*~*~*

She hadn’t thought at all during her shower. She had simply watched the water wash the soot and grime off of her body and down the drain until all the water disappearing turned clear again. It was so simple, just like it had been only a few short months before, and had been for the three bites of sandwich she had had earlier in the day. Just simple.

Buffy wanted that all the time now, but it would never happen. Not ever again.

She stepped out of the steamy confines of the tiled walls and into the air of the cooling room, grabbing her towel off of the sink counter and began drying off. As soon as that happened all the thoughts came rushing back…where all the dirt had come from came back, the sight of that little boy, possibly a demon, just out of her reach in that burning house, the vampires…people who had died and whose families had grieved them, she had staked that night, all these nights since even before she had discovered that what she was doing in secret had a name; before she knew that she was doing it so naturally because it was her calling. All those things with human faces that she had killed.

And finally where she stood now. And it was almost too much. For all the times she had wanted to cry recently, none compared to now. But unlike earlier in the day she held it back. Buffy figured that all of her previous childish outward shows of emotion would have to stop for her long term benefit when she had to fight.

She sighed and looked at herself in the foggy mirror. She had a puffy purplish-black bruise skirting around the outside of her left eye and her bottom lip was split on the side. Her eyes skimmed down over another bruise which she had gotten a few days earlier on her clavicle, but had mostly faded, down to the new contusions decorating her ribs and upper arms. It took so much to hide them all, and yet she did it so well. She knew Xander had not even seen most of them despite all the time she knew he spent looking at her, thinking that she didn’t know. It was funny to her now, that she could always feel his eyes on her; and not just recently, although only recently did it have the effect on her that it did now.

Buffy knew that she had taken too many hit tonight…hell; she had taken too many hits on all her outings with Giles, and she wasn’t looking forward to going out alone. Even thought the old British man was annoying most of the time and always so impersonal with her, she felt safer when he was there; when he was just beyond her making sure that she was ok and ready to jump in to save her if necessary, ready to give her pointers that would save her life. But after tonight, that would be gone. She would be alone and left to simply report to him the following morning about the previous nights slaying. She would have to take care of herself…

She stopped mid way from pulling on a pair of Xander’s old boxers that she had designated as hers and she remembered how he had washed her face so tentatively when she had arrived at his house. Climbing back up onto his roof had been harder with an injured shoulder than it had been earlier in the night and she had needed a moment to collect herself and blink away the tears that had forced themselves out of her eyes at the movement of her arm, and he had heard her. And then he had come to her and helped her inside, and checked to make sure that nothing had followed her…he mad sure she was safe, and then he took care of her.

Buffy wished that she could share this new life she was being forced into with someone…with Xander…but if Giles knew that she had told him what she had already, she was sure he would flip. <Maybe the Slayer thing is a ‘If I tell you I’ll have to kill you deal?> she questioned, her brow furrowing with worry at the concept of that. She’d just have to make sure that nobody knew that he knew.

She’d have to keep him out. And it was becoming more apparent by the day that trying to keep Xander out of her Slaying life was going to involve removing him from large portions of her regular life…parts that he had always been in, and Buffy was certain were only there because of him. But she wanted to keep him safe; she wouldn’t let anything take him from her, even if she could only enjoy him from a distance. If it meant that she would have to suffer with the Xander-shaped void in her life for the rest of her life, so be it…just because she had to die being the Slayer, doesn’t mean that he would go with her. She wouldn’t let him go with her.

Buffy pulled on his old oversized gym shirt and hung up her towel vowing that she wouldn’t lose him…that she wouldn’t let herself become dependant on him when it was her burden alone to carry. She tried to tell herself, as she prepared to open the door, that she didn’t need him…

And then the door was open, and she saw him laying back on his bed chuckling a little as he watched an episode of Scooby Doo on the cartoon network…and she realized it…she did need him. And more importantly than that she wanted him. Whatever that may mean, she wanted him.

Xander turned to face her, the laughter in his eyes being replaced by concern as he saw her just standing there. He sat up a little to look her over, dressed in his old clothes, her hair wet like he knew it would be, "You alright?"

Buffy nodded quickly to keep him from getting up and she moved towards the bed. "Can I watch?" she asked quietly taking a seat slightly in front of him and thus avoiding him asking about her shoulder.

"Yeah," Xander said, "I was just waiting for you to get out…"

Buffy turned to face him and then crawled up the bed to sit back against the pillows next to him, "I just lost track of time."

Xander glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, "I like my theory better," he licked his lips, "Where you just spent the last thirty minutes staring at yourself naked…while I sat behind my two way mirror," he added under his breath.

Buffy quirked an eyebrow at him, "How’d you know?"

"Two way mirror." Xander reiterated. He quickly refocused his attention the antics of Shaggy and Scooby to avoid thought of whatever Buffy may have been doing in the bathroom…in his bathroom.

"So," Buffy asked after a moment of watching TV with him, "How bout that answer?" she trued to sound nonchalant.

Xander’s brow scrunched up, "Answer?"

Buffy looked at him expectantly, "Yeah my answer…my reason to live." She repeated somewhat sarcastically. "You said when I got here you’d tell me." She watched the realization dawn on his face.

"Um…" he started and shook his head, "I don’t…It’s…there’s a lot of stuff…" he didn’t know what to say.

Buffy looked at him confused, "Well, we can talk about a lot of stuff." She glanced at his clock seeing that it was after 2, "We’ve got plenty of time."

Xander sighed, "It’s not about time…it’s about the talking." He sat up on the side of his bed, keeping his back to her, "I don’t know if we can talk…at least about this."

Buffy was surprised that he wouldn’t look at her and disappointment was obvious in her voice, "Alright…so then what? We just don’t talk?"

Xander heard her tone change and turned suddenly to face her, noting the broken look on her face that he had just vowed never to be the cause of. "It’s just we’ve been dancing around this since summer, Buffy." He started gaining her attention. Xander realized that he was in a damned if I do and a damned if I don’t situation in terms of hurting her, so he might as well give her what she wanted. He’d give her her answer and deal with the consequences for himself. "And every time we end up exactly where we were before only worse off because every time it makes less and less sense."

Buffy looked down at her hands and started fiddling with her fingers. She knew exactly what he was talking about even though he couldn’t be more vague unless he stared miming.

They were friends, but they were more. They weren’t more, but they might want to be. They might want to be but it could cost them everything. It could cost them everything, but it would be worth it.

It was one huge circle; and it did make less and less sense every day.

"So lets just get it all out then," Buffy said, steeling herself and sitting up to face him. Locking her determinedly nervous gaze with his. "Lets, for the first time in months, have a conversation that makes sense and resolves the issue…"

"And if you’re not ready?" Xander shot at her completely devoid of pretences.

"We’ll decide that when we’re done with the conversation," Buffy swallowed, consciously aware of her use of the word ‘we’. "And what if you’re not ready?" she repeated his question.

