"Tell me the truth."

With those four words, Angel knew that if he’d needed to breathe, he would have had a problem. Immediately he began assuring himself that she had no idea, that it was entirely impossibly for her to have the slightest idea of what had occurred. Still, Angel felt paralyzed with fear; a fear that had evolved deep inside of him from the day it had happened.

The day they had taken away.

It had been four weeks. Four weeks of feeling regret and anguish over what he had given up. But he had also felt a near sense of pride because he alone carried the weight of the burden that was the memory of that short time he and Buffy had been blissfully happy. It was because of that pride that the fear had started to manifest. A fear that the secret that was his burden would not remain a secret. A fear that Buffy would find out what *really* happened and he would have to deal with her feelings about his actions. Her pain and sense of loss. Her feelings of betrayal.

"Tell me, Angel."

Angel finally stood up from the chair behind his desk that he had been sitting in when she had burst into his office mere seconds before. It was only eight-thirty, too early for Cordelia to have been manning the desk outside and give him warning that they had a visitor. "Uh… what are you talking about, Buffy? What are you doing here?"

"Don’t play stupid, Angel," Buffy replied, her voice quiet but full of anger. "You *know* why I am here. Something happened the last time I came and it was a lot more than just the argument with you and that demon attacking. I’ve been having dreams…."

"Dreams?" Angel asked, concerned, as he moved around his desk towards her.

Buffy nodded her head, softening a bit. "Dreams that I know aren’t really dreams at all. They are memories… of you and me, but they aren’t memories of anything that’s ever happened or… that I know happened… I don’t know. It’s just… I keep seeing you and me and.. this place that I somehow know you live in and… um… we make love."

Angel closed his eyes and stiffened when the unexpected and unwanted images invaded his mind. Images of taking her on the kitchen table until it collapsed under their hard use of it, of carrying her to his bed and thoroughly loving her there, of their playful conversation when they had their snack, of being powerless when battling the Mohra demon, of the moment it all really hit him what it would mean if he was human and weak and Buffy was left alone to fight, of that last moment with her sobbing in his arms over what they were losing.

"I’m not wrong, am I?" Buffy questioned. "There is something more to it."

Still not looking her in the eye, Angel nodded. "You were never supposed to know. I don’t understand how this happened."

"Know what? I need answers, Angel!"

Angel nodded again, this time in agreement to tell her. "The last time you came, you’re right… a lot more happened than us arguing and that demon attacking. The first time, I didn’t kill the demon, he got away."

"This first time?"

"Yes, you see, the Mohra demon has special blood. It’s very powerful and it has strong healing abilities. The first time, it got away and you and I went looking for it together in the sewers. Then you decided to go look above ground for it and I looked for it on my own in the sewers. I found it and fought it. I managed to kill it- I thought- but when I was fighting it, I cut my hand and my blood mixed with the Mohra demon’s… next thing I knew, it had ‘healed’ me… and I was human."

Buffy gasped, "Human… oh God, and I was at the beach and you came… I felt you even before I saw you… and you came up to me and just kissed me… like I’ve never been kissed before."

Angel couldn’t stop the small smile from gracing his lips and the fond memory. "And then we came back here and talked about it. We decided to take things slow, but then we…"

"Couldn’t keep our hands off of each other," Buffy concluded.

"Yeah," Angel responded, his voice soft as they both remembered all the times they had made love.

After a moment, Buffy looked up at him, her eyes full of the tears she was fighting. "But what happened, Angel? What happened to make us not be together for this past month? What made you not human anymore? What made me forget all of this?"

Angel sighed and his shoulders drooped as he recalled all the not-so-fond memories. "That night when you were asleep, Doyle came to me and told me that he’d had a vision- the Mohra demon wasn’t dead like I had thought. I decided to battle him without you because if I was going to be human and still helping you, I knew I had to learn how to fight while being weaker. But… I was just too weak. He would have killed me, but you came and you managed to kill him. As it was, he nearly killed you. I realized that while me being human and being able to be the man to take you in the sun, to marry you, to father your children and grow old with you was everything the both of us had dreamed of… reality would never allow that to happen. Because you’re the slayer… and I hope to God you can have all of those things, Buffy… but the only way that’s going to be possible is if you have as many warriors on your side as you can. And that includes me. I realized that me being human may make the both of us happy, but it was going to result in tragedy. It could get me killed, you killed… maybe even the entire human race."

"So you went and got it taken away. They took back the day and the memories of it from everyone but you so that we could relive it, but you would know how to not let the Mohra demon make you human again," Buffy said as the memories flooded back to her.

"It was the hardest thing I ever did," Angel told her.

"So why didn’t you share it with me? Why didn’t you tell me?"

"Because, Buffy… do you think it’s easy knowing what we had every day and living without it? I love you so much… if I can save you the slightest amount of pain, I’ll do it."

Buffy sat down in a chair on the other side of Angel’s desk and tried to put everything he had told her together. It was so incredibly overwhelming.

Angel got himself back in control and pushed back all the feelings he had about what had occurred. It wasn’t safe being like that. Being calm and rational was the only way he could handle this. He began to pace back and forth in front of his desk. "What I don’t understand is how you are remembering this. Even in dreams… I mean, for all intents and purposes, it never happened."

"Maybe my subconscious is trying to make me remember," Buffy suggested, looking up at him.

"Yeah, but how would your subconscious even know?"

"Well, there’s more," Buffy said, wringing her hands in her lap. Taking a deep breath, she just spit it out. "I’m pregnant."

Angel froze; his body and mind both in shock. "Pregnant?"

Buffy nodded and looked down at her hands. "I’m two weeks late. I tried to ignore it, but I’ve been having all these dreams for the past four weeks and I just knew something was going on. I bought a pregnancy test and took it yesterday. I spent all day worrying about it and I *knew* I had to see you, so I got on the first bus here this morning. I’m pregnant, Angel. With *your* baby. This doesn’t make sense."

"It’s not possible, Buffy. If we… made a baby… the day we made it is gone. The baby would be gone too."

Buffy shook her head. "Angel, I *know* I am pregnant and I *know* that you are the father."

Angel crouched in front of her. "How do you know that, Buffy? Maybe… this is someone else’s baby?"

Buffy stood up and glared down at him. "How dare you say that?! What, you think I found out I was pregnant and decided it was the perfect way to trap you so I came up with a whole big scheme to trick you? Or maybe I just went and got pregnant on purpose! Any way I can force you to be with me, right Angel?"

"That’s not what I meant," he protested as he stood up as well. "It’s just that… well I know you were with someone else a while ago, Spike told me… and I know that you aren’t *with* him… so perhaps you are having his child but you’re afraid of that and so you need to believe it’s my child because you know I love you."

Buffy couldn’t believe her ears. Angel, her Angel, was accusing her of something like this…. it was as though her world was crashing down around her. She forced herself to calm so that she wouldn’t sound hysterical and shriek at him "Yes, I slept with someone else. No, we are not a couple. It was a one-time thing. Yes, the actual truth of it is he used me just for sex and dumped me after he got what he wanted. But that was in October. I got my period in November. It was after I slept with *you* that I skipped a period and took the pregnancy test. It’s *your* baby, Angel."

"Oh Buffy, I’m so sorry," Angel replied, not really being clear with her or himself whether he was sorry about what he had accused her of, or because of the fact that a boy had mistreated her so.

Buffy just shrugged her shoulders and shook her head slightly, trying to brush off the pain of his allegation. "Angel, all that matters right now is I am pregnant and we have to figure out what to do."

"You’re only a month along, so you can still have it… taken care of," he told her in a voice so low, she had to strain to hear it.

Buffy looked at him with utter shock. "You want me to have an abortion?"

"I’ll pay for it and take you and everything," he replied.

Buffy glared at him again. "There is no way in Hell I am having an abortion. This baby is a miracle, Angel. I never would have dreamed I could have your child, but now I can. There’s no way I am going to *kill* it!"

"Do you think I really want you to? Do you think the thought of the two of us having a baby together doesn’t make me want it so very much?"

"I don’t know! I would have thought you’d be so happy about it before, but now you are saying you want to kill it."

"Because it’s not that simple, Buffy. You can’t just have a baby and we can’t just get a place and marry each other and live happily ever after. The baby is going to be a target for every demon out there. And how are you supposed to slay? You certainly can’t do it while you’re pregnant, and afterwards you run the risk of leaving your child without its mother."

"I can’t believe you’re telling me to take this gift we have been given and to throw it away," Buffy said. "There is no rhyme or reason for why I am pregnant with this child. I have to believe that it’s something more than science. It’s something to be cherished."

Angel sighed and looked down. "I can’t be a father, Buffy. I don’t age, I can’t go in the sunlight… Hell, if I get too happy I become homicidal."

"I’m keeping this baby," she replied firmly.

"Okay," Angel nodded, knowing she wouldn’t change her mind, and a small part of him rejoicing in the fact that she wouldn’t. Even though he knew that logically this baby was a bad idea… it was his child… a combination of he and Buffy… the result of their love. That part of him couldn’t help but be happy about that.

Taking a step closer to him, Buffy lightly touched the side of his face with her hand. "We’ll work it out somehow."

Angel shook his head. "There can’t be a ‘we’ anymore, Buffy. I can accept that you want to have this baby, but I can’t be a part of it."

Buffy looked at him with disbelief. "You aren’t going to be a part of our baby’s life?"

"I want to, so much, Buffy, but I *can’t*!"

"Yes you can! We will figure something out. We always do, Angel."

"Not this time. I am a vampire, I have to stay that way. As long as I am a vampire, I cannot be a father."

Numb, Buffy sat back down in the chair and tried to fathom the meaning of what he was saying. She was going to be a single mother. She was eighteen years old, carrying the man she loved more than anything’s child, and he was telling her he refused to be a part of it.

"I’ll help you, of course. I will give you all the money you need. But I can’t be there. You’ll have Giles and your friends and your mother, of course. I know it’s not the same, but…"

"You can keep your money and shove it up your ass. If you don’t want to be my baby’s father, you won’t. From this point on, you won’t hear another word about him or her. You won’t have to give me any money. I will take care of them without you."

Angel studiously avoided looking her in the eye. "You have to start thinking differently if you’re going to be a mother, Buffy. You can’t be rash and stubborn because it could be at the expense of your child."

"Oh great, now you are going to bestow upon me some of your great wisdom. Well, if you don’t want to give me your support, I want nothing from you. Not your money, not your opinions and not your advice!" Buffy yelled at him, standing up from the chair, the sadness inside her replaced by anger. "You don’t have to worry, if I have to eat a cracker a day and wear rags, my baby with have food and clothes and somewhere to live."

"Buffy, please…."

"Please what? Please don’t be mad at you because you’re making yourself the martyr again and I’m not making it easy?"

"It’s not like that! I love you!"

"Yeah, well I love you too, but that really doesn’t matter anymore, does it?" she said quietly, before turning and walking out of the room.

Angel suppressed the urge to chase after her and grab her to beg her to take him back. To tell her he was so happy she was having his baby and she was right, that they could find a way to make it work. It was better this way. He wished she had agreed to let him help her financially, but he supposed after she cooled off, she might change her mind. Even if she never wanted to ask him for it, he could always go through Giles.

It was for the best, it had to be.

"Buffy!"

Buffy turned around and was surprised to find Riley Finn at the Sunnydale Bus Depot. She’d arrived back in town moments earlier and had been trudging through the terminal so that she could head home for Christmas Eve with her mother… at which some point she would have to inform Joyce she was going to be a grandmother.

"Riley, what are you doing here?"

Riley walked up to her with a warm smile on his face. "I was just dropping off a friend so that they could be home with their family in Sacramento tonight."

"I’m surprised to see you still in town," she replied, forcing herself to return the smile, even though hers was on the weak side.

"Well I’m actually heading to LAX now. My plane for Iowa leaves in two and a half hours," Riley explained. "When I get to Iowa it’ll be seven, so I will be home in time for the traditional eight o’clock dinner."

"Sounds great," she replied. "I always used to yearn for a huge family at Christmas, but I’ve grown to like quiet Christmas’ with my mother."

"So you aren’t going out of town? I mean you never said anything before, but I figured you might be going somewhere since you were here."

Buffy shook her head. "I actually just got back into town. I was in LA just for a little while this morning."

"Wow, you must have left early," Riley replied, noticing that Buffy seemed preoccupied.

"Yeah, first thing this morning. It was just something important that I needed to take care of."

