him that she ignored. She had been detached and cold to him his whole life.

And now he knew why.

Why hadn’t he noticed anything before? Even his father had shown some affection for him when he did things right.

But now he knew why she’d looked at him with disgust so many times. Now he knew why she never really spoke to him.

He’d suspected before that she’d never really wanted him, but now he knew why. Her whole marriage, her whole life was one big spy mission. Which made his life, in his eyes, one big joke. One big scam to make sure she didn’t get found out by his father.

Draco didn’t know weather to be angry, confused, or heart-broken.

Anger seemed like the logical choice. He hated being confused, and he refused to be heart-broken over a mother who never cared.

He heard her sigh. "Draco…"

"Don’t talk to me," he said.

"Oh, for Merlin’s sake," she muttered.

He got to his feet and faced her. Head up, eyes focused, fists clenched. He repeated his earlier words to her. "Get out of my life." With that, he walked out.

Narcissa rolled her eyes, and looked to Dumbledore, who sat motionless at his desk.

"Honestly, Mister, I really don’t want to hurt you. You see the thing is that this Lilah woman has my two best friends locked up and is probably going to hand them over to my worst enemy. And if that happens, I’ll have to go after him, and I’m just not ready for that yet. You see, I’m only a warrior-in-training so far, and Voldemort basically drop-kicked my arse all over Riddle House last year, and the only reason I survived is because of our wands being related. So, please, do hurry up and find her office."

They followed Harry, who was holding his axe to a guard’s back to get him to move.

"Angel?"

"Yes, Wesley?"

"Perhaps Buffy’s influence is a bit too strong."

"You know," Angel replied. "I was just thinking that."

"Poor kid," Cordelia shook her head. "He’s turning into a whiny-Buffy clone."

"Cordelia…"

She groaned at Angel’s complaint. "Sorry."

At that moment, Charlie went rigidly still, and shoved the entire group behind a corner.

Faith was confused. "Charlie, what-"

"Malfoy," Charlie whispered.

Harry blinked. "Who cares. I beat him up before…"

Angel nodded. "He’s right. We get his wand and he’s practically helpless."

"Aw," Faith said. "Is Charlie afraid of the big bad Death Eater?"

"Yes," Charlie nodded. "I’ll need special attention and cuddling later."

"This is the part where I plug up my ears, right?" Gunn asked.

Cordelia wrinkled her nose. "Definitely."

"Can we just go smash Lucius Malfoy over the head?" Wesley asked. "Please?"

Harry smiled. "I can’t believe I’m going to beat up a Malfoy twice in one night and not get expelled."

"Wait up, will you?"

Draco didn’t stop for Evelyn.

"Draco!"

"What?" he snapped, stopping finally.

She caught up to him. "Are you okay?"

"No," he replied. "Was that all?"

"What is wrong with you?"

"Right now? Everything."

She sighed. "Listen… about your mom-"

"Don’t say it," he cut her off. "You wouldn’t understand. You’re mother’s dead, and you’re probably better off for it."

Her expression turned into one of shocked hurt, and she raised a fist to hit him, but quickly dropped it and stormed off.

He stormed off in the opposite direction.

They’d successfully beaten the stuffing out of Lucius Malfoy and shut him up in a janitor’s closet.

They stood in front of Lilah’s office door, and Harry looked up at his teachers and their friends. "Can I do it? Can I?"

Faith, Angel and Wesley all glanced at each other and shrugged.

"Yeah, okay," Faith said. "Go ahead."

Harry beamed and kicked the door open.

Inside, Lilah was facing the window, talking on a cell phone, and Ron and Hermione were tied to two chairs, back to back.

Ron, being the one facing the door, smirked at Harry. Harry crept in with the others guarding the door. He snuck up to his friends, and began to untie them, but Lilah whirled around and shot at him.

She missed, but only because he hit the ground completely.

This did not make Ron very happy. His eyes glowed again, and he snarled, trying desperately to break free of the ropes.

Lilah aimed her gun at Hermione. "Weasley, if you don’t stop, I’ll-"

A crossbow dart flew from the doorway and knocked the gun out of Lilah’s hand.

Fred smiled from behind her crossbow. "Hi! Remember us?"

The trio walked through the Gryffindor portrait hole, patched up, and relieved to be home.

Ginny shot up from her spot on the couch in the common room and threw her arms around her brother. "Oh, Ron! I’m so glad you’re alright!"

He shrugged at his friends and hugged her back. "I’m alright, Gin."

She let go of him, and then hugged Hermione, and then Harry, whom she pecked very lightly on the lips.

They stared at each other, both quite embarrassed.

"Uhm…"

Ginny cleared her throat. "Well, I’ll… goodnight!" she ran up the girls’ dorm stairs and disappeared.

Ron turned a withering glare on Harry.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Ron, let’s play chess."

"Chess?"

She dragged him away from Harry, who sighed and sat himself down on the couch, where Torianna had an arm around Evelyn.

Harry blinked. "What happened?" He glared at no one in particular, all of the sudden knowing exactly how Ron felt. "What did Malfoy do?"

Torianna sighed. "He made a pretty crappy remark about dead mothers. I’m planning on kicking his ass tomorrow morning before breakfast."

Harry felt livid. He could feel his face turn red. "You and I both."

:: On To Chapter Twenty-six ::

:: Back to Lipton Lee's Page ::
:: Back to Author's Page ::
:: Slightly Over The Edge ::