"If I’m not then I’d be cracking a joke instead of trying to work out how to tell you that I want to be with you. And I’m not doing that." Xander said in an instance of complete seriousness.

"And you just did." Buffy pointed out matching his tone and trying not to give away the fact that her heart was about to pound out of her chest and her throat was dry and constricted.

Xander just looked at her, trying to read how she took his declaration, and feeling like he was going to die either from embarrassment or from a heart attack at the age of sixteen. "So I did, and there it is." He refused to take his eyes from hers and she did the same. "There’s your answer that we’ve been dancing around since we were at the shore. I want to be with you…I want to date you, Buffy. I can’t not be with you because you’re my best friend and I love you, and I can’t be with you for the same reason."

Buffy swallowed, "That should be exactly why you should be able to be with me…"

Hope crept into Xander’s heart and his eyes brightened momentarily. "It’s not about my being able to be with you Buffy…I…the way I feel…I could be with you for, like, ever…as a friend, as more…forever. But you’ve been…you’ve got all this new stuff…"

The Slayer. Buffy wanted to cry again. He said that he wanted her and she felt the same way, but this goddamned calling…

"And you might not be ready for everything that I am," Xander continued. "You’ve got so much to deal with, and I don’t want to add to it."

Buffy smile at him, relief that he wasn’t going to run from his feelings because of what she was now. She looked at him and how he was watching her, not demanding anything from her, just waiting, and realized that she’d always be Buffy to him. No matter what she might be to anybody else, she was always going to be his Buffy. And she made a decision…one she had actually made before, but now she acted on it.

Buffy watched him, and leaned in, moving so slowly as if to give him a chance to back out, but he didn’t. They just got closer until she let her eyes shut and turned on the auto-piolet as she pressed her lips lightly to his. So lightly that she barely even felt it. But then Xander tilted his head and kissed her harder, not rough but more decisive, as place one of his hands behind her neck to pull her closer and then closed his lips around her upper one, lingering for a moment as they moved together for a few moments.

They pulled apart slowly and she opened her eyes, still feeling that sweet and chaste first kiss. Any other guy would have made it so much more…Scott had tried to test he gag reflex with his tongue during their first kiss, but Xander didn’t. And it was good. It was so good and everything she had been trying to imagine that it would be. She had kissed Xander.

<IkissedBuffyIkissedBuffyIkissedBuffyIkissedBuffy> Xander’s mind chanted as he let his hand fall down to rest on her knee. He kept his face surprisingly calm for all the emotion that was flaring inside of him.

"You won’t add to anything," Buffy whispered, breaking the silence.

"But you started slaying and broke up with Scott…" Xander remembered, suddenly thinking that the kiss may have been more harmful than helpful, no matter how nice it was, or how perfect it felt.

Buffy’s eyes fell to his hand on her knee, "I broke up with Scott because of Scott," she told him. "He deserves someone who really wants to be with him…I couldn’t give him that…"

"I’m going to want the same thing though."

"Good." Buffy said quietly still looking down, "I wouldn’t consider giving you any less."

And there was his answer. Stated clearly and out loud…it was what he wanted. It was Buffy and Xander.

Xander leaned forward again, the initial awkwardness of kissing his childhood best friend completely nonexistent at this moment, and tilted her face up to meet his with his mouth, kissing her full on just as he had dreamt about. And Buffy kissed him back, moving her mouth in time with his and sighing into his mouth. And then he felt the very tip of her tongue flick against his lower lip and fought to maintain the kiss instead of passing out. He knew what that meant, and his body responded before his mind could catch up and he pushed his tongue lightly against hers for the first time.

Buffy felt his hand leave her knee and she rose her arms, pain in her shoulder completely forgotten, and wrapped them around his neck. She moaned and let Xander control the kiss, trying to scoot closer to him while feeling his tongue in her mouth for the first time. When she felt both of his hands grip her waist everything she thought would be wrong with this situation melted away…this kissing her best friend was something she could do…a lot.

They stayed like that, each allowing the other to experience everything that they had been wondering about that aspect of the other for several minutes, both sighing at the new form of contact, so long, it seemed recently, denied. When they pulled apart they were grinning at each other.

"That was nice," Buffy nodded with a shy tight lipped grin while keeping her arms around his neck.

"Yeah," Xander agreed and licked his lower lip. He could still taste her in his mouth and it was something that he had imagined a lot for the past few months, but the reality was so much better. Her kiss was so much better than anything he could ever have come up with on his own; so soft and warm…and real. "Really nice," he added with a smile after he cleared his throat. "And at first I thought it’d be like kissing my sister…"

"But definitely not," Buffy stated.

"Right. Definitely not anything like that. And good. Great." His mind was still firing on about three cylinders after that experience. The one thing he had been working to talk himself into not wanting anymore had just been given to him and now he knew he would never want to give it up.

Buffy smiled at him again and loosed her arms from his neck, "Great…I loved the answer…" She leaned in and pecked him again on the lips, now completely allowed to want to do so before she settled back in his bed.

"Me too…it was the best answer I’ve ever given." Xander turned out the light and lay down next to her, settling on his side to face her.

Buffy felt him watching the side of her face and was well aware that she was still grinning a little, and she turned to face him. The size of the bed placing them almost nose to nose. "What?" she asked quietly after a few moments of them just watching each other.

Xander smiled shyly and shrugged his shoulders, "Just thinking."

Buffy grinned back into his face and unconsciously slid herself closer to him. "Bout what?" she asked, biting her lower lip slightly and she watched Xander’s eyes focus on the action.

"Bout kissing you again," he admitted without a hint of bashfulness.

Buffy hummed before she answered, smile still in place as her lips grazed his when she spoke, "Me too." That was all she could get out before Xander’s hands gently grabbed her face and pulled it to his and crashed their lips together.

~*~*~*~

Xander’s hand reached out to his night stand and snatched the alarm clock off the top, dropping it to the floor with a groan. He had set it for 7:30 so that Buffy could get home early for her sister’s soccer game without her parents knowing that she hadn’t been there all night.

He rolled over onto his side so that he could face her and found himself looking at the back of her head as she lay on her stomach facing the wall. Xander sighed and reached out slowly to brush some of the hair off of her neck gently in hopes of waking her up an quietly as possible.

A lot had changed with them a little under four hours ago and he had to admit that waking up next to her, while the few other previous times he had done it were amazing, caused a grin to form on his face immediately. He couldn’t remember if he had ever heard of anyone waking up with a smile on their face, but he just had.

His fingers were still stroking slowly through the loose hair that had fallen across her back and he rubbed the skin of her neck underneath; she was still all warm and tingly. The last thing Xander had expected last night was a make-out session with his child hood best friend, but that was just what he got; and through it all it remained completely innocent…no wandering hands or anything, a fact he had to chalk up to raw nervousness, about not only the opposite sex, but also the particular member of the opposite sex involved; not to say that an avid curiosity was not displayed in the fullest. He guessed they both just needed time for that to happen, or a cue, or the other to make the first move, none of which had happened last night.