"And you did? Take care of it, that is."

"Yeah it’s… settled," Buffy answered quietly.

"Well that’s good. Hey, because of the Initiative I can’t stay in Iowa for long. I’ll only be gone for less than a week. Want to go out to dinner when I get back?"

Buffy took a deep breath and shook her head. "I don’t think it’s a good idea, Riley."

"Okay," Riley replied, trying not to look disappointed. "Maybe some other time when you aren’t too busy."

"No, Riley, I don’t think I can ever have dinner with you. I don’t think we can see each other anymore."

"Oh," said Riley. He was caught completely off guard. When Buffy had first found out that he wasn’t completely normal, she had tried to push him away, but he had thought that they’d moved past that, that Buffy was willing to try to have a relationship with him.

"Believe me when I say it’s not you, Riley. It’s me," she assured him, then sighed. "I might as well tell you, because you’ll find out anyway. The real reason I can’t see you anymore is… I’m pregnant."

"Pregnant?"

"Yeah," she nodded.

"Are you and the father… I mean… is the father a part of your life?" Riley asked, still shocked at her announcement.

Buffy shook her head. "No, he’s not at all going to be involved with me or the baby. He’s not why I can’t see you. You’re a great guy, Riley, but I still could never expect you to want to date a girl who is having someone else’s baby. I don’t want you to feel bad about saying it, so I am not going to make you. To be honest, right now I think a relationship is the last thing I need."

"I can understand that," Riley responded.

Buffy gave him a wistful smile. "Riley are you all right?"

"Yeah, you just caught me off guard," Riley answered. "Listen, I really like you, Buffy. Not just as a girl I would like to date, but as a person. I would like it if I could at least be your friend now. I want to be there to offer you support or help or whatever you might need."

Buffy was surprised at his offer. She’d half expected him to be mad. Most guys probably wouldn’t take the news all that well. "I would love that. I can always use a friend."

"Good," Riley grinned. "Man, I wish I could take you to go talk or something right now, but I need to get on my way or I will miss my flight."

"That’s fine, Riley. I need to do some thinking right now anyway."

"Want me to give you a ride home?"

"No, you need to get on your way. The airport is going to be a mess. Besides, it’s not that far and a walk sounds nice."

"All right," Riley replied, reaching down to grab her hand and give it a gentle squeeze. "No matter how bad you may feel… try to have a nice Christmas, okay?"

"I will," she promised. "You have a good time with your family."

"I always do," he grinned.

"Bye."

"Goodbye Buffy," Riley replied before turning and heading in the direction of his jeep.

"Oh, and Riley," Buffy called, giving him a genuine smile when he turned around. "Don’t forget you promised me dinner next week."

Chuckling, Riley nodded. "You got it."

***

"Are you okay, Honey?" Joyce asked her daughter, concerned at how quiet Buffy had been all evening.

Buffy nodded and smiled reassuringly at her mother. "I’m just tired."

"Oh, what time did you get up today?" Joyce before taking a bite of mashed potatoes.

Buffy’s little trip to Los Angeles had luckily gone unnoticed since her mother had been on a buying trip in Seattle and hadn’t gotten home until early that afternoon- late enough for Buffy to get home and change into some sweats. Joyce hadn’t suspected a thing.

"About nine, I guess. I think I’m still just tired from school and that whole apocalypse thing," Buffy replied.

Joyce nodded in agreement and patted Buffy’s hand. "Well, you have a nice long break before school starts back up again. You can get all caught up on your rest."

"Definitely," said Buffy as she tried to decide if she should tell her mother now. It seemed like a really good time. It was just the two of them and Joyce was in a good mood…. Although she really preferred her idea to tell her mom while they were in a restaurant since she was less likely to kill her in public. Besides, it was Christmas Eve, why ruin the holiday by dropping a bomb like impending grandparentdom on Joyce? It was definitely *not* going to be a Hallmark-happy moment and she really shouldn’t spoil Christmas for the rest of both their lives by creating bad memories. She had eight more months to tell her, what was another few days?

***

"Good God, that has to be the most disturbing thing I have ever seen!" Giles exclaimed as he watched Xander do his Snoopy dance.

On the couch beside him, Buffy and Willow were trying not to laugh out loud. In the chair, Spike was looking at Xander with complete disgust. Even Anya looked displeased with her boyfriend as she stood staring at him with her arms crossed over her chest.

Hearing a timer go off, Buffy got up to go check on the chicken in the oven. After the fiasco on Thanksgiving, they had all decided to try to do the big holiday meal together again. Joyce hadn’t minded, since a friend of hers from the gallery was having a get-together, so she wouldn’t be home alone on Christmas Day.

"Hey Buff, need a taste-tester?" a hopeful Xander asked as he walked into the small kitchen.

"That’s quite all right," she laughed. "I’d like to have some left for everyone else."

After she was sure the chicken was thoroughly cooked, Buffy got started on setting all the food out on the table with Xander’s help. She loved to cook, even though she was pretty new at it. Suddenly it hit her that pretty soon she would *have* to start cooking a lot… theoretically, anyway. Her baby would want solid foods at some point.

Her baby.

The thought made Buffy feel a bevy of different emotions at once. Fear, excitement, despair, happiness and most of all- uncertainty. It was all so confusing and daunting. She had no idea what she was going to do.

"Buffy… earth to Buffy…"

Buffy was startled out of her contemplations by Willow’s playful teasing. With an embarrassed smile, she asked her friend "Sorry, what were you saying?"

"Where’s the pepper shaker?"

"Next to the stove," Buffy answered immediately, then focused on making the green salad look really pretty before handing it to Anya to put on the table.

Giles came in to the kitchen and began filling glasses with ice. Not looking at her, he asked, "Is everything all right, Buffy?"

She noticed that he kept his voice down despite the fact that everyone else besides Spike was playfully fighting. The vampire himself was engrossed in something on television, but they had no audience and Giles obviously wanted to keep it that way. Her body stiffening with the strain she felt for lying to everyone she loved, Buffy nodded her head. "I’m great. I don’t seem great?"

Giles shrugged. "You appear distracted."

"I’m just busy focusing on making dinner," said Buffy before grabbing several bottles of salad dressing and quickly leaving him alone in the kitchen. She felt really bad about it since he was truly concerned about her, but Buffy didn’t want to deal with everyone’s reactions to her pregnancy that night. For the fifteenth time in the past three hours, she reminded herself that it *was* Christmas after all.

Giles let it slide with just a look as they all sat down at the table full of food, Spike included- since he told them all in a put-off voice that just because he didn’t *need* food didn’t mean it wasn’t nice to eat sometimes.

"Xander if you get a belly I am not sure I will want to have sex with you," Anya remarked, eyeing all the food Xander was consuming.

Willow, Spike and Giles got disgusted looks on their faces as they usually did when Anya discussed her sex life with Xander in front of them. Used to his girlfriend’s candidness, Xander took it all and stride and just shrugged his shoulders.

"It’s all Buffy’s fault. Besides, wouldn’t you like more of me to love?"

"No," Anya answered sharply. "Damn you, Buffy!"

"Huh?" Buffy asked, startled that Anya was yelling at her all of a sudden.

"Buffy, where are you? You have been in another world all night," Willow commented, a worried look on her face.

"I just have stuff on my mind," she answered lamely, not liking the looks on everyone’s faces. They all seemed to be in agreement with Willow, even Anya.

"Buffy it appears that whatever on your mind is quite serious. Perhaps you should talk about it with us," Giles suggested.

"Yeah," Xander agreed. "We’re your Scooby buddies, if you can’t talk about your problems with us, who can you talk with."

Buffy sighed, knowing denial was useless. They were her best friends and they knew her like the backs of their hands. Well, not Spike, but he seemed to be able to read anyone like a book. "Fine, something *is* going on, but I don’t want to discuss it tonight. It’s Christmas, let’s just enjoy it."

Willow gasped and looked around at everyone with despair on her face. "Oh no! That means it’s bad!"

"Buffy you have to tell us what it is now! You can’t just say ‘yeah, something big, something bad, tell ya about it later!’ and expect us not to wig," Xander informed her.

Giles gave Buffy a gentle look. "Buffy you have us very worried. Even if your news is terrible, please share it with us so at least we know *what* we are worrying about."

Buffy looked down in her lap and fought the tears that quickly welled in her eyes. Ever since her little meeting with Angel the morning before, she had yet to shed a tear. Crying would only lead to self-pity, and that was something Buffy had neither the time nor energy for.

Taking a deep breath, she decided just to get it out there. No amount of preparing them was going to help. "I’ve just discovered that I am pregnant."

It was almost comical watching the five jaws drop. It was probably the last thing they had expected her to say.

After a few moments of silence, Anya finally smiled. "Well, I think it’s safe to say that Xander and I both feel it’s better you than me."

"Anya," Xander said sharply, giving his girlfriend a look.

She shut up.

Buffy bit her bottom lip and waited for some other response. They were all looking away from her, except Spike.

With a smirk, the vampire asked "So who’s the daddy?"

"Spike, knock it off. You know it’s Parker, the rat bastard!" Willow replied.

"Actually, it’s not," Buffy said quietly.

"It’s not?" Xander asked, shocked.

Willow frowned. "Wait a second, you slept with someone else? You didn’t tell me?"

"I.. I didn’t know until yesterday," Buffy told them, then continued when she saw how confused they all were. "You see, ever since I went and saw Angel about him coming here, I have been having these dreams. You all don’t need the details, but they aren’t normal dreams.."

"Buffy, you and I both know that your dreams are often quite important. I am sorry if you think it will embarrass you and I know I am no longer your official watcher, but I feel it would be best if you shared these dreams with me so that we can work together to determine their importance," Giles interrupted.

"Giles, please let me finish," Buffy pleaded, very close to tears.

Seeing how upset she was, Giles nodded. "Go ahead."

"The dreams… they were more than just dreams, but it didn’t make sense. It was like they were memories… but the things in them never happened."

"Were they sex dreams? Because I have those all the time and I don’t think that’s unusual at all," Anya assured her. When she saw Buffy blush, she smiled triumphantly and turned to Xander. "I knew it!"

"Anyway," Buffy continued, "I had dreams of a certain nature that Angel appeared in. But like I said, I knew it was more than just simple dreams. So when I found myself pregnant and I knew that it was impossible that Parker is the father and since I haven’t been with anyone since him, I knew that Angel had the answers. I knew that he knew the truth behind my dreams, so I went to see him."

"When?" Willow asked.

"Yesterday morning. I took the first bus I could to LA," Buffy answered. "He told me that my dreams were actually memories. You see, when I went to LA last month, I didn’t just go see him for a few minutes and head to my dad’s like I thought. What actually happened is that originally this demon attacked us, a Mohra demon. It got away, but Angel and I went after it. At one point we split up so that I could look for it in the sunlight and Angel would look in the sewers. He’s the one who found it. Angel killed it, but while he was doing so their blood got mixed together and stuff and something weird happened…."

"It possesses the ‘blood of eternity’," Giles said, earning looks from everyone at the table. Shrugging his shoulders, he explained "I read it in one of my books and that stuck out to me. Quite a fascinating demon. The blood has regenerative powers…. Oh…"

"Yeah, oh…" Buffy replied. "When the blood mixed with Angel’s, it made him human."

"Human?" Willow asked, bewildered.

"Yeah," Buffy said quietly.

Spike scoffed loudly. "I swear it is just my luck! Could a bloke ever have a *bigger* poof for a sire? It’s bloody humiliating!"

"So, Angel’s human, the soul is not an issue… that was a month ago, and now you’re pregnant," Xander concluded.

Buffy nodded. "I’m having Angel’s baby."

Everyone was silent for another moment until Willow sat up a bit straighter. "Okay, there’s more to this story, right? Because I don’t understand why Angel’s still in LA if he’s human and why it is you forgot all this."

"There’s a lot more," Buffy told her. "Like Xander said, the soul was not an issue, and I don’t think I need to tell you guys what happened next."

"I’ll say it," Anya grinned at them. "They fucked like bunnies!"

Buffy’s face turned bright red, but she continued on as though Anya hadn’t said anything. "We found out later that Angel hadn’t killed the demon like he thought because you have to bust this jewel thingy in it’s forehead. He went out to kill it dead while I was asleep because he decided that he was going to have to learn how to fight as a mortal in order to help me. The demon almost killed him but I showed up and managed to do it. As it was, I had a hard time myself. Angel decided that his being human made him a liability. He decided as much as he wanted to be human and do all the normal life stuff with me, it wasn’t worth possibly getting me or him or anyone else killed, so… somehow he got things reversed so that the entire day disappeared. Only Angel remembered it so that he could stop things from happening exactly the same way."