So basically they had kissed some more; in reality probably only about ten more minutes, before they had fallen asleep, and now Xander had this morning after glow in the anticipation of redefining their relationship so that he could kiss her again. He supposed he could kiss her anytime he wanted now really, they had already moved past that, oh so awkward, first kiss and not to mention the months and months of build up that took.

"You always do that to your clocks?" Buffy’s voice was mumbled into her pillow as she spoke before turning to face him. She had been awake since the first buzz that signaled the alarm getting ready to sound, she just hadn’t moved. And when she had been ready to climb out of bed she had felt Xander’s hand on her neck, lightly rubbing over her spine, and she hadn’t wanted to move just yet. But, as she had rightly assumed, as soon as she showed signs of life, his hand had flown away from her skin as if she were ready to burst into flame if it remained in place for a second longer.

Xander cursed himself for jumping at the sound of her voice; he couldn’t possibly be scared of her if he wanted a girlfriend out of her. He hesitantly lowered his hand again back into the place where it was before combing through her hair, only now more unsure because she was awake. "Yeah…" he answered, "but at least that always turns them off."

Buffy let out a laughing sigh as she rolled out of his reach and sat up in the bed, bracing herself with her hands behind her. She yawned the sleep out of her voice and blinked her eyes several times to clear them. "What time is it?" she asked, suddenly climbing down the foot of the bed until she was standing and stretching.

Xander lay still, now alone in the bed and watched her. He knew that Buffy was not a morning person, so he hadn’t been expecting her to start reciting Shakespeare when she woke up, but he at least thought she would give him some sort of acknowledgment.

"Uh…" he stumbled and swiped his hand through the rest of the clutter on his night stand until he found his watch. "7:48." He informed her, and only received a nod. <Alright…> Xander tried to hide his confusion and act as passive as Buffy was when he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. "Do you wanna shower again here?" he asked, his eyebrows raising involuntarily at the mental process that thought led him through.

Buffy stopped in her retrieval of her slaying clothing which she had lain over the chair by his desk and turned to look at him. She held his gaze for a little while not speaking as she watched him sit uncomfortably on the side of the bed. "No thanks." She said simply, before grabbing her clothes and disappearing into the bathroom, not waiting for a response before she shut the door behind her.

Truth be told, Buffy had no idea what to say to him. She thought it was weird between them before she had started sucking on his tongue, but, apparently, she had had no idea. Now, in the light of the morning, she could admit that the kissing had been, well, great. She hadn’t lied when they agreed on that fact, but it happened so fast.

So fast she almost wondered of they could take a step back…talk it out and try again with a purpose.

She pulled back on her leather pants and tossed his boxers that she had slept in behind the bathroom door, before focusing on making her hair less beddy. Buffy had known what she wanted when she climbed through his window last night, and she had gotten it. She liked getting what she wanted. But because talking had gotten them absolutely nowhere, and actions seemed the only way to resolve any situations, she, now being a girl of actions, as per the Slayer, had grabbed the bull by the horns. Only problem was, now they would have to talk. It was either that or lose her best friend. <Or make out some more.> her mind threw in, and she scowled at herself in the mirror. She knew she wanted that too.

Buffy was stuck, now, wanting her best friend, and at the same time wanting more; and now that she had both in the same person, she wasn’t quiet sure she wanted all of that in the same person. She was just confused beyond words, so the best possible option she could come up with was the: ‘Don’t talk and get the hell out’ method; which she was in the process of executing right now.

Buffy flung open the bathroom door to find Xander still seated on his bed, only now wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. "All set," she informed him, with a half formed smile as she made her way quickly across the room to the window.

"Kay," Xander acknowledged and stood up to follow her path. He watched her open the pane and turn to look at him, "Are you going slaying tonight?" he asked trying not to sound to unsure.

Buffy shook her head, "Nope." She hesitated a moment and there was complete silence, "Thanks for last night," she grinned a little and Xander nodded.

"Not a problem. Any time." He meant that. He really did. "So…"

"Yeah," Buffy said, "I’ll see you in school."

"If you can sneak out again…" Xander trailed off leaving it opened ended.

"We’ll see," Buffy said quietly. "Bye." She prepared to climb out side, but then felt Xander grab her forearm, stopping her. Before she knew what was happening Xander’s lips where on hers. A small imitation of what she had experienced earlier in the morning, and she felt and resisted his attempt to take it to that level, but it was distracting enough for her to pause and linger against him.

Xander pulled away slowly, leaving Buffy slightly shocked and he heard her release a breath. "Bye," he whispered, noting how he had pretty much, he figured, rightly assumed that he could kiss her again if he so desired.

"Bye," Buffy said again, this time turning quicker and ducking through the window before he could react. She had to wonder if every time she left now he would expect a goodbye smooch, or if he would expect what they shared last night on a regular basis…not that she necessarily had a problem with that…in theory. It was the in practice part that was going to get her.

Xander watched her jump down his roof and land squarely on her feet before running down his street and out of sight and he vaguely noticed that her shoulder must not be bothering her anymore because she hadn’t mentioned it at all since she had woken up. But then again, if his room had been swarmed by flaming aliens from Mars, he doubted if he would have noticed. Buffy had slept in his bed, and kissed him, and just run away from him as if he had the Ebola virus and was about to be quarantined. <No, my life can’t get more confusing at all. No sir.>

~*~*~*~*~

Willow looked genuinely excited…and Jesse hated every second of it. And that led to him hating himself for hating that his friend was so happy. He just didn’t understand why she would want to date pond scum like Percy Jackson. He would never understand shy anybody would want to even be associated with that butt munch.

But none-the-less here he was, stalking the streets of the outdoor mall of downtown Sunnydale with the redhead looking for the prefect dress for that evening, when she would be accompanying His Assholiness to Guerdinni’s, a really expensive Italian restaurant.

Nope, the Bronze wasn’t good enough for Percy. He had to flaunt all his dad’s money- the dumb prick…

"How ‘bout this one?" Willow asked as she held up a sleeveless white dress with pink flowers embroidered around the hem.

Jesse shrugged and took another sip of his coke, which he had guilted her into buying for him, "It’s great," he answered unenthusiastically.

Willow rolled her eyes at him. "Great; I’ll look hot, or great; I can go to my grandma’s birthday party?"

"I think you should aim for the second one any way you look at it…"

Willow sent him a glare and he sighed, "Fine…you’ll look great in that dress. That’s the dress of all I’ve seen today."

Willow beamed at him and his stomach dropped about another fifteen feet, "Thanks Jess."

He watched as she cut through the remaining racks of dresses towards the front of the store. They had been shopping for the last four hours, and needless to say, this was not how Jesse had wanted to spend his afternoon. Not only was he now dwelling in pure hatred of Percy…that jerk who had the keen ability of bogarting every female that ever strolled through his life, be it in a friendly manor, or more. But he also had the distinct feeling that he was just a filler for Buffy. In fact he knew that was the case because why would chick ask him to go shopping for dresses, and two, she had told him that Buffy hadn’t called her back last night, or this morning.