"So that’s why you didn’t remember," Willow concluded.

"Is anyone else sick of the ‘I’m a martyr, poor me’ crap?" Spike asked.

"So the day disappeared and became Angel’s secret… only I had the dreams… and this baby," Buffy said as her hand absently moved over her stomach. "I know it makes no sense at all. I think it’s nothing short of a miracle."

"What does Angel think?" A quite perplexed Giles asked her.

"Angel doesn’t know how to explain it," Buffy answered quietly, dreading the coming questions.

Willow gave Buffy a small smile. "So is he coming to Sunnydale soon?"

Buffy shook her head and looked down at her lap. "As far as I know, he has no plans to leave LA."

Xander was confused, "Does he want you and the baby to move there? Because Sunnydale is a lot worse than LA. We need you here."

"Angel doesn’t want any part of the baby’s life. Well, that’s not true; he offered to give me money for things I will need," Buffy informed them. "Actually, he wanted me to get an abortion, but I refuse."

Willow couldn’t believe her ears at first, but the more she thought about it, the more sense it made. "Because he’s a vampire and that kind of makes it hard for him to be a dad?"

"That’s what he says."

"Buffy, I know that you love Angel and I know that you see carrying his child as something truly special, but have you tried looking at it from another angle? You’re only eighteen years old. You’re in college and you have no job. Furthermore you are the slayer and if you are pregnant that is going to severely hinder your ability to perform your duties."

"Giles, I can’t believe you’re saying this," Buffy gasped.

"Well, he’s not really wrong, Buffy. I understand that you *want* this baby, but look at the whole picture. If you have it, what are you going to do? Even if you can figure out what to do about slaying, what about school? You may be able to stay in the dorms while you’re pregnant, but what about after you have the baby. And what are you going to do with it while you’re in class?" Willow asked, giving Buffy a sympathetic look.

Buffy stood up from the table, her body shaking with hurt, fear, but most of all anger. "I can’t believe you guys. I need your love and support more than ever right now and I get *this*! I know that there are a ton of reasons not to have this baby, but there is one very important one. I love it. I’m tired of giving up the people I love for the good of everyone else. I’m not killing my baby!"

They all watched in stunned silence as Buffy stormed from the apartment.

"You two really mucked that up," Spike remarked.

Nobody yelled at him- they knew he was right.

"Honey?"

Buffy turned her head away from the television to look at her mother. "Yeah?"

"How does pizza sound for dinner?" Joyce asked with a smile. "I don’t feel much like cooking and I am really craving something greasy."

"Sounds great," Buffy replied.

"Mushroom and olive sound okay?"

"Yeah, make sure they give us some of that garlic sauce with it," Buffy reminded her.

For the first time since she had told her friends about the baby, she actually had an appetite. Luckily Joyce had been so preoccupied with a New Years gala she had coming up at the gallery that she hadn’t noticed her daughter had been eating like a bird for the past four days.

Once her mother had disappeared back in the kitchen, presumably to call for the pizza and continue doing paperwork for the gallery, Buffy tried to get back into the local news show, but found herself once again dwelling on the baby. Every day she got up and swore that this was the day she would tell her mom, but every night she went to bed sighing that she’d never had the nerve to do it. There just had never been a good time to tell her. Buffy wasn’t sure what a good time to tell someone that their unmarried teenage daughter was having a child of her own was, but it certainly wasn’t when her mom was overworked and mega-stressed about a huge event for her gallery.

***

Twenty minutes later, the doorbell rang. Realizing it was probably the pizza, so her mom would have to pay and she really didn’t feel like getting up if she didn’t have to, Buffy acted as though she didn’t hear it and continued half-watching the TV.

Sure enough, it was the pizza delivery boy. Joyce paid him for the pizza and walked into the living room. "How about we eat in here tonight, Honey?"

"Sounds fine with me," Buffy replied, perfectly happy to stay just where she was.

"Good," Joyce said as she set the pizza box down on the coffee table and went back into the kitchen. A moment later she reemerged with two plates and cans of Diet Coke in hand.

Buffy eyed the sodas and wondered if drinking anything with caffeine was a good idea. She knew she had to limit her intake, but wasn’t a little bit allowed? After all, pregnant women ate chocolate. Deciding it wouldn’t hurt the baby; Buffy popped open the can and took a sip while Joyce served her a slice of pizza.

"Thanks," she smiled, picking up the plastic cup of garlic sauce that came with the pizza, pulled off the lid and dipped part of the crust in. "God, I love this stuff."

"This is so nice, just my girl and I," Joyce grinned, patting her daughter on the knee. "I’m sorry I haven’t been around much, Sweetie. It’s just that this gala is so important to me. After Friday night you and I will have a *lot* more time together. Maybe we can even take a little trip. Just the two of us. How’s that sound?"

"It sounds really nice," Buffy replied, smiling up at her mother. It suddenly hit her how much she’d missed her presence the past few months. Ever since she had started college, they’d hardly had any time together.

"Good, because I think we really *need* some bonding. I almost feel like I don’t even know you anymore," Joyce sighed.

Buffy gave her a strange look. "Of course you know me, Mom. I mean, I may be a *little* different now, but you know me."

"I feel like there’s this whole other side of you, Buffy, that I know nothing about. Not just since you started college, but for so long. This whole slayer thing is a part of you, and I really don’t know that much about it," Joyce explained, then tugged Buffy up against her when she saw the sad look in her eyes. "Hey, let’s not get all melodramatic now. Instead, let’s get caught up with each other’s lives. How about all those handsome young men at your school? Are you dating anyone?"

Buffy looked down in her lap, knowing that if she told her mother about Riley it would lead to trouble. She’d want to know why they weren’t dating now and that would lead right into the pregnancy category and she didn’t want to go there. Of course she *needed* to go there.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy looked her mother in the eye. "I’m not dating anyone, Mom, and I don’t plan on doing so anytime in the near future."

Joyce frowned and said, "Well why not, Buffy? Is it because of Angel? Honey, he left you over six months ago, don’t you think it’s time to *try* to move on?"

"Well, it is because of Angel, but not what you think," Buffy began, then slowly began to recount her tale to her bewildered mother. From the events when she had first visited Angel to her strange dreams she’d had ever since and finally the discovery that she was having a baby. After she had told her everything, Buffy looked at Joyce and braced herself for her mother’s reaction.

After being silent for a moment, Joyce shook her head and quietly said, "I just can’t believe this is happening. You’re just eighteen years old and now you’re going to be a mother? Oh God, what about college? What are we going to do?"

"Mom, please calm down," Buffy begged, although grateful that at least she wasn’t screaming at her.

"What about Angel? Does he know?"

Buffy nodded and looked back in her lap. She’d learned to hate discussing Angel with her mother. "I told him last Friday morning."

"And what does he have to say about this? I guess he’s forgotten all about the whole reason he left town and he’s coming right back now?"

"No, he’s staying in LA. He says he can’t be a father because he is a vampire and… you know all the reasons why that’s a bad idea. Plus, he’s afraid of losing his soul," Buffy said wearily. "He actually wanted me to have an abortion."

"Well, at least it appears he finally has his head on straight," Joyce remarked.

Buffy shook her head furiously, "Mom, there is no way I am having an abortion."

"Buffy, I know you think babies are cute and sweet and so much fun, but they are hard work, and they take money and if you have one now, your life is over. What about school?"

"I can go to school and have a baby. Millions of women have jobs and kids and they can make it work, why can’t I?"

"I knew the moment I saw that boy.. man… whatever he is… I knew he was trouble. Look what he’s done now, gotten you pregnant, come up with the most noble excuse not to be responsible for the baby. He’s a vampire, he can’t be a father, and he might lose his soul. Well, how is his business doing? I’m sure he has no intentions of *paying* for this baby," Joyce ranted.

Buffy looked down again; "Actually he told me that he’d give me all the money I needed."

"Oh really?" Joyce asked, her eyebrow quirking in surprise.

"Yes really," Buffy replied indignantly, then continued in a quieter voice, "But I told him I didn’t want any of his money. I’m not going to let him alleviate his guilt by throwing a little money at me."

"Are you insane?" Joyce yelled, standing up from the couch, her hands on her hips. "Buffy, do you have *any* idea how much babies cost? I assure you, your allowance is not *nearly* enough. So you decide to make a point to Angel, but at the cost of your baby? That’s who is going to suffer. See, this is why you can’t be a mother; you don’t have the maturity."

Buffy looked up at her mother, her eyes watery with tears. "I’m *not* killing my baby."

Joyce sighed and ran her hand through her hair. "Well, have you considered adoption? That way you won’t be killing the baby and you can still have a life. Plus, that way the baby is going to have a better life. *Two* parents who are adults and have the maturity and money to care for it."

"I will do everything for my baby. It won’t want for anything. I already love it," Buffy declared.

"Are you listening to what you are saying?" Joyce screamed. "*You* are planning on doing all these things for your baby, and how? You think you’ll do it with *my* money? You don’t have any, so I guess that’s what you’re planning."

"I’ll get a job or something," Buffy answered quietly. "Don’t worry, you won’t have to pay for *my* mistake."

"Oh that’s for sure. I *refuse* to take care of this one, Buffy."

"I didn’t ask you to," said Buffy, before standing up and giving her mother a cold look. "In fact, I’d rather die than lower myself to asking for help from you. You’ll probably always hate your own grandchild because you can’t stand Angel for some reason."

"You had better watch yourself, young lady. You’re under *my* roof!"

"Not necessary by choice!" Buffy retorted.

"Oh? Well, you’re free to leave anytime," Joyce told her. "In fact, why don’t you go? You don’t need me; you don’t need Angel, why don’t you just go get started on this wonderful life you’re planning on creating all by yourself. I’d hate for you to feel lowered by remaining in my presence."

Buffy’s heart ached as she was torn between storming out the front door and falling to her knees to apologize and beg her mother to help her. Instead, she slowly walked to the front door and opened it, then halting to look at her mother.

"Just remember that everyone makes mistakes."

She left before Joyce could answer.

"Hey man!"

Riley grinned as he entered the front hall of Lowell House and found Forrest standing there. "Forrest! Have you been standing at the window, waiting for me?"

"You’re freaking hilarious," Forrest replied, rolling his eyes. "So how was Iowa? From the looks of your belly, Mama cooked you up some good meals."

Riley mock-glared at his friend; he’d gotten used to Forrest’s constant jeering of Iowa in the two years that they’d been friends. "Just because I had a few days with good food and relaxation doesn’t mean I can’t take you down."

"Yeah, all you’d have to do is sit on me and you’d win," Forrest laughed as he followed Riley up the stairs to his room.

"How’s everything going around here?" Riley questioned as he dropped his luggage on the floor and took off his coat.

"Quiet as can be. The guys have done minimal patrols as Walsh ordered for the past few nights, but they haven’t seen a thing."

"Jonesing for a capture?" Riley asked, knowing that catching HST’s was like an addiction for Forrest.

Forrest grinned at him, "You know me so well."

"All right, give me five minutes to change, and we can go patrol."

***

"I can’t believe this," Forrest lamented. "What, did all the vampires head out of town for the holidays? It figures they’d do it now, when there aren’t any great parties we’d be missing if it was busy."

Graham chuckled at his friend’s logic. "Look on the bright side, Forrest, our New Year’s party Friday night is going to be a hit."

"Yeah, but by then something *huge* will be happening, I just know it," Forrest replied.

Riley smiled and tried to tune out their banter so he could once again focus on their as yet fruitless patrol. They’d been out for an hour and had yet to encounter *anything*- not even any humans. Then again, they’d spent most of their time on or around the school grounds, which were mostly deserted since all the dorms and administration were closed until the following week.

"Why don’t we start heading home, guys? We can go the other way, past Walker and Stevenson and make sure everything is okay around there too," Riley suggested. He wondered if he ought to call Buffy. Glancing at his watch, he saw it was already past eleven and decided that was a bad idea. Even though she’d told him she was a night person, he doubted her mother would appreciate such a late call. He was rather surprised they hadn’t run into her doing her own patrol, but perhaps since she was smaller and all alone, she was just quieter than they were and had chosen not to let them see her.

Or perhaps in her condition she wasn’t patrolling anymore.

Riley sighed as he was reminded of Buffy’s situation. Despite finding out that she was about to be a mother, or already was in a way, Riley couldn’t let go of his infatuation with her. All throughout his short visit home, he’d mentioned her when talking to his family members. He hadn’t really noticed it until the day after Christmas when his mother had smiled and asked him whom the infamous Buffy was that he’d talked nonstop about. Ever since he had been aware of every time her name had slipped from his lips; and that had number had been high.

However, in his explanation to his mother, Riley had informed her that Buffy was just a freshman in one of his classes that he sometimes talked to at parties. He’d made it clear that while she was sweet girl, he had absolutely no romantic interest in her. Riley wasn’t sure if his mother had bought it, but since Buffy definitely didn’t want a boyfriend and he wasn’t sure he could handle dating someone with a child, she would never find out that they had been anything more than friends.

"I can’t wait until Friday. Nicole is coming back into town that afternoon… we have that party… don’t expect to see me until next Wednesday, gentleman," Forrest announced.

"Nicole?" Riley questioned Graham, since he had no clue what Forrest was talking about.

"Forrest’s new main squeeze," Graham smiled.

Riley’s brow furrowed in confusion. "But I thought he said he could spent at the very least months with ‘Kimberly and her long legs’?"

"You must have missed it, but Nicole has longer legs and she doesn’t talk as much," Graham informed him with a wry smile.

"Kimberly was a momentary distraction; Nicole is… well she is damn fine, she’s smart without being too smart and she’s fun," Forrest told them in all seriousness.

"Plus Nicole didn’t run off to Aspen with one of the quarterbacks on the football team like Kimberly did," Graham added.

Forrest opened his mouth to retort, but was halted by Graham holding up his hand as he noticed something on the body heat tracker. Riley moved closer to look over Graham’s shoulder. "What do we got?"

"Looks like a civilian- 98.6 degrees. It’s heading east near Stevenson," said Graham.

"What are they doing there? Think it’s someone trying to break in?" Forrest wondered aloud.

"I don’t know… they aren’t mobile anymore… just staying still," Graham replied.

Riley started heading towards Stevenson. "Let’s check it out, guys. Even if it’s just someone trying to break in, we can call the police."

The three of them briskly headed over to the building through the woods so that they could remain unseen. If there was a burglar, they didn’t want that person to inform the police that there were men wandering around in strange uniforms; no need to bring any unneeded attention to themselves.

Instead all the found was a small figure huddled in front of the doors to Stevenson Hall. It took Riley a few seconds, but he soon recognized that it was Buffy that was on the ground with her knees pulled to her chest and her arms wrapped around her legs. She was shaking slightly like she might be crying.

"Is that…" Forrest began.

"It’s Buffy," Riley answered before stepping out of the shadows of the trees and walking towards her.

Forrest and Graham reluctantly followed. Riley had told them that Buffy knew about the Initiative, but that didn’t make them any more comfortable walking right up to her while in uniform.

Not wanting to startle her too much, when he was still a few yards away, Riley called softly, "Buffy, what are you doing here?"

Buffy lifted her head sharply in surprise and instantly began wiping her face, trying to hide the evidence of her tears. "Riley, this is a surprise."

"Yeah, it really is," Riley replied, crouching down next to her.

The other two men hung back, knowing something was wrong, but that this was not the time to start asking questions.

"The dorm is closed, I forgot," Buffy told Riley.

Riley nodded and looked at her worriedly. "They won’t open again until next week. Why aren’t you at home?"

"My mom threw me out," Buffy answered, averting her eyes. "I told her tonight… about the baby… she was furious and she told me to leave, so I came here and…" she paused, trying to calm herself since her voice was growing hysterical, "I was going to just stay here until I could figure something else out, but they’re closed and all my friends are upset about this so I can’t go to them. I don’t know what I am going to do, Riley."

He didn’t think it possible, but Riley managed to feel blinding anger and overwhelming sympathy at the same time.

The idea of throwing one’s own daughter out on the streets because they had made a mistake was unfathomable to him. Sure, his parents had always put an emphasis on good morals and not having sex until getting married. They would have been far from happy if Riley’s sister had come home and announced she was pregnant when she had been Buffy’s age, but they would have supported her. As for her friends, Riley didn’t know any of them besides Willow all that well, but they appeared to truly care for Buffy. He didn’t understand how they could let their personal feelings about her actions outweigh the fact that she *needed* their love more than ever. Clenching his fists, Riley tried to calm himself down.

His heart was breaking at the sight of her trying so hard not to show that she was terrified. She had no idea where she was going to sleep, how she was going to eat; she didn’t know how she was going to live. But still, Buffy wanted to show him that she was brave, that she was a survivor and he needn’t worry about her. Riley would have found it rather admirable if he weren’t so overcome with the desire to pull her into his arms and swear to take all her troubles away.

"Come on," he said, standing and holding his hand out to her. "You’re coming home with me. Our frat house is open."

Forrest shot Graham a questioning look, but knew it was useless; the other man has as little idea what was going on as he did. They hadn’t been able to hear much, so all they knew was Buffy was having some sort of problem and Riley was taking her home with them.

Buffy looked up at him in surprise. "Oh no, I couldn’t."

"Yes, you can," Riley assured her. "Come on, it’ll be fine. Besides, it looks like it’s your only option."

Buffy shook her head. "I can probably get Giles to let me stay with him. At least for a night; then maybe I can find somewhere else to stay tomorrow. I don’t want to get you involved in my mess."

"And I don’t want you out here any longer tonight. You don’t even have a coat and despite this being California, it’s chilly out here."

Buffy sighed and tried to decide what to do. She had lied about going to Giles’; he probably would let her stay with him, but Buffy *really* didn’t want to have to ask. It was humiliating, and hadn’t she already embarrassed herself enough in front of Riley and his friends?

Taking Riley’s hand, she used his help to pull herself to her feet. "All right, but just for tonight."

Riley gave her a small smile of triumph. "Don’t worry, Buffy, we’ll figure something out." Turning to his friends, Riley said "Guys, you remember Buffy. Buffy, you know Forrest and Graham."

Buffy gave the guys a small, embarrassed smile as they both nodded to her. She couldn’t believe the turn her life had taken in the past week. She’d gone from a normal college freshman… except for the slayer thing, of course… to one of those movie-of-the-week girls. The question was- would she have a happy ending?

***

"Okay, *what* is going on?" Forrest asked as he started putting his weapons in the locker alongside Graham and Riley.

Riley took a deep breath; it wasn’t exactly his place to tell people, but if Buffy was going to stay at Lowell House for a little while, people were going to ask. He had to be able to tell them something. Maybe he and Buffy could concoct a story if she wanted. For the time being, he trusted Graham and Forrest. "Okay, let’s keep this between us, though, all right?"

"You got it," Graham replied as he and Forrest nodded.

"Buffy’s pregnant," Riley explained.

Forrest’s eyes widened in shock. "What? I thought it was a miracle when you finally kissed her! When the Hell did you get a chance to get her knocked up?"

Riley frowned at Forrest’s choice of words. It just wasn’t very respectful, and when it came to Buffy, Riley liked people to speak respectfully. "It’s not my baby, okay?"

"Oh…"

"So that’s why you two stopped dating," Graham mused.

"How did you know that?" Riley asked; he hadn’t told either of them a thing about Buffy since he had returned home, and he hadn’t talked to them since before he had dropped Kevin off at the bus station and found out the news from Buffy herself.

Graham shrugged, "You haven’t mentioned her all night. Normally we would have heard you overanalyze your relationship with her for the entire patrol."

Forrest doubled over laughing and smacked Riley on the arm. "Man, he is *so* right!"

Riley rolled his eyes and ignored their teasing. "Anyway, she’s pregnant and her mom kicked her out. Her friends don’t approve so she can’t go to them. I can’t very well leave her on the streets, can I?"

"Wow, that’s pretty harsh," Graham commented, sober once again.

"Yeah," Forrest agreed, "So what’s Parker going to do about this?"

"Parker?" Riley asked, thoroughly confused.

"Yeah, well you know how he and Buffy hooked up a few months ago and- besides you- I haven’t seen her with anyone else," Forrest explained, then smiled, "And trust me, I’ve paid attention."

Temper once again flared inside Riley as he was filled with rage against the boy he had never been a big fan of. His fists clenching, he ranted, "Son of a bitch! I never even thought of that!"

Seeing how angry his friend was growing, Graham gently laid a hand on Riley’s shoulder. "Calm down, Riley, this is Buffy’s business, not yours."

"Not my business? Graham, this is about the woman I.." Riley halted, not really sure what he had wanted to say, "I really like Buffy.. more than that. I admire her, I respect her and yes, I really think I could fall in love with her. Parker’s going to hear from *me* about this!"

Their weapons were all in their respective places, so the three soldiers turned and started heading towards the elevators so they could head back up to Lowell House where they’d dropped Buffy off before going underground to check back in after their patrol.

Shaking his head in disapproval, Graham looked at Riley and said, "Look, I can understand your desire to make Parker pay. Hell, I wouldn’t mind punching him myself. But there’s something else you have to consider- how is Buffy going to feel about it? She doesn’t even know that you know she slept with him, and I bet she feels pretty embarassed for falling for his act. Now she’s pregnant and if you retaliate against Parker again and she hears about it this time, you might just make things worse for her."

"Damn, he’s right," Forrest sighed, "Way to suck the fun out of things, Graham,"

Knowing Graham was indeed right, Riley nodded his head, "I know.. I won’t go after Parker… for now. But if he provokes me…."

Once in the elevator, all three were silent, each in deep thought about one thing or another. When the elevator doors opened and they stepped out in the hallway of Lowell House, Graham looked at Riley once again.

"So what’s next?"

Riley shrugged, "For now all I can do is be there for her. Maybe I can help her find a more permanent home."

"I don’t believe it," Forrest exclaimed, looking at his friend in disbelief, "you are still crazy for her, aren’t you?"

Riley looked away, not wanting to face his friend and show him that he was so clearly right. "It doesn’t matter what I feel for her anymore."

***

Gingerly, Riley knocked on his bedroom door with his free hand. The other was holding a sleeping bag under his arm. "Buffy, is it okay if I come in?"

"Yeah, I’m dressed," was Buffy’s muffled reply.

Opening the door, Riley found her sitting on the edge of his bed in the oversized gray t-shirt he had found for her to sleep in. She was just staring at the wall, looking more depressed and lonely than Riley had ever seen her- a lot worse than when she’d been dumped by Parker. He wished he knew something, anything that he could say and make her feel at least a little bit better, but there was nothing. He didn’t have any answers to reassure her and make her feel less scared.

Buffy looked at him all of a sudden, her wide eyes filled with despair. "Do you think they are right, Riley? Am I being selfish and immature for not… having an abortion?"

Riley sighed deeply and sat down next to her, shaking his head. "I don’t believe in abortion. I mean, I patrol every night and work so hard to save lives. I know the value of human life. I don’t oppose women having the right to have an abortion, it’s just that if I ever… got a girl in that situation… I am fairly certain I would do all I could to come up with another answer."

"That’s how I feel too! This baby may not have come at the best time, and I may not be in the best situation, but it’s here. I honestly believe it’s a gift sent to me and I should cherish it," Buffy replied, then smiled sheepishly. "I know that sounds corny, but I love this baby already, Riley."

Riley beamed at her, feeling things for her he knew he really shouldn’t. "I don’t think that sounds corny at all. I’m not at all surprised that you feel this way, it’s part of the reason I like you so much."

Buffy let herself enjoy the tender moment before standing up and pacing in front of the bed. "I feel so bad for putting you out like this, Riley. I swear, I will figure *something* out as soon as possible, and be out of your hair."

"Don’t worry about it, I really don’t mind," Riley assured her, then bit the bullet and asked what he’d been wondering all night. "How about your father? Do you think perhaps he might react better?"

Buffy turned to him with such pain etched on her face that Riley instantly regretted his question. He’d just hoped that perhaps if he reminded Buffy of her father, she might be a little happier. He didn’t know all that much about their relationship besides the fact that her parents were divorced and he lived in LA, but her eyes had lit up the one time she had mentioned him.

"Um, no.. I don’t think it would even be worth the effort to call him," Buffy said quietly. "You see, when I was fifteen and my parents were fighting like crazy, I didn’t want to be around my house all that much. So I went out with my friends a lot… and I spent a lot of time with this guy I was dating, Tyler. The relationship was mostly based on everyone else’s opinions of us, but my dad worried about how much time I spent with Tyler…. I’ll never forget when I came home really late one night and he was ranting and raving… he told me that I had better not ever come home pregnant because he would disown me."