Jesse followed her path, moving at a much slower pace, letting his feet shuffle along the short carpeting on the floor. He came up beside her as she paid for the clothing and waited to receive her bag.

He had picked up on her tone when she had told him that Buffy was MIA. It was worried, yes; but it also held a distinct hint of disappointment, especially when Jesse made the horrendous mistake of telling her about the conversation he had had, and ended so abruptly with Xander the night before.

Jesse had gotten the feeling last night that his friend had put him on hold because a certain blonde female had decided to pay him a visit, a fact that, while he had never directly stated to Willow, she seemed to have picked up on. And Jesse thought that while she had been smiling all day, there was even more disappointment ebbing just below the surface. So now, not only was she replacing Buffy, who they had yet to talk to today, but he thought, that when push cane to shove, Willow would rather have Xander with her than him. He was her bottom of the barrel guy; and that just sucked. He was everybodies bottom of the barrel guy.

Paige’s. He wasn’t as stupid as he looked and liked to act. He knew what people said about her, and he knew that a lot of it was true…she didn’t seemed to be ashamed of a lot.

Xander. He knew that his best guy friend in the whole world would rather hang out with Buffy. Sometimes he got the feeling that when they were all together it was like he was the third wheel on the dirt bike of ‘them’…and it was usually always Xander who he would find sending him the looks that screamed ‘Can’t you just go home now!’.

Buffy. That was for the same reason as Xander, really. Only thing was, unlike his bro, she seemed to not mind him spending time with them. Over the past few weeks, and even into the summer, it had been Buffy who had called to invite him to things she was doing. Granted Xander had always been the first to know about them, but it was Buffy who made things public knowledge. That was all fine and dandy…she was being a true friend and was completely genuine about it; something which belayed the cat n’ dog relationship they held. But he was always left wondering if he was there because she liked his company more than she wanted a distraction from anything date with Xander.

And now Willow. She would rather hang out with Xander because she would rather be doing Xander. And she would rather be hanging out with Buffy so that Buffy weren’t doing Xander. Oh, don’t think Jesse hadn’t picked up on that subtle rivalry between the female dynamic of his group.

<And all over Xander>he mused as he followed Willow dutifully out of the store <What a waste.>

Jesse cast the redhead a sideways glance and then discarded his empty cup into a trashcan on the corner. She was going on and on about shoes or make-up or something equally girly that he had no interest in, but he was pretending. He was a damn good pretender- he had to be to survive these last months with these people.

"Yeah," he nodded, not quiet sure where the conversation was when he decided to speak up. He just got the feeling that he had been silent for too long. "White shoed would be the best choice." He had no idea.

Willow furrowed her brow at him. Now she knew that he was distracted, and therefore going to be totally useless at keeping her from slipping into the same trap; she hadn’t even been talking about shoes. She had asked him about their Biology class.

"Ok," she said unsurely and quirked a smile at him, "But what did you put for answer #3 on Benson’s test?"

Jesse looked like a deer in head lights for a moment as he realized that he had been caught, "Uhhh…C?"

"It wasn’t multiple choice." Willow pointed out.

"Dammit," Jesse cursed under his breath, "I guess I failed." He smiled when she laughed at his joke and he had to agree, despite the fact that he thought that he really had failed the test. He didn’t dwell on that though, he had failed plenty of tests and the weekend was no time to think about school.

"So," Willow asked, swinging her bag as she walked and Jesse turned to look at her as she squinted in the sunlight. "Wanna help with the shoes, or are you pretty much tapped of all things girl?"

Jesse let out a deep breath and shook his head, "I was tapped twenty minutes into this little excursion. You wouldn’t even let me recoup in the arcade." He threw in apout for good measure.

Maybe Xander was right…maybe he did feel something for Willow. But if that were the case, it would have to be admitted that he felt something for Buffy, too. She was like his sister; she was like Xander’s sister…and through it all he could see where the attraction came in, because, what… Buffy had been a girl in his eyes since about the fifth grade and he had wanted to take her to the first dance of their junior high careers. It was Jesse who had wanted her first, that’s the only reason their relationship was the way it was. The only way Jesse could think to act around her when he had first met her was to piss her off, st least that way she’d always be thinking about him, and talking to him, and touching him…well, touching and hitting could be synonomous.

Xander was just now following his lead, and it was up to Jesse to be supporto guy. Yeah, the last guy they went to for everything was the first one there ready to lend an ear and a shoulder.

It was complicated and he could see why both Buffy and Xander were huge tards when they got around eachother. Jesse’s only saving grace was that he could pretend that everything rolled off his back…nobody would ever have to know that he felt anything.

And now where was he? Xander wanted Buffy, Buffy wanted Xander, Willow wanted Xander, he wanted someone…he could see that someone being Willow; but all he had was an empty cup of Coke. <You threw that away.> Now he didn’t have anything.

"What’s the matter with you today?" Willow asked next, effectively refocusing her friends attention. "You’re all spacey."

He snapped his head around to look at her, "Nothing," he denied with a shrug.

Willow raised a disbelieving eyebrow. "Sure," she shook her head. "I swear Jess, I’ve never seen you think so much in your whole life."

"You just met me a few weeks ago," he pointed out.

Willow’s brow furrowed for a minute. "That’s not the point," she said quickly. "The point is that something has been bothering you all morning, and you should talk about it. I mean, I may not be Buffy or Xander but you can still talk to me…like friends and all."

Jesse focused on the pavement and mumbled, "You’re not Buffy or Xander," he agreed, before speaking more clearly. "Why are you really going out with Percy?" he asked looking at her.

It was her turn to focus on the ground. Willow doubted if she were ready to admit the real reason, or if she had even formulated a sufficient one yet. "Is that what’s bothering you?" she asked quietly.

Jesse nodded his head, "A little, yeah. It’s Percy Jackson for Christ’s sake…the man’s two steps away from being a prostitute."

Willow sighed, "I think he’s nice."

"Yeah…If it’s nice to lure girls in and use them." He shot at her.

"I don’t think he’s going to use me," Willow countered. "I’m not going to let him…it’s just a stupid date."

Jesse let out a snorting laugh, "Sure. You didn’t believe nothing was wrong with me, and I don’t believe that you think dating Percy is stupid…"

"Is this because of what Buffy said?" Willow asked.

"Why does it have to be about her?" he shook his head. "Why has everything since the beginning of time been about her with everyone…"

Willow looked at him confused. She had no idea how to read that outburst or the angry undertones with which it was delievered. "I was thinking more about what she said about him and Paige," she clarified and watched his shoulders slump.

"And that’s another thing," he spoke again quickly. "That should bother you more than it does…Paige isn’t the only chick Buffy mentioned are in his roster."