"Maybe he didn’t mean it? Parents will say all sorts of things in anger, but when it comes down to it, the threats are just that- threats," Riley suggested half-heartedly.

Buffy nodded unenthusiastically and sat back down on the bed. "Yeah, you could be right. But I had always thought that if I was ever in this situation, my mother would be the one I would go to and you saw how well *she* reacted."

"That’s true."

"I just don’t know if I can handle another person that I love telling me to kill my baby or that I am being selfish," Buffy sighed, then looked at him and felt guilty. "But you know what? I have to find somewhere to stay, so I’m going to call him first thing tomorrow." Hopefully she had sounded really believable; she had no intention of calling her father because she knew how he was; Hank Summers would not deal well with hearing his teenage daughter was becoming a single mother. However, she couldn’t let Riley help her any more than he already had. He was a nice guy and he didn’t deserve her mess. She’d have to find somewhere else to go the next day, then lie to Riley about going to her dad’s. That was the only way to be fair to him.

"If that’s what you want," Riley nodded, then stood up and began rummaging around in his dresser. "I’m going to go change, if you want to get in bed."

"Sounds good," Buffy replied, rolling out the sleeping bag on the floor. "I’m pretty tired."

"Don’t worry about that, I can make it when I get back in here. You take the bed, get some rest," Riley told her.

Buffy shook her head, "Riley, I have already inconvenienced you enough, there is no way I am kicking you out of your own bed. The floor is fine for me."

"Buffy you know I can’t let you do that," Riley protested, "I’m…. old fashioned. I can’t sleep in my bed while a woman sleeps on my floor. Especially a pregnant woman."

"Riley, I’m not *that* pregnant," Buffy laughed, "It’s not like I am so huge I can’t see my feet anymore. I’m still in my first trimester."

"Humor me," Riley replied.

Buffy sighed and nodded, "You’re making me feel very guilty, you know."

"Yeah, I know," he grinned, "I just love having a beautiful woman indebted to me."

Buffy smiled shyly at him, "Beautiful? Even when my face is red and puffy from crying, my hair’s messed up and I am wearing your t-shirt?"

"Always," Riley replied softly, feeling desire course through him. Nobody had ever driven him as crazy as this girl. Feeling a little silly, Riley grabbed the clothes he’d pulled out of his dresser and headed to the door. "You can go to bed now if you want. I’ll be quiet when I come back."

"Okay," Buffy nodded, "Goodnight, Riley."

"Night Buffy," he said, opening the bedroom door.

"Riley?"

"Yeah?" he asked, turning to look at her.

Buffy gave him a small smile, "Thank you so much.. for everything."

Riley returned the smile. "Anytime."

***

"What did she say?"

Riley turned sharply to look at Forrest sticking his head in the bathroom where Riley was changing. "What are you talking about?"

"About Parker… did Buffy say if she’d told him or not? I mean, I’d be beyond shocked if she told him and he wanted to take responsibility, but I guess you can’t kick his ass unless she *has* told him and he *has* flaked on her," Forrest said.

"Yes I can," Riley disagreed.

Forrest smirked and lifted himself up so he was sitting on the counter. "Okay, you can, but it’s a lot more gratifying if it’s for a really good reason."

"I have a really good reason," Riley replied, pulling a shirt on over his head, "He used the innocence of a young girl to get what he wanted from her and didn’t care what the results were, the pain he left her in."

Forrest looked at his friend in astonishment; "This is unbelievable! Look, Ri, for your own good, forget this girl. I mean, this is an honorable and totally *you* thing to help her, so find a place for her to live and get her out of this place."

"What are you rambling about now?" Riley chuckled, shaking his head at his friend.

"You and your… obsession with Buffy. Look, she’s a nice girl, and more than nice to look at, but she is *pregnant* and it’s with another guys’ kid. Are you planning on playing ‘Daddy’ now?"

"Yes, I have feelings for Buffy, but I also like her a lot, Forrest. I consider her a friend and I am there for my friends," Riley protested.

Forrest nodded his head slightly and slid off the counter. "Think of it this way, Ri: even if you don’t mind tying yourself down, Buffy’s not much more than a kid. If you play the knight in shining armor, she might think she’s in love with you. That might be all fine and good for a while, but sooner or later the fantasy will end and you might really regret it."

Riley didn’t respond, just contemplated Forrest’s words as the other man left him alone in the bathroom.

***

As quiet as possible, Riley opened the bedroom door, hoping he wouldn’t wake Buffy if she was already sleeping. Seeing his bed empty, he frowned and looked to see where Buffy might be in the dark room. His search ended a few seconds later when he found her in the sleeping bag. She certainly was stubborn; he’d give her that.

Setting his dirty clothes in the hamper, Riley walked over to her sleeping form and crouched beside her so he could lift her in his arms. Pleased that she didn’t wake up, Riley carried her to the bed and set her down, pulling the bedcovers over her. Buffy smiled in her sleep and he couldn’t help but return the smile as he gently stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. She was so beautiful, both inside and out… she meant so much to him… touched him in ways no other girl had done. It really wasn’t fair.

With a sigh, Riley turned and walked back over to the sleeping bag, climbing inside it. Buffy really was a remarkable girl. She’d managed to completely turn his life upside down in the space of two hours. But still, he didn’t regret it, not for a second. He’d help her, any way he could. Hopefully in the morning the answers would be a little easier to come by.

"I just can’t believe it, you know? It’s not like Finn."

Graham looked up as two of his fellow soldiers and housemates, Nathaniel and Thomas, entered the kitchen. Wondering what they were saying about Riley, he asked, "What’s not like Finn?"

Thomas grinned as he poured himself a bowl of cereal. "Nathaniel says some chick was blowing chunks in the bathroom and she’s Riley’s guest. I thought you guys went patrolling last night? When did Ri get a chance to pick up some wasted chick?"

"Yeah, and since when is it his style to go for that?" Nathaniel added, "Riley’s really not the type to take advantage of an intoxicated chick and this one is young. I sure hope she’s legal."

"She’s legal, don’t worry," Graham replied quietly.

"So you know the her? What’s the story then?" Thomas pressed for an answer.

Before Graham could figure out what to say since he wasn’t sure Riley and Buffy wanted everyone knowing the truth, Forrest walked into the room. "What’s the story about what?"

"Forrest, you’ll tell us! If Graham knows, you’ll know," Thomas said, "Where did Riley pick up a drunk girl last night? You guys go partying?"

"What drunk girl?" Forrest asked, confused. The only girl he knew about that Riley had picked up the night before was Buffy.

"Blonde, short, pretty cute, despite the fact that she was puking up everything I would guess she ever consumed due to her extreme hangover," Nathaniel replied.

"Oh, you mean Buffy? She’s not hung-over, she’s pregnant," Forrest responded without thinking.

Graham’s eyes widened in disbelief that Forrest had just announced Buffy’s condition. It was a matter of minutes before the entire house knew. Riley was *not* going to be happy.

"She’s *pregnant*?" Thomas exclaimed, "Shit! Is it Riley’s kid?"

Graham simply shrugged, since he had no idea what Riley wanted them to know. He figured Riley probably didn’t want them to know anything at all, but thanks to Forrest, he was going to have to tell them *something*.

"Of course it’s Riley’s! Do you think he’s gonna go out with a girl who is knocked up by someone else?" Nathaniel retorted, then pondered the idea for a moment. "Actually… he just might do that."

"Man, this is unbelievable," Thomas sighed.

Forrest sheepishly sat down next to Graham at the table and poured himself some cereal. Since the other two guys were now talking to each other about this surprising revelation, he said quietly to Graham, "How badly is Riley going to kill me?"

***

"Feeling better?" Riley asked as Buffy walked into his dorm room.

He’d been awakened early that morning by Buffy stumbling through the bedroom. Worried, he’d followed and found her getting sick to her stomach in the bathroom. Riley had held Buffy’s hair back and tried to soothe her, all the while ignoring the bewildered look on Nathaniel’s face that he’d seen when he’d walked in. After all, the last thing the other guy had expected was a girl to run in the bathroom while he’d been shaving.

Buffy smiled and nodded shyly. "I’m fine… just… thoroughly embarrassed."

"Don’t be," Riley replied, "Nobody came in while you were in the bathroom, right?"

He’d put up a note on the door, declaring the bathroom temporarily off-limits while Buffy showered and dressed. If any of the guys desperately needed to relieve themselves, they could use the downstairs bathroom.

Buffy nodded and giggled. "Actually, there was a line when I came out. I got some strange looks too. I think you’re going to have some explaining to do."

Riley shrugged, "Don’t worry, I’ll think of something."

"So… any plans for today?"

"Not really… besides you calling your dad… unless you changed your mind, of course."

"No," Buffy replied, plastering a smile on her face, "I still definitely want to talk to him. Maybe he won’t be mad and then I can stay with him… and deal with this."

"Yeah," Riley agreed, all the while really doubting that was a possibility. Still, it would be nice if *one* of the people Buffy loved didn’t turn their back on her. "So… do you want to go ahead and give him a call, then we can go have breakfast?"

Buffy nodded unenthusiastically, resigned to complete the task… or at least make Riley think she did. Hopefully he’d want to leave her alone for the call and she could just… *not* call. "If you want, you don’t have to wait around. You can go get started and I’ll join you in a few."

Riley sensed her reluctance and, not for the first time, got the feeling that Buffy really didn’t want to call her father. However, if he just ignored the issue, it wouldn’t go away. He had to push it, make her face it. Grabbing cordless phone off his nightstand, he pushed the talk button. "What’s his number?"

"I can dial it," Buffy said, trying to sound offended when she was really close to terrified. She would rather swallow rusty nails than tell her father.

Riley shot her a smile. "That’s okay."

Seeing the wicked gleam in his eyes, Buffy thought he might have known she wasn’t being completely honest… but she didn’t want to swallow her pride and beg him not to make her do this. She was the slayer- she shouldn’t be afraid of anything. "213-524-0101."

Riley quickly dialed the number and handed Buffy the phone. Buffy took it and put it to her ear, praying for the answering machine. Figuring it would only sound normal, she was about to ask Riley for privacy when her father picked up.

"Hello?" said Hank Summers.

"Dad, hi," Buffy replied, her heart pounding.

Riley was about to find something that he could occupy himself with so he wouldn’t *completely* eavesdrop, but still be able to make sure she talked to her father when there was a knock at the door. Sighing, he opened it to find an apprehensive looking Forrest on the other side.

"Can I talk to you for a second, Ri?"

Riley nodded and stepped out in the hallway, pulling the door shut behind him. "What’s up?"

Forrest took a deep breath, "I accidentally told a couple of the guys Buffy was pregnant."

"You what?" Riley replied, his eyes widening. "What possessed you to do that?"

"I didn’t mean to, Man. I just let it slip. I’m really really sorry."

"Did you tell them not to tell anyone else?"

Forrest shook his head, "No, because you know they would have wanted to know why and I don’t know what you want me to tell them."

"I cannot believe you did this… did they ask if I am the father?"

"Well, they *talked* about it… and I wasn’t sure if you wanted them to know it wasn’t your kid since she *is* staying with you. So I basically ignored them."

"As if this wasn’t hard enough for her… now she has to deal with *everyone* knowing!"

"I’m really sorry, Man," Forrest repeated.

***

Buffy took a deep breath, deciding just to get it over with. When Riley had left her alone, she had considered taking the opportunity to not tell her father about the baby, to just lie about it afterwards. However, she also knew that the best thing to do was to tell him and hopefully he could help her. It wasn’t the easy way out, but she was an adult now and she had to act like one. "Dad, there’s another reason I called you."

"Yeah? I figured as much," Hank replied, "After all, it’s been less than a week since we last talked."

Buffy closed her eyes, wishing she could turn back time to the previous Saturday. Even with the knowledge of the baby eating away at her, it was better than this. She had still felt loved.

"It’s not good news," she said quietly, "I’m afraid you’re going to hate me."

"Buffy, I love you. You’re my little girl. I could never ever hate you," Hank assured her.

"Daddy, I’m going to have a baby," she blurted out, tears welling in her eyes.

Hank’s entire body went numb. "What?"

Buffy closed her eyes, letting the tears spill freely down her cheeks. "I’m pregnant."