"Everybody had exs Jess," she told him. "When you break up with someone, you are allowed to continue to date other people…"

"They weren’t dating," Jesse said angrily. "If I’m to believe the rumors from Cheer Town USA they were fucking, plain and simple."

Willow had never seen Jesse angry before. To tell the truth she didn’t even know if he was now, he still just seemed so calm. Pissed, but still decidedly calm. And for what? Because of her date tonight? Because of Paige? Because of what Buffy had said? Because of anything about Buffy…which would probably lead to something about Xander too.

"I just don’t think it’s a good idea to be dating someone like him." Jesse muttered.

"Someone like him?" Willow asked for clarification.

"Yeah," he said turning to face her as they turned the corner, apparently heading towards her house. "Someone older…with experience in things…it’s not good."

<I didn’t know you cared so much…> she thought. "It’s still my decision."

"I’m just saying…"

"I know," she interrupted him, "I know what you’re saying, and thank you. But I’m still going to go. One date doesn’t mean we’re gonna get married or anything." Willow watched as Jesse reaimed his focus on the trees lining her street. "I can’t sit around you know," she added.

Jesse bit his bottom lip, "Sit around?"

"Waiting." She clarified. "I can’t just sit around waiting for him to notice me. He won’t…he can’t see past her, and I’m tired of waiting for that. This…Percy’ll take my mind off that."

Jesse nodded. She had just confirmed his assumption that her date had something, if not everything to do with Xander. "SO that’s what this is about? You can’t have Xander, so anybody’ll do?" He knew he had phrased that question wrong as soon as it left his mouth, and because they had reached her house they had stopped walking and he was being fixed with a steady glare.

"You’re not one to talk about dating anybody when you can’t have the one you want." She fired at him.

"What’s that supposed to mean?"

"Oh please," Willow snorted, "Buffy."

"What about Buffy? She’s got nothing to do with this."

"She’s got everything to do with this. We want them and they don’t want us…so we just have to move on, it’s the only thing to do…"

"You want him…me and her have nothing to do with this. Don’t scapegoat your way out of this Wills," his statement sounded like a warning in the end. He sighed warily, "Look, I’m gonna head," he looked down the sidewalk, only wanting to get away from her for a minute.

Willow nodded at him, but didn’t speak as he started back down her street.

"Nobody’s asking you to wait for him," Jesse called back over his shoulder. "I just think you can find a better someone to move on with, that’s all. One friend to another, there are better ones than Percy."

Willow didn’t have time to, or know how to respond to his seriousness, so she just let him go. She watched him until he turned her corner, his shoulders still slumped and he focused on the ground in front of him before she went inside.

She was kind of glad that her parents weren’t home, even though she did want to show her mother her dress. She needed some time to mull over this afternoon in her head…to try to make sense of everybody’s actions.

Sure, she wanted to date Percy. He was popular and cute, and he had approached her, despite what people in his clique may think of her, and had said nothing about her even helping him with his homework. That was a first. That was why she was so excited about tonight.

Before now, she had always been, well, considered to be a nerd, of sorts. She had friends in LA, but they were nothing like the group she had made with Buffy, Xander, and Jesse. It was like with them she was a different person, and while, at one time she hwould have laughed at herself, or even hated herself for betraying who she was, she hadn’t felt like that yet. She was being herself with them, and they seemed to like her…trust her…want to hang out with her. And even in Willow’s eyes he Sunnydale crew could, for all intents and purposes, be considered more popular than her LA crew.

Willow wasn’t the same anymore, and she was alright with that.

She climbed the stairs up to her room and flopped down on her bed face down, a giddy smile breaking out over her face. She doubted that if she hadn’t moved here she would be who she was now. She knew she wouldn’t be going out on a date on a Saturday night with a football player, and that was a fact. She would have been doing homework or playing chess with her father…or something she hadn’t done on a Saturday night since she had started at Sunnydale High.

Willow had at first thought her father’s law firm opening a new office in this town was a curse. She hadn’t wanted to leave what few friends she had to come here; and while she had never exactly fit in with the LA scene, she doubted even more that she could do the small town vibe either. But now she was. She had never been happier, and she could tell by the looks in her parents eyes now when they saw her, that they knew it too. She was finally being a kid, and while she knew they would always love her no matter what, she also knew that they were happy for her. Happy that she had found a group of good kids that were true friends.

When they had first met Buffy, Xander and Jesse they had doubted the sincerity of them in dealing with their daughter. Buffy: the cheerleader, Xander: the jock, Jesse: the slacker goofball…and Willow: the book worm. Needless to say Willow’s parents saw that those types could use someone like her to hang out with, mostly for cheating and the general good feeling of charity that came with hanging out with a loser. Willow had felt that was initially too…but, like her parents that feeling soon passed.

Despite everything that may or may not be going on, he friends were good people, and they cared about each other and her. They made her like who she was. And now, because of that, she had the opportunity to do things she never thought she would…meet people who she always thought would never speak to her.

And sure, she liked Xander in a more than friendly way and that had the sucking possibility of putting a void between herself and Buffy; but it hadn’t really so far. And sure Jesse was probably dealing with more than he was really ready to talk about in the ten minute walk to her house. And yeah, Buffy possibly spending the night at Xander’s made her more anxious than she have liked…but they were friends, and she was sure they could work it out.

Willow lifted her head and glanced at her answering machine, finding the light blinking, something that would have never happened in LA, and pushed herself off the bed. As soon as she pushed play Buffy’s voice flooded the room and Willow listened closely as the other girl whispered conspicuously.

"Hey Wills. Sorry I didn’t call you back til now, but I got grounded. The rents are on a rampage and I can’t even talk on the phone. Xander told me about your date with Percy though," Willow grinned as she could hear her friends teasing smile in her voice, "and I’ll try to sneak over before you have to leave. Call me back and give me time details…oh gotta go."

The line went dead and Willow turned to glance at herself in the mirror hung on the wall to her left. All in all, she was doing damn good.

~*~*~*~

As far as Saturdays go, this one definitely sucked; and Xander usually lived for the weekends. He rolled to a steady stop in front of his destination and stepped off his skate board.

The Sunnydale Public Library.

It had been years, literally, since he had been here. He stood to pick up his board and readjusted his oversized duffel bags shoulder strap. He had just finished with his mandatory returning members weekend swim practice and now he had some research to do.

After the debacle of Buffy’s hasty exit that morning Xander saw no other option but to take matters into his own hands, and if it meant that he would have to read, then fine. If he would have to prematurely utilize some of the computer training Willow was giving him in order to get this situation taken care of, he would do that too. Whatever it took, he would do…and in order to come through with his promise to himself to protect Buffy at all costs, he would have to find out some more information on this Mr. Giles.