Hank was silent for a long moment, trying to calm himself down. She’d been doing so well! A few years earlier before Joyce and Buffy had moved, he’d been really worried about how she might end up, but then except for her running away and some trouble with a boyfriend Joyce had told him about, Buffy had really gotten herself together. Earlier that month Buffy had called to recite her first set of grades in college. She had sounded like she was really enjoying herself and Hank had been sure that Buffy would be a success. He’d never seen this coming.

"And the father?"

"He doesn’t want to be involved," Buffy sobbed, knowing her father was going to be so disappointed.

"I see," Hank replied coolly, "And what are you going to do?"

Buffy forced herself to calm down and said, "I don’t know for sure yet, but I think I’m keeping the baby. Dad, I can’t have an abortion and I don’t know if I can give this baby up for adoption. I already love it."

"What does your mother have to say about this?" he questioned. Joyce had always been the soft one, but he couldn’t imagine his ex-wife was too thrilled about this.

"She threw me out," Buffy answered quietly. "I’m staying with a friend for now."

"Oh, so that’s why you were calling me. Mom won’t put up with it, so you want Daddy to take you in, right?"

Buffy sighed, "Dad, believe me, I didn’t *want* to call you. I know how you feel about this and I dreaded having to tell you, but like I said, I am at a friend’s and I can’t take stay here forever because it’s not fair to him. I’m just trying to find someplace to stay and I was just hoping…"

"You can come stay with me, Buffy," Hank said, "On one condition. You have to have an abortion."

Buffy sat down on the edge of the bed and sobbed more loudly. "Dad, I *can’t*!"

"Yes you can. I’ll pay for it myself," Hank assured her.

"I told you, I love this baby," Buffy replied, "Why can’t you and Mom understand? Don’t you remember what it was like when she got pregnant with me?"

"Your mother wasn’t unmarried and eighteen years old. Buffy, it’s bad enough that you chose UC Sunnydale over *Northwestern*, but at least you were going to school. This will completely destroy your future," Hank told her angrily, "I haven’t seen eye to eye with your mother on many things, Buffy, but you can’t have this baby!"

"Dad," Buffy said in a pleading voice, "I *have* to!"

Hank sighed and closed his eyes, wishing just this once she would listen to him. It was probably Joyce’s fault. If Buffy had been living with him for the past few years, she would have better attitudes towards men… and he could have met this boy and gotten Buffy away from him before he’d had a chance to impregnate her.

"If you have this baby, Buffy, you are no longer my daughter."

Buffy pulled herself together and stopped sobbing, just allowing a steady flow of tears to course down her cheeks. "Well then I guess that settles it."

***

Shaking his head at the latest problem they had, courtesy of Forrest’s big mouth, Riley walked back in the bedroom. Buffy turned quickly so her back was to him. He could tell it was because she was crying and she didn’t want him to see.

"I take it that it didn’t go well?"

Buffy shook her head, still not looking at him. "I’ve been disowned."

Riley felt overcome with guilt. He never should have forced her to call her father, especially so soon after her rejection by her mother. "I’m so sorry, Buffy."

Buffy shook her head. "It’s not your fault. At least now I don’t have to worry about telling him."

"For what it’s worth, he’s a fool," Riley replied, moving behind her.

Buffy turned and smiled up at him, but her bloodshot eyes and blotchy face ruined the effect. "I don’t think he would agree with you."

"Well it’s true. He was blessed with an amazing daughter, and if your child is anything like you, a really great grandchild. And he’s just giving that up? Idiot!"

Buffy shook her head and laughed. "Riley, you are undoubtedly the sweetest guy I have ever met."

Riley smiled down at her and gently stroked his hand over the back of her hair, enjoying at its silkiness. "I hate to do this to you now, but I don’t see how we can avoid it… Forrest accidentally let it slip to a few of the guys that you’re pregnant. It’s only a matter of minutes before everyone in this house knows."

Buffy ran her hands over her face and shook her head. "You know what? It’s fine with me. I’m pregnant and I am staying this way because I am *not* having an abortion. So they are going to find out anyway."

"Okay, well I wanted to warn you," Riley said, "And… another thing… it’s a safe bet that since you are staying with me, they’re going to assume I am the father."

"Oh God, Riley… I didn’t even think of this! I’m sorry.. I’ll tell them you’re not."

"No, don’t worry about it. In fact, let them believe I am."

Buffy raised an eyebrow in question.

"For the time being… until we figure something else out. We’ll have fewer problems about you staying here if they think that’s why. We don’t have to announce it’s my baby, but if they assume it we won’t deny it."

"Riley, you have to be the *only* guy in the world willing to allow himself to be called the father of a baby that’s *not* his," Buffy remarked.

Riley grinned as he led her towards the bedroom door. "I’m a strange guy."

***

Buffy took a deep breath as she followed Riley into the kitchen. The rest of the house had been empty, but the voices in this room could be heard from as far away as upstairs. Most of the guys were sure to be there.

Walking in, Buffy immediately felt eyes on her. She stood awkwardly behind Riley as he smiled at everyone and gestured to her. "Guys, this is Buffy. She’s going to be staying here for a while. Please try to be nice."

Buffy was relieved when she was greeted with smiles. She noticed Graham sitting at the table, giving her a friendly look as he showed them that he had two empty seats beside him. Buffy sat in the seat next to him as Riley grabbed two bowls and spoons off the counter.

"Did you just want cereal? We’ve got tons of food. Bagels, english muffins… I could make you eggs," he offered.

Buffy shook her head. "Cereal is great. I don’t want anything too heavy."

Riley sat down beside her and selected his favorite cereal from the various boxes on the table. Buffy took the box after him and poured some in her own bowl while Riley looked for the milk.

"Aw, are we out of milk?"

"Mike, you didn’t finish the milk, did you?" a blonde guy asked as he punched the arm of another man who had just walked in the kitchen.

Mike gave the first guy a strange look. "Since when do you care so much if Finn doesn’t have milk for his Raisin Bran?"

The other guy looked at him like he was a moron. "Buffy needs it! She’s eating for two now and she’s got to have calcium!"

Buffy flushed as most of the other guys in the room started nodding and shooting dirty looks at poor Mike. Riley just chuckled and shook his head before getting up and checking the refrigerator. Sure enough, there was a full gallon of milk.

"Aren’t you loving Forrest right now?" Graham joked quietly to Buffy.

Buffy just smiled.

***

"So where’s your little girlfriend?"

Riley looked up and saw Chris standing in his doorway. He was still amused by the way Chris has attacked Mike about the milk that morning. The way all the guys had seemed to grow almost protective of Buffy and her baby almost immediately had really surprised him.

"She’s running an errand," he answered.

Chris nodded and smiled at him, "You know, I never would have thought that you would get a girl… in this situation. You’re such a perfectionist. I guess accidents happen, though, huh?"

Riley nodded his head, making a point to keep quiet. He had a sneaking suspicion that the purpose of Chris’ little visit was to fish for information.

"So, what are you going to do about this?"

"We’re not sure yet. The news is still… new."

Chris looked surprised at how relaxed Riley was. He would have figured that until everything was taken care of, Riley would be a nervous wreck. He knew if he had knocked a girl up, he would be until she got an abortion or decided to keep the kid. And if they were keeping the kid, he’d probably be in a much worse mood than Finn.

When Chris finally left him alone, Riley found he couldn’t get back into the book he’d been reading. Instead, he started thinking about Buffy. She ought to be back soon, since she’d left over two hours before. He wasn’t sure how he felt about her going to their local Planned Parenthood. Hopefully everything he had heard about them being good about not pressuring a girl to make a certain decision was true. Riley wasn’t sure what decision he didn’t want her pressured into making was, he just felt nervous about it.

Sighing, he set the book down on his nightstand and got up off his bed. He might as well go watch football with the guys. The game was starting in twenty minutes, and if that didn’t distract him from Buffy, nothing would.

***

It was two hours into the game before Riley realized that he still hadn’t seen Buffy. Plus, it was getting dark out and he really didn’t like the idea of her having to fight any HST’s in her condition. He slipped from the living room unnoticed by all the other guys, as they were quite engrossed in the game, and started heading towards the stairs.

He entered his dim bedroom, intent on grabbing his coat so he could try to look for Buffy when he saw her noticed her small form on top of his bed. Moving closer, he smiled as he saw she was sleeping on her stomach on top of the bedspread. There were little brochures scattered around her, so it appeared she had fallen asleep reading.

He was about to creep out of the room so she could continue her nap when Buffy moaned and lifted her head, looking a little confused. Once she remembered where she was and why Riley was in the room with her, she smiled up at him. "I guess I fell asleep."

Riley returned the smile, pulling out his desk chair and sitting down. "You must have needed the rest. How long ago did you get back here?"

Buffy looked at the clock and replied, "About an hour and a half ago."

"Did everything go okay?" Riley asked, trying not to be too intrusive.

"Yeah," she replied, sitting up so she was facing him. "They gave me another pregnancy test, which came out positive, so then I had a blood test, also positive."

"So, you’re definitely pregnant."

"Yup. They also gave me an AIDS test, but I won’t get the results for a while," she added, not really worrying too much. With Parker she had used a condom and Angel hadn’t had sex with anyone besides her for so many years that AIDS hadn’t even been around.

Riley, however, felt a spark of fear. After all, Parker had really gotten around and if he had gotten Buffy pregnant, he could have given her a disease as well. Poor Buffy; she really didn’t deserve any of this.

"I told them that I’m almost positive I don’t want an abortion, so we mostly discussed me raising my baby or giving it up for adoption. I took brochures on everything, though. I want to consider every option."

Riley nodded, "That sounds like a good idea."

"We also discussed financials.. Basically I have no financials, but they still referred me to a doctor and they gave me a bunch of sample vitamins," Buffy answered, then sighed. "I’ve got to get a job!"

"Don’t worry about that right now, just focus on your future," Riley said.

"But that’s something I *do* have to consider. I mean, if I keep this baby, I have to support it. Am I going to be able to make enough money? Sunnydale's not big with the job opportunities, if you haven’t noticed. I have to not only find a job that requires no experience, but one that pays enough to take care of both of us."

Riley nodded in agreement, then gave her an optimistic look. "Hey, I know a lot of people. And as you can see, all the guys here would love to help you out. I’m sure at least one of us has a connection to get you a job."

"Really? That’d be *so* great!"

"Absolutely," Riley responded, then chuckled when he heard her stomach growl. "How about we go grab dinner? We’ve got a ton of greasy foods that are sure to clog your arteries downstairs."

"Ooh, that’s my favorite kind!" Buffy grinned, forgetting momentarily that she had been too depressed to eat much before. Riley had a way of making her feel like everything was okay.

***

"So Riley, I don’t suppose I can assure Nicole that if she brings her cousin, we can hook the two of you up tomorrow night?"

Riley shot a dirty look at Forrest and they patrolled the still-deserted campus. "Not funny, Forrest."

"I wasn’t kidding," Forrest replied, then sighed. "See, I knew this was going to happen. You’re getting all caught up in this Buffy thing."

"Forrest, how do you know that this has anything to do with Buffy? If you’ve never noticed, whenever I was stupid enough to let you set me up, I regretted it."

"Whatever," Forrest retorted. "The point is, your little… obsession… with Buffy is getting you into major trouble. Already, you have no desire to see other girls. You’ll be content playing Candyland in your bedroom and getting her snacks while everyone else parties."

"Parties aren’t everything," Riley replied before marching ahead, hoping Forrest would just drop it. He didn’t think his friend was right… but he didn’t know he was wrong, either.

Forrest smirked at Graham, who had been characteristically silent throughout their conversation, "You notice he didn’t *deny* it."

Graham shrugged, "Riley likes Buffy, and it’s not like she’s not likeable. I don’t see the harm."

"Thank you, Graham," Riley smiled at his friend.

"Yeah, well I *do* see the harm. Riley, you’re going to get all caught up in playing house with her. I know she’s not one of those girls who use guys to get whatever they want… at least, I don’t *think* she is. Anyway, I know how you are and all your good intentions are only going to get you stuck in the same hole she is in."

"Don’t worry about me, I’m a big boy," Riley replied defensively. Normally he could brush of Forrest’s distrust of women, but tonight he wasn’t going to put up with it. There was a girl in his room who was sweet, caring and wonderful. She had been taken advantage of, then tossed aside like trash. And as if she hadn’t suffered enough already, now her life was going to be changed forever, and most likely in a negative way. She certainly didn’t deserve Forrest’s disparaging comments.

Forrest just shook his head, knowing Riley wasn’t going to listen to him. He just hoped that even though it seemed highly unlikely, Parker took responsibility for his actions this time. Then Riley wouldn’t have to be Buffy’s hero.

***

"So, you moving out?"

Riley looked up at Waylon, one of his fellow officers, in surprise. "Moving out?"

"Yeah," Waylon replied, smiling across the table. "I mean, Buffy seems really great. She doesn’t act all high maintenance and all, but this is a frat house- girls and babies don’t live here."

Riley looked down, pretending to check out his hand of cards, "This is just temporary, I don’t know where Buffy’s going to live just yet. She’s got… problems… her mom didn’t take the news all that well."

Another man at the table, Andy, piped in, "Hey, did any of you guys know John Torrey?"

"Who?" Forrest asked as he took his turn. He hoped Andy was changing the topic because he really loved these poker games, but discussing Buffy was only going to get him thinking about what Riley was getting himself into and he really didn’t want to go there.

"He used to live here a while back. I think he left before most of you guys got here. He was transferred to Maryland or something about a year and a half ago. Anyway, I guess it was over two years ago when his girlfriend gets pregnant. John was stuck like you, Riley, because he lived here and you can’t have your girl and your kid staying in your room with you. So he went and talked to his C.O. and they set up this whole arrangement. He married the girl and since we’re top secret and we don’t have regular base housing, they hooked him up with an apartment, rent-free, gave him a big raise to support his wife and kid, they even paid for her to go to a civilian doctor. After all, they really didn’t want her going down in the Initiative and checking out all the HST’s when she went in for her check-ups. Anyhow, they set him up with a place, funds, and the baby would be taken care of for the rest of it’s life."

"All because he married her," Riley said, leaning forward as he thought about it.

Forrest could see the wheels turning in Riley’s head and he really didn’t like it, "Marriage is a big deal, Riley."

"You aren’t kidding," Waylon chuckled, "I’d push for an abortion, myself."

"Riley’s not like you, Waylon," Graham commented.

Waylon nodded, knowing the other man was right. "So true, Graham. For instance, I plan on experiencing a lot of life- namely women- before settling down. I figure I should be thorough… so I don’t plan on shackling myself to a woman for a good twenty years. Forty-five is a good marrying age."

"Sound about right to me," Andy grinned, with Forrest nodding in agreement.

"I thought so," Waylon smirked, "But Riley… Riley views marriage in a different light. He sees it as… well, not death."

The table erupted in laughter at Waylon’s exaggeration. Riley shook his head and said, "You really are extremely over dramatic."

"I’m not," Waylon insisted, "hear me out. When you get married, you are saying goodbye to being a bachelor. It’s the same woman every day for… possibly the rest of your life. It is really the death of your life as you know it."

"You are really disturbing," Riley remarked.

Waylon shrugged, "You were raised in a completely different environment than I was. You have that whole ‘happy family’ thing going. I’m from a broken home- which makes me lack trust in the whole marriage thing."

"What about Buffy?" Andy asked.

"Her parents got divorced a few years ago. She was living with her mom here and her dad lives in LA. Does that mean she’s as wary of marriage as you, Waylon?" he asked, truly curious, even though he knew the mere idea of marrying her was preposterous. As much as he *liked* her, he didn’t love her and that’s what marriage was for. Besides, he was only twenty-two. It would be one thing if he actually was the father of her baby, but he wasn’t. Giving her a place to stay and helping her get on her feet would be plenty.

"Nah, probably not. Chicks who lose their dads tend to really crave male attention. She’ll either go that way or the other extreme- totally not trust any guys further than she can throw them. And she doesn’t seem like that at all."

Riley smiled as he thought about how far Buffy really could throw any guy, "She’s not."

"You’re the psych major, you should be able to figure this out yourself," Andy said.

"Not Buffy," Riley replied, shaking his head, "She’s not like any textbook case. She’s different."

Riley received looks of disgust from every person at the table besides Graham, who simply smiled.

"Man, he is a goner," Andy remarked, shaking his head sorrowfully.

"I am not!" Riley argued, ignoring the amused disbelief on Graham’s face and the look of disapproval on Forrest’s. They were all insane. He just *liked* Buffy! They liked her too- he was just closer to her. So he felt an obligation to take care of her when nobody else in her life would- that didn’t make him in love with her.

When Riley awoke the next morning, he found himself alone in the bedroom. He wondered where Buffy had gone without waking him. She didn’t seem entirely comfortable in the house and generally didn’t go anywhere besides the bathroom without him. Shaking his head, Riley tried to stop himself from worrying that she’d left. Why did the idea scare him so much?

Getting out of his sleeping bag, Riley opened the bedroom door so that he could go find Buffy. His search ended quickly when he found her in the hall, her hand reaching for the doorknob. She jerked in surprise, then gave him a weak smile.

"Did I wake you?"

Riley shook his head. "I don’t think so. I just woke up a minute ago and you were gone." Seeing that she was still in the shirt he’d given her for sleeping and obviously hadn’t showered or anything, he asked, "Were you getting sick?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "At least this time I didn’t scare anyone- the bathroom was deserted."

"Good.. Nathaniel’s going to get a complex otherwise," Riley chuckled. "Hey, do you want some saltines or something? I’ve always heard that helps. My sister had a baby two years ago, and she carried a box with her everywhere."

Buffy shook her head and put her hand over her stomach, "I don’t think I could keep a thing down. I’ll be okay in a little while. I may feel sick as a dog now, but in half an hour I’ll be fine."

"Okay, if you’re sure," Riley said, even though he was concerned.

"I am," she replied, then went and picked up the clothes she had been wearing for the past two days. She wrinkled her nose at the thought of wearing them yet again, but what choice did she have? She couldn’t go buy new clothes with nothing but her good looks…. Which wouldn’t help anyway, because she wasn’t looking too great currently thanks to stress, depression and pregnancy symptoms. At least Riley had thought of washing them last night. She would hate to stink. But still… she couldn’t stay like this much longer. She needed clothing, money, and a home. And she needed it all right away.

***

"Hello?"

"Riley?"

Riley was shocked to hear Willow Rosenberg on the other end of the phone. She was the last person he would have expected to hear from, but at least it wasn’t some ex-girlfriend as he’d feared when Graham had quietly informed him that he received a phone call and it was from a female. He *really* didn’t need to deal with that while he was trying to handle the current situation with Buffy. "Yeah, it’s me."

"Hi, um, I know it’s weird for me to call you, but I was just wondering if perhaps you’ve heard from Buffy in the past couple days?"

Riley quickly tried to decide what to tell her. He wasn’t sure whether or not Buffy wanted Willow knowing where she was. She hadn’t seemed really *mad* at her friend, just abandoned. Still, he knew that even though Willow may have let Buffy down, she probably would change her mind and help her out. And wasn’t helping Buffy the most important thing? She really needed Willow’s support. Sighing, he made his decision and replied, "Yeah, I’ve seen her. I know about the baby and what happened when she told you guys. I assume you know her mother kicked her out?"

"Yeah, you see, I figured Buffy was mad so even though I wanted to call her for several days I gave her space. I was going to see if she wanted to come over tonight for New Years, and then we could talk and stuff, but when I called her mom’s, she told me that Buffy had left… I kind of got the impression her mom told her to leave."

"It went something like that," said Riley.

"So… she’s staying with you?"

Riley closed his eyes, not wanting to give away Buffy’s secret- if it was indeed a secret, but also not wanting to lie. He was very bad at it. "Yeah, she’s here."

"Oh thank God, I was so worried!" Willow exclaimed, "I mean, I know Buffy is strong and resourceful, but how would she get a place to stay and food and everything without any money, you know?"

"Don’t worry, I ran into her the night her mom kicked her out and brought her here. She’s been staying with me so she can try and figure out what she’s going to do."

"Thank you so much, Riley! I can’t begin to imagine what would have happened if you hadn’t helped her."

"I care about Buffy, Willow, there was no way I would leave her out there."

Willow was silent for a moment. "You’re right; what you did was, well, it was something that *I* should have done automatically. I really let her down."

Riley didn’t argue, instead remaining quiet on his end of the phone.

Taking a deep breath, Willow asked "Do you think I can come over?"

***

"I hope you’re not mad, I just didn’t know what you wanted to do, so I tried to do what I thought would help you. At least this way you’ll get some of your stuff," Riley said as he sat down on the edge of the bed and watched Riley as she stood with her arms crossed over her chest in the center of his room. After getting off the phone with Willow, he had come back upstairs to see if Buffy was all done showering and dressing. Seeing that she was, he’d told her that her friend had called and that she was coming over later, hopefully with some of Buffy’s clothes if Joyce let Willow do it.

"Yeah, and I’m not at all mad," Buffy replied. "In fact, I’m not sure what I am when it comes to Willow. I mean, it’s not like she did anything really horrible to me. She just… she doesn’t think that keeping the baby is a good idea. And her reasons for thinking that weren’t wrong. I am young and I have no means of supporting the baby. I suppose you could say that it makes her a really great friend for stating her concerns instead of getting all caught up in how cute babies are and all that. It shows that she *does* care about me."

Riley nodded, "Yeah, she does. But on the other hand, I don’t think it would be wrong of you to feel a little angry. She didn’t support you when you needed it most. She could have set aside her own feelings for a while in order to let you know she was there for you. Even if she had the best of intentions, she screwed up."

"Still, I can’t hate her forever."

"Well I *did* say that you could feel a *little* angry," Riley smiled, "Hating her forever was not at all involved."

Buffy chuckled, then sighed sadly and looked away from him, out his bedroom window at nothing in particular. "I’m just scared."

Riley frowned, "Scared of Willow?"

"Yeah, sort of. Sort of scared of myself too," she replied. "I’m just… so unsure of what I want to do. I feel in my heart like I want this baby. I want to give birth to it and raise it… but in my head…. They’re all right, you know. I’m really not in a position to be a good mom. My head tells me that perhaps I could ignore my heart and have an abortion… or at least give it up for adoption. But I’m not sure I can live with it. My heart may make me feel guilty for killing or giving away my child for the rest of my life. Anyway, I’m just afraid that if *I* don’t know what I want and Willow gives me advice… my decision may not be mine. I may do what’s ‘in my best interest’ and regret it forever."

"So… if Willow starts to try and give her opinion about what she thinks you ought to do, tell her that you need some time to think about it on your own. You still haven’t had a chance to really catch up. Given some time, I think things will become clearer for you. You’ll make some decisions and feel more confident sticking by those decisions."

Buffy turned her head towards him and smiled. "You’re a very wise man, Riley."

"I’ve always thought so," he said, watching her turn her head back towards the window as she became lost in thought. Riley realized he almost felt guilty. Before he had just felt unable to do anything… but now he knew there was another answer. An answer that meant Buffy’s life could be a lot easier than she thought. She could keep the baby and not have to worry about housing or food or anything. But she wasn’t going to get to have that because he was too selfish. No, that wasn’t fair. He was only twenty-two. He had his whole life ahead of him, and besides, this wasn’t his baby. It was not at all wrong for him to not be willing to go that far for her.

So why did he feel so crummy about it?

"Ugh, I *have* to stop moping around like this!" Buffy moaned, walking towards him and sitting down next to him on the bed. "What can we do to occupy ourselves?"

Riley looked over at her face, utterly without guile, and forced himself to ignore the impure thoughts that filled his head. But it was *so* tempting to hold her chin in his had, tilt her face up, and kiss her passionately until they were both naked and quite occupied.

That was very wrong. She was currently very vulnerable. Besides, she was pregnant with someone else’s baby. He was a sick sick man for having sexual thoughts about her! It didn’t matter that he thought she was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen. Buffy was off-limits.

"Um.. have you picked out all your classes for next semester yet? My schedule is all set, but I can tell you that picking out yours can kill a couple hours."

Buffy looked down at her lap. "I’m not going back to school next semester."

"What?" Riley asked, caught off guard.

"I have to get a job and make money so I can take care of the baby. I don’t have time to go to school anymore."

"But people do it! I know it’s hard, but you can do it all. I’ll help you study and I really think your friends are going to come around… they’ll baby-sit," Riley argued.

Buffy nodded and gave him a weak smile. "You’re right. People do it and I will be able to get help…. But I’m not going to be able to make a lot of money to begin with. It’s going to be hard enough to make the kind of money to have a place to live and food and everything else the baby and I will need. I can’t afford the thousands of dollars it takes to pay tuition and for schoolbooks. My parents paid it before… and they don’t want to have anything to do with me."