Xander climbed the white concrete steps to the large front doors of the old building and walked inside. It smelt like oldness…oldness and books. It kind of reminded him of his grandma’s house right before she died, all musky and such, and it was so quiet. Xander looked around briefly until he spotted the computers and approached them slowly. Library’s made him afraid to even breathe, let alone disturb all the dedicated readers with his loud footsteps. He, as quietly as he could, still unsure of the proper etiquette for this place, pulled out a chair and took a seat; casting brief glances to those sitting on either side of him. Everybody else was working furiously with a purpose and all he had to go on was a scribbled name that he had gotten from the faculty roster that afternoon during their break.

Rupert Giles was the man responsible for all of this name, now all Xander had to do was look up where he lived and go have a little…talk…with him. Once that was done he was sure that everything would go back to normal. He would just tell this strange old man to stay away from his…best friend? Girlfriend?

Xander didn’t even know. He thought that after last night everything would just fall into place, but it had gotten decidedly more askew while they were sleeping. <Maybe> he thought as he logged onto the search engine that Willow always used, <I should just not think in terms of titles…maybe just call her Buffy and leave it at that.> He hated having to eliminate the word ‘friend’ completely when he thought of her, but the way she ran away from him after she had refused to kiss him the way he had intended before she left, left him wondering if she hadn’t done the same think with regards to him. He wondered if he was her friend. He laughed bitterly to himself knowing that it sure didn’t feel like that was all they were when they had each others tongues in the others mouth.

Xander decided to push that thought out of his mind and focus on the task at hand as he typed in the name carefully. He wasn’t a pro at this, but he was sure that he would find something helpful; and if not, he;d bang on every door in this godforsaken town until that man answered one, and then he’d get his British ass kicked two times: one for screwing with Buffy’s mind and making her think that vampires were going to kill her, and then again for being so damned impossible to find that Xander had actually went inside of a library to do it.

If Jesse could only see him now Xander knew he’d be laughing outright. Hell, Xander was laughing at himself. He was completely whipped and barely had any benefits that most would think came with that distinction. He almost didn’t want to care about Buffy as much as he did, and it scared him a little. He had honestly never felt the way he does about her before, and even though he was only sixteen, that was saying a lot. And last night had been everything he had been dreaming about with her…until that morning. He knew it had something to do with this Slayer nonsense too, so like he promised, he was going to take care of it. He would keep Buffy from danger, be it from a ‘monster’ or from a weird foreign pedophile looking for kicks in a high school, or he’d die trying.

He waited a second for the information to come up and sighed in relief that there was only one Rupert Giles in Sunnydale and he was listed in the phone book. Xander nodded to himself as he copied down the necessary information. 567 Tremble Street Apt. 7B. He knew exactly where that was, and the best part about it now was that Buffy wasn’t there to guilt him out of taking action.

Xander stood up quickly and walked towards the exit now not caring who he was disturbing. While these people were busy reading, Xander was busy acting. Words just got in the way, if his life up this point had taught him anything, it was that. Now was a time for action.

~*~*~*~*~

Xander skated to a slow stop outside of the apartment complex he was looking for. They were really nice homes- cozy, but sophisticated town houses that were on the outskirts of town. He knew that a lot of the business men loved out here were real estate was cheap and the homes didn’t show it.

He pushed open the barred iron gate and stepped onto the cobblestone path that led to the group of homes all the appointed signs said that he could find his target- Mr. Rupert Giles. Xander set a fast pace as he made his way up the walk way, not only because he was in a hurry to sort this whole mess out- the adrenaline of his plan to protect Buffy coursing through him and causing his blood to pound in his ears, but also because it was dusk now, and Xander had no desire to be outside when the sun went down completely.

He hadn’t spoken to Buffy all day- and if he said that it didn’t surprise him, he’d have been lying. He knew, for some reason, that he probably wouldn’t hear from her until Monday…like she had stated vaguely before she jumped off his roof. And he was more pissed off at that then he thought he had the right to be, especially since he knew that it would happen. Xander hated that she had called Willow instead of him…he’d have thought that if she were going to risk enternal groundtion, she would have at least risked it with him. She owed him that, at least, after last night. Last night when he had told her that he wanted more- that he wanted everything with her- and she had assured him that she wouldn’t give him anything less.

And the sad part was that Xander knew that she wasn’t lying. When Buffy had told him that she had meant it whole heartedly, but something had scared the living crap out of her that morning.

No- Xander reminded himself as he spotted the librarian’s home- this thing. It was this thing that scared her off that morning. This Slayer deal that she felt she had to protect him from.

With that thought fresh in his mind, and holding every intention of eliminating it from the equation so that he could overcome regular awkwardness and obstacles on forming a deeper relationship with her, Xander raised his fist and pounded on the door loudly. He knew that the man was home because Buffy had told him that she wasn’t going Slaying that night, and therefore he had to assume that her Watcher would be in for the evening as well.

Xander kept banging and heard the faint sounds of somebody shuffling within, heading for the door and mumbling curses in a thick British accent. The door flew open in front of his face and suddenly he was looking the high school librarian dead in the eyes. And just as suddenly Xander was reminded that the faculty was, in fact, people outside of the school atmosphere, as the man was dressed in a red plaid robe and brown slippers, obviously fresh from the shower.

Giles looked at the teenaged boy standing on his door step. "Can I help you?" he asked when he offered no explanation for his presence. He thought the youngster looked familiar, probably from the high school, but that didn’t explain why he had shown up at his home.

"Uh…" Xander stuttered, "Rupert Giles?"

"Yes," Giles looked at him skeptically. He looked at the boy’s nervous demeanor and the swim team jacket he was wearing as he adjusted his swim team duffel bag on his shoulder. "I’m sorry, I’m not interested in…whatever it is your selling." He began to shut the door.

Xander reached out with his right hand to block him, "Wait!"

Giles sighed and opened the door to regard him again.

"I’m…I’m actually here to talk to you." Xander told him, now noticing that it was dark outside. "I’m a friend of Buffy’s…"

"Mr. Harris," the name clicked in Giles’ mind. This was the boy that served a walking distraction for his charge. He had already doubted the vivacity of Buffy’s attention span, but when this boy were in the area, he knew, and had witnessed her have trouble walking and talking in complete sentences.

"Alexander…" Xander told him, shifting from foot to foot.

"But it’s Xander to your friends," Giles filled in. and received a slow, skeptical nod in response.

"Yeah." He narrowed his eyes at the Englishman. This Giles seemed nice enough, but that was obviously a ploy. He was responsible for making his Buffy a crazy person, after all. Xander adjusted his duffel bag again and stepped partially into the apartment, despite the lack of invitation he received, forcing Giles to step back.

"Well then Xander," Giles set his jaw at the inconsiderateness of his new house guest, "You, apparently, took great measures to procure my home address, so I’m assuming you do not wish to hear my opinion on Beowulf; so what is it I can help you with?"

"Funny man," Xander bit out in a low voice, his eyes locked with the older mans. "Listen," he started again, "I’m not here for tea and crumpets while we have a jolly pip pip cheerio conversation."