Seeing her point, Riley’s shoulders slumped. She was absolutely right. "It’s just that you’re so smart. When you put your mind to it, you learn so much. I just know that given an education, you can go so far. Plus, with any job you choose, you won’t make as much money without a degree. You’ll probably…"

"Struggle all my life to make ends meet," Buffy finished, nodding her head. "But what choice do I have?"

"It’s just… it’s really a shame, Buffy. And it’s completely unfair."

"Hey," Buffy said, reaching over and squeezing his hand. "It’s not that bad. Who knows, maybe I can get some kind of special scholarship. I just have to take some time off to get on my feet and then I can look into that."

Riley nodded, wishing he really did agree with her. As positive as she sounded, and as hard as he knew she could work at getting what she wanted, he feared that Buffy was heading towards a very hard life. But he could easily turn things around.

He could marry her and she wouldn’t have to quit school. She would have a home and food and money and everything… and he just had to do one little thing. It wasn’t even like he hated her; he adored Buffy. He loved spending time with her. She was beautiful. He realized that he had never told himself he would never want to marry her… just that now was a lot sooner than he wanted to marry anyone.

It might not be so bad… and if he did this it would change *everything* for Buffy… and that poor, innocent baby inside her. After all, it would suffer too. He knew Buffy would do anything for her baby, but still… there was only so much she *could* do… unless he married her.

He opened his mouth to tell her about the idea, but stopped suddenly. Marriage was a huge deal. And it was for people who loved each other. To marry her for the wrong reasons… wasn’t that a sin? Even if it was to do something really good, it was not for the reasons he had been raised to believe one should have before getting married. Besides, was he really ready to quit dating? He didn’t know Buffy *that* well. They could end up hating each other after a week.

Riley silently admonished himself for being a coward as he remained motionless next to her. Buffy was quiet as she tried to think of something to talk about or do to take their minds off this. She didn’t need to feel sorry for herself and she wanted Riley’s pity even less.

Luckily, they were interrupted by a knock at Riley’s bedroom door. He jumped up and opened the door, finding Willow, Xander and Anya on the other side. Immediately, he noticed that Willow and Xander held suitcases, which meant that they must have gotten Buffy’s clothes. At least she had that now.

"Hi guys," he greeted, stepping aside to let them in.

"Hey Riley," Willow replied as she walked in. Xander followed, exchanging nods with Riley, before Anya entered the room, without really acknowledging anyone. Riley watched her as she didn’t even look at Buffy, just began examining the room. He wondered why Xander had dragged her along, since she didn’t appear to want to be there.

Buffy got off the bed and stood awkwardly facing her friends. "Hey."

Willow set the suitcase down and wrung her hands nervously. "Hi Buffy."

Xander set his own suitcase down and decided to bite the bullet. Taking a step closer, he hugged Buffy tightly. "Hey Buffster! I’ve been worried about you. You’re not mad at *me*, right? Because, if you didn’t notice, I never said anything bad. I was just shell-shocked. Willow was the evil one this time."

"Xander!" Willow shrieked and slapped the back of the boy’s head as Buffy smiled. It was a genuine smile, Riley realized, something he hadn’t seen too many of from her lately. He was very glad her friends had come, because he loved seeing her happy.

"Hey, I am not wrong," Xander argued, then pulled a king-size Hershey bar out of an inner pocket in his coat. "I also brought this for you to ensure that I have your love."

"Aww," Buffy replied, taking the candy bar and holding it to her chest affectionately. "Okay, I love you forever."

"Buffy, I’m really sorry," Willow apologized, taking a tentative step closer. "What I said… it was wrong. Even if I don’t think keeping the baby is best, if it’s what you want, I support you. I’ll support any decision you make."

The two girls embraced and Riley felt a little more happiness for Buffy. She really needed this. Suddenly, he also felt uncomfortable, like he was intruding on their private reunion.

Moving towards the door he said "I’m just going to go… elsewhere… so that you guys can be alone."

"No, Riley, don’t go, please," Buffy said, giving him a pleading look.

Riley was taken aback, but nodded his head and smiled before going and leaning against the edge of his desk. Relaxing, Buffy sat back down on the bed with Willow and Xander sitting on each side of her.

"Your mom let me get some of your stuff. I got a lot of your clothes, plus your hairdryer and curling iron, all the hygiene stuff, make-up… hopefully everything you’ll need for a while," said Willow.

"Thanks Will, it’ll be so nice to have my own stuff. Poor Riley’s had to lend me his clothes," she smiled. "And I can wear make-up… I am looking especially awful lately, so I would love to cover up."

"Oh please, Buff you look gorgeous as always," Xander argued with a grin. "By the by, I have a proposition for you… I know it’s not the Ritz, but do you want to come stay with me?"

Buffy glanced over at Riley before plastering a smile on her face. "You really wouldn’t mind? I mean, then I could get out of poor Riley’s hair."

Riley tried not to ache at the thought of Buffy leaving. Why did it bother him, anyway? Xander was her friend, it’s not like she’d be staying with some jerk that would try to take advantage of her situation. He realized he just didn’t *want* her to leave…. He’d miss her.

"Absolutely not. You may have to come in the back door, though… my parents probably wouldn’t be thrilled… they might even try to charge me more rent."

"Wait a second, you are going to let *her* live with you?" Anya asked, suddenly interested in the conversation.

"That’s what I said, Anya," Xander retorted.

"Well, no!" Anya protested, "You are *my* boyfriend and if *any* girl stays with you, it will be *me*! Besides, if she is there we won’t have sex. Don’t you remember that one time she was hanging out and I wanted to fornicate, but you said ‘No, Buffy’s here, we can’t do it in front of her’ so I had to wait until she left? It was horrible. I detested it."

"Anya, Buffy needs a place to live, I can’t believe you are putting your own… desires… ahead of that," Xander replied.

"Well, *I* can! What kind of girl wouldn’t mind another girl sharing a room with her boyfriend?" Anya shouted.

Xander rolled his eyes, "It’s not like that!"

Seeing his chance, Riley stepped forward. "You know, I really don’t mind Buffy staying here. And none of the guys have a problem with it. She can keep staying here until we figure something out."

Buffy was torn; on one hand, she didn’t want to cause problems between Anya and Xander, but on the other, she didn’t want to be a burden for Riley. "Are you sure? I feel so bad about doing this to you, Riley."

"I’m absolutely fine with it," Riley assured her, hoping nobody would protest.

"I wish I could offer you my house," Willow said, "But… you know how my parents are."

"Yeah, I understand," Buffy replied, then laughed humorlessly, "Hey, my own parents don’t want me in their homes… I certainly don’t expect anyone else’s to."

Riley remained, for the most part, silent while Buffy talked things over with Xander and Willow. He used the opportunity to once again think over the marriage thing. When he had thought she might be leaving him, he realized that he had been fairly close to distraught over it. It made him see how much he really liked having Buffy around. He enjoyed being with her more than any other person he had ever met, girl or not. And even though marriage was a much bigger step and something he would normally never think of for a much longer time… if she needed it now, he didn’t think it was such a bad idea.

After about half an hour, Buffy’s friends decided to head on their way, promising to give her a call soon. Riley and Buffy were left alone… Riley knew it was his opportunity to tell her about the other option. He just had to work up the nerve…

"Riley, I really am sorry about this. I swear, Monday morning, I will be out applying for jobs," Buffy swore.

"Actually… I have another option," Riley said, "One where you would have a place to live, food, money… everything. This option would mean you could keep the baby and stay in school."

Buffy gave him an incredulous look. "That sounds *way* too good to be true. What do I have to do, sell my soul to the devil?"

Riley chuckled nervously and replied, "Marry me."

"What?" Buffy asked, thoroughly confused.

Taking a deep breath, Riley explained "Last night the guys felt the need to discuss your… our… predicament. Someone mentioned that there was this guy in the Initiative a while back who got his girlfriend pregnant. Anyway, they got married and because the Initiative is top-secret and they want to keep it that way… they hooked them up. They paid for them to have their own apartment, gave them extra money, everything. I am thinking I can get them agree to pay for your schooling for that very reason."

"Oh my God," Buffy gasped, "This is unreal."

"Look, I know it’s not entirely honest, and that bothered me at first too… but this is like one of those gray areas. Sometimes lying can be a good thing, you know? And this way you and your baby will be all set up. I’d say that’s a great reason."

"You’re willing to marry me? This isn’t your baby, Riley. You have absolutely no obligation."

Cautiously, Riley took Buffy’s hand. "Buffy, I care about you. I want to help you out. You’re my friend, you know?"

"Yeah, but this goes far beyond friendship, Riley! Marriage is… big!"

"I know, I’m aware of that. But think about the whole picture. This could make both yours and the baby’s life *so* much better. It’ll be easier on you… and you can give a lot more to the baby."

"I can’t believe you are saying this. Riley… it’s insane. I mean, I know you are a nice guy, but *I* screwed up, not you. And yes, marrying you would be improving my life greatly, but it would screw yours up."

"I wouldn’t say that."

"Oh yeah, getting married young to a girl you just dated for a while who is pregnant to another guy’s kid is a dream come true for you," Buffy replied sarcastically.

Riley sighed, "Buffy, hear me out. I heard about this last night. At first I tried to brush it off for that very reason, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I’ve had quite a bit of time to think about this and I really don’t think it’s a horrible idea. I wouldn’t mind it. Don’t you trust me to make decisions for myself?"

Buffy shrugged her shoulders and looked down. "I’m worried you are getting too caught up in the idea of helping me… and you’re not really thinking things through. Marriage, Riley…. it’s like a lifetime thing."

"It doesn’t have to be," Riley replied. "We could get married for a year or something… agree that when the year is up, we get divorced. You can get full custody of the baby, you know I won’t fight it, of course…. and at the very least you get health insurance and money from the U.S. Military."

Buffy stood up and crossed her arms over her chest as she once again gazed out the window. "You have this all figured out, don’t you?"

"Like I said, I thought this through."

Buffy nodded her head and turned around to face him. "I thank you for your generous offer, but no I won’t marry you."

"Buffy, please be reasonable!" Riley pleaded, standing up and walking over to her.

"You’re telling *me* to be reasonable? You want to get married and we have only known each other for three months! You’re not even romantically interested in me!"

"I never said that."

"Fine, we are not romantically involved."

"I didn’t mean that we had to have a ‘real’ marriage. We can have separate beds and rooms and everything."

Buffy was silent for a moment, trying to come up with an answer. There was no way she would agree to this. "Riley, you may be willing to do this, but I am not willing to let you."

"You know, it’s one thing for you to not want to kill the baby and raise it in a life without a lot of money and everything…. But this is by far not a horrible thing to do. I’m not going to expect you to be a wife to me. I’m not going to try to take your baby away. All I am going to do is help you provide for your baby. *This* is the best thing for the baby. If you’re going to be a mother, you have to start thinking that way."

"You’re saying I’m already a bad mother?"

"No… I’m just saying that you are young and you are acting that way. However, now you have to grow up real fast."

Buffy nodded her head and looked down. "I see. Look, why don’t you keep your wisdom to yourself? I’m not getting married."

Riley watched as she rushed out of the room, shutting the door soundly behind her. He had no idea what to do. He’d figured Buffy would say no at first, since she really didn’t want him to be inconvenienced by her, but she would see what a good idea it was and change her mind. He supposed it was rather pig-headed of him to actually expect Buffy to be full of gratitude towards him. Plus, just because she was pregnant didn’t mean she wanted to give up her life to be married to him any more than he did for her. A commitment like that at age eighteen….. pretty scary stuff.

Instantly, he regretted trying to get her to agree by implying if she didn’t, she was a bad mother. He hadn’t meant it. Riley knew she was scared and confused. But how was he going to get her to see that this was the best thing to do? Well, time had worked for him. Maybe if Buffy could think about it for a while, she would see things his way.

Now all he had to do was find her… before she got herself into even more trouble.

Buffy rushed down the stairs, intent on getting as far away from Riley as fast as she could. She couldn’t bear to deal with his disapproval. Not after all she had gone through with everyone else. He’d been the only one who had understood her, who had supported her without judgement… but now that had changed.

"Hey."

Buffy skidded to a stop to avoid smacking straight into Graham at the foot of the stairs. "Hi."

"Everything okay?"

"Um, yeah…I just