"Good." Giles was now matching his off putting tone. He wondered who this boy thought he was just bursting into a complete strangers home, let alone a member of his high schools’ faculty.

"I’m here about Buffy." Xander spoke again, ignoring him.

Giles’ eyes flashed at the name. <Oh my God…> his mind mumbled as he took in the boy’s demeanor. He knew from how he had seen his Slayer and the teenager’s interactions with each other that they were close and beyond that Buffy had made it now secret that this Xander was her best friend. Now this agitated confrontation, and the fact that Xander had specifically sought Giles out left the Watcher wondering if Buffy understood the concept of a secret identity.

He cleared his throat and gestured his guest further inside so that he couls shut the front door. "Yes," he paused briefly after Xander entered, "What about her?"

"Don’t play dumb." Xander fired with his back still to him, but he turned quickly to face him. "I know what you are…I know what you have her doing." Giles seemed at a loss for words so Xander decided to continue. "It’s going to stop right now though."

Giles finally huffed out a breath, "She told you this?" he asked as he walked past him, heading towards the kitchen. He had no idea how to process this information; Slayers of the past had been able to comprehend the severity of the situation they were in and the necessity of complete discretion.

"Of course she told me," Xander followed him with his eyes. He was not sure if he was angrier that the man was manipulating his best/girlfriend or the fact that he didn’t seem to care. "She told me about the vampire and the demons and all that make believe crap that you’re making her believe is actually there…"

"Buffy is a quite capable young woman." Giles turned again to eye the young dark haired man. "I assure you she is not fighting imaginary evils…"

"There are no demons," Xander said steadily. "All there is here is a weird old man who’s latched onto a teenaged girl and is making her some sort of pawn in his sick game…"

"That is hardly the case…" Giles’ defense prickled up at the seriousness of what Xander was implying.

"That’s exactly the case," Xander denied vehemently but steadily. "I don’t know what you’re doing to her…but she’s out all night and she’s getting hurt. She’s all bruised and she’s like that when she’s done…doing whatever it is that you have her doing. Or are doing to her." Xander fixed the Englishman with an icy glare. "But it stops now."

Giles processed Xander’s tone but didn’t respond directly to it. "Buffy was to understand that nobody was to know of her calling…"

"That’s not the point," Xander interrupted. "I’m here to tell you to stay away from her. If you don’t there’s going to be a hell of a lot more people who are let in on your little secret, and I’m thinking of starting with the police, and then her parents, and then the school board."

Giles and Xander fell into an intense stare down, eyes locked and jaws set. Xander didn’t think that this man understood just how far he would go to protect Buffy. He didn’t think that he understood that he could be at the police station filing a report against him before this man could sing Hale to the Queen. But if he didn’t listen to him and back off of Buffy, he would find out in the most spectacular manor.

"This ends right now." Xander added after a minute as he backed towards the door. "If I see you anywhere near her again…if I see one more bruise…if I see her crying and even think that you had anything to do with it I’ll report all this crazy mind control vampire/demon slayer bullshit that you’re feeding her to anybody who’ll listen and we’ll see who’s headed back to jolly old England."

Xander didn’t look back as he turned on his heel and walked briskly to the door. He flung it open hard enough so that it hit the wall behind it and formed a small crack in the drywall where the doorknob landed before he stepped out into the cool night air. Xander smiled to himself as he felt the other man’s eyes boring into him from behind <I think I made my point.>

Giles listened to the loud clack of the wheels of the child, who had just threatened him, skateboard as he headed away from his house. He was fuming. Not only had his Slayer directly disobeyed him, but she had broken a sacred oath. The destiny she had to fulfill did not call for a Slayer and her boyfriend…it was solitary. It was the Slayer and her Watcher. Those were the only two who were expendable. Now, with Xander’s knowledge, he would undoubtedly have to work out how to keep him safe as well.

Whether the boy believed in the Slayer and the forces of darkness or not, both were real, and as far as Giles was able to make out Xander would be a permanent fixture in the world of the Slayer now that he knew what she was doing. And if Giles wasn’t more careful, he would only be semi-permanent. Buffy would only be semi-permanent if she had to face the distraction of this boy directly. <Bloody hell> Giles’ mind scoffed <She can barely concentrate when he’s not with her.>

Giles knew that in the very near future…possibly later on tonight…he would have to track down his charge and make her understand what her calling entailed. He had tried to be lenient with her, allow her freedoms unlike any previous Slayer had ever been granted: cheerleading, friends, a social life, continued life with her family; but her telling this boy about the Slayer was throwing all of that back in his face. He had to take a new approach and it would start today. He headed back upstairs to get dressed. He would page her and let her know where to meet him since, as she had so rightly pointed out, it probably was not the best idea for him to call her at home. He knew that she had been placed on some sort of restriction by her parents and that he had given her the night off from patrol so she would most likely be at in for the night.

Rupert Giles was not a pushover. He could try to be her mentor…a friend of sorts, but he would not stand for the degradation of his calling as a Watcher or that of the Slayer. In that sense he could step back and be what she would construe as her worst enemy…all about form and manual executions and training and patrol. It was time Buffy Summers learned that. If her own foolishness was going to be the death of her it would happen as a mistake in the field, not because of a weakness of heart.

~*~*~*~

He flew through the air and hit the moist ground with a dull thud. He would have had the wind knocked out of him- if he had had wind in the first place, that is, but as it was he was just slightly startled.

He shut his eyes and shook his head briefly to clear it before rolling onto his feet. There was nobody there.

"WHO ARE YOU?!" he called out as he made an uneasy in place circle, and tried to keep his voice from waviering. He recived no answer besides a slight breeze the blew in from his left. It had been a good night initially. Three kills, all young…fresh…innocent. But that was then. It had only taken about fifteen minutes and an, apparently, poorly choosen fourth choice to send his night to Hell. All he knew was that there was a girl, and she was strong.

He felt something moving around him, but could not determine where the threat was exactly. Turning his head again he tried to steel himself for an attack, knowing that whoever this girl was, she was playing with him. "WHY DON’T YOU COME OUT AND TELL ME WHO YOU ARE…THEN I’LL KILL YOU!"

"Not necessary," a baby sweet voice sounded from behind him and before he could react there was a sharp piercing pain in his back. He looked down at the tip of the stake protruding through his chest through his shirt as the voice continued.

"I’m Buffy," she smiled to herself at the demon’s complete shock, "The Vampire Slayer. And you’re dust."

Buffy watched triumphantly as the vampire exploded before her and the ashes blew away. "Five for five," she cheered to herself as she broke out in a small dance. "I’m so the Slayer! Give me an S! You got your S, you got your S. Gove me an L! You got your L, you got your L…"

"Give me a break." A new voice sounded from behind her and Buffy whirled around quickly, brandishing her stake, to face the decidedly male figure.

"You were doing great until you’re song and dance." He smirked at her fear…well, almost fear. He could pick up more curiosity than anything else.

Buffy slit her eyes at the man. He was about six feet tall, dark hair with darker eyes. A lot of gel. Dressed in dark clothes. <Okay,> she thought after her mental appraisal, <Definitely a vampire.> "Who are you?" she asked cautiously while keeping her distance. She had hunted her previous kill, but she decided that she would wait for this one to make his move. "Why are you following me?"

"Spry AND inquistitve. They were right about you." The man spoke again, keeping his smirk in place.

Buffy hated him already. Beyond the fact that she was programmed to destroy vampires, which she thought he was, but he was being so damned condesenting for a stalker…not to mention the fact that he now knew way too much information about her, and was, therefore, an automatic threat. "You should tell whoever they are to not bring me into anymore of their conversations." She fired at him without backing down.

She was the Slayer, she knew that he knew it. And as the Slayer she would not run away from his kind. Whatever his kind was. Slayers didn’t run from vampires and Buffy Summers didn’t run from guys. <Especailly HOT guys.> her mind pointed out, and Buffy hoped he didn’t catch her mental clench. <He’s not that hot.> she argued to herself as she looked him up and down descretely, <He has a huge forehead.>

"Who are you?" she asked again after clearing her throat. He smiled at her again and her eyes fixed on his grin. <No fangs> she pointed out <yet.>

"I’m her to help you." He told her simply.

Buffy lowered the arm that she held her stake in, "I don’t need any of your help."

"Too bad." He shrugged and began to walk towards her, "You’re going to get it."

Buffy watched him on high alert as he approached her and she launched herself into action when she saw him reach into his pocket. She executed a front snap kick to the man’s abdomen and when he doubled over, obviously not expecting her attack, she brought an axe kick down on the back of his neck. Buffy raised her stake again as she stood over the man as he lay on his stomach on the ground.

He rolled over onto his back quickly and shook his head. He should have expected her reaction. Slayers are supposed to be able to sense vampires, after all, regardless of souls, this one was no different…in theory that is. He had been watching her all night, ever since she had climbed out of her bedroom window and began to wander aimlessly around the town, and he knew she was good. He knew that she could be better though. This one could be great- and that’s what he wanted for her.

There was something about this girl that he wanted to be able to save.

He tried to push himself up, but was halted by a boot pressed to his throat and the obviously strong leg that pushed hum back down harshly. First he had to save himself.

"Let’s try this," Buffy started again, the frustration brimming in her tone. "You tell me who you are and I don’t kill you dead…er." She pressed her foot down harder and watched the man squirm uncomfortably on in the dirt. She didn’t have time for cat and mouse games that she didn’t initiate.

Buffy had every intention of staying in tonight, but, as was becoming common place with her daily routine, she got very restless very quickly. It could almost be compared to an itch that she got after sundown… something calling her outside. SO she followed.

She had been out hunting for about two hours, but now was in a hurry to get back before her parents suspected something because unlike the night before, she hadn’t said goodnight to them, so she was still open to be checked up on.

The night before.

That was the second reason she was out tonight. Her stomach was still doing giddy flips over all the Xander kissage she had partaken in, and nervous/nautious ones at the necessity of having to face him again. She had not had any time alone, until she had decided on this impromptu patrol, to just mull things over in her mind. And up unitl now, she had been in control of the situation…that was unitl this ass hole decided to hunt the hunter.

"I can explain better if you stop crushing my wind pipe." The man said from below her and Buffy removed her foot.

<Definitely and vampire> she noted as he stood up effortlessly. "I don’t think that you need it all that much." She stated while taking a step away from him and eyeing his now upright form in preparation for another attack.

The man cocked an eyebrow at her and rubbed his hand over the back of his neck with a shrug. When he spoke, he seemed to have ignored her comment, "Like I said, I’m here to help you." He reached back into his jacket, this time slowly while keeping his free hand visible to her.

Buffy watched as he removed a long black velvet box and hold it out to her. "What’s that?" she questioned not taking the item from him.

"A gift." He stated again thusting it into her hand and not accepting her refusal.

Buffy was forced to talk the box from him and she opened it cautiously. It contained a thick silver cross on a thin chain; it was a beautiful necklass- if it hadn’t come from a strange monster man. "A gift from who?" Buffy refocused her attention on him, but found the space empty. She looked around quickly and saw the dark siloette of the man walking away from her. "A GIFT FROM WHO?!" she called out after him.

"A friend." He responded back over his shoulder in a calm tone.

"Yeah well," Buffy called back, "What if I don’t need anymore friends?!"

"I never said I was yours." He said back, allowing Buffy to hear his grin as he contininued his path.

"GOOD!" Buffy yelled back. She hated whoever he was even more for trying to get the last word. Nobody got the last word with her, especially not hunky cryptic mystery men…vampires. Buffy shook her head and pocketed the necklas box. She didn’t need to even think about that man in any sense of the word; her life was already complicated enough as it was.

Buffy sighed and turned towards the exit of the cemetery that she was patrolling. She figured that since she had lied to Xander about not patrolling she could make it up to him by surprising him with a visit. Not that she owed him an apology for lying to him, he was still just a friend…but she did still have plenty of extra energy.

She would go over to Giles’ and fill him in are her responsibility and initive in the slaying department, then she would go over to Xander’s and make up that morning to him. Buffy smiled to herself, momentarity forgetting that she had to be hime, like, yesterday, but was still trying to pencil in some time with her…friend?

She hadn’t lied when she said that she would be ready to give him whatever he needed from her to take their relationship to the next level. She would do that. She was ready for that. It was just…it was Xander.

Buffy had, honestly, been completely wigged that she could feel that way about him. The other night the friend aspect with concern to him had been the fatherst thing from her mind…almost too far. She had been able to separate the two entirely and just feel, and that morning it had almost happened again. He had been rubbing the back of her neck, and oh God, how she hwanted to kiss him again…to have him keep touching her, but then…

Then the whole fantasy erupted around her for reasons that she couldn’t comprehend, and she just got so afraid that by wanting him that way that she did and how much she wanted him, that she couldn’t possibly have both. He was, literally, everything that she wanted in her life, and she knew that there was some sort of written law that said that one person can’t have everything…something about having cake and eating it too. So she left the cake. But halfway through Dawn’s soccer game and about forty minutes of reliving his phantom kisses, Buffy realized that she had never wanted cake so bad in her entire life.

Buffy had to take a chance with cake, she settled as she made her way down Main Street and past all of the darkened store fronts as she headed towards her Watcher’s house. She would have everything she wanted because that’s what she always got, and Xander would have everything that he wanted because that’s what he deserved. Buffy wouldn’t run this time, she promised herself. She was ready now, despite whatever she had felt that morning after the complete comfort and warmth of waking up with her best friend faded away.

She decided to make her avowal to the strange dark man that she didn’t run away from anybody a truth. No more running for Buffy Summers, she settled as she walked up the steps of Giles’ townhouse. First slaying business then cake…then more grounded.

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